AuDHD IRL

Ep22. AuDHD & Internalised Ableism with Jacinta

Summary: Bri sits down with Dr Jacinta Thompson, clinical psychologist, AuDHDer, and director of Time to Untangle Clinical Psychology Services, for one of those conversations where you spend half the time laughing in recognition and the other half going "wait, that's been happening to me this whole time?" The topic is internalised ableism, which sounds like a very serious academic concept and is also the reason you spent twenty minutes yesterday beating yourself up for not being able to do a phone call. Jacinta breaks it down with the kind of clarity and warmth that only comes from someone who is both deeply trained in this space AND regularly hides inside her own dress at professional networking events. She's one of us. Together, Bri and Jacinta explore where internalised ableism actually comes from (spoiler: the world, not you), why it's so easy to compare your worst self to your best self and declare yourself a disaster, and what it looks like to function brilliantly in one context while completely falling apart in another. Jacinta shares some wonderfully honest personal examples, including what it's like to run a successful psychology practice while being completely unable to call the mechanic. There's also a genuinely useful thread about how to catch yourself in a "should" spiral, question where that rule came from, and figure out whether you've just been carrying it around like a bag of bricks that belongs to someone else. The takeaway is not "everything is fine." It's more like: you're not failing at life. You might just be a person with a nervous system, doing a remarkable job of making it work anyway. Key Takeaways 1. Internalised ableism is absorbed, not invented. Societal messages about "normal" functioning get turned inward and eventually feel less like someone else's rule and more like a fact about who you are. 2. Functioning is contextual, not global. Doing well in one setting doesn't mean you should do well everywhere. Context, structure, predictability and sensory environment all shape capacity enormously. 3. We compare ourselves to ourselves, and that's its own trap. The gap between your "performing well" self and your "struggling" self isn't a character flaw. It reflects how different your capacity can be depending on what accommodations are in place. 4. "What's wrong with me?" is the wrong question. When we can't meet an expectation, we tend to question ourselves rather than question the expectation. Asking "where did this rule even come from?" opens the door to a lot more self-compassion. 5. Hidden disability means invisible cost. High-masking AuDHDers may look like they're coping, but there's often significant cost happening behind the scenes that others don't see and systems don't account for. 6. Capacity changes over time and circumstance. Comparing your current functioning to a past version of yourself with fewer demands is neither fair nor useful. Capacity fluctuates, and that's not a failure. 7. The tyranny of the shoulds is real. Those "I should just be able to..." thoughts are worth catching. Pressure is often a signal that someone else's should has landed on you as if it were yours. 8. Ask "but why?" like a persistent five-year-old. Questioning the origin of a rule can reveal how arbitrary many norms actually are and make space for approaches that genuinely work for your brain. 9. Diagnosis doesn't erase support needs. Being a psychologist or running a business does not mean you're not AuDHD. Functioning well in some areas can mask significant support needs in others. 10. You're not lazy, flaky, or not trying hard enough. You might just be operating at capacity in a particular context. Curiosity and compassion, for yourself and for others, is where the real work begins. You can find Jacinta at her website: www.timetotheuntangle.com.au [http://www.timetotheuntangle.com.au].

Ep21. AuDHD, Pregnancy, Birth & Postpartum with Claire

Content warning: This episode contains discussion of postpartum depression and anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and a brief reference to maternal mortality statistics. Please take care of yourself while listening. Summary: Bri sits down with Claire Britton, occupational therapist, university lecturer, founding director of Neuroinclusion, mum of two (nearly three) and proudly AuDHD, for a conversation that genuinely hasn't been had enough. Claire shares how she didn't receive her diagnosis until she was 28, and how it was the stillness of newborn life during COVID lockdown that finally made everything click. From there, the conversation opens up into the under-researched world of neurodivergence and the perinatal experience: why so many AuDHDers get diagnosed for the first time around pregnancy or postpartum, what sensory and executive functioning changes actually look like across trimesters, and why Claire (a self-described catastrophiser) genuinely loves giving birth. This one's warm, funny, practical and genuinely eye-opening. Takeaways: * Big life transitions (pregnancy, postpartum, puberty, perimenopause) are often when neurodivergence becomes impossible to ignore - not because something has gone wrong, but because the scaffolding that masked it has shifted. * Sensory sensitivity in pregnancy is one of the few times society validates and honours sensory differences without question. Claire uses this as a powerful entry point when educating parents about their children's sensory processing. * Many AuDHDers actually cope well with labour because it's predictable, time-limited and has a known outcome - it's the uncontrollable unknowns (like finding a car park) that are harder on the nervous system. * The relationship with your care provider matters more than the model of care. Safety, consistency and feeling genuinely understood are more therapeutic than any specific clinical approach. * Knowing your needs before you're in crisis (ideally written down) gives your support network something to actually work with. "I need to survive" is not a helpful answer in the moment, but you can get there ahead of time. * The stigma that neurodivergent people aren't equipped to be parents does real harm. For many, having children provides structure, purpose and motivation that genuinely improves their functioning. Find Claire on Instagram at @neuroinclusion.au, or search Neuroinclusion on Facebook and LinkedIn.

