You Make Sense

Do you find romantic partnerships challenging, confusing, or overwhelming? Sarah is going to walk you through what is necessary to heal your attachment wounds and come toward more secure, healthy relationships. Although it might seem counterintuitive, the kind of connection we’re desiring often doesn’t “feel good” at first. In fact, our first experience of a secure attachment can range from being boring — to completely terrifying. The good news is that this doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is wrong for you! In this episode, you’ll learn the neuroscience behind why healthy love can initially feel overwhelming or unexciting. But the more that we step toward safe connection, the deeper and more intimate our relationships become, giving us a container where we can truly be seen, known, and chosen. Episode Highlights 00:00 Intro 01:01 Earned Secure Attachment 06:12 The Good Doesn’t Feel Good at First 08:45 Why A Secure Attachment Can Feel Boring 10:08 Love from Choice vs Love from Survival 16:33 Why A Secure Attachment Can Feel Terrifying 24:00 Leaning into a Secure Attachment 29:40 “Why Do I Feel Like I’m Going Backwards?” 30:52 Building Capacity for Vulnerability and Exposure 35:06 The Beautiful Orphaned Parts of Us 39:43 How to Know if the Lack of Attraction is Normal 46:37 Regret Is an Opportunity for Self-Compassion & Learning 52:01 Perceived Threats in Relationships 01:06:01 Even with Loving Parents, Relationships Can Be Hard    Grab Sarah’s FREE Workbook: Ready to gain control over your life? Click below to download Sarah’s free trauma-informed workbook. This in-depth guide will help you to harness the power of your nervous system and unlock your desires. https://bit.ly/yms-sp-workbook [https://bit.ly/yms-sp-workbook] Connect with Sarah on: Website - https://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/ [https://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/] Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/sarahbcoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/sarahbcoaching/] Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Sarahbaldwincoaching/ [https://www.facebook.com/Sarahbaldwincoaching/] Submit a Question: https://sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast [https://sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast] Important Keywords: * Secure Attachment - A safe, stable way of attaching and relating to others in our relationships that forms in our early childhood from having caregivers who could consistently meet our needs for love, safety, attunement, and connection.  * Earned Secure Attachment - A secure attachment that develops through intentional self-work and healing from past patterns. It reflects personal growth and the ability to attract healthier relationships by creating internal safety for yourself and your younger parts. * Neuroception - Your body's internal threat detector that is constantly assessing whether you’re in safety, danger, or life-threatening danger. It decides this by looking to a database of past information that holds all your lived experiences. * Parts Work - A therapeutic process that involves connecting with and healing younger parts of yourself that hold onto past wounds. It’s a core tool for building internal safety and reshaping how you show up in relationships. * Trauma Bond - A strong emotional connection formed through cycles of highs and lows in an unstable relationship. Often mistaken for love, trauma bonds are rooted in survival instincts and unresolved past pain. * Protective Parts - Younger parts that learned to keep you from past emotional harm by creating walls, avoidance, control, or sabotage. Even if the past is over, these well-intentioned parts can keep you from fully engaging in healthy relationships. * Capacity Building - The process of gradually expanding your emotional tolerance for safety, love, and connection. It involves learning to sit with discomfort as you adjust to the steady, healthy love you’ve always wanted.

This episode pulls back the curtain on how our “younger selves” often influence the way we show up in our adult lives. From the perfectionist to the procrastinator, these protective parts develop in response to early or past experiences of feeling unsafe or overwhelmed. If we have yet to come to the aid of these parts, they will continue to show up in an effort to keep our vulnerable parts safe, often keeping us stuck in cycles that no longer serve us. Using science-backed concepts and practical tools, Sarah guides listeners on how to recognize and calm these parts so that our adult selves can take charge. By differentiating ourselves from these parts, unburdening these protectors, and coming to the aid of the vulnerable part they are protecting, it’s possible to start living in alignment with our highest self—and navigate the world with more freedom. Episode Highlights 00:00 Intro 00:16 Are Your Young Parts Running the Show? 01:10 Understanding Somatic Parts Work 06:10 The Power of Internal Coregulation 07:43 What is a Protector Part? 09:08 The Doer Part 15:23 The Perfectionist Part 21:21 The Procastinator Part 28:18 Adult Life Can Be Overwhelming 30:18 Building Capacity to Be in Your Adult Self 32:24 Unburdening the Protector Parts 35:07 Supporting the Most Vulnerable Part 37:52 “How Do We Know How Many Parts There Are?” 44:36 Learning to Differentiate From Your Parts 51:29 Why Do We Experience Roadblocks?    Take Sarah’s FREE Quiz: Ready to learn more about your nervous system specific to you? Take Sarah’s free quiz, “What’s Keeping You Stuck?” for a personalized guide and powerful somatic tools to help you gain control over your experience.  https://bit.ly/yms-sp-quiz [https://bit.ly/yms-sp-quiz] Connect with Sarah on: Website - https://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/ [https://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/] Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/sarahbcoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/sarahbcoaching/] Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Sarahbaldwincoaching/ [https://www.facebook.com/Sarahbaldwincoaching/] Submit a Question: https://sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast [https://sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast] Important Keywords: * Parts Work - A therapeutic approach that involves understanding and working with different “parts” of oneself, especially those that have been influenced by past experiences or trauma. * Most Vulnerable Parts - Younger versions of ourselves that fragment off when we experience trauma, harm, or overwhelm and essentially get “stuck” in that painful experience until we can come to their aid as our adult self. * Protector Parts - These are also  younger versions of ourselves that develop as a way to keep the most vulnerable part safe, often through controlling behaviors, avoiding risks, or overachieving to make sure the vulnerable part never has to feel that pain again. * Internal Co-Regulation - A process of self-soothing, where the adult self learns to comfort and integrate these young parts, providing them with the care and safety they lacked in the past. * Neuroception - The brain’s subconscious detection of safety or threat, which shapes how we react to situations based on internal “safety” signals and past memories. * Internal Family Systems (IFS) - A therapeutic model often referenced in Parts Work, which sees the self as made up of multiple parts, each with its own role, memory, and emotional state.

