Understanding Joy and Pain with KJ Ramsey

Understanding Joy and Pain with KJ Ramsey

What if joy isn't waiting on the other side of your pain — but is actually woven through the middle of it? In this episode, Jamie and Blake sit down with KJ Ramsey — trauma-informed licensed professional counselor, author, and self-described "increasingly feral mystic utterly devoted to the joy of being alive." KJ's newest book, The Place Between Our Pains: A Memoir of What Joy Can Survive, grew out of a personal dare: to discover that joy is more trustworthy than trauma. What followed was a cross-country adventure to revisit the national parks of her childhood, a near-death health crisis, and one of the most honest accounts of living with chronic illness, complex trauma, and radical joy you'll ever encounter. KJ reframes everything about how we think about hope and joy — not as light, aspirational feelings, but as heavy things we were never meant to carry alone. She argues that joy isn't on the other side of grief, it emerges from within it, like mycelium threading silently beneath a forest floor, sustaining everything above it without anyone seeing. This conversation will move you. It may also wreck you in the best possible way. TAKEAWAYS * Why hope and joy are too heavy to hold alone — and why that's actually good news * How joy emerges from grief rather than existing on the other side of it * What it means to "welcome grief expecting joy" * Why stories are both sustenance and bridges — and why KJ wrote a memoir instead of a self-help book * What tenderness toward your own pain actually looks like in practice * Why people who suffer with chronic illness or trauma may be uniquely positioned to experience more joy * How avoidance is a privilege — and why that doesn't make it useful CHAPTERS (00:00) Cold open: those who struggle are positioned for more joy(03:00) Introducing KJ Ramsey and The Place Between Our Pains(07:00) What KJ hopes listeners take away: hope and joy are team sports(15:00) Why hope is terrifying — and joy is not what we think it is(19:00) Joy as mycelium: the hidden web threading everything together(30:00) When your life tests the truth of the book you're writing(35:00) The difference between looking for the good and holding tenderness for the bad(39:00) Reading from the book: the Moon Face chapter(49:00) The book cover, the thread metaphor, and living through a tumor on her face(57:00) Avoidance is a privilege — and those who can't avoid pain may become the most joyful LINKS & RESOURCES * Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ [https://threepercentco.com/] * Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership [https://threepercentco.com/membership] * KJ Ramsey's Website (book sample + links): https://www.kjramsey.com/ [https://www.kjramsey.com/] * The Place Between Our Pains — buy the book: https://www.kjramsey.com/ [https://www.kjramsey.com/] * KJ Ramsey on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kjramsaywrites/ [https://www.instagram.com/kjramsaywrites/] * Scott Erickson (mentioned by Jamie, friend of the podcast): https://www.scotterickson.art/ [https://www.scotterickson.art/] * David Gate's Substack review of the book (mentioned in episode): https://substack.com/@davidgate [https://substack.com/@davidgate] KEYWORDSThree Percent Podcast, KJ Ramsey, The Place Between Our Pains, joy and grief, chronic illness, complex trauma, hope, memoir, men's mental health, self-compassion, tenderness, mycelium, healing, connection, vulnerability, faith, wholeness, disability, personal growth

