Judgment, Not Judgmental | Parenting Tools + Conversations That Support Moms in Raising Their Family... Their Way

What to Say Instead of “What’s Wrong?”, Moving with Toddlers & The Tangents from Hiatus

Rachel and Rosie come back from a hiatus with moving chaos, flooded basements, tornado warnings, and a moment that ends in a dog bed surrounded by two giant dogs wondering why everyone needs to touch you at the exact same time—plus about twenty tangents (including literal math) that somehow still end up looping back around?? 🔍 WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT IN THIS EPISODE → packing up your entire house while still living in it with kids, animals, and zero personal space → a toddler melting down over sleeves… that turns out to be about wanting her sister → “I don’t like where you put my bed” and what that actually means during a move → the moment everything stacks—noise, touch, questions—and you hit your limit → sitting in a dog bed because it’s the only place no one else is → why asking “what’s wrong?” usually gets you nowhere in a meltdown → what happens when you stop asking questions and just say what you think is going on → how fast a small moment turns into snapping at your partner when you’re already overwhelmed Nothing is technically *wrong* it’s just *a lot *. It’s: - transitions - noise - competing needs - you’re overstimulated af - and toddlers trying to communicate things they don’t fully understand yet This episode helps you slow it down just enough to see: what’s is the behavior GIVING the person? that’s not negotiable — but how it happens is. That’s how you respond in a way that supports your child’s emotional regulation **and** your own. 🔥 TAKEAWAYS - A toddler tantrum is usually not about the thing they’re upset about—it’s often about a transition, a change, or something that didn’t match their expectation - When everything feels overwhelming (for you), it’s usually overstimulation—not just “too many things,” but not having space to process any of it - Naming what you think is happening (“you wanted your sister,” “you didn’t like your room changing”) works better than asking questions in the middle of a meltdown - Trying to fix or redirect too quickly can actually make emotional regulation harder—for both of you - A lot of parenting moments aren’t behavior problems—they’re communication problems happening in real time 🔗 LINKS & MENTIONS - The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld - Dolly Parton Imagination Library (imaginationlibrary.com) 🤍 CONNECT WITH US Instagram: → @judgment_not_judgmental → @regulatingwithrachel If this episode felt like your life: Send it to the friend you voice note when everything feels like too much. Or DM us. We’re really glad you’re here.

“I Did the Hard Thing Because I’m a Parent”: One Last Thing vs. A 46-Minute Bath

Rachel and Rosie record this episode for the third time at 9:36pm. They talk about kids who take choking hazards very seriously, getting stuck in the kitchen with three animals and a baby grabbing your pants, and the audacity of being interrupted mid-thought.   🔗 LINKS & MENTIONS → Rachel’s Instagram: @regulatingwithrachel  [https://www.instagram.com/regulatingwithrachel/?hl=en] → January 9th post: “One Last Thing” concept  [https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTS30zzjRWd/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==] → Allegra Cohen – Micro Joy Algorithm TED Talk  [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyNbnm4MDYs] → What To Do With Your Baby Every Day by Rachel Lefebvre     → Paperback [https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GF67RBT2] on Amazon     → PDF + ASL posters [https://rachellefebvre.mykajabi.com/babybook]   🤍 CONNECT WITH US → Instagram: @judgment_not_judgmental If this episode felt like a conversation you got *anything* from at all:     → Share it with a friend who’s in the thick of toddler (or big kid… or grown up?) transition troubles     → Send us a DM with your “one last thing” wins (first try or 14th)     → Leave a review so we can keep having more of these conversations We’re really building this with you, not just for you.