Ep20. AuDHD, Movement, Pain and Creating a Neuroaffirming Space with Jordana

Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of chronic pain, injury, disordered health behaviours and addiction, as well as references to neurodivergent experiences including RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria), sensory sensitivities, and the process of autism diagnosis. There is also a brief mention of nocebo effects and catastrophising language in healthcare settings. Summary: Bri sits down with Jordana Martin, founder of Feel Better Pilates in Canberra (where Bri enjoys Pilates classes), for a wide-ranging and genuinely joyful conversation about movement, neurodivergence, and what it looks like to build a space that actually works for brains like ours. Jordana shares her own ND story - identified as ADHD since childhood in a family full of ND folk, an autism diagnosis she suspects, and how she went from not seeing herself as a sporty person at all to becoming a powerlifter and Pilates teacher. She talks candidly about how movement became her version of meditation and regulation, and why that matters so much for neurodivergent people who live a lot of life up in their heads. The conversation takes some brilliant side quests into pain science (including the nocebo effect and why the words a care provider uses can genuinely shape a patient's recovery), the biopsychosocial model of health, hypermobility in the ND community, the boom-and-bust movement patterns many of us fall into, and why "correct form" is largely a myth. Jordana also unpacks the deliberate choices she made in designing Feel Better Pilates, from dim lighting and low-smell environments to rethinking hands-on touch in classes, and why she built it the way she did. Key Takeaways * Movement is regulation. Repetitive, rhythmic movement is inherently soothing for neurodivergent nervous systems, and getting into the body can offer relief from the mental churn that many of us live in. * Words matter in healthcare. The nocebo effect is real! A care provider's catastrophising language can worsen outcomes. Jordana's own experience with a physio who told her she'd never lift weights again (she now powerlifts) is a powerful reminder to seek out providers who use empowering, evidence-based language. * "Correct form" is mostly a myth. Human bodies are robust and designed for varied movement. The goal is progressive strength and feeling good, not aesthetic perfection. * Sensory environment matters. A movement space that works for ND people considers lighting, sound, smell, touch consent, and the language used by instructors. If a studio's website makes you uncomfortable, trust that signal. * Find the lowest barrier to entry. Go with a friend, book online (eww to no phone calls!), ask for a private intro session if that helps - just remove as many friction points as possible and give yourself one concrete deadline to show up once. * The social biopsy is real. Both Bri and Jordana reflect on the experience of enjoying social situations in the moment but paying for it in the 48 hours after - a very common experience for those socialised as girls with ND profiles. You can find Jordana on Instagram at @feelbetterpilates [www.instagram.com/feelbetterpilates] or through her website www.feelbetterpilates.com.au [https://www.feelbetterpilates.com.au/].

