Why Change is Hard: 5 Barriers to a Better Marriage

Why Letting Bad Tactics Work Damages Your Marriage

In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (June 9, 2026), Paul explains how allowing manipulative tactics—anger, threats, the silent treatment, or emotional blackmail—to work damages marriages, using a personal story to illustrate the dynamics. He outlines clear responses: refuse to tolerate harmful tactics, set firm boundaries (walk away or get help), involve trusted third parties when threats or danger are possible, and seek professional support to change entrenched patterns.

Broken Behaviours: Tolerating Bad Treatment Isn’t Loving

This episode examines "broken behaviours"—patterns where one spouse tolerates mistreatment instead of setting limits. Using the image of a man calmly walking out when his wife attacks him, Paul explains that leaving is sometimes a healthy, loving choice that teaches boundaries. Listeners will learn why accepting bad treatment is not loving, how broken behaviours form, and one practical step to stop them: decide not to endure harmful behaviour and remove yourself when it begins. Ignoring bad behaviour isn’t doing marriage well.

Less Sex Than Either of You Want — and Nobody's Talking About It

This episode explores the steady decline in sexual frequency among married couples, the surprising role of solo relief, and why the lack of sex can harm relationship satisfaction. Paul emphasises communication and practical strategies—talking openly about desires, treating sexual drives as a shared issue, and simple steps like mutual masturbation to help couples understand each other and make more sex happen.

Dealmakers and Dealbreakers: Taking Ownership of Your Marriage

In this episode Paul urges couples to take ownership of their marriage by recognising that staying passive is itself a choice. He explains how unhappy marriages worsen over time and encourages listeners to identify their personal deal-makers (must-haves) and deal-breakers to decide what they will tolerate and what requires change. Practical steps include making a list, reflecting on it, and then actively working on one attainable change—starting with something you can control—to prevent the relationship from reaching the point of no return.

One Person Can Change a Marriage: The Power of Interplay

In this episode Paul explores how one person's choices and reactions can reshape a marriage. He explains that changing behaviours, responses, and engagement—rather than demanding changes from a spouse—can shift dynamics and invite healthier interactions. He also emphasises setting boundaries against unhealthy behaviour, practising self-reflection, and offering consistent acts of kindness to encourage positive change.