“I Feel Like Nobody Is Taking Care of Me”: Disney World & The Mom Olympics

This episode starts as a Disney vacation recap and turns into a conversation about recalibrating expectations, repairing with your kids, saying yes on purpose, and the Olympic-level skills moms use every single day without getting a medal for any of it.   What We’re Talking About in This Episode → what happens when your princess kid doesn’t like the princesses → “just take a picture” → the difference between your expectations and their experience → a 3-year-old saying, “I feel like nobody is taking care of me right now” → what it looks like when emotional regulation actually works in a chaotic environment → the skill of letting fun win → the art of the pivot → how “losing it” doesn’t always look like yelling → and the invisible Olympic sports moms are competing in daily This episode is really about what happens when reality doesn’t match the picture in your head — whether that’s a vacation, a grocery run, a playdate, or a random Tuesday when everyone’s sick.   🏅 Let Us Brag: What’s one mom thing you do that deserves an Olympic gold medal? The answers did not disappoint.   Links & Mentions * His & Hers (Netflix) * The Traitors * The Lincoln Lawyer * The Olympics (obviously) * Duolingo   Connect With Us Podcast: Judgment, Not Judgmental Instagram (Podcast): @judgment_not_judgmental Rachel: @regulatingwithrachel → PLUS: What To Do With Your Baby Every Day book by Rachel Lefebvre   DM us your gold-medal mom skill. We’re collecting them.   If this episode made you laugh or feel seen, subscribe and leave a review on Apple or Spotify — it genuinely helps more parents find the show. We’re really glad you’re here.

Showing Up for Your Kids Without Ignoring What’s on Your Heart

In this episode, we talk about what it actually looks like to parent when the world feels like it’s on fire — not in theory, but in real time. We talk about the mental tug-of-war between staying informed and staying functional. About trying to show up for our kids while our brains are half somewhere else. About why “just ignoring it” doesn’t work — and why living in constant doom doesn’t either. This conversation goes the usual way — oscillating between grief, anger, fear, and empathy — and then we talk about cleaning sprays, screen time, sourdough, Disney movies, and honey toast. Not because those things fix anything, but because they’re part of how we keep going.   We share what’s helping us regulate *right now*: – Finding anchors when our nervous systems are shot – Letting routines bend without breaking – Using stories, movies, and nostalgia to talk about big ideas with little kids – Why it’s okay for kids to see our emotions — and where the line actually is – How partners often regulate differently, and why that can be a strength – The difference between using tools (screens, routines, distractions) versus relying on them – Why advocacy, care, and “doing something” don’t look the same for everyone   This isn’t about having the perfect response to hard things. It’s about finding reliable ways to stay connected to yourself, your kids, and your values — even when the conditions change. If you’ve been feeling half-present, emotionally fried, or unsure how to hold all of this *and* still parent — this episode is for you.   📣 Stay Connected Instagram: @judgment_not_judgmental Rachel: @regulatingwithrachel If your mind went off into a million directions here like ours did with this conversation please join the convo, subscribe and leave a review — it helps us keep building this space, and helps the show get better. Xo, chat next time!

Puss in Boots Explains How to Achieve Parenting Goals Better Than Most Experts

Rachel turns parenting goals into a Shrek-universe map and makes Rosie answer uncomfortable (but useful) questions (down below! ↓) about why it doesn’t feel like a straightforward field of flowers right now. This episode is about auditing your parenting terrain without turning it into a boring, clinical mess—and why the goal isn’t “no obstacles,” it’s fewer emotional threats at once. If getting on track with your goals feels harder to navigate than it should, this will help you see why.   THE BIG IDEA: You can’t make a meaningful change if you don’t know what you’re working with first. And when feelings and fears have less control over the map, the terrain gets easier.   THE MAP QUESTIONS WE USE IN THE EPISODE: → “Who do you want on your team, and who is competing for their own wish and making it harder to get to yours?” → “If you had to describe your map in one word right now, what would it be?” → “When does your map start to feel harder to navigate?” → “Where does your map actually feel easiest right now?” And the question that ties it all together: → “Why do you think your map looks the way it does right now?” (Season of life, sleep, support, expectations, energy, transitions.)   THE ACTUAL TAKEAWAY You don’t need a new goal. You need a clearer map. When fear, pressure, or old expectations stop running the terrain, movement gets easier—even if nothing changes overnight.   📣 STAY CONNECTED DM us your “map” — words, visuals, voice notes, all of it. We love seeing how this lands. Instagram: @judgment_not_judgmental Rachel: @regulatingwithrachel   And if this episode helped you think differently, subscribe and leave a review. It helps us keep building this space — and helps the show get better. Xo, chat next time!