The Path to Belonging

Pressure and Perseverance

Episode 5: In this episode, the conversation explores the themes of pressure, perseverance, and personal growth through honest and relatable stories. The group discusses how challenges, expectations, and difficult moments can shape confidence and resilience over time. Through personal experiences, the speakers reflect on the importance of pushing through discomfort, learning from setbacks, and finding strength in supportive relationships. The dialogue also highlights the value of authenticity, self-awareness, and encouraging others through difficult seasons of life. Throughout the conversation, the guests emphasize that perseverance is not about perfection, but about continuing to move forward despite uncertainty or fear. The discussion creates a space for vulnerability while also offering encouragement to young people navigating their own struggles. Ultimately, the episode reinforces that growth often happens during the moments that test us the most. Episode Transcript Lydia: Why does everything feel so heavy? Like you're carrying 10 different things at once, school, your family, your friends, your future, and some how you're supposed to handle all of it without falling apart, or at least looking like you're not falling apart. This episode is about that feeling and how we keep going even on the days we feel worn out. We get honest about pressure and what perseverance actually looks like when you're living it, not pretending Justine: You're listening to the By Her Hands podcast, a space where young women figure things out together, who we are, what we want, and the power we already carry. It's brought to you by WaterStep, a global leader in safe water innovation. Learn more about how women and girls are shaping healthier futures each by her own hands, at WaterStep.org. Lexi: Hi everyone, this is Lexi and welcome back to Episode 5 about pressure and perseverance. Lydia: Hey guys, it's Lydia and welcome back to the By Her Hands podcast. Justine: Hi everyone, this is Justine. Very happy to be here again with everyone. Lexi: Today we have our second global guest. Her name is Doreen and she is from Kenya. Doreen, can you introduce yourself a little bit? Doreen: Hi everyone. My name is Doreen. I come from Kenya, Nairobi. I have been a WaterStep volunteer for the last 12 years now. By the end of this year we'll be 12 years of volunteering with WaterStep in the field-work that we're doing with different communities across Kenya. Lexi: I feel like when we're talking about this idea of pressure and perseverance, pressure I feel like we can often see as an external factor, but I think sometimes it's internal too, and that's something that resonates with me the most. Lydia, do you resonate with that? Do you feel like pressure is more internal or an external factor for you? Lydia: I think the pressure I feel has stemmed from such a small moment in my life, all of it. It goes back to when I was in, I mean it had to have been fifth-grade and my parents were like, college is expensive and you'll have to work for scholarships. And I feel like everything has spurred from that one moment. And it's not like my parents to this day are telling me you have to do all these things to get scholarships, but it's just that pressure on myself from that moment to succeed and to push and to do everything to achieve that goal. Lexi: Yeah, absolutely. I feel like for me it's sort of the same thing with my parents, but it's not really my parents putting the pressure on me. It's more like the pressure I'm putting on myself sort of based on their expectations, I guess. So for me, I mean I have five brothers and a little sister and I'm, I have two older brothers and the rest are younger, but I have sort of put this burden on myself that I'm supposed to be the perfect child almost. And so I feel like this kind of brings pressure into every aspect of my life, whether it's school or college or sports or whatever it may be, but it's not my parents pressuring me to be that way. It's just more what I expect of myself and what I feel like and what I'm assuming that they expect of me. So I feel like oftentimes it can be really challenging and the only way to sort of persevere through it is just taking it one step at a time, one day at a time. Lydia, how do you persevere through that pressure? Lydia: I mean, I wish I had rock solid advice to give you, I mean just what you said each day, take it as it comes and I don't know, I just try not to let the fear of the future birded me too much and to let it control my life. I remember freshman year I got terrified of how I was going to afford college and a house and all these things and my future that I just had no idea. I didn't know what I wanted do. I didn't know anything. I just knew with my parents I have to go to college and I have to get a good job and I didn't even know what I wanted to do from there and it just exploded into this constant stress bubble I was in. And it was I guess to persevere through that. I really just kind of popped the bubble and I just stopped letting those thoughts control me. I just started taking it each day as it came and taking each problem as it occurs and not stressing and stressing for the future. Not that it's bad to plan, but just it was harming me more than it was doing good. Justine, what do you think? Justine: I think you guys all right. I think that it's one thing to look at pressure and perseverance as being bad or not healthy or hindering you. Another way to look at it's that it takes us further. It opens up horizons for us because as we persevere, we find a way to deal with pressure. And I want to say it's the story of my life. Being a woman raised with certain expectations. Where you are expected to get married, to have children, to take care of your family, yet the person that I am being ambitious had to take on that pressure to understand the expectations but also to persevere so that you can do something for yourself as well as managing the pressure and expectations of everyone. So Lexi, you mentioned something around pressure and perseverance, being external, internal, and I think that that's really what it comes down to. Which one is external and which one is internal? And I find that it's like a fight, a constant fight as we go through life. So you get pressure and I want to say that the pressure is external, as far as my experience, and we go deep into ourselves to find that spark of perseverance, of strength, of everything we've already talked about, courage to keep pushing so that you turn that thing into a positive. And for me that's really what it is about the pressure and the pressure that I'm still feeling, right? It's a factor into being able to push through and listen to your own dreams so that you have a balance between what everyone is expecting from you and what you want for yourself in my world, in my professional profession, in how I tackle things. Yeah, so I think listening to all of you in every single space that we are, there's always a need to persevere, but the question is would you do it if you don't have a pressure, right? If you don't feel the pressure, would you be persevering? So yeah, Lexi, I think that's what it is. Lexi: Absolutely. I think we often see pressure and perseverance as sort of a bad thing, especially pressure. It's like nobody wants pressure, but I think at the end of the day it means that you have something good ahead of you. You have the pressure to be able to be in this space. You have something to look forward to. You have expectations of yourself or people have expectations of you. And yes, there is pressure that comes with it, but it's that pressure that I feel like makes you work 10 times harder. And I think also I think as girls and women, we're sort of with this pressure afraid to fail. So we sort of sit in this in-between and sort of not try to tip the scale too much one way because we don't want to not succeed. We're supposed to be expected to do well and everything else. So is there a time where you guys felt like you didn't do something or you were just in this fear because you were afraid to fail? Lydia: Lexi, that was beautiful and I so totally relate to that. And I mean I've talked about this so many times now, but it really just had that much of an impact on me is being the only girl in the room and how much harder you have to work. How much harder I feel this is all in my head, but I feel like I have to work to prove that I have the right to be there and that I can succeed and do the same things as every other guy in this room. And I remember it's as little as in my STEM Club when I was in middle school and elementary and we would do these paper bridge things and making towers out of mushrooms, marshmallows and spaghetti straws. And I just felt like if I messed up and if I did something wrong as a girl in this room, then everyone's going to make fun of me because I'm the only girl in here and I can't do it. And if I can't win, then why am I here? Lydia: Doreen, have you felt something like this? Doreen: Thank you Lydia. Thank you Lexi. I can relate to your pressure. And more specifically to Justine. Having grown up in African communities, there's a lot of pressure from women and girls especially on wanting them to succeed, to be the role model in the society. There is that societal aspect and expectations of us as women and girls growing in those communities. I want to share a personal story, more of myself and what really happens in my community. I come from come Kenya and more in Meru county. Meru county is one of the counties for seven counties in Kenya. I to be the fourth born in a family of five, so with two elder sisters and my mother was a teacher. And we're expected to participate in the economic upbringing and also the pressure of maintaining a family and a home and land. And at that point you to go to school, you have to go and do domestic chores for the family. You have to go to farm, all that you're being looked at as a girl and having two boys in a family, even if my mom came in and at this point and the utensils have not been done, she would not ask my brother. She would just ask me just because I'm a girl, we're all in the same family, we all have the same responsibilities, but she expects me, Doreen, to be the one doing the cleanup, making sure everyone, everyone has eaten and whatever needs to be done is being looked at as a girl. And then there comes the issue of the society and the menstruation management for the young girls. First, there is a lot of stigmatization around the topic of the menstrual, especially you cannot talk openly about your menstrual cycle as a girl. First you can't go to your father and say, I need some money to buy the sanitary pants or sanitary wares. That one, you have to either talk to your elder sister or you talk to your mom. But in an African society where I come from, that is not a priority. It's a taboo to discuss it openly. That brings a lot of pressure now as young girl, to whom do I share this challenge with? At times you find it has been left to the teachers in the school. And if your teacher is not close to you, they may not even be able to you on water do. Then is the issue of water and sanitation. You find yourself at that time you're on your menstrual periods and then there is no clean sanitation. There's no privacy. The toilets are communal, you are sharing. It kind of brings some shame. You want to hide, so you don't want anyone to know what you're going through that you're on your period. So you're looking for ways now to maneuver. There's that pressure you want to hide, you don't to class, you don't do anything at home. You just want to keep underground. And then the society, they're looking up to you for other activities at home. So as a woman, as a girl growing up in those African society, it's really pressure and personally some of those experiences I have gone through. And then therefore it gave me the motivation as Doreen to really want to succeed. I wanted to work even as a young girl, I wanted to be a nurse. I didn't want to be an academia. I found myself in the field of academics and this moment I'm wondering how did I head up being in the academic and not in the nursing area where I really wanted to do? Justine: Doreen, this is such a revelation moment for me, for you to be able to have gone through it and be able to talk about it. Would you say that it's because of the pressure that you lived through, that you were able to step up? And how did you do it? What made you keep going while you were feeling the pressure as yourself, but also transferring it the girls around you? Doreen: I really wanted to succeed. I really wanted to change the society I'm in. I wanted that stigma (to change) because it was not something that is discussed openly. I wanted a society where girls can talk about it, the boys can support the girls, the sisters. I mean now I'm the same house with my brother, but I'm learning from him that he doesn't know I'm on my period. So I really wanted a society where the boys are coming in, the men are coming in to support the girl children who have this pressure and also to support in whichever way. That gave me a motivation to pursue more, to talk more about it and to really, really persevere. Keep on going, working hard towards improving myself and also getting the girls around me to come on board. Justine: You're being very humble, Doreen honestly, because I know you, we are all inspired by the work that you do at with WaterStep, but also in your community. Tell us this pressure that you lived and how you actually needed such an impactful and beautiful thing around you. I know you're being humble. You're being so...you want to go under the radar, but the schools that you work with, the girls, the pressure that they live in because you know what it is your perseverance. Can you tell us more about what it did to the schools? ------------ Before we continue with our episode, let me take a minute to remind you that by her hands is a global program empowering women and girls through safe water access, menstrual health management and economic opportunity. The program and this podcast are brought to you by WaterStep. Together, we believe that when a young woman can protect her own health, she leads. When she leads, her family thrives. And when her family thrives, her whole community grows stronger. Learn more about how women and girls are shaping healthier futures each by her own hands, at WaterStep.org. ----------- Doreen: It was not easy and it's not easy. And at the moment, remember there is the aspect of stigmatization. What are you talking about? Why can't you see this one is women affairs, you don't have to bring it on board with the girls. So one of the things that really made me want to pursue this was a time in school and I walked to a class and I found boys laughing at a girl. She had messed up. She was on her period. She had messed up her dress and she felt that that was the hint. She didn't want to come back to school. She wanted to commit suicide because that's something shameful. No one wants be associated with someone with being laughed around in the school. So that was a motivation for me to and to bring peer mentorship to the schools. It has not been easy. It's not easy. We keep on pushing. At times, you go to some schools and they really don't want to open up their doors for you. You keep on pushing, pushing, pushing. And after a month you write a letter, you tell them we still want to visit you. So there's been someone pushing, pushing and pushing. Yes. Lexi: I'm curious, Doreen, how do you feel like this changed you having to see other girls go through this and having to go through it yourself and how do you feel like maybe the initial way that you dealt with it has changed over time into sort of where you are now and helping these other girls face the shame that they feel? Do you feel like you felt defeated at first, and then that now motivated you or sort of how did it shape you? Doreen: See, I grew up in Kenya. We mostly live in our villages. Then maybe as I progressed with my education, I