But For Real

Unmasking Autism with Devon Price, PhD

What if the version of you most of the world knows… isn’t actually *you*? In this episode of But For Real, we’re sitting down with Devon Price, PhD—social psychologist, author of Unmasking Autism (+ several other books!), and badass autistic human—to get really REAL about something that is kinda the opposite of that: Masking. That pattern of adaptation that’s helped you survive… but can slowly erode at your sense of self. 🫠 In this conversation, we get into what it actually means to “mask” as an autistic or otherwise neurodivergent person (hell, even just as a people-pleaser living in a capitalist society): how it shows up, why so many of us do it without even realizing, and what happens when you finally start to take that mask off. If you’re one of MANY people who was diagnosed with autism later in life, you know it can feel like a huge relief… but it can *also* feel like grief, anger, and even a full-on “who TF am I actually?” era. We’re talking about what it’s like to spend decades performing “normal,” only to realize you’ve been white-knuckling your way through life—and what it takes to rebuild something that actually fits. And we keep coming back to this: You don’t just “stop masking.” You slowly, painfully, honestly… learn how to exist as yourself. So if you’ve ever thought… “Why am I so exhausted ALL THE TIME?” “Why do I feel like I’m performing in every interaction?” “Who am I without all of this?” …this one’s for you. 🫂 In this episode of But For Real, we unpack… * What “masking” actually is—and why it’s so common in autistic adults * Why late autism diagnoses often bring both relief AND grief * The hidden cost of people-pleasing and social “autopilot” * Why you can’t just flip a switch and stop masking overnight * How identity confusion shows up after unmasking begins * The role of burnout, exhaustion, and chronic overwhelm * Why safe relationships are essential for unmasking * The emotional phases: relief → grief → anger → rebuilding * How to reconnect with your authentic self (without blowing up your whole life) And here’s the timestamps— * 00:00 – Welcome back to But For Real * 01:00 – Meet Devon Price, PhD (and why this convo matters) * 03:30 – The “hive mind” metaphor + masking as social survival * 05:30 – Listener question: late autism diagnosis in adulthood * 07:00 – Relief vs grief after diagnosis * 08:30 – “I’ve been performing my whole life…” * 10:30 – Why masking isn’t something you can just turn off * 13:00 – Identity confusion: who am I without the mask? * 16:00 – The emotional aftermath: anger, grief, and loss * 19:00 – Autistic burnout + chronic exhaustion * 22:00 – Safe people, safe spaces, and practicing authenticity * 26:00 – Reconnecting with your younger self * 30:00 – What unmasking actually looks like in real life * 35:00 – Why this process takes YEARS (not weeks) * 40:00 – Final thoughts: you’re not behind—you’re becoming Connect with Dr. Devon * Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdevonprice/ [https://www.instagram.com/drdevonprice/] * Substack: https://drdevonprice.substack.com/ [https://drdevonprice.substack.com/] * Books: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/authors/2294535/devon-price-phd/ [https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/authors/2294535/devon-price-phd/] Connect with Us: * Submit a story [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSf2OwwKwMpnDNKouH0Gb0fJ0o-lphc6pYbP4x95B2Co8P6Log/viewform] for The Lore segment * Submit a request for advice [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeFyNK3lEZAkmZsOhtmNU6exuEF7E1zD2J9j-NNq2CVqXZEgA/viewform] for our Step Into My office segment * Reach out: butforrealpod@gmail.com [butforrealpod@gmail.com] * But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod [https://instagram.com/butforrealpod] * Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2bpcfrAOxJNXTx1cYHV5t8?si=7846bd1d33fb4155] * The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter [https://instagram.com/thegaiacenter] * Val on IG: @valkaymartin [https://instagram.com/valkaymartin] * The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co [http://www.gaiacenter.co] DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com [https://findahelpline.com/]for international resources.