This episode uncovers the hidden roles we carry in relationships—roles that often date back to our earliest experiences and shape how we connect with others. From being the “caretaker” to the “perfectionist,” these familiar patterns tend to influence our choices and interactions long after childhood, even if that role no longer serves us. With tools grounded in neuroscience and practical guidance, this conversation dives into what it takes to rewrite those outdated scripts. Listeners will learn simple steps to heal the past, break free from conditioned reactions, and start building relationships that align with who they truly are. It’s absolutely possible to embody a new role and make room for the connections that genuinely feel right. Episode Highlights 00:00 Intro 00:33 Why Do We Play the Roles We Play? 02:19 Family Systems & the Origin of Our Roles 07:13 Secure Attachment & Healthy Family Plays 10:19 Many of Us Did Not Have a Healthy Family System 13:57 Choosing Partners & “Compatability”  17:21 Healing Allows us to Write a New Role 21:45 The Bumpy Road of Healing 27:59 “How Can You Get Comfortable in Receiving When You’re a Giver?” 39:06 Being of Service vs. Being of Sacrifice 46:44 Why We Disconnect from Our Emotions 54:16 “How Do You Forgive?” Waitlist Bonus Coming in 2025: Ready to start feeling better in the New Year? Navigating Your Nervous System is a 6-week, live course focused on the most important foundation of healing: nervous system regulation.  Join the NYNS waitlist by January 5th for limited-time reduced pricing!  https://bit.ly/sp-nyns-waitlist [https://bit.ly/sp-nyns-waitlist] Connect with Sarah on: Website - https://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/ [https://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/] Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/sarahbcoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/sarahbcoaching/] Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Sarahbaldwincoaching/ [https://www.facebook.com/Sarahbaldwincoaching/] Submit a Question: https://sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast [https://sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast] Important Keywords: * Nervous System - The nervous system is central to understanding our emotional and relational patterns. It holds the embodied experience of past memories and influences how we respond to others, shaping the roles we play in our lives. * Roles - The patterns we adopt in relationships, often influenced by early family dynamics. Common roles include caretaker, perfectionist, scapegoat, and the helpless one, which define how we interact with others. Changing these roles allows us to step out of limiting patterns and embrace more fulfilling connections. * Family System - The family system is the foundation of our relational blueprint. It establishes our initial roles and influences how we navigate social dynamics, often carrying over into adult relationships. * Attachment - Attachment refers to the emotional bonds formed with primary caregivers, impacting how we relate to others. Secure attachment fosters healthier relationships, while insecure attachment can lead to self-protective behaviors and dynamics. Healing attachment wounds enables us to build stable, supportive connections. * Healing - Healing is the process of releasing old roles and expanding the nervous system’s capacity for change. It involves recognizing and shedding survival patterns and replacing them with practices that honor our true selves. Healing is an empowering journey toward self-discovery and authentic relationships. * Patterns - Patterns are recurring behaviors that shape how we interact with others. These automatic responses often stem from unresolved past experiences and can hold us back. Using a somatic approach to transform these patterns is key to stepping into new roles and fostering growth.