moved to the city. Then over the holidays, I happened to go to my rural home and I found the same situation is still happening. There is no provision for sanitary towels. The girls expect them to do 1, 2, 3 in their community and also to take care of their families. And it brought back the memories of when I was growing up, the things that we had to go through. I went to elder sisters, but it was not easy. It was not a conversation that we could have on table, sharing on what we're going through. So I didn't felt for me, I needed and that's why it was a turning point for me to go to do community work apart from being in the academia. That's where it was a turning point for me to join the community work. And then when WaterStep came in in 2014, when it was introduced to us, I praised it, because it gave me a platform to go back to my society and then help bring out these issues in the community through a small group of girls. Even you get these two or three, it's a milestone. It's a change that I felt I'm doing some impactful work to them. Lydia: Doreen, that is incredible. And I feel like here where I live, girls kind of have, it's not nearly on that same level, but we still have that stigma of kind of don't talk about your period and don't talk to a guy about it and that they don't know anything. And there's a really funny story of one of my friends who is like, why do girls need tampons? Can't they just hold it in? And of course, everybody laughed at him and thought it was funny. But it's still just that reminder of the difference between how people just don't talk about, people still don't talk about women's health management and what happens. It's a regular part of life. How do you think, what can I do in my town to stop this and bring more to shed more light on menstrual health and fight that stigma about not talking about it. Doreen: Lydia, thank you for your input. I think one of the things that can be done maybe is having peer to peer conversations. Having young girls talk to other young girls on menstrual cycle and again having also to bring on the male child on board. Apart from being the men that they have, they have also that responsibility to take care of the young girls. To show them at least some sort of love and kindness. And again, having an economic empowerment even to the women because if they were to choose between buying sanitary towels and buying food and paying school fees, they'll go for food and school fees. Sanitary towels will become the list in their basket. So it's a conversation relay that needs to be kept on moving and to bring everyone on board. Justine, what are your thoughts on that? Justine: Well this is really speaking up to me, especially the question that Lydia you asked. But a quick one, Doreen, I relate so much to what everything you shared and just focusing on the menstrual health management. It is something that is really affecting millions of girls' lives around the world and especially in some undeserved area. And if you don't know it, all of you listening, please, you can join us, you can join, you can check it out on WaterStep. But so we're talking about pressure and perseverance and something as simple for most of us, it's just changing the lives of so many girls. So I really wanted to acknowledge that. Now Lydia, your question and around what you can do, what any of us can do? I think as a mom of three boys, I'm putting pressure on myself to do something about it because most of the challenges that we find is either because of the lack of awareness or just plain simple meanness, being mean, but it's mostly coming from boys and men. And sometimes my question is why? The first solution and what I do on a daily basis is to share, to communicate and to teach them, right? I'm the only woman in my family obviously, but I'm not shy to talk about it with them. And I think I'm so proud of the boys because they're not shy anymore to ask questions about this. And I think that if we get to that level where we can open up about issues that are specific to girls and women and they are putting pressure on them just because they're the only one going through it, I believe that we will have helped a lot more. Right? So talking about it not just to girls. I agree the peer support because some of us are going through some pressure through some things, but also we need to talk to boys and men and dads, dads and brothers and cousins and friends. You got to be comfortable talking about it, because it's just natural. So yeah, Doreen, that's really what I think about it. You can see I'm very passionate. Yeah. Lexi, what would you want to do about that? What do you think you can do about that? What should do about that? Lexi: I think we absolutely need to bring boys and men into the conversation. I go to an all-girls school and I had a pads and tampons drive last school year and there's what, 400, maybe 600 people at my school. And we collected maybe 20 items. It was nothing. And this is an all-girls school collecting menstrual products for girls. It's just something that you think would be an obvious successful collection drive. And it was very much not just because one, boys don't want to talk about it and they're not educated about it. And two, I mean even the shame that girls feel talking about it, even here. And I did the drive through another organization, RAK, Random Acts of Kindness around Louisville [https://raklouisville.com/], and it's a man who leads it, Andrew Dunn, and he is very much positive about menstruation products and he was the one that initiated that drive. So we need more. Every single time he talks about it, he places a big emphasis on it. Even though rack's focus is not menstruation products, it is actually food insecurity, but it's one of his big focuses because he knows it's the need even in Louisville and obviously globally too. And so I think we need more men that are willing to speak about it just like he is and be a part of the conversation and be willing to listen to the women and get educated about it because it's a societal issue. It puts shame on the women and it affects the society as a whole. So I think if we're not including the men to be a part of the conversation, then we're not really fixing the root of the problem. Justine: Thank you. That's inspiring, right? I'm listening to you and I'm just like 20 items on an all-girls campus? I think that as much as we want to target men and boys and put the point the finger, we also have to clean our own house as girls and women. Doreen, is any of what we shared here familiar what has worked for you and listening and acknowledging the fact that we definitely have different realities. What has been very successful for you? What has your perseverance and the pressure that you felt and you know that the other girls and your community is feeling? What has it achieved and that you want to share with us so that it's also something we can learn from. Doreen: The sanitary issue and menstruation brings a lot of pressure even to all the girls. That is the key driving point of any pressure in the family, because at times you find when we have an economically challenged household, the first thing that they'll go for is a meal, not the sanitary towels. So it brings the girls to the issue that they have to look for the sanitary for themselves and therefore that makes them look for an alternative. An alternative means to maintain themselves during that period and therefore they get a hygiene pad and that causes infections for them. So the issue, it's only keeping the conversation going on and on and on. Even through the churches, we need to sensitize more on the community that we lived in. And that is one of the things that has worked for me since bringing awareness to the community that I live and work with. I'll give an example of where last year, around October, we went with some of the team members for WaterStep to a community that women are really not supposed to mix with men. And during that time we had some sanitary towels that we bought for the girls and we wanted to bring some kind of education to them and then distribute the towels. And then at one point, one of the ladies told us, you can't talk about this here when the men are here. And I told them we have to do it so we have to do it. And they told us for them, it's a taboo to speak about that when the men are there. So what we did is we requested the chief, at least he was a man, we requested him to stay with the girls. And then I made sure my team, I was the only lady from the WaterStep, the rest were men. I work with men most of the time. I make sure they stay and join the conversation. And from there, even them you can see the questions that they were asking. It really shows that there is a gap that needs to be addressed even in terms of the education that we're giving to our girls in our community. Yeah, that's my take. Justine: Thank you, Doreen. It's definitely a community effort and as much as we're talking about menstrual health management and the issues, I think that Lydia mentioned being alone, the only female or the only girl in a room, especially with her STEM class. And I think the example that we shared today around the specificities of menstrual health management to girls can apply to all the areas that we girls find ourselves in. What do you think Lydia, is there anything that you thought you can push through to lessen the pressure that you feel? Lydia: I think maybe to just own it is kind of what I've done. And I found other girls in the class who understand and we had, our town has a thing called "pumpkin chunkin' [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Punkin_chunkin]" where you launch pumpkins across a field with homemade trebuchets, catapult thingies. And we had our very first all-girls team go there. We were just girls who had been put together, naturally formed a bond because we were the only girls in those classes. And just to own it, yeah, we're a minority in this field and in this area, but we deserve to be here. And there's a reason that we are. And I hope that we can have that mentality not just about STEM, but also about menstruation and just to be like, yeah, this is a natural part of life and it's what happens and yeah, it's what it's, and it shouldn't be anything with a bad stigma around it or something you don't talk about and taboo something that Doreen, like you said, to be made fun of for, but just a natural part of life. That's it. Lexi: Absolutely. I think sort of what I'm hearing, one of my takeaways is that pressure can be external, like Doreen expressed from her societal and the community placing this taboo on menstruation. But it can also be internal like this shame that the girls feel. And sometimes it's controllable and sometimes it's not. And I think how we persevere through that is owning it, not being afraid to fail and really forming community with one another and empowering other girls through that. What are your all's takeaways from this conversation? Justine: I agree with you. I agree with you and I love how while Lydia reminded us that we need to own it, right? There's nothing to do about it. There's nothing wrong with it. We deserve it, we take it. The other thing I really learned from listening to all of you, Doreen your story is that our pressure and perseverance should be used, right? The pressure that we feel and the lesson learned and the path that we took and the journey that was in front of us. We need to use it to inspire you. We need to use it to act. We need to use it to care for others because we always have to remember that no matter how tough the pressure is, and no matter how much we have to push through, there's always someone that is going through the same thing, if not worse. Listening to them or telling them what we feel could help us. So speaking up, caring it, owning it and not being afraid. Those are my takeaways. What do you think Lydia? Lydia: Doreen, what you said really, really has stuck with me about the girl who messed up her dress and was being bullied and wanted to commit suicide. That hurts. And it's painful to imagine that girls are going through that and I think it's just a reminder for the ladies listening just to stick out for one another. And even the little things, if you see somebody and they have something on their dress, be like, Hey, just so you know, you've got a little stain. Or to offer your sweater to wrap around their waist and just to give grace and remember to stick out for one another. And then also just to educate the boys and just that is not okay and not acceptable and shouldn't be just an aspect of life and an aspect of being a girl is to be bullied for a natural part of life. So I think that really reminded me how important it's on both sides to try and make it just to make it normal. Lexi, what are you thinking? Lexi: Absolutely. I think boys need to be a part of the conversation and I think Doreen's example of that, and it seemed like she had success with that was amazing of how she was told the men in the room, no, you're going to stay for this extra part of the conversation. Doreen, what did you feel like happened after you sort of made them stay and be a part of that conversation? What do you feel like came of that? Doreen: Thank you, Lexi, Justine, and Lydia. One of the outcomes is that I realized they also have some information that they didn't know about, that they want to there, that curiosity to learn more about the menstrual cycle management. Having said that, when we get the support for menstrual management hygiene, we'll improve the hygiene of the girls and they'll be in school, reduce issues of infections. And also I love the education. We won't have them missing out on school sometimes they miss three to five days. So we'll have them in school and their education will be uninterrupted and also restore the dignity of the woman and the girl at lunch. They'll be dignifying individuals in our society. And that's my take for now and thank you. Lexi: Awesome. Thank you Doreen. And thank you Lydia and Justine for this conversation today, specifically during coming all the way from us, from Kenya. I think this conversation has taught us that pressure can be shaped to be a positive force. It can be used to give us motivation to invite others to the table, invite others to the conversation, give us confidence and empower one another to just own it. The example of menstruation just owning it as a woman, and I think that just sort of encapsulates this whole theme of pressure and persevering through it together. Lydia: Thank you. Thank you. And Doreen, thank you so much for joining us and for what you're doing. Doreen: Yeah, I just wanted to thank you. This was my first time. I look forward to doing more shows with you. Thank you. Lexi: Thank you. You did amazing. Thank you for sharing your story. We really appreciate it. ------------ Lydia: Thanks for being here with us on the By Her Hands podcast. We hope this episode made the pressure in your life feel a little more manageable. Remember, you already carry more power than you think. Justine: You've been listening to the By Her Hands podcast brought to you by WaterStep. Around the world. Girls carry so much responsibility, hope, and the work of caring for their families. WaterStep equips them with tools and training that help them protect their own health, support their schools, and lead change in their communities. When girls have the tools they need, their power isn't something they search for, it is something they carry. Learn more about how girls everywhere are shaping their futures, each by her own hands. And if you want to relieve the pressure of other women and girls around the world and help them persevere, visit WaterStep.org. Disclaimer: Listeners are reminded that the ideas, opinions, and information expressed on the by her hands podcast belong solely to the guests and do not necessarily reflect the views, policies, or positions of WaterStep, its staff, partners, donors, or affiliates. This podcast is provided for informational and educational purposes only, and is not intended as professional advice of any kind. Water assumes no responsibility for actions taken based on the information provided. For more information about WaterStep Website: www.WaterStep.org [http://www.waterstep.org/]

