23. Becca - Early Years - Mac n Cheese at Mom's; Filet Mignon at Dad's

Beschreibung

Becca's earliest memories aren't of her parents fighting — they're of a quieter kind of disconnect, and of hiding, every so often, for reasons she couldn't name at the time. Her parents divorced when she was around three. In an unusual twist, her mom initially kept the family home, then later moved out and her dad moved back in. The same-neighborhood logistics made the back-and-forth easier — but the houses themselves couldn't have been more different. At her mom's, it was mac n cheese. At her dad's, it was filet mignon. Two homes, two worlds, two versions of childhood. The harder thread Becca pulls on is the disconnect she felt with her father — something she believes came from how much she reminded him of her mother. He was deeply critical, and she spent years chasing validation she couldn't quite catch. Her mom, meanwhile, was on overdrive, running the show so completely that Becca felt she missed out on doing things for herself. Two well-meaning parents, two different overcorrections, and a kid stuck negotiating the space between them. The redemptive layer of her story: her step-parents turned out to be some of the healthiest influences in her childhood. She had easier, warmer relationships with them than she did with her own parents. And later, the validation she'd waited so long for from her dad finally arrived — through how completely he showed up as a grandfather. He acknowledged that he had missed much of Becca's life, though he attributed much of that to her mother. Imperfect closure, but closure nonetheless. Becca is candid about the dots she's connected between her childhood and what she now calls the "successful failure" of her own 23-year marriage — and she beautifully exemplifies how she is consciously doing divorce better for her own daughter. A story of deep self-worth questions rooted in childhood, paired with the inspiring adult work of processing, evolving, and arriving somewhere she's genuinely happy with. Becca's book recommendations: A Good Neighborhood by Therese Anne Fowler and By Any Other Name by Jodi Picoult ---------------------------------------- In Between Them is a podcast about what it really feels like to grow up between two homes — hosted by Shannon Darrow, divorce coach, mediator, and adult child of divorce, featuring honest conversations with people about what their parents' divorce shaped, broke, and built in them. Have a question, a story to share, or interested in being a guest? Reach Shannon directly at sdarrow@onward-mc.com [sdarrow@onward-mc.com]. Follow the show on Instagram @inbetweenthempod, and if this episode resonated, please rate and review In Between Them on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — it's the single most helpful thing you can do to help other adult children of divorce find the show. Chapters * 00:00 Introduction and Background * 07:09 Differences in Homes * 16:15 Impact of Childhood Experience * 22:03 Revelation and Reflection * 28:58 Therapy and Understanding * 35:50 Understanding Divorce and Its Impact * 45:50 Parental Relationships and Their Impact * 52:14 Impact of Childhood Experiences on Adulthood * 59:06 The Impact of Divorce on Children * 01:05:21 Responsibility in Divorce and Parenting

21. Mark - Nearly 2 years old - Dad Took the Boys and Mom Took the Girl

Mark was under two years old when his parents divorced — too young to remember the before, but old enough to spend the rest of his childhood inside the after. In this episode, Mark walks us through one of the most unconventional family arrangements we've featured on the show: a split where his dad first took the two younger siblings and his mom took the two older ones — and then, on what Mark calls "draft day," the family reshuffled again, with his mom taking his sister and his dad taking all three boys. It's a story that sounds almost impossible to imagine living through, and yet Mark tells it with the matter-of-factness of someone who simply grew up that way. He saw his mom on weekends, but remembers her as deeply present for the things that mattered to him as a kid. His dad remarried a woman who was strict but kind, and Mark got along with her well. What stays with you in this conversation isn't loud conflict — it's the quiet kind. Mark's parents never fought openly, but there was an underlying tension that was palpable, and he felt it early. He talks about the thing so many kids of divorce will recognize instantly: standing on the field after his games and watching other families gather and chat easily, while his own parents waited in a kind of line-up to talk to him separately. He just wished, simply, that they could have stood there together. In his later years, an unfortunate conflict at his dad's house moved Mark to his mom's — beginning years of living with her, and years of slow, quiet repair work with his dad. That repair was made harder by the fact that neither parent was a natural communicator of feelings; little things have been acknowledged over the years, but not much, and not loudly. Mark's is not a story of an overtly contentious childhood — and that's part of what makes it valuable. He's honest about the residual effects he still sees showing up in his own parenting: the ways he's like his dad, and the specific ways he's working to do things differently. His awareness is the through-line. This episode is a thoughtful look at how childhood experience quietly shapes the parent you become, the lessons pulled from early choices, the importance of unity and non-negotiable values in co-parenting, and how the influence of how parents work together (or don't) lands on the kids. The conversation closes, as always, with a book recommendation and a lighter note to send you off. Mark's book recommendation: Band of Brothers ---------------------------------------- In Between Them is a podcast about what it really feels like to grow up between two homes — hosted by Shannon Darrow, divorce coach, mediator, and adult child of divorce, featuring honest conversations with people about what their parents' divorce shaped, broke, and built in them. Have a question, a story to share, or interested in being a guest? Reach Shannon directly at sdarrow@onward-mc.com [sdarrow@onward-mc.com]. Follow the show on Instagram @inbetweenthempod, and if this episode resonated, please rate and review In Between Them on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — it's the single most helpful thing you can do to help other adult children of divorce find the show. Chapters * 00:00 Early Life and Family Dynamics * 05:41 Impact of Divorce * 15:45 Living Arrangements and Relationships * 22:14 Moving to Mother's Home * 31:19 Life Changes and Rapid Transitions * 37:18 Co-Parenting and Its Impact on Children * 43:14 The Importance of Co-Parenting and Unity * 51:43 The Value of Non-Negotiable Parenting Values * 57:02 Book Recommendations and Lighter Note

25. Mai 202658 min

23. Becca - Early Years - Mac n Cheese at Mom's; Filet Mignon at Dad's - Disconnection Abounded

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