Glaswegians Anonymous

Are Penis Pumps Still a Thing? | Episode 40 | Glaswegians Anonymous

In this week’s episode of Glaswegians Anonymous, the boys are back to dissect the chaotic reality of modern travel and the even more questionable state of modern intimacy.Gary takes us through his recent Venetian escape, including the humbling experience of navigating the hostel scene—and shares his plans for his upcoming Swedish expedition. Meanwhile, the drama continues on home soil as we finally get to the bottom of Darren’s "alleged" appearance at Gary’s recent gig in Cumbernauld (or lack thereof).Things take a sharp turn into the bizarre as we tackle the hard-hitting questions: Are we really still talking about penis pumps in 2026? And just how close are we to a world populated by sentient sex robots? Plus, we break down the logistics of Darren’s upcoming gig—which happens to fall on the exact same day as the Glasgow Orange Walk. Tune in for the usual unfiltered, Glaswegian take on the world’s weirdest corners. Support the Show:👉 Grab the Merch: https://glaswegians-anonymous-march.bigcartel.com 🎙️ live show: https://www.sec.co.uk/events/detail/glaswegians-anonymous-live-ep2 Patreon: patreon.com/glaswegiansanonymous 🔔 Subscribe: Hit that bell so you never miss an episode.💬 #standupcomedy GlaswegiansAnonymous #ScottishPodcast

The Barra's Boys | Episode 39 | Glaswegians Anonymous

Welcome back to another chaotic hour with the Glaswegians Anonymous crew. This week, the ego is high, the history is deep, and the "patter" is as sharp as a broken bottle of Buckfast. Muscle, Fame, and The Barras We kick things off with Darren, who has clearly been spending more time at the gym than the pub lately. He’s officially declaring himself a "beefcake," though the rest of the room might have a different word for it. From there, we dive into: • The Scottish Celebrity Tier List: Where exactly do we rank in the hierarchy of Scottish legends? (Warning: Our self-assessment is dangerously high). • The Barras Boys: How we officially earned the title and why the world’s most famous market is our spiritual home. The Ultimate Glasgow Guide Whether you’re a "teuchter" visiting for the weekend or a tourist from across the pond, we’re breaking down the essentials: • First-Time Recommendations: Where to go if you want the real Glasgow experience (and where to avoid if you want to keep your shoes). • The Sub Crawl: A survival guide to Glasgow’s "Clockwork Orange." 15 stops, 15 drinks—will you make it back to St. Enoch? Gary’s History Corner Gary took a trip to the Glasgow Police Museum this week, and he’s come back armed with facts. Get ready for a double-header of Glasgow’s gritty past: • The Thin Blue Line: A lesson on the origins and evolution of the Glasgow police force. • The Duke Street Jail Break: Gary takes us back to the infamous IRA attack on Duke Street Jail. It’s a bit of heavy history delivered with the usual Glaswegians Anonymous flair. Plus, much more madness, questionable life advice, and enough nonsense to fill the Clyde. Listen now on all major platforms! Support the Show:👉 Grab the Merch: https://glaswegians-anonymous-march.bigcartel.com🎙️ live show: https://www.sec.co.uk/events/detail/glaswegians-anonymous-live-ep2Patreon: patreon.com/glaswegiansanonymous🔔 Subscribe: Hit that bell so you never miss an episode.💬 Comment below: What year would YOU travel back to, and do you believe in ghosts?#GlaswegiansAnonymous #ScottishPodcast