Nothing Is Small

Episode 4: In this episode, the conversation centers around how small actions and seemingly insignificant moments can have a lasting impact on our lives. The group explores the idea of the "butterfly effect," sharing personal stories about kindness, taking risks, and unexpected opportunities that shaped their paths. From simple acts like inviting someone to sit at lunch or offering encouragement, to saying yes to new experiences, each story highlights how meaningful change often starts small. The discussion also touches on cultural differences, personal growth, and the balance between technology and human connection. Throughout the dialogue, the speakers emphasize the importance of being present, following your instincts, and supporting others. They reflect on how kindness and connection build confidence and community over time. Ultimately, the episode reinforces that nothing we do is truly small when it comes to impacting others. Episode Transcript Lydia: It's kind of ridiculous how the smallest things stick with you. Not the big problems, the tiny stuff: someone's tone, a friend taking forever to text back, or that one random comment that wasn't even meant to be deep but your brain is like, "Great, let's replay that all day." Those can hurt and be confusing. But what about those little moments that turn into something else? A realization, a decision or the sense that you need to do something differently. It can feel like a quiet nudge to take back control. These are the small moments that can end up shaping how you think, what you care about, and the choices you make next. In today's episode we'll explore these questions. What if you don't need more time, more confidence or more permission? What if it doesn't matter where you live or whether you're a girl? What if starting something small is actually the point? What if that's how real change begins? It's someone deciding they're not too young, not too small, and not powerless, after all. Justine: You're listening to the By Her Hands Podcast, A space where young women figure things out together, who we are, what we want, and the power we already carry. It's brought to you by WaterStep, a global leader in safe water innovation. Learn more about how women and girls are shaping healthier futures, each by her own hands, at WaterStep.org. Lydia: Lexi, do you know what the "butterfly effect" is? Lexi: Isn't it the thing where everything happens for a reason? Lydia: Kind of. So, the butterfly effect is the idea that I very firmly believe in where every little thing you do has some sort of effect on your life. And there's an episode of my favorite TV show where all he does is save a butterfly and the entire town sets on fire. Every little action leads to some sort of, it changes your life and your life trajectory. I'm a firm believer in the butterfly effect. My mom doesn't believe it as much. I tell her in the mornings, I have a tardy problem. Let's be real. I'm a senior. Senioritis is bad. I've had senioritis since sophomore year. The minute, you know what? The minute I walked into my high school freshman year, I had senioritis. But let me tell you my attendance, I figured out the system, but they still get me sometimes. But I tried to tell my mom, it's okay. It's the butterfly effect. If I had left the house on time, maybe I would've gotten in a car accident on the way to school, maybe, I don't know. Something could have caught on fire. Maybe the dog would've gotten out. I don't know. You have no idea. And I mean, it's not like I'm wrong, so you should be grateful that I even just made it to school at all. I also got voted worst driver of my senior class, so she really should be grateful that I made it to school at all. I've got a bad record, so I really don't understand why she doesn't see it the way I do that at least I made it and my decision to be late could have saved my life. What do you think? Lexi: Yeah, absolutely. I mean I think no, truly, I think everything happens for a reason. I mean, even me being here at WaterStep, it all started with the fifth-grade project. I mean, I was so young. They told us, it was called our exhibition project and they told us pick a United Nations school and then pick a nonprofit organization and try to create some sort of partnership with them and create a project. And so I was like, okay. And so I got recommended WaterStep next day. I know I'm on a Zoom call with Mark Hogg, the CEO. Lydia: What a guy. Lexi: Yeah, I am like fifth-grade on this Zoom call trying to act professional and everything. Lydia: I'm sure that Zoom call was like four hours long. Lexi: Oh, it was, but I love him. He was very, very inspiring and really taught me about the whole safe water crisis. And I, to be honest at this point, had probably no knowledge about it. And then I did a shoe drive because that's how they made a lot of their funding. And then he was like, you want to join the Teen Board? And I was like, all right, sure. The power of saying yes right there. And then since then I have been on the Teen Board and am now co-presidents with Lydia. We are loving it. We are walking it. We just did a 5K, but I don't know, it was crazy how such a small moment and I was just so young and didn't really even know what I was getting myself into as turned into what it has now and really developed my passion for safe water, and for women and girls specifically. So I think it is so awesome how something so small turned into something so impactful on my life. Justine: We're really happy to welcome a new guest today. Z, would you like to introduce yourself? Z: Hi, my name is Zainab. I prefer to go by Z and I'm a sophomore. Lexi: Z, do you have a story to share or something small that had an impact on you like that? Z: Yes, so I'll start with what happened to me back in my country. It's really such a memory. Justine: When you say your country, what do you mean? Z: I mean Ghana. Justine: Okay. Z: Back at home in Ghana, there's this one phone policy that we have here in Jefferson County, obviously, but I want to hit the point that it's really amazing how I have moved from not being cool with phone to being cool with phone now, although I'm not very comfortable with it still now. So back in my country we have this, you'll not see a kid with phone holding phone just texting or Instagram or anything. You'll not see that. It's not common in my country, especially being in middle school. It's not at all common. But when I came here to the USA, it's really blown my mind to expecting how I see in the hallway, students holding phones, everyone busy with phones, using AI and all that. It was mostly going with traditional way. You were either paper or pen or paper and pencil. You cannot get away with coming to school with a phone. No, no one even liked bringing their phone to school. You have, even if you had a phone and I just got my phone. I think that was this freshman year. Yeah, I just got my phone, my first phone, which I'm using. Lydia: Congratulations. Thank you. It's a big step. I mean, yeah, and it's funny you say that because I'm picturing the four year olds I see in restaurants with the giant iPads and that's every day here. That is my sister. That's how you raise kids. Lexi: That's my sister. Actually, I have a four-year little sister and she loves her big iPad watching shows all the time. So… Z: My 14-year-old sister still doesn't have a phone. My dad is like, if you pass your eighth-grade year, you're going to get a phone. Lydia: Yeah, I got one eighth-grade year and I was actually the last person in my grade to get a phone was being in eighth-grade. I had a Kindle fire before then, which is still technically technology, but I got ice cream in the charger port, so it doesn't really count because once it died it was dead. So I kind of had a phone. Justine: This is so interesting. I'm thinking I'm listening to you, Z, and I'm thinking, okay, wow, something so small a phone, right? That's already in everybody's life for you. A year ago you were already were very surprised by that. What was the difference for you coming from an environment in Ghana where you didn't have a phone to now being with your phone every day, even at school, what was the impact? How do you see it now and is there anything, would you wish for it to change back in your home country or would you rather have that aspect of your experience in Ghana coming back here? I'm curious to know. Z: That's a really good question though. So a really big difference that's hitting me right now is being able to, that transformation was really quick. I feel like it's really quick and I thought is there environment that I'm in that's changing me? And the negative impact will probably be right now I feel like I'm obsessed with my phone too much. Lexi: Yes. We all relate. Z: Yeah, especially with those apps. Instagram and TikTok, although I don't use TikTok, but I feel like maybe we got to take a step back and think about it. We're still kids. We're growing up. It's good that we have technology, there's positive and negatives towards that, but as I'm looking at it, I feel like there's more positive towards it. You going traditional way, you think about it, back in the olden days, they didn't have phones, didn't come until later on they were using paper and pencil. Look at how many inventions they've made that we're able to use now. But looking at now, okay, there are some inventions that some people are making, but it's not too much. You got to take a step back, go back to your traditional way, use your brain, step away from AI, try to, yeah… Justine: She said AI. Lydia: No, I'm really proud to have never used AI on an assignment that is my big flex and the big 2026 as a senior in high school never AI'd an assignment. Well, okay, okay. So if I get stuck on a math problem, I might take a picture of it and be like, so what's going on here Google? And sometimes you know what? Google gets calc wrong. So yeah, AI isn't perfect. Let me tell you. Justine: The other thing I like about it is that as you were talking, I was thinking, okay, well we don't have phones. There is more connection. Maybe we are more sensitive to listening to seeing people around us and being more aware of some impacts that we have. What do you think, Lexi, thinking about your story with how you started with a small project in fifth-grade and then now you end up in being part of improving the world with WaterStep, did you think that just being part of that or having a discussion could have impacted you in a way where you feel like you're making positive changes around you? Lexi: Yeah, I mean I feel like could have, I mean never imagined that this is to the point it would bring me, but I definitely over time and as I got older, I saw the importance of just saying yes, having those conversations, meeting those people, building your network. It all adds up and you never know where it's going to get you. And most of the time you're going to be surprised and you're going to look back and be like, wow, I'm really, really glad I did that. And WaterStep is most definitely one of those big moments for me, but started as something so small. So I am absolutely grateful for that. Justine: Before we continue with our episode, let me take a minute to remind you that By Her Hands is a global program empowering women and girls through safe-water access, menstrual health management and economic opportunity. The program and this podcast are brought to you by WaterStep. Together, we believe that when a young woman can protect her own health, she leads, when she leads her family thrives and when her family thrives, her whole community grows stronger. Learn more about how women and girls are shaping healthier futures, each by her own hands, at WaterStep.org. Lydia: And I get that because back in our first episode [https://youtu.be/BwwolhpQRMs?si=_0Qm3eWTzDyKTITj] I talked to, we talked about purpose and I talked about how I felt like my purpose was kind of to serve and I found that through, Z this is fun for you to hear, I found that through a very messy, not even messy, I was just an emotional 15-year-old and I was going through a breakup and that's it. That's the whole story. My whole tragic tale is a boy broke up with me. Lexi: It's why she's at WaterStep. Lydia: And then I got sad and I was like, I need something to fill my time. And so I ended up doing WaterStep and now I'm sitting here across the table from some awesome people and next to some awesome people too. Justine, don't worry, I did not leave you out even though you're not across from me. Justine: Thank you. Lydia: I'm currently padding her on the arm, because I have to give audio descriptions. But anyway, and another funny thing is because I did my WaterStep shoe drive, I became friends with my school counselor who does all sorts of nonprofit things in my area. And he got me on the Youth Philanthropy Council and I've done a whole bunch of things to them and I've met the LYPC and Z, you're part of the LYPC. And so everybody's connected, I feel. And just that small thing has changed so much. But when I heard that the topic was something, Nothing Is Small, I wanted to talk about just I feel like what comes to my mind is kindness. No act of kindness is small. And I remember I went from a private school to a public school. My grade was 24 and it is now 404. So pretty big culture shock I would say. And I remember being terrified of making friends and dead set on, I can't, I'm not going to, I have only have friends at this school because I've known them all since I was four. And going into this new school, everyone's going to have their own groups. I'm never going to talk to anybody. And this girl just came up to me and was so sweet. She was just so sweet and grace, she invited me to sit at her lunch table and to hang out with her and go to the games with her. She told me about all her drama. She told me about her friends, the advice of the kids in our grade, all of everything I needed to know. I didn't go to middle school with any of them. And to this day we are still best friends and I go to visit her at her job and me and everybody at her job are best friends too. And I really owe, I think my high school success to her because she just came up to me and was so kind. And she was so confident in her kindness. She wasn't sitting there thinking, well, do I really want to talk to her? She came up and all smiles and just lovely and it changed. I'm naturally an extrovert. I'm sure you all can tell from how I talk. I'm not a very shy person. But going into that new school, I was terrified. Terrified and dead silent. And I was like, I have to be prim and proper and wear makeup and not move or say anything or have any opinions. And this girl just opened my shell. And I really think that nothing is small and no act of kindness is small and can just change somebody's life like that. Have you all experienced anything like that? Z: Yeah, I have experienced something very, very similar to that. But mine started with when I first moved from Ghana to here, my first middle school, which was my first middle school. So I entered the hallway, the teacher, she took me to the hallway. I was like, wow, what the what? Lydia: Because I say I'm complaining about going from Catholic school to public and you're going from Ghana to the United States. That's a big difference. Z: I also went to a private school before I moved to here. So I was in the hallway as I said, what the what? So I just stood there, a big, very big hallway. I was like, never seen something like this before. Class went by, everything went by until gym class. Gym class. We get to gym two girls, this one guy, he still goes to school with me. He's standing there. He was playing this one game and then these two girls, they're making fun of him. I was like, what? If you are in my state coming from a whole different country, you're going to, exactly. You see them in movies. That's what I see. Yeah, I