The Overwhelm Cure

69: What Confidence Really Looks Like (And Why Yours Might Be Armor)

Most of us want more confidence — but we're not always sure what that actually means. Some of the behaviours we associate with confidence, like arrogance, defensiveness, or endlessly proving ourselves, are actually armor. And armor, no matter how convincing it looks, is not the same as genuine, grounded confidence. In this episode, I'm breaking down what Brené Brown's research calls "grounded confidence" — the kind of self-worth that isn't about performance, bravado, or proving your value. It's about truly knowing who you are, sitting with the full human experience, and having the courage to show up anyway. As a psychologist, I've seen how much our level of confidence shapes everything: how we parent, how we lead, how we set boundaries, how we recover from mistakes, and whether we even try. The good news? Confidence isn't a fixed trait you either have or don't — it's a set of skills you can build. What you'll discover today: * Why most of us are walking around with a "fragile self-worth" and how armored behaviours like defensiveness, arrogance, and indifference are actually signs of low confidence, not high. * The difference between armor and grounded confidence, and why people can usually tell which one you're using. * The 8 elements of grounded confidence, based on Brené Brown's research, including learning and improving, practicing courage, rumbling with vulnerability, staying curious, and practicing humility. * Why confidence doesn't mean feeling 100% sure all the time, and how to build it gradually, starting with just 10% more of the time. * How grounded confidence makes it easier to set boundaries, take risks, be vulnerable, and accept other people as they are. * Why experience, not just mindset, is essential to building lasting confidence, and how small wins count. * Why experience, not just mindset, is essential to building lasting confidence, and how small wins count. Timestamps: 00:00 Why We Want Confidence 02:10 The Socialization of Self-Worth 04:10 What Confidence Really Is (and Isn't) 06:00 Far Enemies: When Armor Looks Like Confidence 09:30 The 8 Elements of Grounded Confidence 09:45 Learning and Improving 10:30 The Language of Emotion 11:45 Practicing Courage 13:00 Rumbling with Vulnerability 14:10 Staying Curious 15:30 Practicing Humility 17:00 Committing to Mastery and Practice 18:30 Feeling Embodied and Connected 21:00 Confidence Grows with Experience 23:30 Letting Go of Outcomes 25:00 Closing and Contact Information Links from today's episode: • Dare to Lead Workshop [https://www.kimberlyknull.com/dare-to-lead] Connect with Kimberly: • Connect on LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-knull/] • Connect on Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/courageousleadership.ca/] • Connect on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/kimberlyknullpsych/] Related Episodes: * 59: The Truth About Trust [https://www.kimberlyknull.com/podcast/the-truth-about-trust] * 60: Expect the Unexpected: Responding to Life's Curveballs [https://www.kimberlyknull.com/podcast/rising-strong] * 65: Body Image: The #1 Shame Trigger for Women [https://www.kimberlyknull.com/podcast/body-image-shame-trigger-for-women] * 66: Are You Chronically Numbing? [https://www.kimberlyknull.com/podcast/stop-mindless-numbing]

68: What Do You Really Want?