Ep19. AuDHD Dating and Friendships with Phoebe

Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of relationship trauma, emotional distress following breakups and rejection, a period of depression and questioning one's sense of purpose, and calling off a wedding. There is also mention of over-the-counter sleep medication. Please take care if any of these topics are sensitive for you. Summary: In this episode, Bri sits down with Sydney-based Clinical Psychologist and couples therapist Phoebe Rogers — author of When Will It Happen For Me? — for a warm, funny and deeply honest conversation about AuDHD, relationships, dating, and the long road to self-acceptance. Phoebe shares her own late diagnosis journey: first identified with ADHD around a year before the recording, and autism shortly after reading Is This Autism? — both discoveries that reframed decades of personal and relationship experiences. She reflects on how she'd always "vibed" with neurodivergent clients and colleagues without realising she was one of them, and how her own painful relationship history — including calling off a wedding at 36 — ultimately drove her to study couples therapy and develop frameworks to help others. Together, Bri and Phoebe explore how AuDHD shapes the way we date, attach, communicate, and connect — including the intensity of crushes and hyperfocus on a person, rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD), anxious attachment patterns, and the particular challenges of two neurodivergent people communicating with each other. They also celebrate the beautiful sides: deep loyalty, emotional expressiveness, playfulness, and the capacity to love fiercely. The conversation moves into friendship too — how "little worlds" work for neurodivergent people, why the neurotypical expectation of large social circles rarely fits, and how self-acceptance opens the door to accepting others as they are. The episode closes with Phoebe's core message: be yourself, and you will find your people. Takeaways: 1. Late diagnosis can reframe everything — especially relationships. 2. Anxious attachment and RSD are common in AuDHD — and they're workable. 3. "If they cared, they would" is a myth that needs retiring. 4. Love is not supposed to be easy — but it shouldn't require you to hide yourself. 5. Neurodivergent couples often need a "translator." 6. "Little worlds" are valid — and worth protecting. 7. Be yourself — that's the whole dating tip.

Ep18. AuDHD & Fostering Emotional and Felt Safety with Christina

Content Warning: * Discussion of emotional distress and dysregulation * Experiences of feeling unsafe (including in school and home environments) * Masking, people-pleasing, and chronic invalidation * Inner child work (including references to early childhood experiences) * Trauma (including developmental / “little t” trauma) * Systemic barriers impacting neurodivergent people Summary: In this episode, Bri is joined by Christina Schmidt to explore what it truly means to cultivate a felt sense of safety as an AuDHD person, both internally and within the environments we move through. Together, they unpack how safety is not just a cognitive concept, but a deeply embodied, nervous system experience, one that is shaped over time through our relationships, environments, and the ways our needs are responded to (or dismissed). Christina shares powerful reflections from her clinical work, particularly in school settings, highlighting how seemingly small changes, like a new teacher, classroom, or unmet sensory need, can significantly disrupt a child’s sense of safety and capacity to engage. The conversation explores how many AuDHDers grow up experiencing chronic invalidation, being told to “push through,” ignore discomfort, or prioritise others’ needs, and how this can lead to disconnection from self, high masking, and difficulty accessing safety in adulthood. Bri and Christina also introduce pathways back toward safety, including co-regulation, meeting sensory needs, reconnecting with the inner child, and gently shifting attention back toward self. At its core, this episode is a compassionate invitation to move away from self-blame and toward understanding:that safety is not something we “should just have,” but something that is built, supported, and deeply relational. Takeaways: * Safety is a felt, embodied experience, not just a thought. It lives in the nervous system, not just the mind. * Chronic invalidation disrupts safety. Being told to ignore sensory, emotional, or relational needs teaches AuDHDers that their experience doesn’t matter. * Masking often develops to maintain external safety. Many people learn to prioritise others’ comfort over their own, even at a significant internal cost. * Environmental changes can deeply impact regulation. Things like new teachers, different tones of voice, lighting, seating, or social dynamics can significantly affect felt safety. * You are not “overreacting”; your nervous system is responding. Sensory and emotional sensitivity play a key role in how safety is experienced. * Co-regulation is powerful. Safe people can help us access regulation when we can’t do it alone. * You don’t have to do it all yourself. Reaching safety can involve others, environments, and supports, not just internal effort. * Your needs deserve to come first, too. Shifting away from constant people-pleasing is part of building safety. * Inner child work can support healing. Many experiences of unsafety are rooted in early life, and can be gently met with compassion and validation now. * Safety is shaped by systems, not just individuals. Social structures, expectations, and environments can either support or block access to safety. * There is no one way to feel safe. For some, it might feel like warmth, stillness, softness, or “amber light”, for others, something entirely different. * Safety can start small. Meeting sensory needs, softening expectations, or connecting with one safe person can be a starting point. You can find Christina on Instagram at @freetobeme.speech [www.instagram.com/freetobeme.speech].