see them first I think bully. So after gym class, he was going my way the same way I was going. So I was like, don't listen to whatever they say, just be yourself. And that moment, because I have seen those things in movies, I didn't really believe in that. I was like, what did I just do? Lydia: You were the hero. Z: Exactly. I didn't even think of that until I went. And then I saw him this high school, I just saw him. He was like, thank you for what you did. I was like, wow. That act of kindness that I showed, which I thought was nothing to them has been carried away through all those years to him. And now he's thanking me. I was like, wow. Lydia: That's incredible. Z: Yeah. Justine: That's incredible. Absolutely. And what I love about that is that you are staying true to yourself and also Lydia, the story you were sharing with us, it's about following your instincts. It's about knowing that something better could be done and doing it. And it's just powerful for me. Lexi, do you have anything like that? Any story that you want to share? Lexi: Yeah, I would say going into high school, I played field hockey and it was picture day, so we're in our uniforms and everything and I'm on the freshman team and I have an older brother, he's two years older. And so these older girls come up to me and they're like, oh, do you want to get a picture? We love your brother. And so it was as simple as them talking to me, making that interaction, taking that picture. It made me feel seen and special and I don't know, just included. And so, from there it clicked that even these girls that were two years older than me in high school and they could have easily brushed me off and not said anything, showed me kindness. And it's truly that simple. And it really did change my whole day and whole outlook on that team. So it was really a positive experience. Lydia: My experience my junior year. Okay, this isn't as like, I don't know, this changed me. Let me let me tell you. Junior year I'm feeling great. Sixth-period I'm like, oh my gosh, I feel terrible. I'm going to throw up. I'm like, I feel horrible and I'm going to throw up, run in the hallway, throw up in a trash can in the hallway. I had never thrown up in school ever. And I was real proud of it. I was always the kid who was like, I don't feel well. I'm going to go home. And the minute I get home, I throw up, I hold it in. So I'm throwing up in the hallway and I am disgusted with myself. I can't believe it. It's in a trash can. Let's be clear here. This random girl comes up and starts patting my back. I've never talked to this girl, but she pulls back my hair and she's like, it's okay. And I'm tearing up. I hate throwing up. Nobody likes it. But when I was little and we didn't know I was gluten-free, I used to throw up all the time and we had no idea why. So I have PTSD when I started knowing I'm going to throw up, but yeah, she just pulled back my hair and rubbed my back and she went in the bathroom and got me a little wet rag to wipe off my vomit-mouth. And it was just so sweet. If I saw someone thrown up in the hallway, I would've thrown up. I would've been like, no, no, I got to get out of here. I can't do it because sensitive like that, you know what, it's vomit. And that's really gross. And I think it's fair for me to want to run away if someone's throwing up. I don't think that's crazy. But yeah, she just came up to me, never seen or talked to this girl and would just pat my back and helped me out. And at the bell she kind of walked me out and turns out I was very sick and I got real weak and lightheaded and had to be picked up, because I usually drive to school. But yeah, I haven't talked to her since. I never caught her name. But anytime I see her, I just give her the biggest smile and I want to salute her. And if I'm valedictorian by some miracle, which is not happening, it's too late in senior year, then my speech will be to the girl who held my hair when I threw up in AP US history, thank you. Thank you very much. Wow. I thought about that story on my way here and I was like, I'm not going to tell that that's gross. And then I just had to I'm sorry. Sorry if anybody's sensitive to vomit. Lexi: We are good. We're good. I'm glad. Justine: But that also shows how impactful it was for you, right? Because even though you plan on not telling us the story, you ended up telling us the story, but you still thought about it. But for me listening to all the stories, when you guys are in high school, you are already building your relationships, you are building your experience and you're discovering who you are. It just reminds me of the time where I set up a woman group in my workplace. I was the leader there and there was always that distance between the other women, co-workers and myself. So we ended up chatting and I ended up just being in a habit of visiting the teams and just pulling all the women aside. And one time one of them came to me and she looked at me, she said, Justine, you have no idea what you're doing because you're up there. We're looking at you. We just expect you to just give us instructions and what to do in our job. But then, you came up to us as women just sharing the same concerns and worries. And it made a big difference because then we realize that the struggle that we are going through, mainly between balancing your work life, your work and your life, it's not something that is just because you're not a leader, it's just something that you carry with you. And having that opportunity to share those concerns with all the other women, it just gives us that confidence and the sense of being part of a group where we can with one word, just address something that happened to you or to any of us in any day. And listening to you guys, I realize that everywhere we are, whether it's in our family at school, at work, or just stopping by to look at someone who's dealing or going through something, I just feel like it's important. It's always important to get up in the morning and realize that it doesn't matter what is happening around me. If I can be kind, I would be doing something small that is actually not small for anyone around me. What about you, Z? Is there anything small that is making your day around you? Z: Anything small? I mean this is not small, but it's making up my day since you told me last, the first time you told me about this, it just made my whole entire month because I've never done a podcast. And being able to sit here and speak out what I've been keeping to myself speaking that out, you never know who it could inspire. You're inspiring everyone every time. And that comes to that quote that my teacher always says, every time when we're about to get out of class, he always says, you are worth it and you matter. It is such like some few words, he's like six words you can write on a paper just quick. But looking at it, it has such this deep meaning where if you keep it, you really know what you're going to do and you can figure out who you are. I myself, I've never had a teacher tell me such a thing every time, every day, just, "Goodbye. Have a good day." Okay, yeah, that's good. But having someone care about you saying you are worth it, you matter. It's like they just gave you themselves. It's like a father looking out to this kid every single time they're sleeping. Is this feeling that gives you motivation every single time, every single period, every single second is really wonderful. And I like to pass it on. So anyone listening, you are worth it and you matter, in every second. Lydia: That's beautiful. Z: Yes. Lydia: That was beautiful. I think it's such a simple quote, but I mean if it impacts you, that's why he says it's somebody needs to hear that. Lexi: My school actually says a very similar thing. I mean they have it quoted somewhere, but it is along the same lines of you matter, you are more than enough, you are loved. And they say it to us every single Friday, my principal normally says it, and it's really, really impactful if you just stop and take a second. Lydia: I mean, I had a sub who said, stay frosty. Does that count? She would bring penguin stuffed animals into class and be like, stay frosty guys. That comes from my love of penguins. I miss her man. Yeah. Does that count? Yeah, it stay frosty. Everybody stay frosty. Z: I actually just did a project in that same class about frosty. Lydia: Seriously? Yeah. She would bring this penguin, she's like, this is frosty. And she would write on the board, stay frosty. And I mean, I love this woman and she had pink and blue hair. It was great. It was just great. Z: So some takeaways I'll say will be probably knowing that you always have people to look up to you, to look out for. So this really stands out to me because I'm someone who's very private. Every small thing, I'm like, no, we're not sharing this. Anything that happens even if it's big. I'm like, no, we're not sharing this. Even to my parents. I think that's just in my blood, I guess. So I think just saying, I need help. Going straight to someone you feel comfortable with. There's always some people there. Yeah, there's some people you don't feel comfortable with, but there's always just one person who stays by you every time. Pats your back. It's okay to just go up to them. I'm not okay. I need this. I think that's just one thing everyone needs that one friend that everyone needs. Lexi: I think that's absolutely true. I mean, I think you always have a community, even though you might not feel your school is your community, your home, your friends, there's always going to be somebody that you can turn to. And it's just so weird how something so small can make such an impact on someone. I mean, something that I try to always keep in the back of my mind is the power of saying yes, of being kind to that person of saying yes to get involved. Just those small moments, you never know what they're going to turn out to mean to somebody else. Lydia: And I really liked your story. I mean, I shared stories about my friend who helped me transition into school and throwing up. So I told these kind of sillier stories, but I loved yours of being the kind person. Whereas mine was acts of kindness for me. And that just reminded me to be that nice person who someone else talks about on a podcast and that I hope that I can be that person for someone. That's my big takeaway. Justine: I love everything you're saying. And for me also, it's that especially as women or young girls, we tend to be shy to shy away from speaking up because we probably want to come and land a hand to someone else. Or as you said Z, we are shy because we don't want to tell people we're not okay. But from everything that I heard today, it's important to follow your instincts. For me, it's like follow your guts, follow what you're feeling. It's important because we always have something kind. We can change someone's day for the better or just speaking up will allow someone else to help us. And that's very important. You want to say yes to all the opportunities because hearing also Lexi's story is like she said, yes. And today she's part of something bigger, something that is inspiring you and that is making people's lives better. And then listening to you, Lydia. I think you don't know where that kind word, that kind act, that small thing will make you feel better and just change the whole, how you see life in general because you're coming from your PTSD to wow. Just her being there for me just made it a whole different experience and I just love it. There's nothing small, basically. Right? Everything we do has a purpose. Everything we do has an impact. And coming back to your question at the beginning, now I know exactly what the butterfly effect is. Lydia: The butterfly effect. Justine: Is all about. Yes. Lydia: Yeah. Justine: You've been listening to the By Her Hands podcast, brought to you by WaterStep. Around the world, girls carry so much responsibility, hope, and the work of caring for their families. WaterStep equips them with tools and training that help them protect their own health, support their schools, and lead change in their communities. When girls have the tools they need, their power isn't something they search for, it is something they carry. Learn more about how girls everywhere are shaping their futures each by her own hands. And if you want to explore more about how the smallest moments can change things for the better for women and girls around the world, visit out WaterStep.org. Lydia: Thanks for joining us on the By Her Hands podcast, today. If something small is sticking with you, we hope you pay attention to it. It might be where change starts. Remember, you already carry more power than you think. Disclaimer: Listeners are reminded that the ideas, opinions, and information expressed on the By Her Hands podcast, belong solely to the guests and do not necessarily reflect the views, policies, or positions of WaterStep, its staff, partners, donors, or affiliates. This podcast is provided for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as professional advice of any kind. WaterStep assumes no responsibility for actions taken based on the information provided. For more information about WaterStep Website: www.WaterStep.org [http://www.waterstep.org/]

Courage Means Action

Episode 3: In this powerful episode, hosts Lexi, Lydia, and Justine welcome their first global guest, Faith from Uganda, to discuss the transformative nature of courage. The group redefines courage not as the absence of fear, but as the decision to take action despite being uncomfortable or afraid. Faith shares her inspiring story of speaking up to bring safe water to her village through WaterStep, saving local girls from long, dangerous journeys and allowing them to stay in school. Lexi and Lydia reflect on personal hurdles, from navigating chronic injuries to the isolation of being the only woman in male-dominated STEM spaces. Justine emphasizes that for women, courage often means pushing through criticism and accepting challenges to prove one's right to lead. Ultimately, the conversation highlights how one act of courage can create a ripple effect of change throughout an entire community. Episode Transcript: Disclaimer: Please note this episode includes discussions about sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised. Lydia: Being brave doesn't feel calm at all. It's like full-body panic mixed with okay, I'm doing this. It's sending the message you've deleted 3 times. It's trying something new and praying it doesn't haunt you in your sleep. It's raising your hand, even though you already know your words are probably going to come out all wrong. This episode is about that kind of courage. The kind that feels big and real on the inside, even if it looks like nothing to everyone else. How do you stand up for what's right, whether it's for you or for others? Justine: You're listening to the By Her Hands podcast, a space where young women figure things out together, who we are, what we want, and the power we already carry. It's brought to you by WaterStep, a global leader in safe water innovation. Learn more about how women and girls are shaping healthier futures, each by her own hands at WaterStep.org. Lexi: Hi everyone. This is Lexi. Lydia: Hey guys, it's Lydia and I'm so excited to be here. I've got a fun story today. Justine: Hi everyone, this is Justine. Good to be here again. Lexi: We have our first global guest today. Her name is Faith and she is from Uganda. Faith, would you like to introduce yourself? Faith: Hi guys. My name is Faith. I'm from Uganda and I'm in Kampala City. We're living in Entebbe, it's like a state. So, I'm so glad to be on with you guys today. Thank you. Lexi: Something I often think about is saying my teacher told me about "20 seconds of insane courage." She described it to me. We were on the UN trip a few weeks ago and we were sort of scared to go network with people we hadn't known and she was like, all it takes is 20 seconds of insane courage. And it really stuck with me because I feel like oftentimes courage we think of as not being afraid to do something. But