Swell Recovery

9: The Grief Nobody Warns You About in Recovery (And You've Probably Experienced It)

Here's something I don't share often: even years into my own recovery and after helping hundreds of clients heal, I still grapple with decisions and experiences that are central to my recovery. Right now it’s whether or not to have kids. At other times it was feeling terrified of intimacy, jealousy about people reaching milestones I wasn’t ready for, or loneliness over friendships I had to lose to pursue healthy relationships and recovery.  This is what we call ambiguous loss—the grief that comes without clear closure, the mourning of things that aren't traditionally recognized as losses. And if you're in eating disorder or trauma recovery, chances are you're experiencing this too, even if you don't have words for it yet. In today's episode, I'm opening up about the hidden grief that lives alongside recovery that we need to talk about in order to heal. I'll name the thoughts, feelings and reactions that come up and how to deal with them. Content note: This episode discusses eating disorders, trauma, and grief. Please listen with care and reach out for support if you need it. Key Points * [00:03:07] Setting the stage - the ambiguous loss I’m experiencing * [00:07:40] What is ambiguous loss?  * [00:12:30] Emotions, thoughts, or behaviors that come up with ambiguous loss and how this connects to complex trauma and eating disorders * [00:017:15] [00:24:55] Types of losses you might experience and their impacts on identity, relationships, and recovery * [00:22:02] Complex trauma reactions that arise from ambiguous losses  * [00:23:21] [00:27:02] Relationship losses that come up in recovery * [00:29:26] Strategies for dealing with loss Resources Mentioned: Psychology Today [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us] Therapy Den [https://www.therapyden.com/] Episode Links: * Website: swellmentalhealth.com [https://swellmentalhealth.com/] * Instagram: @counselorkate [https://www.instagram.com/counselorkate/?hl=en] and @swellmentalhealth [https://www.instagram.com/swellmentalhealth/] * Email: podcast@swellmentalhealth.com

8: Medication Support In Recovery: Myths and info about meds (and my own experience)

Ever catch yourself thinking "I shouldn't need meds if I'm really recovered"? Or worried medication will numb you when you've fought so hard to feel your feelings? In this episode, I’m sharing some of my own experience with medication support and some thoughts that come up about it even if you’re doing "all the right things" in your eating disorder recovery. Learn why your brain's actual structure might be changing when anxiety and depression go untreated, and why accepting medication doesn't mean your recovery isn't "good enough"—it might actually be protecting your brain from long-term damage. We'll explore why perfectionism makes accepting medication so difficult, share insights about how symptoms can eclipse your true personality, and reveal why accepting medication support can have deeper meaning in your recovery process. Whether you're on medication, considering it, or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers a fresh perspective on a loaded topic in the world of recovery and American culture at large. Key Points * [00:04:25] My experience with medication in recovery * [00:11:44] Biological factors that influence eating disorders, mood disorders, substance use and PTSD * [00:17:01] “Good enoughness” in recovery and how medication resistance can be a symptom of perfectionism in recovery and internalized ableism * [00:21:00] Ableism and competition via medication resistance is a transfer of the eating disorder mindset - additional support via med management can be a radical act of recovery * [00:24:15] Fears of becoming numb or medication changing your brain  * [00:27:01] How medication plus therapy can protect, prevent, or reverse brain changes from mood disorders and trauma * [00:30:05] Fears of side effects and navigating fat phobia in medication management * [00:32:34] Finding the right medication for your brain chemistry * [00:34:00] The myth of doing it on your own without meds as the only valid way to recover * [00:37:38] Medication can enhance other recovery tools you’re already using * [00:39:00] My story regarding fears of medication taking away aspects of self and control * [00:41:31] “Psychological bandwidth” - untreated symptoms consume mental resources needed for recovery work * [00:44:20] Practical things to think about prior to starting medication and how to find a medication provider Resources Mentioned Recovery Deep Dish Episode 5 [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/5-the-most-important-key-to-unlocking-recovery-your/id1805646057?i=1000703579456] - The nervous system in recovery Psychology Today [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us] Therapy Den [https://www.therapyden.com/] Episode Links * Website: swellmentalhealth.com [https://swellmentalhealth.com/] * Instagram: @counselorkate [https://www.instagram.com/counselorkate/?hl=en] and @swellmentalhealth [https://www.instagram.com/swellmentalhealth/] * Email: podcast@swellmentalhealth.com

7: The blurry line between eating disorders and disordered eating and what ambivalence really says about your recovery

In this episode, we explore the often blurry line between eating disorders and disordered eating and the nuance between having a clinical diagnosis or not. I’ll share about how many so-called "healthy habits" are normalized eating disorder behaviors. Finally, I’ll share insight about how ambivalence in recovery connects to deeper psychological issues underlying eating disorders. Whether you're early in recovery ready to learn some basics or struggling to identify the deeper issues keeping you stuck, this episode offers clarity on how to recognize when wellness behaviors cross into disordered territory and what’s really driving them in the first place.  Key Points * [00:05:00] The difference between eating disorders and disordered eating * [00:07:44] Questionnaire to determine if you or someone you love has disordered eating * [00:9:43] Eating disorders can happen at any weight, body size, or shape * [00:10:53] Examples of normalized disordered eating  * [00:13:05] Factors and rates of disordered eating turning into a full blown eating disorder * [00:17:16] The deep dish - what comes up from taking responsibility for your recovery * [00:25:43] Recommendations for looking for support  Resources Mentioned * Recovery Deep Dish Episode 5 [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/5-the-most-important-key-to-unlocking-recovery-your/id1805646057?i=1000703579456] - The nervous system in recovery * Psychology Today [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us] * Therapy Den [https://www.therapyden.com/] * Look for somatic experiencing therapists at Somatic Experiencing International Directory [https://directory.traumahealing.org/] * Attachment therapists - AEDP Directory [https://aedpinstitute.org/directory/] Episode Links: * Website: swellmentalhealth.com [https://swellmentalhealth.com/] * Instagram: @counselorkate [https://www.instagram.com/counselorkate/?hl=en] and @swellmentalhealth [https://www.instagram.com/swellmentalhealth/] * Email: podcast@swellmentalhealth.com