If I ask you what you want, you can probably rattle off a list: more time, less stress, a cleaner house, a vacation. But if I push past that and ask what you really want — the kind of life that actually lights you up — most women go quiet. That pause? It tells me everything. In this episode, I'm asking the question most of us have never taken the time to answer. We've built careers, raised families, kept everything running — and somewhere along the way, we stopped asking ourselves what we actually want. We were conditioned to believe that service and self-sacrifice were the path to happiness. And here we are, with everything we worked so hard for, still feeling like something's off. That's not a personal failing. That's a pattern — and it's one we can change. This episode walks you through why so many women in midlife feel this way, what's actually getting in the way (hint: it's guilt), and how to begin giving yourself permission to want more — without blowing up your life to get it. What you'll discover today: * Why the life you built isn't broken — and why it still might not feel the way you expected it to * How the messages we received growing up silently shaped the choices we made as adults * The real reason women hold themselves back from asking for what they want (it's not laziness or ingratitude) * Why guilt is the biggest obstacle standing between you and a more fulfilling life — and how to challenge the thoughts that fuel it * The evolutionary and cultural forces that created the "double duty" burden so many women are carrying * Practical, realistic ways to start making room for yourself — without neglecting the people and things that matter most * Why filling your own cup isn't selfish — it's what makes you better at everything else Timestamps: 00:02 What Do You Want? 02:00 What We Dreamed About as Kids 03:20 How Outside Influences Shaped Our Choices 05:20 Why the Life We Built Doesn't Always Feel Like We Thought It Would 09:30 Service and Self-Sacrifice as a Path to Happiness 10:30 What We Really Want 12:30 Why Guilt Keeps Women Stuck 14:40 The Evolutionary Roots of the Double Duty Burden 16:50 The Solution: Permission 18:20 Practical Ways to Make Room for Yourself 20:00 Why This Is Necessary — For You and Everyone Around You Link from today's episode: * Get in touch for 1:1 therapy [show/episodes/view/1-on-1-therapy] Connect with me: * Connect on LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-knull/] * Connect on Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/courageousleadership.ca/] * Connect on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/kimberlyknullpsych/] Related Episodes: * 66: Are You Chronically Numbing [https://www.kimberlyknull.com/podcast] * 65: Shame [https://www.kimberlyknull.com/podcast] * 62: Stealth Expectations — The Hidden Cause of Stress, Resentment, and Conflict [https://www.kimberlyknull.com/podcast]

67: The Skills That Got You Here Won't Get You There: How Real Change Actually Happens

How do other people do it? It seems like there is a secret to creating lasting change that other people know, but is kept from us. Unlock the secret of what it really takes to learn something new and create lasting change. Our New Year's–style "all at once" efforts so often fail, and the skills that got us here won't get us to the next level. Real change is multi-layered, slower than we expect, and always tied to becoming a "new person" with new habits, mindsets, and priorities. Learn how to set more realistic expectations, focus on small sustainable steps, trust the process and create consistency with habits—so your future self can genuinely thank you. What you'll discover today: * How unrealistic expectations about "quick change" create discouragement and quitting. * The idea that the skills, habits, and mindset that got you here won't take you where you want to go next. * Why New Year's–style overhauls fail and how "one bite at a time" actually works in real life. * Hitting the goal and maintaining it long term require two different sets of skills and habits. * Creating small, repeated actions, self-compassion, and support are the keys to making change stick. Timestamps: 01:05 What It Really Takes 03:30 Becoming Someone New 04:20 Keys to Change 06:05 Expectation Problems 09:49 All-or-Nothing Thinking 12:20 Achieving vs. Maintaining 14:10 Identity Shifts 20:40 Tenacity, Faith, and Belief 22:30 Redefining Success Connect with Kimberly: * Get in touch [https://www.kimberlyknull.com/contact] * Conne [https://brenebrown.com/parenting-manifesto]ct on LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-knull/] * Con [https://www.facebook.com/courageousleadership.ca/]nect on Fac [https://www.amenclinics.com]ebook [https://www.facebook.com/courageousleadership.ca/] * Connect on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/kimberlyknullpsych/]