oftentimes it means doing something you're going to be uncomfortable with, but just doing it anyways and then as 20 seconds can really change a lot. Lydia, do you have a similar experience or something you can relate to about 20 seconds of insane courage? Lydia: Well, I don't know if it was 20 seconds. I've been saying courage, but two years or two days I would say, I've been saying courage. In eighth grade my dad asked me if I want to play hockey and I was like, well, I don't know how to ice skate. I don't know even where I would play hockey and I know nothing about this. But he set me up with a team and I played ice hockey on an all-girls team for four years. I went in and knew no one, I didn't know how to skate, I didn't know how to hit a puck or do anything and it was terrifying. And my friend actually joined it and she was a part of the team as well and she ended up quitting. She's like, it's too much, it's too scary. I can't do it. But I remember just sticking it out because hopefully, I'll love the sport and maybe this can be something fun. And it ended up being one of my favorite things that I've ever done. Justine: That's so great. I love it. I love that you actually had faith and you jumped in there. It really resonates with me because I had those, yeah, 20 seconds of courage, Lexi. It for me was a couple of days. Absolutely. And it was not jumping into a sport, but maybe joining a new team. You have confidence in your skills, you know your expertise, but then you are the new kid in the block. And then for me, it took courage to actually present my way of working and be accepted. And that was a whole process and where it really hit hard is when I had to lead a group of colleagues that are used to working together and the hardest part was I was the only woman in the room. So my story is really, I'm trying to get to where I'm figuring out whether the courage that we have to put up with as women is always bigger or stronger or it takes a lot because I ended up being in a room of men who are used to working together. They know their staff and I had to guide and lead the work that we needed to do. It was developing and designing a proposal for a new project and we spent a weekend in the hotel where they were expecting me to fail because I had to tell them how to do it, but also trust myself into knowing what needs to be done. But it was not easy because every single step of the way I would be second guessed or criticized or challenged. And I always thought, is it because I'm a woman? Is it because I'm new to the team or just that they don't realize or they don't accept what I'm saying? But in the end, we won the proposal, we won the project. We got the funding, but it really stuck with me. It really stuck with me in the sense that courage is also about accepting that you're going to be challenged and you're going to be criticized, but you keep pushing through. That's why I really like your story in terms of pushing through and ended up liking it because there's always success at the end. And Lexi, yeah, I'm glad it took you 20 seconds because it was a lot of time for me to get there. Lexi: Wow, that's a really impactful story. I really like what you touched on about courage is about accepting that you will be challenged. I feel like oftentimes we think courage means there's no fear. The presence of courage means the absence of fear, but I think it's the opposite. It's being able to step into the unknown, step into it knowing you're going to be uncomfortable knowing you're going to be challenged. For me, I actually did not have a 20 seconds of courage moment, but I think that's something that always comes to my mind when I'm in those uncomfortable moments. But something that definitely impacted me more was leg injuries that I've been dealing with since freshman year and I'm now a junior, so it's been a long time, many different injuries, all sort of continuous and as soon as I feel like I'm healing and I'm m PT and I'm about to graduate pt, then I'm right back to square one and then I'm in pain again. And I've had three surgeries, I still need one more and hopefully that will be the one to do it. But from this, I used to play field hockey and obviously with all these leg issues I was sort of put up pause of being a part of the team and being able to play for a long time. And so it was that courage that I had not up until very, very recently that I decided to step away from my sport and really focus on what would that new part of me look like? What's going to be my new passion? And so then I started leaning into school more and what do I want my career to look like? Let me get more involved with my service and just sort of tapping into all those other aspects of me. But it took a lot of courage and a lot of wavering in the in-between of is this something I fully want to commit to? But I think definitely that feeling of being alone, like you said, you were the only woman in the room. I sort of relate to that of being isolated with my injury. I think definitely just sometimes courage can be isolating and it can just be having the courage to step into the unknown and something that's uncomfortable. Faith, do you have a story that you want to share with us about a time that you had courage? Faith: Yes, please. I really do. So it was back then when I was, I think I was 12 years old by then, so I was living in this really remote area, but then we were a family that was somehow better than the rest who were living there. So, finding what that area was really hard. You have to move long distances to get the water, but then for me, I didn't have to do that because my dad had a way of getting for us water. But my friends used to have to move long distances to go and get that water. And what I mean by a long distance is leaving your village to the next village to go and get water. It was really far for people to move and the women who could do that. In Africa, we have this culture of a woman is supposed to do such kind works like fetching water and getting firewood and stuff like that. So they had to move long distances to get and some people could get r@ped on their way and then some others couldn't find their way back home. So this one time I was having a conversation with my dad and I'm like, why can't we find a way of bringing a source of water for the community, so that it's easier for people to get access to water instead of having to move a long distance? And it was really hard for them. So I really felt bad for people. So when I told him that, he was like, he doesn't know what he's going to do about it. But then this one time he talked to Lucy's dad because we got connected to WaterStep through Lucy Westlake's family. So if it wasn't for them, then I don't how I would get connected to WaterStep. I'm really grateful for that as well. So my first project to these guys was the 24th January, 2017. That was my first ever project in my village called Atiriri, in eastern Uganda. I had to be courageous for these girls if I wasn't, because I was also scared to tell my dad that because I felt like he would be like, who are you to be concerned over that whatsoever? But then I'm so happy that when I got over my fears and I spoke up for them, they were able to get a water source in our area. We have a water source, we don't have to move long distance anymore. All thanks to WaterStep and me being courageous for them. Yeah, that's it. Justine: Before we continue with our episode, let me take a minute to remind you that By Her Hands is a global program empowering women and girls through safe-water access, menstrual health management, and economic opportunity. The program and this podcast are brought to you by WaterStep. Together we believe that when a young woman can protect her own health, she leads. When she leads, her family thrives and when her family thrives, her whole community grows stronger. Learn more about how women and girls are shaping healthier futures, each by her own hands at WaterStep.org. Lexi: Wow, that is incredible and really an impactful story. I think what you touched on was that you were afraid to talk to your dad, you were afraid to voice your concerns for these girls, but you knew it was what was needed for your community. So I think it was just the courage that you had to be able to do that. And it wasn't because you weren't afraid and it wasn't because you weren't uncomfortable, but you did it anyways, which I think is amazing. Justine: Faith, being from Senegal in Africa as well, I can understand the burden that you witnessed, right? I cannot begin to say how I wasn't thinking about speaking up or talking about it because all of the pressure that the community has and yes, kudos to you. You are so inspiring because you were able to speak up and as we talk about courage, I just want to understand what made you really speak up? Was it something that you could see girls your age or your friends going through? Is there something that really triggered you where you went, when I say trigger, it's like really that you witnessed and you were like, enough is enough. Because I keep wondering how much should we take on until we build up the courage to do what needs to be done? And what you did is so impactful and so amazing. What would you say really pushed you to do something? Faith: Well, so what pushed me to do that was because girls my age had to go and look for water, instead of being in school. I used to go to school and see these girls go because we used to have times whereby there is no rain, completely no rain, and you have to move that long distance to go to get water because it's a basic need, and it's that we all have to have to use it for our daily life. So I used to go to school and my friends are not in school just because they're out looking for water for home. And I had this neighbor whose mom used to be like, you're going to come back to this house if you've not filled this drum to the brim. So that really pushed me and then I had to talk to my dad about it because it was getting out of hand. Girls my age had to drop out of school and those girls who got r@ped, they got r@ped a really young age and they had to carry their pregnancies and they couldn't handle that. So I wanted that to stop because it was really too much and it was sad looking at my mates going through all that. Lydia: Faith, do you think it was scarier for you to stand up and say something because you're a girl, would it have been easier if you were a boy? Faith: Well, yeah, because in Africa a girl is inferior. A boy is more superior compared to a girl. So they wouldn't listen that much to a girl. But then I was like, after what happen, just let me just do it. And if they take it serious, well then go. Then if they don't also, I just kept on hoping something would be done. Lydia: That's amazing for you to be the person who stands up. It's a corny saying, but the one day or day one thing, just to stand up and say something, it's incredible. And in my life I know how I've experienced being looked down on because I'm a girl, but never to such a level. And I understand we talked about earlier being the only girl in the room and having to work twice as hard at things to prove your right to be there. But that's unimaginable for me. Has it inspired more change in your community? Faith: Yes. Ever since the water source was put there because it's like a tank and then we pump water from somewhere. So everyone in the community somehow got to know that it was because of me that the water was there. So I inspired more people to actually not keep silent or whatever problem they're facing. So girls actually started standing up and sometimes they come and they tell me, Faith, this and this, help me and talk about this so that it's cleared out. So I'm just glad I actually inspired them and they always use me as an example to stand up for themselves as well. Justine: Wow, Faith, thank you so much for sharing that and just the part that it inspired the whole community to change it provided hope in terms of just things can change and it just takes one to start that change. I really like that our actions are impacting others, but I was wondering, as we all shared Lexi and you shared your own path and the own way that you felt courageous, how did it affect you at the end? Would you say it's something where once you do it once you're always ready to it more or is it always every situation with specific reaction or specific way to just pump yourself up and go, I can do it. Lexi: I think it gets a little bit easier every time. I feel like in recovery when I was doing really well and I was sort of at the very brink of being able to play again and then I started experiencing pain again and sort of going back downhill and back to square one. It was discouraging, yes, but also I found a little bit of comfort in knowing I've done this before and I'm going to get the answers I need and I know that I'm going to be the one to speak up when I know something is not feeling right. And I know my parents would've were going to advocate for me too. And after doctors and doctors and doctors' appointments, we finally found people that could diagnose me and tell what was going on. So I think to answer your question, it gets a little easier each time, but it's still hard and I think it's discouraging in a way, but also once you do it a couple of times you sort of build up a confidence that you're like, I know I got this. And so I think that's really cool that Faith was just that one act. People built up confidence in her and sort of saw her as that mentor for them. And I think that's so awesome that she's that spokesperson and somebody that can really listen for the girls in her community that they feel like they can come to. Lydia: And Faith, I'm in awe of your story and just how you had the courage to stand up to something so just morbid and terrible. And I just wondered, it's been eight years I think since that's happened. And how has it changed you today? How has it affected what you want to do in the future? Faith: Well, the way today now I'm not afraid to stand up for myself, as I was before. Right now I stand out for myself everywhere in school with my friends, wherever I really speak out. And also the way it has affected me right now is that I got inspired to do social work, so that I can help my community more after graduating from school so that I'll give back to them and stand for them more and more. Justine: We're all sharing our moments of courage and from being individual level or community level, whether it's professional or very close to home, to me it really is interesting in the way that every single meaningful moment will probably require some courage and every time you calling for that extra umpf where you need that to push forward because something is telling you this is the right thing to do or I got this, but either people don't think you do or people don't believe in you, or just because you're a girl you shouldn't be speaking up. When we get through that, it's just amazing the changes that we make either on ourselves or around the community or the impact that we have, whether it's being the best player in the team, right Lydia? Or just being that inspiring and role model in the community, Faith. Again at that time and the age you had at that time, I wasn't thinking about any of those, although it was part of my daily reality being in the community and in Africa as well. I understood that. Or Lexi, how you had the support of the whole, your support system was with you, but it was just life changing moments where you had to figure out how to push through. And I think for me, courage it, it's neither right or wrong, I don't know what you think about it, it's probably what the right ingredient you need to discover more about yourself or to grow more. And it is especially right for women that we will always have to be courageous in order to move the world or in order to just carry or spread the power that we have. Listening to you guys, that's really what came to mind. What do you think? Lydia: I love your story about being the only woman in the room and that's really what stuck with