The Lie Your Nervous System Believes with Conner Custodio

What if the reason you can't lose weight, recover from workouts, or stay consistent with your health has nothing to do with discipline — and everything to do with what's unresolved in your story? In this episode, Jamie and Blake sit down with their friend Conner Custodio — a holistic athletic coach who integrates faith, neuroscience, psychology, nutrition, and performance to help athletes regulate their nervous systems and get to the root of what's holding them back. Conner opens up about his own story: growing up in Bermuda in a chaotic household, being homeless at 15, attending six high schools in four years, and the car ride home that changed everything. From there the conversation moves into his work — and it hits whether you're a professional athlete or someone who just can't figure out why they keep falling off a workout routine. His core idea is deceptively simple: athletes attach to their sport because they've lost attachment where they really needed it. And until that gets addressed, no program, no diet, and no amount of discipline will fix what's actually broken. KEY TAKEAWAYS * Why athletes are often the most disconnected from their own bodies * How the discipline required in sport can create dysregulation everywhere else * What hyper and hypoarousal are — and why staying in either state causes real damage * Why your unresolved story may be keeping your body in a constant low-grade stress state * How trauma affects nutrition, weight loss, and recovery in ways most coaches miss * The difference between attaching to a sport and freely playing one * Why addressing your story may be the single most important thing you can do for your health CHAPTERS (00:00) Cold open: the lie your nervous system is living by (05:00) Conner's story: Bermuda, six high schools, and being homeless at 15 (13:00) The car ride home that changed everything (18:00) Why athletes are often the most disconnected from their bodies (22:00) Why Conner says we were never designed for professional sports (24:00) Hyperarousal and hypoarousal explained (29:00) Attaching to sport because you've lost attachment where you needed it (39:00) The full cup: when your capacity is already maxed before the day begins (43:00) How trauma keeps your body in a low-grade workout state — and why you may need to eat more to lose weight (51:00) The lie your nervous system believes — and what Jesus says instead LINKS & RESOURCES * Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ [https://threepercentco.com/] * Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership [https://threepercentco.com/membership] * Conner Custodio on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/connercustodio/ [https://www.instagram.com/connercustodio/] * Conner's Website: https://connorcustodio.com [https://connorcustodio.com] KEYWORDSThree Percent Podcast, Conner Custodio, holistic athletic coaching, nervous system regulation, athlete mental health, attachment theory, trauma and the body, hyperarousal, hypoarousal, window of tolerance, nutrition for athletes, reverse dieting, men's mental health, faith and fitness, sports psychology, personal growth, healing, emotional health

AI & Mental Health Part 3: Why Am I Always Anxious?

Can AI help you understand yourself better? Absolutely. But can it replace real human connection? In this episode, Jamie and Blake continue the AI & Mental Health series by exploring both the benefits and limitations of using AI for emotional support. They acknowledge the real value AI can offer—helping people name emotions, identify patterns, and even feel safe enough to begin opening up. But they also draw an important line: self-awareness alone isn’t healing. Together, they unpack why anxiety, loneliness, and emotional pain are ultimately relational issues, not just intellectual problems to solve. AI may be able to give insight, language, and structure, but it cannot sit with you in your pain, notice your posture, respond to your tone, or offer the kind of embodied safety that changes people through relationship. This conversation is thoughtful, nuanced, and deeply compassionate toward those who have found comfort in AI while also gently inviting listeners toward something more: real vulnerability with real people. If you’ve ever found yourself endlessly processing with AI, stuck in your own head, or craving connection while still staying hidden, this episode will help you understand why awareness matters—but relationship is what actually transforms us. KEY TAKEAWAYS * Why AI can help name emotions but cannot resolve relational pain * How anxiety often keeps people trapped in rumination loops * Why emotional healing requires more than intellectual understanding * The difference between feeling “safe” with AI and being truly known by people * How immediacy, tone, and body language shape healing relationships * Why vulnerability becomes transformative when brought into community CHAPTERS (00:00) Continuing the AI & Mental Health conversation(03:00) The surprising benefits of AI for emotional awareness(06:00) Why naming emotions already helps calm the nervous system(10:00) When AI becomes another form of avoidance(14:00) Why anxiety thrives in isolation and rumination(18:00) The limits of intellectual solutions for emotional pain(21:00) What therapists notice that AI never can(27:00) Immediacy: posture, tone, and embodied presence(29:00) Why AI can’t solve a relational problem(31:00) Moving from consuming to cultivating growth(32:00) An invitation into deeper reflection in The Basement LINKS & RESOURCES * Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ * Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership * AI & Mental Health Pt. 1: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6INc2GgY9IR52t6I38OzbI?si=50451a6ba1844b8bAI & Mental Health Pt. 2: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5CROrb1aHEfuxZe2PO4j2f?si=3b17f5629cf34b74 KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, AI and mental health, anxiety, loneliness, emotional health, vulnerability, relationships, emotional awareness, rumination, nervous system, therapy, human connection, men’s mental health, healing, personal growth