The One About Polyamory with Em Mortenson

So… your partner brings up opening the relationship. 👀 And you’re trying to be thoughtful, open-minded, maybe even a little curious… but there’s also this voice in the background like: “Wait… do I actually want this?” 🫠 In this episode of But For Real, we’re sitting down with therapist Em Mortenson to get into the real conversation around polyamory and ethical non-monogamy—beyond the labels, beyond the hot takes, and into what this actually looks and feels like in real life. Because yeah, on paper? It can sound freeing. Honest. Even aligned. ✨ But in practice? It can bring up jealousy, fear, uncertainty—and a whole lot of questions about where your “yes” is actually coming from. We’re talking about what happens when a partner introduces this idea, how to navigate the in-between space of not knowing yet, and why this isn’t something you have to rush to figure out overnight. And we keep coming back to this: It’s one thing to understand something intellectually… and another to feel ready for it in your body. So if you’ve ever found yourself wondering: “Am I actually into this… or am I trying to be okay with it?” “Is jealousy a red flag—or just part of the process?” “How do I explore this without losing myself?” …yeah. This one’s for you. 💬 From there, we unpack: * How to tell if you’re genuinely interested in polyamory—or just trying to be “chill” * Why jealousy is a normal part of ethical non-monogamy (and what to do with it) * The difference between curiosity, pressure, and people-pleasing in relationships * What polyamory and open relationships actually look like in real life * Why boundaries are essential—and constantly evolving—in non-monogamy * Common mistakes couples make when opening a relationship * How fear of losing your partner can shape your decisions * Why this isn’t a one-time “yes or no” decision—but an ongoing conversation We talk about: * 00:00 – Welcome back to But For Real * 00:50 – Meet Em Mortenson (and the chaotic cat story 🐱) * 03:20 – Tiny pockets of joy when everything feels heavy * 05:50 – “My partner wants to open our relationship…” 👀 * 07:10 – Am I open-minded… or just scared to lose them? * 09:00 – Polyamory vs monogamy: what are we actually talking about? * 12:30 – Why people jump into this too fast ⚠️ * 15:30 – The biggest misconception about polyamory * 19:00 – Let’s talk about jealousy (because yeah… it’s coming) * 22:30 – Is jealousy a dealbreaker—or part of it? * 26:00 – What healthy polyamory can actually look like * 30:30 – Boundaries, communication, and real-life dynamics * 35:30 – When this goes wrong (and why it does) * 41:30 – Polyamory discourse, TikTok, and moral superiority 🙃 * 47:30 – So… how do you know if this is right for you? Connect with Us: * Submit a story [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSf2OwwKwMpnDNKouH0Gb0fJ0o-lphc6pYbP4x95B2Co8P6Log/viewform] for The Lore segment * Submit a request for advice [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeFyNK3lEZAkmZsOhtmNU6exuEF7E1zD2J9j-NNq2CVqXZEgA/viewform] for our Step Into My office segment * Reach out: butforrealpod@gmail.com [butforrealpod@gmail.com] * But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod [https://instagram.com/butforrealpod] * Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2bpcfrAOxJNXTx1cYHV5t8?si=7846bd1d33fb4155] * The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter [https://instagram.com/thegaiacenter] * Val on IG: @valkaymartin [https://instagram.com/valkaymartin] * The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co [http://www.gaiacenter.co] DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com [https://findahelpline.com/]for international resources.

Boundaries Aren’t B*tchy!

What if the thing you’ve been calling “being rude”… is actually just having a boundary? Yeah. Let’s talk about it. Because somewhere along the way—especially for women, people-pleasers, and anyone raised to prioritize politeness over honesty—boundaries got branded as selfish, cold, or straight-up b*tchy. And honestly? That narrative is doing damage. In this episode of But For Real, we’re doing a full, unfiltered deep dive into boundaries—what they actually are, why they feel so uncomfortable, and how your relationship with them changes as you grow up (or burn out). We’re talking about the subtle ways we’ve been conditioned to shrink, overextend, and contort ourselves to keep the peace… and the moment you realize: “Wait… I actually can’t keep living like this.” We get into the real-life evolution of boundaries—from being overly accommodating and “nice” to realizing that clarity is not cruelty. And yes, we’re saying the quiet part out loud: Not everyone who sets a boundary is a b*tch… …but also? You might have to tolerate being perceived that way anyway. Cool cool cool. 🫠 Because boundaries aren’t just personal. They’re relational. Cultural. Political. Survival. So if you’ve ever wondered: * “Am I being too much?” * “Why does setting boundaries make me feel like I’m doing something wrong?” * “How do I stop people-pleasing without becoming an asshole?” …yeah. This one’s for you. Let’s roll the tape. From there, we unpack: * Why boundaries are often mistaken for being rude or “difficult” * How people-pleasing and politeness culture shape your ability to set limits * The difference between being a b*tch vs. having a boundary * Why your relationship with boundaries changes over time * How burnout and survival instincts force boundary growth * The hidden cost of over-accommodating yourself in relationships * Why clarity is actually kinder than silent resentment * How cultural expectations (especially for women) distort boundary-setting * What healthy boundaries actually sound like in real life * Why being misunderstood is sometimes part of doing it right We talk about: * 00:00 – Welcome to But For Real * 01:00 – Why we needed a boundaries deep dive * 02:00 – People-pleasing, politeness & cultural conditioning * 03:00 – “Am I rude… or do I just have boundaries?” * 04:00 – Why boundaries feel uncomfortable (especially for women) * 05:00 – Boundaries as survival, not just self-growth * 06:00 – Tea & Crumpets: Olympics, joy, and elite performance * 08:30 – What high performers teach us about boundaries * 10:00+ – The real conversation begins: boundaries, identity & growth Resources Mentioned: * Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US): Call or text 988 * Find international support: https://www.findahelpline.comhttps://www.findahelpline.com [https://www.findahelpline.com] * reasonstostay.co [http://reasonstostay.co] Connect with Us: * Submit a story [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSf2OwwKwMpnDNKouH0Gb0fJ0o-lphc6pYbP4x95B2Co8P6Log/viewform] for The Lore segment * Submit a request for advice [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeFyNK3lEZAkmZsOhtmNU6exuEF7E1zD2J9j-NNq2CVqXZEgA/viewform] for our Step Into My office segment * Reach out: butforrealpod@gmail.com [butforrealpod@gmail.com] * But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod [https://instagram.com/butforrealpod] * Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2bpcfrAOxJNXTx1cYHV5t8?si=7846bd1d33fb4155] * The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter [https://instagram.com/thegaiacenter] * Val on IG: @valkaymartin [https://instagram.com/valkaymartin] * The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co [http://www.gaiacenter.co] DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com [https://findahelpline.com/]for international resources.