6: Recovery Is A Radical Act: 11 Ways To Attune To Yourself and F*ck The System

In this episode, we explore how the current political and social climate can impact eating disorder recovery by triggering nervous system dysregulation. Learn why stress can make us vulnerable to old patterns and discover practical tools for staying embodied during turbulent times. We discuss attachment healing as political resistance, how to recognize nervous system states, and ways to create safety in your body when the world feels overwhelming. This episode offers 11 strategies for maintaining recovery while navigating collective stress, honoring grief and anger as necessary emotions, and finding strength through embodied awareness. Perfect for anyone feeling the impact of current events on their relationship with food and body. Key Points * [00:04:10] A review of how the nervous system works - go check out Episode 5, Parts 1 and 2 for a deeper dive  * [00:08:36] How stress impacts executive functioning, eating disorder and trauma history,  and how systems of oppression benefit * [00:15:00] Diet culture is a vehicle for misogyny and keeps us preoccupied from pursuing power, pleasure and autonomy and connection with the Self * [00:20:30] Ask yourself these deeper questions if you’re doubting your recovery  * [00:23:30] Embodied resistance and attachment work in recovery  * [00:32:48] 11 Things you can do to find safety in the nervous system * [00:34:40] How to get back to movement safely - Episode 4 of RDD [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/4-coming-back-to-movement-my-1-strategy-to-start-exercising/id1805646057?i=1000702682452] * [00:39:30] Calming Songs for Anxiety on Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4yF4hG3jdEvLjjlAxctvPT?si=aL06yAIiQlCKIitm2s2SZw] * [00:40:50] Reminders of ways to stay connected to yourself Resources Mentioned: * Books: * “The Beauty Myth” by Naomi Wolf [https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-beauty-myth-how-images-of-beauty-are-used-against-women-naomi-wolf/7898731?ean=9780060512187&next=t] * “Fearing The Black Body” by Sabrina Strings [https://bookshop.org/p/books/fearing-the-black-body-the-racial-origins-of-fat-phobia-sabrina-strings/16637571?ean=9781479886753&next=t]  * “My Grandmother’s Hands” by Resmaa Menakem [https://bookshop.org/p/books/my-grandmother-s-hands-racialized-trauma-and-the-pathway-to-mending-our-hearts-and-bodies-resmaa-menakem/6454227?ean=9781942094470&next=t] * “Decolonizing The Body” by Kelsey Blackwell [https://bookshop.org/p/books/decolonizing-the-body-healing-body-centered-practices-for-women-of-color-to-reclaim-confidence-dignity-and-self-worth-kelsey-blackwell/18689755?ean=9781648480614&next=t] * “The Pain We Carry: Healing from Complex PTSD for People of Color” by Natalie Gutierrez [https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-pain-we-carry-healing-from-complex-ptsd-for-people-of-color-natalie-y-gutierrez/18058034?ean=9781684039319&next=t] * People to learn from: * Rachel Cargle [https://rachelcargle.com/] * Sonya Renee Taylor [https://www.sonyareneetaylor.com/] * Saba Choudry [https://sabahchoudrey.com/] * Alok Vaid-Menon [https://alokvmenon.com/] Episode Links: * Website: swellmentalhealth.com [https://swellmentalhealth.com/] * Instagram: @counselorkate [https://www.instagram.com/counselorkate/?hl=en] and @swellmentalhealth [https://www.instagram.com/swellmentalhealth/] * Email: podcast@swellmentalhealth.com * Get in touch and work with me!: swellmentalhealth.com/contact [https://swellmentalhealth.com/contact]

5: The Most Important Key To Unlocking Recovery - Your Nervous System, Part 2

In this episode, we’re continuing our chat from Episode 5, Part 1. I’m sharing specific strategies to map and understand your autonomic nervous system using Deb Dana's polyvagal ladder as our scientific framework. I’m giving actionable strategies to recognize neural dysregulation when it comes to food and triggering situations. You’ll leave this episode with tactics to rewire old patterns and find a greater sense of safety in your body. This stuff can translate beyond the dinner table and help you manage interactions with friends, colleagues, and partners. Perfect for curious minds who want to understand the science behind why recovery is way more than just "mind over matter" and how you can support yourself or share this info with someone you care about. Key Points * [00:01:30] Review of the ANS and Deb Dana’s polyvagal ladder  * [00:04:01] Mapping and tracking your nervous system symptoms so you can see where you are your ANS ladder * [00:08:40] Practices for noticing sympathetic activation or dorsal collapse before it escalates  * [00:11:59] Specific coping tools and things you can do to cope with states of dysregulation Resources Mentioned * Deb Dana’s work on polyvagal theory [https://www.rhythmofregulation.com/polyvagal-theory] Episode Links: * Website: swellmentalhealth.com [https://swellmentalhealth.com/] * Instagram: @counselorkate [https://www.instagram.com/counselorkate/?hl=en] and @swellmentalhealth [https://www.instagram.com/swellmentalhealth/] * Email: podcast@swellmentalhealth.com * Get in touch and work with me!: swellmentalhealth.com/contact [https://counselorkate.com/contact]