How To Be Less Triggered with Dr. Kelly Flanagan

Why do the people we love most have the ability to trigger us the fastest? In this conversation, Dr. Kelly Flanagan joins Jamie and Blake to explore what really happens when we move from connection into protection. Drawing from his new book, The Road Less Triggered, Kelly explains how our nervous systems react to perceived threats, why our hearts close in moments of conflict, and how we can learn to stay present instead of becoming defensive. Together, they unpack why anger is often a doorway into deeper emotions, how sadness gets blocked for many men, and why healing begins by asking not “What’s wrong with me?” but “What happened to me?” The conversation is practical, deeply compassionate, and full of memorable metaphors that make complex emotional dynamics easier to understand. If you’ve ever felt hijacked by your reactions, struggled to stay open in conflict, or wondered why small moments create such big responses, this episode offers a hopeful path toward greater calm, freedom, and connection. KEY TAKEAWAYS * Why being triggered is normal—and doesn’t mean you’re broken * How to move from protection mode back into connection mode * Why anger often points to sadness underneath the surface * What it means to restore your sense of choice in conflict * How boundaries can be set with an open heart * Why healing turns 30-day conflicts into 30-second recoveries CHAPTERS (00:00) Introducing Kelly Flanagan and The Road Less Triggered(05:00) Turning 30 days of conflict into 30 seconds(10:00) What it actually means to be triggered(14:00) Restoring your sense of choice(18:00) Why your nervous system thinks you’re in danger(22:00) Jamie’s story of trauma and non-consensual touch(27:00) Loneliness: feeling unseen, misunderstood, and unsupported(31:00) Calmness before connectedness(34:00) Anger as a doorway into your emotional life(38:00) The sadness underneath anger and anxiety(48:00) Openhearted boundaries(52:00) Final reflections and practical application LINKS & RESOURCES * Dr. Kelly Flanagan [https://drkellyflanagan.com/] * Book: The Road Less Triggered [https://roadlesstriggered.com/] * Three Percent [https://threepercentco.com/] * Join The Basement [https://threepercentco.com/membership] (private community) KEYWORDS Kelly Flanagan, The Road Less Triggered, Three Percent Podcast, emotional triggers, relationships, marriage, anger, sadness, boundaries, vulnerability, men’s mental health, nervous system, trauma and healing, connection, emotional regulation

Inside Your 3%: Where Vulnerability and Safety Meet

What actually makes someone feel safe? In this episode, Jamie and Blake slow down to explore one of the questions they’ve been asked most recently: what does “safety” actually mean—and how does it connect to the core idea behind Three Percent? Through personal stories, recovery experiences, parenting examples, and reflections on friendship, they unpack why vulnerability feels so difficult for most people. Not because something is wrong with us, but because many of us learned early on that honesty, emotion, or neediness didn’t feel safe. The result? We stay hidden, disconnected, and stuck carrying things alone. This conversation reframes vulnerability not as weakness, but as courage. It’s about learning how to recognize safe people, becoming safer people ourselves, and understanding that sharing your “3%” isn’t about oversharing—it’s about creating the kind of connection that leads to healing, freedom, and growth. If you’ve ever struggled to open up, feared being fully known, or wondered why emotional honesty feels so uncomfortable, this episode will help put language to it. KEY TAKEAWAYS * Why vulnerability often feels unsafe long before adulthood * How relational safety is built through attunement, repair, and consistency * What “3%” actually means beyond the podcast name * Why sharing your story creates deeper connection and healing * The difference between emotional safety and emotional comfort * Why staying hidden may feel protective—but ultimately costs more CHAPTERS (00:00) Looking for a new podcast co-host (02:00) Why this conversation about safety matters (04:00) How childhood shapes vulnerability in adulthood (07:00) Trauma, attachment, and feeling emotionally unsafe (10:00) What attunement actually means (12:00) Helping kids regulate emotions in real time (15:00) Why many adults never learned emotional safety (16:00) The deeper meaning behind “3%” (19:00) How to know if someone feels safe (21:00) The fly fishing story and relational vulnerability (24:00) Predictability, repair, and emotional trust (27:00) What being safe for someone else actually looks like (29:00) Why accountability and compassion must coexist (33:00) “Vulnerability will always cost you something” (35:00) Why staying hidden costs even more (37:00) An invitation into deeper connection in The Basement LINKS & RESOURCES * Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ [ https://threepercentco.com/] * Join The Basement (private community + monthly Q&A): https://threepercentco.com/membership [https://threepercentco.com/membership] KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, vulnerability, emotional safety, attachment, trauma and healing, men’s mental health, relationships, emotional regulation, authenticity, connection, shame, healing, friendship, accountability, personal growth