me when you said that, just that relatability. Because when I came to this episode, I thought that my big courage story was joining a new sport where everybody already knew what was going on. And then I remembered all the times I've been because I want to do engineering. And all the times I've been the only girl in the STEM club and the only girl in my engineering class. And how I just have this feeling in the back of my head, this voice telling me that I have to prove myself and work. I have to prove myself more than the guys in the room and I have to work harder than they do and I have to succeed. And if someone is doing better than me, then I'm making a fool of myself and I shouldn't be here. And just that feeling of having to prove yourself, that goes with being the only girl. And I also after this just feel empowered with speaking out for people in my community and what just speaking out can do and can change people's lives. Faith, what is your takeaway from this? Faith: Well what I have to say is that, let me just add one bit on courage. Courage is not about being fearless, it's not about being fearless, it's about taking action when you feel afraid. So everyone feels nervous sometimes, most especially when they're facing something new whatsoever. But courage means you should do it anyway. So how I was kind of scared of telling my dad and was afraid of how he would react to it, but then I had to do it anyway because I had to help those girls and I felt really bad that my community had to go through that. So I did whatever it took to see that something would change. Yeah. Justine: Faith, I just love what you said that courage means action. That is, yeah, you're going to make me think about it. Yes. You're really going to make me think about it. Lydia: Can I get that tattoo? Courage means action. Lexi: And I think Faith, your story was such a perfect example of courage means action in that moment of courage. That moment of action has a ripple effect on everyone around you. So I think that's just amazing of how you're able to truly impact your community. I think it really is. It's an example for all of us. As we close out this episode, Faith, I want to hear your thoughts. What are some of the things that you learned and what are some of the takeaways from this conversation? Faith: Okay, I have learned a lot from your stories, but mainly what I picked is that courage shows in small moments speaking up and trying different things, choosing to continue when things are tough. And I have learned that you have to do the things you have to do anyway without something, with or without someone support. You don't have to wait for people to give you, let say the space to do it whatsoever. You don't have to belittle yourself. You can do it either way. So it doesn't matter your age, whether you're a girl or a boy, you have to do it for you and whoever you wanted to help whatsoever. Lexi: Well, thank you everyone for this conversation today. Thank you Justine, and thank you Lydia and most all. Thank you, Faith for sharing your story with us today. I think you have been a true example and all of our stories combined that courage means action. It has a ripple effect and it means to do it anyways even when you're afraid. Justine: You've been listening to the By Her Hands podcast brought to you by WaterStep. Around the world, girls carry so much responsibility, hope, and the work of caring for their families. WaterStep equips them with tools and training that help them protect their own health, support their schools, and lead change in their communities. When girls have the tools they need, their power isn't something they search for. It is something they carry. Learn more about how girls everywhere are shaping their futures, each by her own hands. And if you want to explore more about connection and belonging, visit WaterStep.org. Lydia: Thanks for being here with us on the By Her Hands podcast. Keep trusting your voice. And remember, you're courageous already, because you carry more power than you think. Disclaimer: Listeners are reminded that the ideas, opinions, and information expressed on the By Her Hands podcast belong solely to the guests and do not necessarily reflect the views, policies, or positions of WaterStep, its staff, partners, donors, or affiliates. This podcast is provided for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as professional advice of any kind. WaterStep assumes no responsibility for actions taken based on the information provided. For more information about WaterStep Website: www.WaterStep.org [http://www.waterstep.org/]

The Path to Belonging

Episode 2: Belonging - In Episode 2 of the By Her Hands podcast, hosts Lexi, Lydia, and Justine are joined by guest Zach to explore the complex theme of belonging and the search for where one fits in. Zach shares his unique perspective on being an outsider after moving between the U.S., Senegal, and Congo, ultimately concluding that belonging is not a fixed place but a sense of comfort one carries within themselves. The hosts contribute their own stories about the pressure to "perform" or change their personalities when entering new school environments, only to realize that authenticity is the key to finding true connection. The group also discusses how gender roles can influence social dynamics, highlighting the importance of being intentionally inclusive to ensure everyone feels seen and heard. A major takeaway from the conversation is that belonging is an ever-changing process that requires being present in the moment and trusting one's own values. Finally, the episode ties these personal reflections back to the WaterStep mission, empowering young women to recognize the inherent power they already possess to lead and shape their futures. Episode Transcript: Lydia: Where do I fit in and why is this so confusing? One moment you feel included and the next you walk into a room and forget what to do with your face. You start wondering if people want you there or if you're just hoping they do. You're standing there trying to decide if you should join the conversation or just disappear into the wall. This episode is about how we're all trying to figure out where we fit and what it feels like when we actually find a place where we belong. Justine: You're listening to the By Her Hands podcast, a space where young women figure things out together, who we are, what we want, and the power we already carry. It's brought to you by WaterStep, a global leader in safe water innovation. Learn more about how women and girls are shaping healthier futures, each by her own hands at WaterStep.org. Lexi: Hi, this is Lexi. Welcome back to Episode 2. We're back with Lydia and Justine, and we have a new guest, Zach. Zach: Hi, thank you for having me. It's great to be here. I'm Zach, obviously, and I go to school here in Louisville too. I'm a senior. And I recently heard the first episode you guys had. It was really amazing. A bunch of things that you guys touched on that I could even relate to. And background-wise, it's fair to say I've been around a lot. I was born in Arizona, then I moved to Senegal, and then I moved back to Louisville, then to Congo, and then back to Louisville. So I've had my fair share of experiences, perspectives. I've learned a lot too. Lydia: Can you tell us some about that and how your time was in Senegal and Congo and how has that affected you? Zach: Yeah, for sure. I'd say that it makes it very obvious that you're different from everybody else who's there, especially since they've had this consistent exposure to that place that you're just learning about. So, it really highlighted what it meant to belong and to be from somewhere for me. And I spent a lot of time thinking about that to the point where it became my main topic for my college essay that I recently wrote. But yeah, it's definitely something that I could tell was different. And for me, it felt unique just in general. Lydia: I kind of get what you mean in being different. It's not as severe as going from Arizona to Senegal to Louisville to Congo, yes, and then back to Louisville, I believe. But I was in a private school from pre-K all the way to eighth grade, and I knew all of those kids, all 24 of them, since kindergarten pretty much. And then I went to a public school, and my grade went from 24 to 400, and I knew all of two kids out of the 2,000 that attend my school. So that was a lot of fun. So I really, I do understand how ... And I did feel different. I felt like I had to change myself so they wouldn't perceive me as a snob or anything, and that I needed to blend into the people around me. And I was like, "Okay, I'm going to dress fine. I'm going to keep my mouth shut." I'm a chatty person. I don't know if you can pick up on it or not. And I'm kind of loud. So I was like, "I need to play myself down to make friends and to blend into this new school." And it worked fine until my fourth period, first day of school, my friend said ... Well, my now friend at the time, I didn't know who she was. First thing anyone had said to me at this school was, "Are you gay? My friend thinks you're cute." And that is how I made all of my friends at my school. She was like, "Come sit with us at lunch." And I made friends with all of these girls, one of them who just did my nails and I love her so much. Justine: I love your nails. Lydia: Aren't they cute? Justine: Yes. Very. Lydia: So we're still ... I mean, it worked out real well. I made some really good friends from there and it all worked out fine. And turns out I didn't have to pretend to be something I wasn't. And I just, I don't know. Opportunity just happens. I didn't have to worry about it. So how was it for you trying to make friends in Louisville after going through so much? Zach: Well, I think it's really funny that you say that because in my case, I think my sophomore year I was at a public school and then junior year, and even now I'm in a private school. So I kind of had the opposite of what you did coming from somewhere where not a lot of people really knew you to somewhere where you were in a tight and closed community and really just like a family and you were like just that, what's it called? The stepbrother that was just walking on in. The experiences at first are really something. It's a lot like what you said, you really don't expect it and you feel like there's a lot that you have to do to fit in. In my case, it was way too obvious that I was not like everybody else. In my school specifically, they take a lot of time to make sure that you can spend time outside of class to do what you want. We have clubs and activities in the middle of the day every single day. Although it's not a lot of time, it's still very important for the students to relate to one another and grow closer. So coming in, I thought I'd have to buy into that and do that as well. But it took me a long time to realize that it really wasn't the case. You could really just spend your time the way you saw a fit. Lexi: Actually, I wanted to touch on an idea that you said earlier. And Lydia, you touched on it too about going from either switching schools from public to private or from you is more switching from middle school to high school. I had been at my middle school and preschool with the same group of 40 kids since I was about five years old. So I knew them really, really well. And then going into high school, I sort of really wanted to break out of my shell and try to meet new people. And some of those girls still transitioned in high school with me, but it was a lot of new people. And so I walked in feeling out of place. I really felt like I didn't belong. But freshman year, these girls invited me to sit with them at lunch similar to you, Lydia. And it really helped me. It made me feel seen. It made me feel like, okay, this is where I'm supposed to be and people are paying attention and really making sure I feel included. Is there a time that either of you guys have felt similar and felt that sense of inclusion from somebody? Lydia: Absolutely. Yeah. It was that moment where she was like, "Here, just come sit with us at lunch. My friend wants to talk to you. " Yeah, you know what? I don't know anyone at this school. Sure, sure. That's fine. And I learned from that that everyone is scared too. It's not just me. I went into here thinking, okay, everyone's already going to have their friends and their groups and I'm going to have to try to squeeze my way in somewhere because everyone has told me, "You have to make friends in high school or everything will go bad. And if you don't make friends, you'll just have a terrible high school time and it's hard to make friends. Everyone's got their own things." There's so much fear going into it. And I'm sitting at this lunch table and it took me months to figure this out, but the kids I'm sitting with barely know each other. The three of them had been friends going into it and the rest of them had just been like, "Yeah, we kind of had the same classes and they all just became really chatty because we all wanted friends and we all wanted to have a good time." And it was a very diverse group of people at that table. Let me tell you a lot of interesting conversations, but I made some of my favorite memories from freshman year and from being in a public high school instead of a private one. And I found that I feel more comfortable there. I didn't have to put on a performance or anything and that I could just be who I was. Zach: No, it's cool that you say that because I can really relate to that. Maybe not the part where someone took the initiative to come and invite you in. But in my case, I think, again, opposite to you, I didn't really have that. But looking back, I think it's super and insanely important to be that person, to take that first step for people who don't have that courage to do so, because that's really all it takes to realize that there's no reason to feel that isolated or discomforted. But yeah, that's what I got. Even though I came from a public school and went to a private school, I got the same idea and the same message as you're talking about right now, Lydia. Justine: Listening to you, this is interesting. I have a question for you all and anybody can jump in at this point. Lexi, you mentioned how a girlfriend came to you and approached you to make you feel like you belong, right? Same for you, Lydia and Zach. There was nothing specific for that. It was more of a community. And I'm wondering if you feel like it's different, making someone belong or you feeling like you belong is different whether you're a boy or a girl. Yeah. Do you feel like it's different? Lydia: It definitely is, because if I was a guy, I do not think a guy would've came up to me and said, "Are you gay because my friend thinks you're cute." I think that's a very girl thing to do. Justine: Oh, wow. Zach, do you agree? Zach: I 100% agree. If a guy came up and said that to me, I don't think we'd be best friends. Justine: Wow. Alright. Zach: But I mean, it makes sense to think that it's different for genders because if you really think about it, a lot of it is how others have influenced you and that makes it easier to think about how your gender could tie into that. But I definitely do think that the gender does play a huge role in just in general, who you feel comfortable with and you can see that a lot in life just in general. Justine: Yeah. And Lexi then, do you think that ... We're talking about belonging, we talk about girls' empowerment by her own hands, right? How would it make it easier for one gender or another? Because I'm just thinking about it from a gender perspective. I'm just thinking about how, whether you felt like you belonged or somebody made you feel like you belong, is so important for you to carry on and to be who you're supposed to be. So how do you see that? Lexi: I think it's all about being inclusive. I mean, anybody can be inclusive, whether you feel like you belong or whether you don't, it's inviting that person to come sit or inviting them to be a part of the conversation, making sure you're always cognizant of what's going on around