Excuse me this urn is occupied

You never, EVER microwave fish at work

I'm on the side of the officer who pulled the gun on the other one

Teens see pack of bigfeet while camping

Obviously they're telling the truth because we all know bigfeet love trying to steal cars

Who has a dishwasher in an Uber?

Not to mention a sack of marbles, two wedding dresses, coffee table plus 20 pounds of duck sausage

Would you try George Washington's beer?

It's a new batch and not one that's been laying around

Need to get something done? Try going Monk Mode

Monk Mode is very similar to society recluse living in a hut in the woods