The Coaching Closet

Victoria Alexander - Red Flags in Dating and Relationships

•  Yeah, and so it's about loving yourself enough to know your value and to leave your situation when you know it's not good for you, or not getting into a situation that you know is a huge red flag. There's a couple of funny memes that I've seen that are hilarious one is perfect for Valentine's day, because this guy is holding a dozen red flags and she goes, 'Oh a dozen red flags, I love him so much', and then there's another one where he says 'Good morning beautiful'. And she says, 'Take me off rotation'.  (8:05) •  When that happens, I think is a very important to know what to do. So I think a lot of times people don't do anything because they don't know what to do, they either cut bait and go or they don't do anything. So I think the important thing is to tell people what do you do at that point. Well, that's where communication skills come in, you have to know how to open your mouth and speak. And you know what? It may be a little scary to communicate with someone, especially someone you only just started knowing. I'm like, Listen, first of all, you have to have healthy boundaries. And you have to know what those are. If your boundary is, I need to be respected, like say someone stood you up on a date or something like that. That's probably a boundary. You carve out your time for that person, they decide the last minute they're not going or something, and they act like it's no big deal, that's a red flag. And it's something that needs to be addressed now. (12:40) •  There's so much integrity in realizing, Okay, we're not a match. I tell people, 'You're not dating to make it a match, you're dating to see if it is one, and so even when you go through break ups and such, and I've had episodes about breakups, sometimes you complete a relationship and it's about the two people realizing, Okay, this is not working, this is not going to be... We're not compatible for whatever reason, and sometimes they're very difficult. But as long as you do look and realize, Okay, there's lessons to be learned from here in this relationship, and you take those to heart and you go on in the future and say, Okay, now I know what I need and what I want, and hopefully the other person does too, and you help each other grow... What is better than that? I mean, that's what we all want to do. So you're not forcing it to be a match... I think some people get in a relationship and think I have to make this work, I have to... I have to... And they're just like, beating their head against the wall. What's the point of that?  (19:33) •   I was married for 20 years and you were married for a long time, we have an our story from it, right? We have our experience from it, so do our spouses are ex's. They have their story and what they learned from it, neither is wrong or right to be honest. It's what we both needed. But whenever I was married, my life felt like, my soul that like, I was like dead. So I felt like my life was being sucked out of me, and I don't blame that on my ex, it's just the relationship wasn't meant to continue. He didn't suck the life out of me, it was the relationship that was no longer serving me...or him. And so I had to make the decision, I had to be strong enough and listen to that gut feeling, listen to my inner voice saying, 'You are not supposed to be here anymore, get out. (22:44)   CONNECT WITH VICTORIA: Website: YouAretheMagicPill.com [https://youarethemagicpill.com] Facebook: facebook.com/youarethemagicpill [https://www.facebook.com/youarethemagicpill]   CONNECT WITH RICHELE: Visit my website: CoachingCloset.com [https://coachingcloset.com/] Connect on free Facebook Group: CoachingClosetConnect.com [https://www.facebook.com/groups/607035253196498] Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/607035253196498 [https://www.facebook.com/groups/607035253196498]

Signs That You're Being Love-Bombed

•   Another thing that will be done if it's toxic love-bombing is mirroring the person. They will mirror everything that you say, and so when you're getting to know someone and you're talking about your commonalities and your interest, it'll seem like you have every single thing in common. And a lot of times, you will have things in common, but if every single thing is the same, it may seem like, Wait a minute, how is this even possible? Your favorite food is their favorite food, your favorite music, is their favorite music, and that kind of thing. In the beginning, it's kind of important not to just divulge every that you know about yourself to the person, you need to know them a little bit before you tell them everything, because then they can just mirror everything back to you, and that's another tactic. (04:15) •   And then Claims of being a soulmate after a very short amount of time and neediness, not respecting boundaries. If you say you're going to go out with your friends, you're going to do something different, they're going to have to maybe entertain themselves or find something else to do, and they're not okay with that, it's just not going over... Well, that's another sign. And then kind of an uneasy feeling within yourself, just not feeling like this is right, you need to trust that sort intuition. They also might have an issue with gifts over the top, over the top gestures. Dozens of bouquets of flowers instead of one, or expensive plane tickets for a vacation. Or not taking no for an answer when you're like, No, no, no, I don't think that's appropriate. Or maybe an expensive piece of jewelry or a watch or something like that, they like to gain control and kind of create a sense of obligation on your part. (05:33) •   So individually, those phrases on their own, they're not necessarily harmful, but all together, all of these things together could be a big sign that you're being love-bombed. So it's something to pay attention to because it could be a sign of toxicity. This doesn't last forever. This phase of the relationship, if you stay less until they begin to value you, which is another stage of it, it actually ends up in abusive situation, which is at least emotional abuse. You can tell if they're love bombing you, if they're just doing a lot of these things all together, and it's really about control and creating dependency. (6:54) •   If you're feeling like you might be being love-bombed, you can try to set clear and healthy boundaries, maybe refuse the gifts, limit the time you spend together, and just respond to the texts at your own pace, and then kind of communicate that you don't want to rush into things and then see how they respond. If they respond in a healthy way, then that's a really good sign because sometimes it's not necessarily that, but you just want to make sure that you are doing your due diligence, because it could go south really quickly if that indeed is what's happening. So I know that it doesn't always happen like it does in the movies, in fact, very, very rarely, and if it does or if it is, it could be a sign of toxicity. (08:37)   CONNECT WITH RICHELE: Visit my website: CoachingCloset.com [https://coachingcloset.com] Connect on free Facebook Group: CoachingClosetConnect.com [https://www.facebook.com/groups/607035253196498] Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/607035253196498 [https://www.facebook.com/groups/607035253196498]