The One About Suicide 💔🫂

We need to talk about suicide… like actually talk about it. Not in the polished, clinical, tip-list way. Not in the fear-based, “don’t say the wrong thing” way. But in the real, messy, human way that most of us have experienced—whether personally or through someone we love. Because here’s the truth: suicide is way more common, complex, and misunderstood than we’re comfortable admitting. And the way we talk about it? Often makes it harder—not easier—for people to feel seen, supported, or safe enough to open up. In this episode of But For Real, we’re going there. We’re talking about suicidal ideation (including the kind that doesn’t mean you actually want to die), the difference between passive and active thoughts, and why so many people feel ashamed of experiences that are actually more common than we think. We’re also unpacking the tension between holding the weight of this topic and still making space for humanity, humor, and connection—because healing doesn’t only happen in sterile silence. And yes… we’re bringing both the heavy and the real. We’re asking: * Why is suicide still so stigmatized—even in mental health spaces? * What actually counts as suicidal ideation? * Is it “normal” to have passive thoughts about not wanting to exist? * Why does shame keep people stuck in silence? * And how do we talk about this in a way that actually helps? Because here’s the thing: Not every suicidal thought means someone wants to die. But every experience of suffering deserves to be taken seriously. So whether this topic touches your life directly or indirectly… we’re really glad you’re here. From there, we unpack: * What suicidal ideation actually is (and what it’s not) * The difference between passive vs. active suicidal thoughts * Why passive SI can be more common—and human—than you think * How shame and stigma keep people from talking about their experience * Why humor can be a legitimate coping skill, not avoidance * How therapists actually think about and approach suicide * Why overly clinical conversations can feel disconnected—and what works better * How to support yourself or someone else without defaulting to panic or silence * The role of lived experience in shaping mental health work We talk about: * 00:00 – Why this topic matters * 01:00 – Can we talk about suicide and still be human? * 02:30 – Humor as a coping skill (yes, really) * 03:00 – Content warning + how to take care of yourself while listening * 04:00 – Personal connections to suicide and why this work matters * 05:30 – Passive suicidal ideation: what it actually means * 06:00 – Tea & Crumpets: existential YouTube rabbit holes * 08:30 – The psychology of death, meaning, and “last meal” thinking * 09:00 – A movie that explores the afterlife—and what happens next * 10:00+ – The deeper conversation begins (suicide, stigma, and nuance) Resources Mentioned: * Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US): Call or text 988 * Find international support: https://www.findahelpline.comhttps://www.findahelpline.com [https://www.findahelpline.com] * reasonstostay.co [http://reasonstostay.co] Connect with Us: * Submit a story [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSf2OwwKwMpnDNKouH0Gb0fJ0o-lphc6pYbP4x95B2Co8P6Log/viewform] for The Lore segment * Submit a request for advice [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeFyNK3lEZAkmZsOhtmNU6exuEF7E1zD2J9j-NNq2CVqXZEgA/viewform] for our Step Into My office segment * Reach out: butforrealpod@gmail.com [butforrealpod@gmail.com] * But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod [https://instagram.com/butforrealpod] * Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2bpcfrAOxJNXTx1cYHV5t8?si=7846bd1d33fb4155] * The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter [https://instagram.com/thegaiacenter] * Val on IG: @valkaymartin [https://instagram.com/valkaymartin] * The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co [http://www.gaiacenter.co] DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com [https://findahelpline.com/]for international resources.