Ever feel like stepping into a bigger life is tougher than it should be? In this episode, Sarah breaks down why we get stuck in old patterns and how our nervous system shapes the life we’re currently living. You’ll learn why even good changes—like deeper relationships or exciting career moves—can feel overwhelming or lead to self-sabotage.  Using science-backed concepts and tools, Sarah will teach you how to practically build your nervous system’s capacity to hold the life you’re really wanting. By taking small, tolerable steps and working at the rate of your most apprehensive part, it’s possible to work with your nervous system to move toward a life full of connection and joy. Episode Highlights 00:00 Intro 00:32 Living the Bigger Life 06:19 The Process of Building Our Capacity 13:42 Our Purpose Often Leads to Our Healing 17:39 What Lights You Up? 19:36 How to Begin Working with Your Nervous System 23:38 We Must Embody Where We Are Going 28:05 One Tolerable Step at a Time 30:49 There’s Always Room to Expand and Grow 36:45 What to do When Good Opportunities Overwhelm Us 41:29 Tangible Steps Toward Being Seen Grab Sarah’s FREE Workbook: Ready to gain control over your life? Click below to download Sarah’s free trauma-informed workbook. This in-depth guide will help you to harness the power of your nervous system and unlock your desires.  https://bit.ly/yms-sp-workbook [https://bit.ly/yms-sp-workbook] Connect with Sarah on: Website - https://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/ [https://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/] Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/sarahbcoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/sarahbcoaching/] Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Sarahbaldwincoaching/ [https://www.facebook.com/Sarahbaldwincoaching/] Submit a Question: https://sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast [https://sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast] Important Keywords: * “Self-Sabotage” - This term can often feel shaming, but it is simply the nervous system’s way of protecting us from what it doesn’t yet know is safe by pushing away or leaving things we might actually deeply desire. * Building Capacity - The gradual process of training the nervous system to hold more of the “good” in life and tolerate changes or stressors without triggering overwhelm. This is done by gently stepping toward new, safe experiences of what was once dangerous or inhibited in the past (like: being seen, taking up space, making mistakes, etc.). * Nervous System Regulation - Techniques and strategies used to calm and stabilize the nervous system. Regulation helps move the body out of a fight/flight, freeze, or shut down responses and into a balanced state of presence and connection. * “The Invisible Wall” - A term coined by Sarah used to describe what it feels like when we try to step toward what we’re wanting but are met with resistance and dysregulation within our nervous system. * Parts Work - This approach seeks to integrate the fragmented younger parts of ourselves by coming to their aid and giving them love, safety, attunement, and connection. Under the umbrella of Parts Work, Internal Family Systems is the most well-known modality. * Tolerable Steps - Small, bite-sized actions taken to gradually introduce new experiences and reduce the nervous system's stress response. These steps are essential for building internal safety and making sustainable progress toward larger goals.

Although we may look our numeric age on the outside, we actually have many different parts or versions of ourselves within us. Using somatic Parts Work, also known as IFS or inner child healing, Sarah is going to show you how these different parts can inhabit our experience to influence the way we show up in our daily lives. When we come to the aid of these younger parts and give them the love, safety, attunement, and protection they didn’t receive in the past, it creates what Sarah calls internal co-regulation, so that we can begin spending more time moving through the world as our confident, capable adult self. Episode Highlights 00:00 Intro 00:23 What is Parts Work? 04:37 Holistic Healing is Like a Web 09:35 Each Part Has a Different Autonomic Tone 16:17 Vulnerable Parts and Protective Parts 22:44 Real Life Examples of Parts Show Up in Our Lives 28:21 The Difference Between Young Parts and Adult Self 33:34 How Do We Bring Together Fragmented Parts? 37:20 All Parts of You Make Sense 39:49 Focus on the Loudest Part First 43:11 How to Deal with Multiple Parts Without Feeling Overwhelmed 49:41 Two Ways to Create Internal Safety 01:00:12 A Common Misconception About Real Love    Join Sarah’s Email Community: Want more somatic tools straight to your inbox? Click below to join Sarah’s email community for weekly teachings and additional resources. https://bit.ly/yms-sp-newsletter [https://bit.ly/yms-sp-newsletter] Connect with Sarah on: Website - https://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/ [https://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/] Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/sarahbcoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/sarahbcoaching/] Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Sarahbaldwincoaching/ [https://www.facebook.com/Sarahbaldwincoaching/] Submit a Question: https://sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast [https://sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast] Important Keywords: * Parts Work - The therapeutic practice of differentiating from and coming to the aid of the younger parts of ourselves that fragment off of us and develop when we’ve experienced a trauma or overwhelm in the past. Under the umbrella of Parts Work, Internal Family Systems is the most well-known modality. * Younger Part - This is any part that is younger than what our current numeric age is now. It can be a vulnerable part or a protective part. * Most Vulnerable Part - This is a younger part that experienced a trauma or overwhelming event(s) where they were left helpless, unsupported and unsafe and remain stuck in the perpetual pain of that experience. * Protective Part - This is often a younger part of us that developed in order to protect the most vulnerable parts from that pain, and might look like being “the do-er,” perfectionism, procrastination, etc. * Nervous System Regulation - The process of managing the body's stress response and guiding your self-protective system to internal safety, which helps to resolve trauma, promote balance and wellbeing, and navigate life’s challenges with greater ease. * Regulating Resource: Tools or activities that discharge or get rid of activation in the body, helping to bring our system back into safety, rest, and regulation. * Trauma Resolution: The process of healing from past trauma by addressing and releasing trapped energy and incomplete physical responses from the body. * Embodiment: The practice of being fully present in and connected to your body and the sensations and feelings present within it, which is crucial for nervous system regulation and emotional healing.