Revisiting My Weight Loss Journey (Replay)

•   I would just kind of snack and it wasn't always healthy snacks. And then I would drink wine. I would just grab this, grab that, eat some chips and dips, call it dinner. And then I started going out with friends as I made friends, eating out, things like that. So, you know, I packed on pounds here and there 5, 10, 15, 20. So by the time 2020 hit, I was about 20 pounds up from when I had got divorced, which really wasn't, it was like the top of my weight range, but it wasn't overweight. I was almost overweight, but not really. So then COVID hit and I had just moved to an apartment. And so needless to say, that was when I really got into health crisis with myself. (03:39) •   We went to Vegas and I knew I was overweight there, but it was no big deal. I mean, it was on my mind, but then we went to Cabo together, Jeff and I did. And I think I put it on another five pounds there because it was all inclusive. And we were there for like nine days. I didn't dare weigh myself, but I knew I was big. I just felt so out of place. I felt it was at one time at a resort that I was just like, I am like, I'm the fat girl. I just felt horrible about myself.  (6:19) •   And now I integrated the health coaching program that I lost weight on into my coaching practice so that I can help people that are struggling with their health. It's not just about weight loss. It's a lot about mindset and all the healthy habits that are incorporated into your health. It's about setting you up for long-term success because I got there for some reason, for many reasons, I got to that place where I was unhealthy and a lot of it, or my emotions and the eating, not having sleep habits, eating habits, drinking enough water, all the things that go into it. All the individual healthy habits that do go into your health, they affect not only your weight, but they also affect your emotions, which in turn affect your relationships.  (08:21) •   We need to pay attention, your physical health and your emotional health are tied together so closely. They're interwoven and you can't pay attention to one without paying attention to the other. So I just was so determined to gain mastery over my weight over this thing, that it just was all consuming. At that point, I was like, I have to get ahold of this. And I did. And now it feels amazing to have melted the fat off my body. And now it's not a distraction. It's not a hindrance. It's something that doesn't bog me down.  (09:14)   CONNECT WITH RICHELE: Visit my website: CoachingCloset.com [https://coachingcloset.com] Connect on free Facebook Group: CoachingClosetConnect.com [https://www.facebook.com/groups/607035253196498] Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/607035253196498 [https://www.facebook.com/groups/607035253196498]

Breakups: Learn. Grow. Start Again.

