ArtHoles

Jinmaku! Jinmaku! Jinmaku! Go get’em buddy! My dude OWNS the makuuchi division. Also, if there’s one thing people should take away from this episode, is that William-Adolphe Bouguereau is a connoisseur of great asses and he would’ve loved the Jean-Claude Van Damme era of human history.     This episode is quite the winding road, jam-packed with shenanigans, beaucoup cousin sex, and exploration of several art techniques and theories. As we navigate this road, we join an unexpected game show, I kick myself out of a few museums, 47 kitties take their revenge, we do science stuff, and mine a butte. Along the way, I make a decision on a segment that I’ll likely regret, Bonnat loves himself some Bonnat, and the Grandmothers grand plan runs into a few hiccups.      Honestly, I don’t know how to explain this episode, this one really flies off the rails. The chaos probably starts when Florida comes into the picture and ends when I have impure thoughts about someone in a painting. The good news is, Paul Harvey makes a cameo appearance, because I force him in with a shoehorn, and that makes me happy.

Henri, Adele, Alphonse, Dead Gary, Odon, Napoleon III, the Grandmothers, Alix, Amédée, MIT Math Nerd Steve (from Pollock), Charles, Piss Pons, the Black Prince… We. Are. Back! Along with several additions to our colorful cast of characters.     Is it really a Semaine Sanglante if you can’t trust how much sanglante was spilled in the semaine? Why are that German man’s balls on your grandmother’s armrest? What’s a zoo for, if not to provide for a fancy Françoise Massialot-inspired menu? Can we ever truly understand why Alph does any of the things Alph does? Will we finally get closure in the Legend of Dead Gary?! These questions will be answered and much much more!     Henri goes to school, Napoleon III misjudges everyone’s bulges, a cartoon raccoon attacks a cartoon basset hound for no clear reason, and a children’s playground becomes the scene of unimaginable horrors.

Our adventure begins with the Grandmothers, a footnoted sister, more mounted heads than fireplaces (which is saying something), and some thick-ass man-thighs. As we make our way through French history, we'll learn about why Paris was an "immense workshop of putrefaction," take the most horrifying raft ride of all time, get Gothic and emo with a spicy lady named Germaine, and ponder whose day that small newsie boy just ruined. Along the way, I mess up the same joke twice, tell an inappropriate story, and make us all do a thought experiment that, in retrospect, might not have been necessary. What did those three brothers do? When is the best time to take an unexpected hunting trip? What happens if your bird goes to hell? We'll discuss. And, we'll have a Merrrrrrry Christmas in the Languedoc. Two of them; two Merrrrrry Christmases. Yay! I swear, I'm fine. All of this is healthy.  patreon.com/artholes

Before we begin the Toulouse-Lautrec journey, we of course need a 5 hour fever dream of French history. It only took me one episode in this series for me to lose my mind, so that's pretty exciting :)  Act I: Entirely Too Many Louis  Act II: Little Internal Structures Act III: It's a Family Affair Primary Sources Toulouse-Lautrec: A Life, by Julia Frey Toulouse-Lautrec, by Gerstile Mack Toulouse-Lautrec, by Henri Perruchot The Unpublished Correspondence of Toulouse-Lautrec A History of France, by John Julius Norwich A History of France, by Joseph Bergman The Industrial Revolution in France (1815-1848), by Arthur Louis Dunham Dawn of the Belle Epoque, by Mary McCauliffe Fashioning the Bourgeoise, by Phillip Perrot The Art of Cuisine, by Maurice Joyant and Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec

In the Frida finale, we alternate between having lots of fun and exploring the cavernous depths of human suffering. But we also have fun? If you're here at the end, thank you so, so much for taking this entire weird journey with me. This really has been a life-changing project for me.  Seriously, though, we will have some fun. Also, it gets sad. Like, really sad.