Is Sex Addiction Really a Thing?

We need to talk about sex addiction — because culturally, this phrase gets thrown around a lot. And depending on who you ask, it’s either a legitimate disorder… or a moral panic wrapped in clinical language. Either way, it is certainly true that some people need expert support to realign their sexual behavior with their values and intentions, and heal any wounds that may underlie sexual acting out. But is addiction the one best model for doing this work? In this episode of But For Real, we’re diving into the messy, controversial world of sex addiction, porn use, and what clinicians actually mean when they talk about “out of control sexual behavior.” Because here’s the truth: the phrase sex addict gets used everywhere — in couples fights, celebrity scandals, religious communities, and treatment centers. But clinically, the picture is way more nuanced. We’re asking: 1. Is sex addiction actually recognized as a mental health disorder? 2. Why does the DSM not include it? 3. What’s the difference between a high libido, a porn habit, and something that’s truly out of control? 4. And how much of this conversation is shaped by moral judgment, religion, and cultural discomfort around sex? Because here’s the thing: Not every high libido is pathology. Not every porn habit is addiction. And not every relationship betrayal means someone has a disease. But if your sexual behavior feels compulsive, secretive, or deeply distressing, that matters — and it deserves real support, not internet armchair diagnoses. In this episode, we break down the history of the sex addiction model, why many sex therapists challenge it, and what a more nuanced understanding of sexual behavior actually looks like. Plus, we explore the role of shame, porn culture, religion, attachment, and emotion regulation — because sometimes behavior isn’t the real issue. It’s the coping strategy underneath it. From there, we unpack: 1. The origin of the sex addiction model and its roots in the 12-step world 2. Why “sex addiction” has never been officially recognized in the DSM 3. The difference between sex addiction, compulsive sexual behavior, and out-of-control sexual behavior 4. Why labeling someone a “sex addict” can sometimes pathologize normal sexuality 5. The cultural factors (religion, gender norms, and shame) shaping the conversation 6. How porn use actually fits into this discussion 7. The difference between sexual acting out vs. sexual offending 8. Signs sexual behavior might truly be compulsive or distressing 9. Why shame and secrecy often keep people stuck in the cycle 10. How sex therapy approaches this topic differently than addiction treatment We talk about: 1. 00:00 – Life hacks: hiccup cures & anxiety nausea tricks 2. 05:30 – Tea & Crumpets: internet rabbit holes and cultural commentary 3. 09:30 – Step Into My Office: porn, shame, and being labeled a “sex addict” 4. 14:00 – The DSM: is sex addiction a real diagnosis? 5. 17:00 – Val’s experience training as a sex addiction therapist 6. 20:00 – Why the DSM rejected hypersexual disorder 7. 22:00 – The shift toward out-of-control sexual behavior frameworks 8. 24:00 – Moral shame vs clinically significant distress 9. 30:00 – Porn, masculinity, and cultural narratives about sex 10. 36:00 – A healthier way to understand sexual behavior Resources Mentioned: 1. The Myth of Sex Addiction by David Ley [https://www.amazon.ca/Myth-Sex-Addiction-David-Ley/dp/1442213051] 2. Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior by Doug Braun-Harvey & Michael Vigorito [https://www.amazon.ca/Treating-Out-Control-Sexual-Behavior/dp/0826196756] Connect with Us: 1. Submit a story [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSf2OwwKwMpnDNKouH0Gb0fJ0o-lphc6pYbP4x95B2Co8P6Log/viewform] for The Lore segment 2. Submit a request for advice [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeFyNK3lEZAkmZsOhtmNU6exuEF7E1zD2J9j-NNq2CVqXZEgA/viewform] for our Step Into My office segment 3. Reach out: butforrealpod@gmail.com [butforrealpod@gmail.com] 4. But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod [https://instagram.com/butforrealpod] 5. Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2bpcfrAOxJNXTx1cYHV5t8?si=7846bd1d33fb4155] 6. The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter [https://instagram.com/thegaiacenter] 7. Val on IG: @valkaymartin [https://instagram.com/valkaymartin] 8. The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co [http://www.gaiacenter.co] DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com [https://findahelpline.com/]for international resources.