•  A lot of times, like you spend months, if not years, contemplating like, Am I gonna go or I'm gonna stay... There are even coaches out there that are... Should I Stay or Should I Go coaches? And I'm one of those that I will never tell a client what to do, I help them to decide for themselves what's best for them, and be introspective as what their part is, and if they can show up in a different way so that the relationship will improve. Because many times, if they just show up better and in a more healthy way, the relationship can improve, but it can only improve if both parties want it to. And if both people are willing to show up in a way that is healthy and beneficial for the relationship. (2:29) •  So sometimes a relationship can last a couple of months and then you realize that sometimes it can last a couple of years, sometimes a couple of decades before you realize this is not working, and honestly, it's better to realize that before it becomes completely toxic. Because sometimes you realize it and you start resenting the other person like, Why isn't it working out, why isn't it compatible? Why isn't it aligning with what I want it to be? And many times it comes from both sides, so Conscious Uncoupling is a book, and it's also a program, and it's written by Katherine Woodward Thomas, and it's really great for anyone suffering from a heart that is hurting from a loss of a love relationship. If you're in the midst of a break-up, if you're struggling with unresolved pain from the past, I mean it could have been a decade ago and you're still hurting from that relationship ending, or you're not sure if you are wanting to stay or go. It's something that you might want to think about doing, you might want to think about reading the book, or you might want to think about getting with a coach and exploring conscious uncoupling. (4:31) •  I think we see these fairytales and this happily ever after scenario, and we think, Well, if it doesn't go that way, then it's bad and it was never meant to be, and I should be angry about it, or be bitter about it. Why not look at it a different way? Why don't we look at it as, You know what, what can I value about that time that I had with that person? What do I appreciate about them and how they helped me grow, or the memories we created together, and maybe even the children we created together, and who did I become that I could never have become had it not been for them being in my life? And if you really change your perspective and reframe it in that way, it opens up a whole new part of you and part of your heart and allows you to see things very, very differently. I think if everybody took that approach, people would be walking around with a lot less baggage than they are now, and they'd be able to go into their next relationship a lot lighter, freer and ready to open their heart for love. (6:34) •  I want to challenge you today, if you're feeling stuck from a past relationship that you've held on to because you thought you never wanted it to end or you're holding on to resentment, if you could just release those resentments and maybe write down the things that you're grateful for in that relationship, that's a first step. And I definitely encourage you to pick up the book or order it on Amazon, Conscious Uncoupling, and read it and understand it. Or, you can get it on Audible and listen to it, and it will open up your mind and it will open up your heart. There's definitely more love to have out there in the world, and there's more people for you to love. I've seen this quote, and it says, 'You've not met all the people that are going to love you yet', and you surely haven't.  (8:29) CONNECT WITH RICHELE: Visit my website: CoachingCloset.com [https://coachingcloset.com/] Connect on free Facebook Group: CoachingClosetConnect.com [https://www.facebook.com/groups/607035253196498] Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/607035253196498 [https://www.facebook.com/groups/607035253196498]

New Year, New You, New Love

•  I had parties with friends where we'd sit around and just cut out magazine's words that we liked and pictures that we liked and things that we wanted to manifest or attract in our lives, and put those on the board. And it's crazy because when you do that and then you put it in a place where you see it every day, a lot of those things will actually come to fruition, by how you look forward to the new year and wanting to create some new things. Maybe you want to have a healthier lifestyle, maybe you would like to change some things that you're doing, maybe enjoy life more, maybe you want to have changes in relationships. I just want to encourage you that if you're first seeing it in your mind or feeling it in your heart that you want to change things, the next thing you need to do is really just take a step forward to do it.   (3:21) •  It's really targeted for singles... Mostly singles that have been through a divorce. But it could even be for singles that have been single for a long time. Maybe they've been through some failed relationships or some completed relationships, as I like to call them, not just failed. But anyway, we're going to be really helping them learn to love their life as an individual, and as I do that, getting them ready and prepared to then step into a partnership with someone, if that's their desire. It's great for anyone who's maybe been stuck in a cycle, the cycle dating of the same kind of people. They're not sure why these patterns keep coming up, and they would like to get out of that rut. If that's you or someone that is looking to be introspective and see what their part has been in the relationships that have not succeeded and really wanting to identify patterns that are no longer serving them, and we're going to help you do that.  (4:33) •  Find me on Facebook, find me on Instagram, Richele Batt. You can find Rex Romander on Facebook as well, and either one of us, you can ask for any of the details. It's going to be a six-week course to begin with as we create our full curriculum, and is at a discount price at this time. So you want to get in now while you can be grandfathered into this, because we're going to be expanding and enriching everything as we go along. But go ahead and find us, and we are going to be doing twice weekly live Zoom calls that will be recorded and they'll be in the evenings. Whatever is best for our students. And then we're going to have every other week, both men and women in a classroom, so that we can all discuss. We're going to have an opportunity for our students to submit questions ahead of time so that we really know what is on the heart and minds of our students.  (7:19) •  We'd love to answer any questions that you have in regards to that class and starting your new year off right! And if you're single and if you are tired of the dating that you've experienced, the relationships you've experienced, if you're not sure if you're in a toxic one... I can help you with that, that's my specialty. We just want to really have a safe, healthy place for people to discover about loving their life as a single person.  (8:11) CONNECT WITH RICHELE: Visit my website: CoachingCloset.com [https://coachingcloset.com/] Connect on free Facebook Group: CoachingClosetConnect.com [https://www.facebook.com/groups/607035253196498] Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/607035253196498 [https://www.facebook.com/groups/607035253196498]