you. And if you're in a circle, try to keep that circle open so you're welcoming to inviting other people to the conversation. And I think that goes for both genders when you're in conversation, just really making sure that everyone feels seen and heard. And I also just think building a community where people feel supported, and that includes every single person, whether you feel out of place or you feel in place. And so it's building that community that supports one another and encourages one another. Lydia: For me, well, again, I went from a Catholic school to a public school, and at my old school, I feel like the gender roles were a little more enforced, not enforced, but it was just expected than it was at my current school. I remember, and it's as simple as PE classes. I didn't go to an all-girls school or anything. It was still mixed gender, but at PE class, the girls, we were dainty and kind of sat around and talked and maybe did some walks around the lap. And the guys played basketball and did all the athletic things and you had to make sure that you didn't make a fool out of yourself if you were a girl. And I went into my new school thinking that. So I came in and I was like, okay, every day. And you can tell from how I talk, I'm not a very feminine person. I've always been kind of loud and kind of obnoxious in a way and kind of like I'm a little out there and it's hard for me to bottle that in. It's unnatural. And I was like, okay, I have to bottle this in or everyone will hate me at this new school. And I came in and it was summer PE. It was summer PE because you can do PE at my school instead of doing it during class. And I was like, "Well, yeah, I'm going to do it over the summer for eight days instead of in school." Because I've heard all these, oh my gosh, I'm sure that you guys have heard all those gym locker room stories in school how like my parents were like, "Don't take PE in high school. You have to shower. Don't do it. It's so gross." So I'm sure you get that. But summer PE, everybody was just having a good time. It wasn't like, "Okay, well, the girls are going to go sit down on the bleachers and the guys are going to do all these things." So I spent my entire summer PE sweating and playing volleyball and having a good time. And I made so many friends that way. And I felt in that moment like my being a girl didn't matter and it was actually an advantage because Catholics love volleyball. So I had some volleyball experience at my school and because the girls played volleyball and the guys played basketball is how we were. And it didn't matter as much there. It was just everybody just wanted to make friends. And I feel that for girls when making friends, it's a fear of ... The first fear is, do I have friends? And the second fear is, do I want to be associated with these friends? And Zach, maybe I'm just assuming here, but I feel like with guys, it's a little more loosey goosey and just not as ... You don't have to worry too as much and you aren't affiliated as much with who you're friends with. Zach: No, that's definitely fair to say. But I think the general principles of what you were talking about and the fundamental idea is it's still there and that goes beyond just gender roles, in general. But you mentioned this, Lydia, as you were talking, but it's really important to be present in the moment because otherwise it becomes easy to get influenced by others and the norms and the things that people expect of you, or maybe things you expect of yourself as well. And to tie that back to my essay, that's really what I talked about for the most part, right? The idea of feeling like a spectator to things that are happening around you just because you weren't there for it. And the best way to make up for that is to try and be there while you can, rather than worry about whether you will or whether you can or because you weren't, it's important to make sure that you are right now. And again, that's really what my essay talked a lot about. For me personally, I came to this conclusion that being from somewhere doesn't just mean having a place to go back to, but really like somewhere to stand on, somewhere you can sit and feel comfortable around. And when you look at it that way, it can really be anything at all, whether it's people you know, places you've been to or just yourself in general. Justine: So basically, what I'm hearing is like belonging, it's not about the place, it's not about the people, it's about how you stand and how you behave, how you show up wherever at the moment, right? Zach: Right. Justine: Yeah. Not like that. Zach: For sure. Justine: And I can really relate to that statement. Like Lexi, I've also grew up in the same environment. I went to the same school all the way to senior, graduated, but then I was fortunate enough to have experience outside of my home country, right? So started having international experience and then I was excited to have my first shot at working back home. But when I showed up, I realized that I didn't belong. I didn't feel like I belonged as much as I hoped. And that's why, Zach, what you're saying is really resonating with me because I realized that belonging doesn't happen just one time and that's a done deal, right? It's like you always have to work toward that. And every single step, every single milestone that you take on or you achieve, it's going to affect the way you're going to be belonging even to your former group, your former community and people you knew before because you show up differently, you stand up differently and the moment is different. So yeah. Lexi: Thank you. Justine: Before we continue with our episode, let me take a minute to remind you that By Her Hands is a global program empowering women and girls through safe-water access, menstrual health management, and economic opportunity. The program and this podcast are brought to you by WaterStep. Together we believe that when a young woman can protect her own health, she leads. When she leads, her family thrives and when her family thrives, her whole community grows stronger. Learn more about how women and girls are shaping healthier futures, each by her own hands at WaterStep.org. Lexi: So what I'm hearing from this, I feel like we're all saying that belonging isn't a place or a group of people, but rather it's ever changing and it's multiple groups. And I feel like I can resonate with that so much. You belong to this group and that group and they can be vastly different, but it's being present in that moment, being present with those people. And really for me, what strikes me the most about belonging is surrounding yourself with people that have similar values as you, which is what's so important about my WaterStep family and really, really feeling like I belong here is because we have that same sense of similar values, wanting to help, having empathy and really wanting to create change and wanting to put in the work to get there. Lydia: Yeah. What you said with feeling like you need to be someone to belong, and then realizing that it's not really who you are, if you can belong or not, it's just that how you are in the moment. I really do feel that and resonate with that. And it's kind of the first time I've really thought about it in that way. I always just thought that I started belonging when I stopped caring what other people perceive me as much, but I like that way of just viewing it as being in the moment and being there. Zach: No, that's 100% true. I feel like something that's really ironic about this idea of belonging, it's that it's more about you than about the people or the environment that you try to belong to, right? This idea and this feeling of being okay with where you are is probably the biggest part about belonging. I know that I say my background is unique and stuff, but I think in my case, it's just more grand, having been all around the world, but it can be as small and as big as you'd want it to be, but fundamentally, and at the end of the day, what really matters is how you feel about the people around you and that's the idea behind belonging. Justine: What I'm hearing is it's about listening to yourself and being true to yourself and trusting, right? That whatever led you to where you are matters and that it should also matter to people around you for that belonging. So it's two ways. And thinking back to the question I asked you guys around belonging for boys versus belonging for girls, well, as long as we know who we are, we should be able or we should figure out a way to belong, but also, and I think it's very important to make others belong because we would have had that experience. Lydia: Right. And I think to say, "Be you and be yourself." It's so corny, but it's so true. And we're all sitting here trying to beat around the bush and not say, "Be yourself." And belonging, because it's so corny and it's the cheesiest stereotype thing you can say, but it is true and from four different perspectives and lives, it's still true. So yeah, be you and live, laugh, love. Justine: You've been listening to the By Her Hands podcast brought to you by WaterStep. Around the world, girls carry so much responsibility, hope, and the work of caring for their families. WaterStep equips them with tools and training that help them protect their own health, support their schools, and lead change in their communities. When girls have the tools they need, their power isn't something they search for. It is something they carry. Learn more about how girls everywhere are shaping their futures, each by her own hands. And if you want to explore more about connection and belonging, visit WaterStep.org. Lydia: Thanks for being here with us on the By Her Hands podcast. Wherever you are right now, unsure, comfortable, or somewhere in between, remember that you already belong and carry more power than you think. Disclaimer: Listeners are reminded that the ideas, opinions, and information expressed on the By Her Hands podcast belong solely to the guests and do not necessarily reflect the views, policies, or positions of WaterStep, its staff, partners, donors, or affiliates. This podcast is provided for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as professional advice of any kind. WaterStep assumes no responsibility for actions taken based on the information provided. For more information about WaterStep Website: www.WaterStep.org [http://www.waterstep.org/]

Figuring Out Your Purpose

Summary: Episode 1: Purpose — "What am I even doing with my life?" Everyone acts like you're supposed to already know your "thing," but most of us are just trying stuff and hoping something feels right. This episode is about figuring out what actually matters to you, not what people expect, not some perfect plan, just those random interests or moments where you think, "okay… maybe this is me." In this episode, we talk about what purpose feels like when you're still figuring it out. Episode Transcript: Lydia: What am I even doing with my life? Everyone acts like you're supposed to already know your thing, but most of us are just trying stuff and hoping something feels right. This episode is about figuring out what actually matters to you. Not what people expect. Not some perfect plan. Just those random interests or moments where you think, "Okay, maybe this is me." Today, we'll talk about what purpose feels like, when you're still figuring it out or moments when you're certain this is exactly where you're supposed to be. Justine: You're listening to the By Her Hands Podcast, A space where young women figure things out together, who we are, what we want, and the power we already carry. It's brought to you by WaterStep a global leader in safe water innovation. Learn more about how women and girls are shaping healthier futures, each by her own hands, at waterstep.org. Lydia: My name is Lydia. I'm a senior in Indiana and I just got accepted into the college of my dreams, Purdue. Since first grade I've been dying to go there and be an engineer and I'm still sitting here and wondering, is this really what I'm supposed to do with my life? I'm at that crossroads point between high school and college and being independent and I still feel like I know nothing. Lexi: Hi, I'm Lexi. I'm a junior in Louisville, and I'm sort of still on that college search wondering have I done enough to get into the colleges that I want to go to and what's life going to look like after that, future career? So I'm just sort of trying to figure it all out with still keeping my values close to heart. Justine: Hi, I am Justine. I have 20 plus years of experience in international development around the world, and I'm here today participating in the podcast for the first time, and this is a new experience for me. Lydia: So Lexi, I have to ask you, have you gotten all those thousands of emails from colleges begging you to go there? Lexi: Yes, a hundred percent. Lydia: They're like, oh, we're going to give you a million dollars to go. And then you look at their website and they're like, tuition's only $4 million. So you're really looking out here. Lexi: Yes. Lydia: For me, it's actually really funny. I keep getting emails from Skidmore College and I really, it just threw me off because I thought it was just a funny name and I keep getting these emails from them and I searched it up and it's actually a really cool school. And then I'm sitting here thinking maybe I should go and be a skid at Skidmore College. Maybe that's what I should do with my life. Maybe I don't need to be an engineer and I don't need, I can go have fun and it's in New York, like going college in New York. That's awesome. So I don't know, every time I get one of those emails, I'm still sitting here thinking maybe I should open it. Maybe I should see if maybe Murray State or Skidmore is my home. Lexi: Yeah, I've been thinking the exact same thing. Not only where do I want to go and what's going to be the best fit for me, but also what's my career going to look like after that? What's future going to look like? And really what worries me the most is have I done enough to get to that point? Have I worked hard enough? Lydia: Oh my gosh. Yeah. No, I totally, seriously, that is the story of my life because growing up my parents were very heavy set on everything you do is for college, everything you do, your academics and your extracurriculars, everything is for college. So since fifth grade, I remember begging my parents, I was like, please, I need you guys to save money for college. And I'm like, how old are you in fifth grade? Like 10? I was little and I was like, there's no way. There's no way. And I think that nowadays the pressure on kids to know what they're supposed to do, it just keeps getting younger. For me, I've had it easier because in first grade I always say my papa indoctrinated me since first grade he's been like, you need to go to Purdue and you need to be a boilermaker just like I was. You need to do engineering. And he told us to all the grandkids, and I'm the one out of nine to have done it or to be doing it anyways. So for me, I feel like at least in that kind of standpoint, I've had it figured out, but am I even supposed to yet? I'm barely an adult and I mean I have a job technically, but I haven't really experienced life yet. Am I supposed to know what my purpose is and what I need to do? Do you understand the pressure to know who you are from the day you were born? Lexi: Yeah, a hundred percent even. I mean, my college shirts process has been a little bit different from yours. My parents are the type of parents that are, go get your dreams, you're going to do great. We believe in you. But they're not pressuring me since day one. But definitely in the past year or so, I've felt that pressure trying to figure out what's my future going to look like? What's that career that I want to get? How am I going to get there? The money, the classes, everything that becomes a part of it. And I feel like it just college and everything beyond that has become so competitive now that I feel like as a junior/senior in high school, we all relate to that feeling of am I going to have done enough