Midnight Crisis

Episode 86 - I Have Diarrhoea, Let Me In!

"The only time I feel I might get better is when we are together" - Ben doesn’t want the obligation of dealing with your dead body. - Nobody lost her grandma’s ashes. - We plan Nobody’s funeral and her partners commiseration handjob. - Nobody asks if you’d let a stranger with diarrhea into your house. - Nobody outlines exactly what she’d use the superpower of ‘bowel vision’ for. - Ben dreams up a way for Nobody to get rich babysitting. - We brainstorm responses to the cute goodnight message Ben received. - We discuss brother lovin’ in The White Lotus. - Nobody is having a bad hair day and hasn’t had a haircut in many years. - We swap Uber ratings and call for an end to the five-star rating system. - Ben asks what is the best music to listen to during an MRI?

Episode 85 – Are You Calling Moi A Dipsh*t?

"I want someone to try, or let me down easy, easy tonight" - Ben is confused by the condoms in airport bathrooms. - We ponder what the inside of our nose smells like. - The Toni and Ryan podcast is giving Ben a glimpse into a parallel universe. - Nobody thinks our childhood town of Research would be the perfect setting for a small-town murder mystery. - Ben has a run in with a mentally healthy gang of youths. - We both get stuck in conversations with old men. - We discuss our aversion to hugging our friends. - Nobody has a café couch etiquette dilemma. - Ben feels sorry for Stranger Things’ ‘Dipshit Derek’. - Nobody buys exactly one kilo of bananas.

Episode 84 – Esprit de Café

"I think I got to know your body" - Ben thinks we need a name for the back of the knee. - We discuss accidentally sending dirty messages to the group chat. - Ben attends the Grand Prix and buys the world’s most expensive dental floss. - Ben has some follow up questions about Nobody’s love of Ferris wheels and the World’s Fair. - Prompted by the Toni & Ryan podcast, Nobody asks what percentage of each other bodies we have seen. - Nobody keeps booking hotel rooms with windows to the bathroom. - Nobody accidentally texts Ben a dirty Resident Evil meme. - Nobody has a café etiquette question about eating outside food. - We share our disdain for paid public toilets. - Nobody visits an empty restaurant and gets put on display.

Episode 83 – Ohhhhh!

"All we are is dust in the wind" - Nobody is done with personal growth. - Someone is stealing Ben’s Fijian sand! - Ben’s stomach starts speaking to him. - Nobody wants to visit the World’s Fair.

Episode 82 – Swimmers Suit

"I'll take you to the candy shop. I'll let you lick the lollipop." - Ben wonders if we should trust Trojan condoms and we brainstorm the politest way to say ‘raw dogging’. - We launch our new brand of customised condoms. - Nobody feeds Ben the worst candy he’s ever had. - We cheap out on sunscreen and face the consequences. - Nobody returns from Bali with dengue fever. Aka. The poor man’s Ozempic. - Nobody claims she knows the speed of farts and can identify a farters gender. - We dig into the winter Olympics aerial skier crotch controversy. - We wonder what Jesus would have thought of hot cross buns. - We cap off 2025 by answering the burning questions about Ben’s Christmas lunch and the Gävle goat. - Ben invents ‘window towel’ and gets a new car. - Nobody wants more people to adopt the ‘in person indicator’ move.