Who Am I Now? Motherhood, Identity & the Era of Becoming

Ambition Didn’t Get Smaller After Kids, featuring Sahana Carlsen

Season 5, Ep 6: We sit down IRL in San Francisco with Sahana Carlsen, an engineering manager at a fast-growing AI company, content creator, and mom to an 18-month-old, for one of the most honest conversations we've had on the show. Sahana just started a high-intensity new job six weeks ago. She's in the office more, traveling more, and figuring it all out in real time. We get into all of it: the "default parent" negotiation, setting boundaries without guilt, managing resentment in your marriage, and why your definition of success, not your ambition, is what actually changes after you have a baby. In this episode: * How Sahana negotiated who becomes the default parent before taking her new job * The "top 5 priorities" framework she uses to say no, at work and at home * Why she treats herself like the CEO of her household (and how to actually do it) * The role meditation plays in managing mom guilt, anxiety, and reactive parenting * Her honest take on ambition after kids, and why hers got stronger * Planning for baby #2 when you're career-driven and your partner travels * How to set work boundaries that stick, including blocking childcare on your work calendar If you're a working mom trying to figure out how much you can take on before something breaks, this episode is for you. Follow Sahana: @sahanaintech on Instagram

Who Am I Outside of My Career? And as a Mom? with Avani Modi Sarkar of Modi Toys

Season 5, Episode 5: What happens to your identity when your job, your title, or your career disappears, and all that's left is "mom"? In this episode, we sit down with Avani Modi Sarkar, co-founder of Modi Toys, to talk about her journey, going from corporate marketing to wife, mom, and entrepreneur in the span of a year, building Modi Toys into a beloved South Asian children's brand, and now stepping back to sit in the in-between and figure out what's next. We get into: * Avani's path from corporate America to founding Modi Toys * Losing yourself after a layoff or maternity leave * South Asian cultural pressure to tie self-worth to output * Mom guilt, mental load, and the myth of "doing it all" * Drowning out the noise from parents and in-laws * Following your curiosity when you don't know what's next For every millennial mom, working mom, or woman in transition asking "who am I now?" Follow the show and share with a mom in the trenches.

Why Does It Feel Like I Carry Everything for Our Family?

Season 5, Episode 4: He saved her postpartum. Now she's carrying the mental load alone. An anonymous listener wrote in with a question we couldn't stop thinking about: how do you hold both truths, that your partner showed up in your darkest moment after the baby, and isn't showing up the way you need now? This week we sit inside the default parent trap. The version where you're keeping score in your head at 9pm, where "he'll help if I ask" still leaves you carrying everything, and where the partner who pulled you out of postpartum depression two years ago suddenly can't pick a doctor's appointment time without breaking your whole week. Purvi confronts Dhruv after his work travel hits her breaking point, and her two-week experiment handing off the kids falls apart in 48 hours. Karen breaks down how she and Aakash redrew their mornings into actual ownership lanes, not "delegated tasks," and why "let me know what to do" is the phrase that ruins her week. We get into default parent science (early imprinting, the consistency loop, why toddlers go to whoever regulates them fastest), the mental load nobody can see, scorekeeping and resentment, reset conversations vs. burst-of-anger confrontations, and how our South Asian moms did it, and what they sacrificed that we won't. If you've ever felt grateful and resentful in the same breath, this one's for you. Send it to your partner. Or to a mom who feels all of this but hasn't said it out loud. 🎙 Subscribe to The Hardest Job Ever wherever you listen. 📩 Have a story like this listener's? DM us @hardestjobever on Instagram. It's not about finding balance. It's about holding it all.

Why Does It Hurt When My Child Prefers the Nanny?

Season 5, Episode 3: Working Mom Guilt, Childcare Attachment & When Your Child Prefers the Nanny What happens when your childcare setup works, but emotionally, it feels harder than expected? In this episode, we unpack working mom guilt, childcare attachment, and the complex emotions that come with raising kids while relying on a nanny, daycare, or caregiver. Why does it feel like rejection when your child prefers someone else, even when you know they’re safe and loved? We break down the psychology behind toddler attachment vs. preference, and why this is a common experience for working mothers navigating career and motherhood balance. Topics we cover: * Working mom guilt and identity after having kids * Childcare guilt: nanny, daycare, and caregiver dynamics * When your child prefers the nanny or another caregiver * Attachment vs. preference in toddlers (child development insights) * Emotional triggers: feeling replaced, rejected, or not needed * Separation anxiety (for moms and toddlers) * Stay-at-home mom vs. working mom expectations * South Asian motherhood and cultural pressure around parenting roles * Building a village vs. emotional impact of shared caregiving * Reframing what it means to be a “good mom” This episode is for working moms, new moms, and first-time parents navigating childcare decisions, mom guilt, and emotional challenges of modern motherhood. 🎙 Follow The Hardest Job Ever on Spotify and Apple Podcasts 📩 Share your story via Instagram @hardestjobever

Who Am I Now? Motherhood, Identity & the Era of Becoming

Season 5, Episode 2: Looking through old photos can make you pause. Not because you regret motherhood, but because you start wondering: Who am I now? In this episode, we unpack a question one of our listeners asked: Do you miss the version of yourself before kids? The answer isn’t as simple as yes or no. In this episode, we talk about: • Why motherhood can trigger an unexpected identity shift • Losing spontaneity and autonomy, and why that feels so strange • Karen’s journey navigating ambition, layoffs, and returning to work as a mom • Purvi’s early pregnancy spiral about independence, twins, and moving cities • Why your 30s might actually be the “era of becoming” This conversation isn’t about grieving who we used to be. It’s about figuring out who we’re becoming as moms, women, and professionals. If you’ve ever wondered how motherhood changes your identity, ambition, or sense of self, this episode is for you.