66: Stop Mindless Numbing: How to Choose Intentional Rest & Joy

Are You Chronically Numbing? We've all been there: exhausted, stressed out, and reaching for a quick hit of dopamine — whether it's scrolling, eating, or binge-watching Netflix. These are numbing behaviours, and they feel good because they take the edge off our uncomfortable feelings when life gets rough. The truth is, we've been conditioned in modern adulthood to prioritize productivity and success over our well-being. This leaves us with nothing at the end of the day or week, making numbing our only option. The big problem with numbing, though, is that you can't selectively numb emotions. When we numb the hurt, fear, or frustration, we also numb the joy, gratitude, and love. Now, I don't want you to get rid of numbing altogether, but I want to help you take control so you can intentionally choose when to use it, and have plenty of other healthy options for rest and play to truly help you de-stress and live in the moment. What you'll discover today: * How to check if you're judging yourself when you rest, and recognize that taking care of yourself is essential, not just "nice" * When to be mindful of when you're numbing (scrolling, eating, drinking) to stop letting your unconscious brain drive the bus * Discover what you really need — if you're frustrated, address the problem; if you are tired, prioritize rest; if you're lonely, connect with others * Changing chronic numbing habits starts with believing that your feelings and body needs are important throughout the day, not just when you have time * A simple body scan strategy to help you check in on your needs and replace typical numbing behaviours with "net positive" activities Timstamps: 00:00 Why We Numb 02:20 Childhood Clues 04:48 The Cost of Numbing 05:48 Stop Self-Judgement 07:37 Notice Your Triggers 09:25 Meet the Real Need 11:37 Body Scan Check Ins 12:18 Choose Net Positive Comfort 14:56 Build a Sustainable Rhythm 16:23 Final Thoughts and Contact Connect with Kimberly: * Get in touch [https://www.kimberlyknull.com/contact] * Conne [https://brenebrown.com/parenting-manifesto]ct on LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-knull/] * Con [https://www.facebook.com/courageousleadership.ca/]nect on Fac [https://www.amenclinics.com]ebook [https://www.facebook.com/courageousleadership.ca/] * Connect on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/kimberlyknullpsych/]

65: Body Image: The #1 Shame Trigger for Women

Quiet the Negative Chatter: Stopping the Body Shame and Building Healthy Habits When the weather turns warm and the winter layers come off, the shame around body image can feel overwhelming. I was shocked to read a 2011 Glamour Magazine study that found 97% of women have at least one "I hate my body" moment every single day. That constant, unconscious self-judgement consumes so much brain space and energy. In this episode, I share my journey of shifting focus from trying to look good to simply trying to feel good — strong, healthy, and functional — which I believe leads to a quality of life far more important than longevity. Hear about the mental shifts and practical, sustainable habits I personally have implemented over five years to quiet that negative narrative and redefine my own sense of self-worth. Key Takeaways: * Acknowledge your self-talk: For one day, pay attention to every thought you have about your appearance and write it down. You can't change what you don't acknowledge. * Compassion is the antidote to shame. Start paying attention to things you do like about your appearance and focus on non-physical traits like kindness, bravery, and hard work. * Redefine beauty: Embrace radical self-acceptance and recognize that aging and body changes are a privilege. I realized I love the personality and confidence I have at 50 far more than the self-esteem I had in my twenties. * Focus on consistency over quick fixes: Avoid extreme measures like juice cleanses and instead, implement small habits for several months until they become effortless. * Prioritize strength over skinniness: The goal of new habits is health, not changes on the scale. Internal benefits, like better blood work, are often unobserved but vital. Timestamps: 00:00 Spring Awakening 01:11 Body Image Triggers 03:06 The Daily Shame Loop 08:01 Is It Serving You? 10:41 Aging With Perspective 12:30 From Looks To Health 15:31 Quiet The Inner Critic 18:25 Radical Self Acceptance 21:20 Consistency Over Quick Fixes 25:34 Habits That Actually Work 36:46 Trust The Long Game 41:19 Conclusion & Wrap Up Link from today's episode: * Noom [https://www.noom.com] (App used for tracking protein) * Oura [https://ouraring.com] Ring [https://www.noom.com] (Device used for tracking sleep quality) * Amen [https://www.amenclinics.com] Clinic [https://www.noom.com] (Resource for sleep supplements) Connect with Kimberly: * Connect with Kimberly [https://www.kimberlyknull.com/work-with-kimberly] * Conne [https://brenebrown.com/parenting-manifesto]ct on LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberly-knull/] * Con [https://www.facebook.com/courageousleadership.ca/]nect on Fac [https://www.amenclinics.com]ebook [https://www.facebook.com/courageousleadership.ca/] * Connect on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/kimberlyknullpsych/]