How to Have Healthy Conflict
In gospel-centered mentoring, we aim to help mentees become wholehearted followers of Jesus in four different realms: the spiritual, physical, emotional, and social/vocational. Generally, it seems the most difficult realm to address is the emotional. One reason for this may be that many modern Christians don’t have a clear and accurate picture how the Bible addresses issues of mental health.
While mentors and coaches are not professional counselors and should never take on that role (unless they have been trained in it), it is helpful for them to have a Biblical understanding of mental health so they can better coach their clients in the emotional realm and refer clients to mental health care professionals when appropriate.
That’s why we are so excited to share a nine-part sermon series called “Help and Hope for our Mental Health” from my coach, Pastor Daron Lindemann. We pray that this deep dive into mental health and the gospel encourages you personally and blesses your mentoring.
Pastor Daron’s Recommended Christian Mental Health Books
* Deep as the Sea [https://www.amazon.com/Deep-as-Sea-Timothy-Bourman/dp/0810031523/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2SQ8PC1SH1QO3&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.sSlhZszuDooNQw3JFp_JBVzZoYU-aXqMYA7rdDq5_sVfsuXbAn5jWbpdLHnBMGAyDJaJfu7UAx1RU8mdaq47oGQ0tG7Gjbfcb6RqnsZMv7ssBkl0S-T-YlCHhE2IiWCBSzMVhrY_mbLUI3pgEdApe0vRQlWlN43eoMKIbyH1JAp8mjtsRxdPp8XEBZTqFglsNzmfEzGQ2whDFpeggipST6JLAaqxYnOK9lKmLKnBrP4.p7YOBrshqeGShM7py4tuFdtHvP89PB_sUXLBhpSvrhk&dib_tag=se&keywords=as+deep+as+the+sea&qid=1742526272&sprefix=as+deep+as+the+sea%2Caps%2C429&sr=8-1] by Pastor Timothy Bourman
* Carry Your Own Backpack [https://www.amazon.com/Carry-Your-Own-Backpack-Peacefully/dp/1544522118/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1XAEV19D75H1B&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.XM-TVdHYGfr-tFjPpGUE8DDc1IXB7M5QYI2qZ49FHMt4xvCEps0mgtRn0TWnBiqr6fMzmAIwmhMpWr5gZ2wg1IKqY6T14L3RbtAq4KZZX95tfMIgE61NNQmpO36OozPym4LiH0tcvA_yXcoWJknf8ZJmggwIWztAfB5-BQOO1YPUp_PprnGoHTAQpAYzQFxWPS8KSZki5k5p20XpGN1_6PlvyNsIC-GbdQmlc-aMheg.6nW_9j2IG9e4IauAL4Dm2270D7nJwYX9_iqdFxwmcLw&dib_tag=se&keywords=carry+your+own+backpack+book&qid=1742526385&sprefix=carry+your+own+%2Caps%2C437&sr=8-1] by Holly Schneider
* A Guide to Mental and Emotional Wellness [https://www.amazon.com/Guide-Mental-Emotional-Wellness-Principles-ebook/dp/B0DG98LS2Y/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1XB3KR1JZ0T9K&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.DEAvprsfiPJSJ1CZIUxOep03cLbOVEOPFGlF0lpj3twM8bwYPMrFwApgLiHNT-FjYPNJ3v7i_o-X8975ZVVUdES7rBBQk6uxFKqOCYkm8Kd5Ia1DQETAIDUerXY4_qkD0iQ-PtdgotD13618TEX8QMd22Tw3tsDuu_yTzwBAICOPMozpHe4PTDxLEPpcK94WvkTM-6nJikGxVeKjso7Yh_OtTMNfzkXDqK5j67GU33c.7Dqfhs02sMaN-Gv6qaHiUHIG100uD6tCdIS2CwWYRTA&dib_tag=se&keywords=A+guide+to+mental+health+and+emotional+wellness&qid=1742526442&sprefix=a+guide+to+mental+health+and+emotional+wellnes%2Caps%2C386&sr=8-1] by Dr. Jennifer Londgren
* Winning the War in Your Mind [https://www.amazon.com/Winning-War-Your-Mind-Thinking-ebook/dp/B08FGJMDF3/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1QUZGKMTGPJFD&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.0VaUHUgAf0ZqQsBlgF2qUB-Z8zBbHZjsRpefbR9rA33GbcXNcdWWfHCi8rYUaN7-OzPzSkWiHvqorZOYVbuvp1kpdIYztKX2W3Umt_-3vv08YcY06xl8CxkAnJGSmDOiAgzTVtgyarcRAubQF5b9DLxSup4hZW0sBE6_LZK0ggcLHjETpLY7yLagLgA_FP7lOn2c_3uWxbgw6Cpp4PLryluCSqcFM2gF2lCj-fpgD5o.7twcT2lvqQLMdVxcYbRpRRmQfh6HC4aE0SA_vg0kqZM&dib_tag=se&keywords=winning+the+war+in+your+mind+by+craig+groeschel&qid=1742766080&sprefix=winning+the+w%2Caps%2C364&sr=8-1] by Craig Groeschel
Notes
The best time to humbly accept instructions about how we handle conflict is not during a crisis.
His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. (Ephesians 2:15,16)
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle … (Ephesians 4:1,2)
Attack problems, not people.
Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort … (Ephesians 4:2,3)
Keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. (Ephesians 4:3-5)
Believe the best about each other.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. (Ephesians 4:29,30)
Connect instead of complain.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31,32)
SPIRITUAL NEXT STEP
“Make every effort” (Ephesians 4:3). What action will you take, beginning this week, to better practice the ABC’s of healthy conflict? Share with your group and ask for their prayers. Report back next week.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
* “Make every effort” (Ephesians 4:3). What action will you take, beginning this week, to better practice the ABC’s of healthy conflict? Share with your group and ask for their prayers. Report back next week.
* Our culture is addicted to hateful human conflict. How? Why? What do we have that is stronger than hate? Read and discuss https://hegetsus.com/en/articles/love-your-enemies [https://hegetsus.com/en/articles/love-your-enemies].
* Read the other chapters in the book of Ephesians. If you’re in a group, assign one chapter to each person. Look for other examples or teaching in these chapters about the ABC’s of healthy conflict.
* Is there ever a situation where it is holy and healthy to tell another person about someone with whom you’re in conflict? Discuss.
* Where else does the apostle Paul call himself a “prisoner of the Lord?” What words of God the Holy Spirit in these verses provide you with promises? These promises empower you to lead conflict in your life to be healthy.
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