and will I get to where I want to be? But I also know that when I talk to adults, I was just talking to my dad last night, he's like, it doesn't matter what college you go to or where you're going to grad school, whatever it is, you're going to end up where you want to be. So I always like to keep that in mind. Lydia: Justine, have you found your purpose yet? Justine: I want to say yes given the experience that I have, but it hasn't been easy listening to you guys about how everything around you has shaped you towards something specific, but then when you get there, you don't even have time to embrace it and celebrate it. You're already thinking about the next step. But what I really like about what you were saying is that you are already in that space where you're figuring out whether it's your purpose or not, whether you were prepared for that without even you acknowledging who you are or what you want. And I think that's a real question. So when you said Lydia, what's your purpose? Where are you right now? You are accepted into your dream school, but would you say that this is your purpose or would you define it differently? Lydia: I just don't know. I don't know. And I'm in calc and every single time I have to stay after school for calc help, I'm like, man, I just need to be an electrician. I can't do this anymore. It's exhausting. And it's that fear of if I get this poor grade on my test, I feel like I can't do it. I can't do it because I know everyone's telling me every single year you have to do this, you have to do more. You have to give more of who you are to find out or at least pretend to be who you're supposed to be. Lexi, when you were saying the college pressure and competition, it's so real. It's so real. Oh my gosh. And I'm sure that a lot of people can relate to it. Just that pressure of will I get in and competing for scholarships and it's a business and it's a battleground and it's cruel. But every single time that I sit there and I am in my ceramics class and I'm making this pot and I sit there and I think, and it's been since first grade, I've been like, I need to be an engineer. I want to be an engineer. And I enjoy math and science, but every time that I start making pots, I'm like, maybe I should just be a ceramicist. Maybe this is better. I don't know how much money I can make doing that. I don't know if I can afford rent, but maybe that's what I want to do. Justine: I like what you just mentioned because coming back to if I found my purpose or not, I'm saying yes because growing up and starting college, I went into business because that's what I felt like was going to give me money as soon as possible. And then I had the opportunity to get into college, in Tucson, Arizona to do my Master's, and I went for my MBA, right? Because as you might have noticed, English is not my first language. I'm actually a French speaker, so hence the accent, and I'm from Senegal. So it was a big achievement for me, for my family and everything. And guess what? I didn't get into business college because I realized that it wasn't what I wanted to do. It wasn't me. And if I took that big leap into going abroad already being a mother, married, and I left everything behind to achieve a dream, that dream should have been worth it. And so I took eight months learning English and just being familiarizing myself around the campus. And I ended up wandering into the public health college. There was an event where the dean was speaking to prospective students and she said, one thing that really changed my life. She said, if you want to be part of improving people's lives, then you are where you should be. And that spoke to me and I realized that I wanted to make money, but most of it, I wanted to improve people's life. I wanted to be part of better for anybody around me. And I felt like that was my purpose and I just went for my Master's of Public Health and I don't regret it. So I'm sharing that to say that it's not about the path that you take, it's about finding your purpose. For me, it's really going to be about what you make of the experience that you have. And you are always in the state that you are describing, always asking yourself questions. Is it really what I want? And so that gives you that surge and energy to keep going until you find it. So yeah, so Lexi asking all those questions, I think it's probably the right start, the first step into finding the purpose, but it doesn't mean that it's going to happen today or tomorrow for me. It happened way after, I would say. Lexi: Yeah, absolutely. I think what I've learned is it's all about showing up fully whatever season you're at in life and just really giving it your all. Because I think the biggest thing I've learned is that you're going to regret it if you don't. So for me, I kind of went into high school thinking I played sports, so I was like, okay, this is probably going to be the focus of my time in high school and I'm going to be on the high school field hockey team. Quickly, that was sort of a different path that I went. I got injured and I've been injured sort of the past three years and it just seems like these roadblocks keep popping up in my life to wanting to be an athlete and that being the primary focus of my life. And so I was like, okay, we're just going to have to switch tracks here. So I was like, I'm going to use that same work ethic that I would in sports to now channel that to school. So I put myself in all the hardest classes junior year, I'm focusing on, okay, where do I want to be for college? What do I want my future to look like? I'm thinking right now something in medicine, but really it's just I unfortunately was not able to play sports and I still am sort of not really able to, but I decided to instead channel that same energy and work ethic into what I could do. So it's just sort of meeting myself where I was at, at that season in my life. Lydia, do you have a similar experience of giving it your all at whatever season you're in? Lydia: Oh do I. No. I started high school and I was like, okay, my job is to be an absolute academic weapon and get a million dollar scholarship, and that's what I have to do. And that's what my parents said I had to do. That's what everyone in my family does. That's what I have to do. And now I'm on a full-ride and I'm going to be a quarterback in the NFL. No, I actually have a unique path. I feel like everyone's always like, I'm either going to do athletics or I'm going to do academics. And I found kind of my own outside of the two of them. So everyone has their first relationship, everyone has the first love or whatever nonsense that you want to call it. And mine was freshman and sophomore year and it was good and that it wasn't. And then we broke up and I was so sad and it's funny looking back on it, but I was heartbroken. I was devastated. I just cried and cried for weeks and I just didn't know what to do with myself. And I was like, I don't even know what's my purpose. What do I do with the rest of my life? I thought I was going to marry this boy and now I haven't. He's gone. It was like losing my best friend is how it is. And as funny as it is to be picturing myself with what was I 15, being like my life is over because as a boy in high school broke up with me, but it really did feel like that. And I know my parents noticed because my grades tanked. So it was no, I do love my parents. Let me be clear. So it was a difficult time and my dad, since I was in I think eighth grade, he had pushed me to be a part of this teen board at WaterStep. And this isn't a paid advertisement, they didn't tell me to say this, but honestly, this is my inciting moment. This is what I wrote all of my college essays about. This is what I tell people when they ask me, what do you do? How did you get involved and who are you? This is my story. He told me to get involved in the teen board [https://www.instagram.com/waterstepteens/] and I went to a meeting and Lexi, you were there and you guys are like, I think we need to collect shoes or something. We need to do something you guys. We need to anything. And I was like, yeah, okay, I guess I'll do that. And I went to my school counselor who has his own nonprofit and does everything under the sun. And he became an inspiration. He was like, absolutely we can do this shoe drive. And we collected, I believe somewhere between two and 4,000 pairs of shoes. I think it was 2,000 pairs of shoes throughout my school. I was front page in the paper and a whole bunch of people in the community brought in shoes. And that was when the shoe initiative was still the core purpose and everything. And it was awesome. It was just awesome. And I felt like in that moment I figured out maybe this is kind of what I want to do. I would get out of class and run around and drag bags of shoes across the school and I was making posters and talking to people and doing interviews and I had just random people come in and help and help me haul stuff. Didn't say a word, just grabbed a bag and followed me wherever I was going. It was beautiful. And to see the community come together on such a thing, and I'm trying to think what I said in my essay, I worded it so well. That's how it is when you have a month to prepare, just everyone came around and helped so beautifully. And that idea of I'm spending my time on something that's benefiting the world and my community and I'm making connections through this, it just sparked something in me and I'm now kind of the service person, I guess. This isn't a teenage stereotype, you're not going to find the community service kid in the Breakfast Club. This isn't a typical teen thing I feel, but I had my cousin call me the other night, I'm trying to raise $2,500 for some Girl Scout uniforms. How do I do it? And my other cousin texted me a month ago and was like, I need service hours. Hook me up. And I get frequently people just, how do I raise money and how do I do these things and volunteer? And it's fun. It's fun to become this. And I feel like I found kind of what I need to do with my life and it's changed not only how I see the world and that I can see the beauty in the people around me and how people truly want to help and just to come together to support people across the globe, but also it's changed me. I used to think that maybe I wanted to live up in Minnesota or Michigan or something to get a lot of snow. I love the snow and now I'm like, maybe I want to live in Louisville and stay around here and stay around. Not only do I work with WaterStep, but I work with Blessings in a Backpack of Floyd County, and I work with Camp Golden Wing and the Youth Philanthropy Council and there's just so many wonderful people in my community and it has helped me find them and to find my purpose among them and to how I can help. And it's changed me from wanting to get out to loving my town and to wanting to come back here and being sad a bit to move away and go to Purdue. As much as I want to get out, I don't want to get out that bad. I feel like in a way, and maybe that'll change. I'm only 18 and there's so much life I have ahead of me, so I don't know how much this will change. Maybe I'll become, I don't know, what's the guy from a Christmas Carol? I'll become him. You guys know what I'm talking about and I'll just lock myself in my room and be greedy. But for now, I feel like my purpose has become to help out the people around me and do what I can to be a good person. Justine: I just love what you shared. It was a journey. It was a journey from what you were set out, what you raised and you set out to do to how you learn and you rise, you rose from your challenges and discover something new to a point where you are defining your purpose. What about you, Lexi? How do you see comparing where you are right now to where you are heading, how do you find your purpose or did you find it or how do you define it? Lexi: I think step one for me is going to be going to a place that I really feel supported and share common values. And so that's been the number one thing of where do I want to go to college? It's that place that the people around me have those similar values and we are going to maybe spend some nights working on a paper or some nights going out. Finding that balance between having fun and really working hard and getting towards our goals. But ultimately, I think my purpose is within service and within really just goal-driven. I would say I want to become a doctor someday. I want to have a future in medicine and healthcare. And so taking that path to get there, but then also staying unique to who I am, which I think a big part of that is service. Just like Lydia was saying, it just feels empowering when you help other people. There's no other way to put it. Seeing the community support one another and seeing the impact that a really, really small act can make on other people is inspiring, truly. Lydia: I totally agree. Justine: Before we continue with our episode, let me take a minute to remind you that By Her Hands is a global program empowering women and girls through safe-water access, menstrual health management and economic opportunity. The program and this podcast are brought to you by WaterStep. Together, we believe that when a young woman can protect her own health, she leads, when she leads her family thrives and when her family thrives, her whole community grows stronger. Learn more about how women and girls are shaping healthier futures, each by her own hands, at WaterStep.org. Justine: Wow. This is really enlightening and very exciting for me because listening to all of you and comparing it or relating to my own experience, it seems that service is a purpose for us. Being at the service of others each by her own hands. It's really something that seems to pop up as far as purpose, as far as moving forward and making a change around us. Lexi: Yeah, absolutely. I also think a common theme for us was it's okay to not have it all figured out. Purpose isn't something that people have it an outline and you have a direct path. Your path is going to change a bunch of different ways and you just got to go with it and adapt as you can and really just give it your all. Lydia, do you have any key takeaways? Lydia: I mean, you check the words out of my mouth right there. Just seeing your story of how you didn't really know what you wanted to do until you were a mother and had pretty much your life, you had been living it. I don't know, it just made me feel a lot better because I still mean even sitting here thinking, I'm like, well, I just said all this stuff about engineering and I'm kind of thinking it over like I'm not really sure. And that just made me feel a lot better that I don't have to have everything figured out now forever. Justine: You've been listening to the By Her Hands podcast, brought to you by WaterStep. Around the world, girls carry so much responsibility, hope, and the work of caring for their families. WaterStep equips them with tools and training that help them protect their own health, support their schools, and lead change in their communities. When girls have the tools they need, their power isn't something they search for, it is something they carry. Learn more about how girls everywhere are shaping their futures each by her own hands. And if you want to explore more about finding your purpose, check out waterstep.org. Lydia: Thanks for being here with us on the By Her Hands podcast. We hope you feel a little better about finding your own purpose, after listening. Remember, you already carry more power than you think. Disclaimer Listeners are reminded that the ideas, opinions, and information expressed on the By Her Hands podcast belong solely to the guests and do not necessarily reflect the views, policies, or positions of WaterStep, its staff, partners, donors, or affiliates. This podcast is provided for informational and educational purposes only, and is not intended as professional advice of any kind. WaterStep assumes no responsibility for actions taken based on the information provided. For more information about WaterStep Website: www.WaterStep.org [http://www.waterstep.org/]