I'm Starting to Look Like a Link Sausage | Episode 38 | Glaswegians Anonymous

Welcome back to another chaotic installment of Glaswegians Anonymous. This week, the boys are balancing local stardom with existential dread, questionable dietary choices, and some very sketchy political ambitions. Gig News & Inky Bets Gary is heading up to Aberdeen, and the stakes are high. He’s officially pledged that if he sells out the gig, he’s getting an Aberdeen tattoo. Will he follow through, or is he just "aff his nut"? Meanwhile, Darren is absolutely flying—his Glasgow shows are sold out, and his special is already 50% gone. Health, Wealth, and the Afterlife It wouldn't be an episode without some neurosis. Darren opens up about his health anxiety, which naturally leads the pair into a lighthearted (and slightly morbid) discussion about exactly how they want to die. The Scran Report • The Low: Gary recounts the absolute horror of his "worst kebab ever" from Bistro in Glasgow. • The High: A massive shoutout to Smokey Trotter Kitchen—officially 10/10 every single time. Holiday Blues & Caravan Life Gary’s back from Craig Tara, discussing the nuances of caravan upgrades and the timeless parental struggle: justifies taking the weans out of school during term time to save a few quid. Also in this episode: • The Patreon Group Chat: Why it’s the best place on the internet right now. • The Magic: Darren and Gary are taking to the stage together to do The Magic (yes, it’s exactly what you think). • Scottish Elections: Why the boys are throwing their weight behind the Christian Hash Party. Support the Show:👉 Grab the Merch: https://glaswegians-anonymous-march.bigcartel.com🎙️ live show: https://www.sec.co.uk/events/detail/glaswegians-anonymous-live-ep2Patreon: patreon.com/glaswegiansanonymous🔔 Subscribe: Hit that bell so you never miss an episode.💬 Comment below: What year would YOU travel back to, and do you believe in ghosts?#GlaswegiansAnonymous #ScottishPodcast

How Many Calories In A Ladle Of Spunk? | Episode 36 | Glaswegians Anonymous

Buckle up, because Episode 36 of Glaswegians Anonymous goes off the rails faster than a shopping trolley in the Clyde.We started this session with the best of intentions, aiming for a civilized chat about summer holidays—sun, sand, and the inevitable Scottish sunburn. But, true to form, the conversation didn't stay "civilized" for long. What began as travel tips quickly descended into absolute, unadulterated madness.By the time we reached the "nutritional" portion of the evening, logic had completely left the building. We answer the question that absolutely nobody asked, but everyone is now cursed to know: Just how many calories are in a ladle of... well, you’ve read the title.Warning: This one is definitely not for the faint of heart (or anyone currently eating lunch).Listen NowAvailable on all your favorite platforms. Don’t forget to rate, review, and seek professional help after listening.Support the Show:👉 Grab the Merch: https://glaswegians-anonymous-march.bigcartel.com🎙️ live show: https://www.sec.co.uk/events/detail/glaswegians-anonymous-live-ep2Patreon: patreon.com/glaswegiansanonymous🔔 Subscribe: Hit that bell so you never miss an episode.💬 Comment below: What year would YOU travel back to, and do you believe in ghosts?#GlaswegiansAnonymous #ScottishPodcast

GET YOUR MUGS, FRIDGE MAGNETS & YOUR VIAGRA | EPISODE 35 | GLASWEGIANS ANONYMOUS

Welcome back to another episode of Glaswegians Anonymous! In Episode 35, the mood swings from absolute buzzing excitement to some heavy, deep-seated chat. We’re covering everything from finally getting our hands on the gear to what happens when the lights go out.In this episode: • The Merch is HERE! 👕 Darren is absolutely over the moon because we’ve finally launched the official GA merch. We talk about the journey to getting the kit sorted and why Darren won't be taking his off anytime soon.• The Supernatural: 👻 Do the guys believe in ghosts? We dive into the paranormal and share whether we think there's actually someone (or something) watching from the shadows.• On the Road: 🎤 Both the guys recently performed at a Stuart Mitchell gig. We break down the night, the laughs, and what it’s like sharing the stage with one of Scotland’s finest.• Heavy Doc, Heavy: 🏎️ Gary sat down to watch Back to the Future with his weans. We discuss the magic of introducing the classics to the next generation and, more importantly—if we had a DeLorean, what year are we heading to? * The Deep End: 🕯️ Things take a serious turn toward the end of the episode. The guys open up about visitations and the spiritual side of life. It gets raw, it gets real, and it’s a side of the pod you won’t want to miss.Support the Show:👉 Grab the Merch: https://glaswegians-anonymous-march.bigcartel.com🎙️ live show: https://www.sec.co.uk/events/detail/glaswegians-anonymous-live-ep2Patreon: patreon.com/glaswegiansanonymous🔔 Subscribe: Hit that bell so you never miss an episode.💬 Comment below: What year would YOU travel back to, and do you believe in ghosts?#GlaswegiansAnonymous #ScottishPodcast #StuartMitchell