The Unlearning Room

Unlearning Criticism: Turning “You Always” Into “I Need”

Conflict doesn’t have to mean combat. In this episode of The Unlearning Room, we explore what happens when frustration turns into criticism — and how to shift from attack to authentic connection. You’ll learn the difference between a complaint and a criticism, how to recognize your body’s response when shame or defensiveness shows up, and practical tools to pause, regulate, and repair — even when the conversation spirals. We’ll also unpack what to do when self-reflection feels heavy or shame-filled, and why complaints are actually bids for connection. If you’ve ever found yourself saying, “I’m just trying to be heard,” this one’s for you. Listen for: * How to recognize when your nervous system hears “danger” instead of “disagreement” * The six steps to redirect circular arguments * What it means to reflect without collapsing into shame * Reframing power, voice, and domination in communication 🪞 “Our interpretation of day-to-day experiences is influenced by the state of our nervous system.” Find me on Instagram @theunlearningroompodcast [https://instagram.com/theunlearningroompodcast] or visit cecilymay.com [https://cecilymay.com] . New episodes drop weekly-ish on Thursdays. #selfleadership #communication #family #relationships #conflictresolution #parenting #confidence #selfworth #compassion #growthmindset #healingjourney #unlearning #care

Unlearning Suicide Stigma: Survival, Shame & the Flight Response

Unlearning Suicide as Selfish: Flight, Not Fight We’ve been taught to call suicide selfish — but what if that story is wrong and harmful? In this deeply personal episode, I share my own suicide attempt and the years that followed through the lens of nervous system science and parts work (IFS). We’ll explore how suicidal despair isn’t aggression or fight — it’s the furthest edge of the flight response: a last, desperate attempt to escape pain. Together, we’ll unlearn shame and examine why blame after crisis isolates the very people who need connection most. I’ll walk through my B.L.A.M.E. Framework™ — how blame shows up and what it costs — and offer the C.A.R.E. Method™ as a compassionate alternative: curiosity, accountability, repair, and empowerment. B.L.A.M.E. * Blame — shifting all responsibility onto one person * Leverage — guilt or threats (“how could you do this to us?”) * Assume — deciding someone’s motives instead of asking * Misalignment — mismatching words & reality (numb ≠ fine) * Exhaust — draining safety until survival is all that’s left C.A.R.E. * Curiosity — asking “what’s happening under the surface?” * Accountability — owning impact without collapsing into shame * Repair — apologies, restoring safety, seeking support to show up better * Empowerment — helping people feel surviving isn’t failure If this conversation stirs something for you, please take it gently. Reach out for support if you need it (in the U.S., call or text 988). You’re not alone — and your healing doesn’t have to wait for someone else to repair what was broken.

Blame ≠ Accountability: Unlearning the Habit That Divides

Blame feels powerful—it promises safety by pointing fingers. But beneath that noise is shame, fear, and disconnection. In this episode of The Unlearning Room, Mary-Cat (aka Cecily May) unpacks how blame masquerades as accountability—online, in our families, and in our closest relationships—and why it keeps us divided instead of connected. You’ll hear:  ✨ A personal story of growing up in a blame-saturated home.  ✨ How shame and ego work together to fuel the blame reflex.  ✨ The B.L.A.M.E. acronym for spotting blame patterns.  ✨ What secure accountability really looks like (and why even 30% Self-energy matters). ✨ The C.A.R.E. Method™—four practical steps to move from blame’s false power to genuine connection. Take a breath, settle in, and let’s unlearn the habit that divides—together. 🔗 Explore more: Visit www.theembodiedparentcoach.com  to browse resources and tools—including frameworks like C.A.R.E. and B.L.A.M.E.—to deepen your own unlearning journey.

Parts & Presence: Unlearning the Myth of Being Singular

What if you’re not one “true self,” but a whole system of voices, impulses, and feelings?  In this episode of The Unlearning Room, I explore Internal Family Systems (IFS) and the idea that multiplicity is the norm. We’ll talk about:  – Everyday “parts” and how they shape our choices and relationships  – The difference between empathy (which can drain us) and compassion (which sustains us)  – How IFS reframes attachment styles as parts strategies  – Why re-parenting our inner system from an IFS perspective creates more space for presence and compassion You’ll also hear personal stories from parenting, family wounds, and the teachings that helped me unlearn the myth of being singular. ✨ Unlearning takeaway: You’re not broken for being conflicted — you contain multitudes. 👉 New episodes drop weekly-ish, on Thursdays.  Follow along on Instagram: @theunlearningroompodcast [https://instagram.com/theunlearningroompodcast] More at: cecilymay.com [https://cecilymay.com]

Unlearning Success: Shifting Careers, Shifting Selves

What happens when the career or calling you thought was “it”… no longer fits? In this episode, I share my own pivots — from nearly two decades as a military spouse, to motherhood, to coaching, to retail, and now exploring corporate paths. Along the way, I’ve had to redefine what “success” really means. We’ll talk about:  • Why careers (like names) can become masks we hide behind.  • How hustle culture and “shoulds” push us out of regulation.  • The nervous system toll of chasing success at all costs.  • Mantras and practices for loosening your grip on roles that no longer fit. Success isn’t one ladder anymore — it’s a landscape. Pivoting isn’t failure; it’s listening. 🌱 Listen now on Spotify, Apple, or YouTube