You’re Not Chasing Sex or Relationships — You’re Chasing Being Chosen

When You Just Need Them to Admit It (and they won’t)

A construction project that began around a $150,000 estimate grew into something that may approach half a million dollars. Between surprise costs, “change orders,” restrictive contract language, and a contractor who would not acknowledge obvious problems, Brian found himself replaying arguments and becoming consumed with getting someone to admit what had happened. Then a morning Dharma talk about a six-hundred-year-old Zen painting of a man trying to catch a catfish with a gourd gave him a useful way to understand the pattern. This episode explores grasping through Buddhism, dopamine, addiction, therapy, and everyday life. Brian looks at why we keep chasing apologies, reassurance, money, control, and achievement as though the next outcome will finally settle us, and asks a practical question: What job have I assigned this thing? Check out the website for articles published weekly: www.naplesintegratedrecovery.com [http://www.naplesintegratedrecovery.com] Want to work together? I see psychotherapy clients in Florida: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/brian-granneman-naples-fl/1153470 [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/brian-granneman-naples-fl/1153470] I also offer accountability, coaching, and sober companion services. Send an email: brian@naplesintegratedrecovery.com

I Used to Think Sobriety Looked Unbearable. Then I Became the Bird Feeder Guy.

This episode looks at addiction, dopamine, recovery, and the strange return of quiet joy through the unlikely doorway of bird feeders. Years ago, ordinary contentment looked ridiculous: a jigsaw puzzle, a massive John Adams biography, a quiet evening, a bird outside the window. Through addiction, the reward system gets trained around intensity, escape, threat, and relief, which can make normal life feel flat, boring, or almost offensive. The deeper question is what changes when recovery reaches attention itself. A cardinal at a feeder, a book, a walk, or a morning cup of coffee can begin to register again when the receiver changes. This is an episode about sobriety, neuroplasticity, mindfulness, grief, trauma exposure, and the weird humility of becoming the kind of person who genuinely cares when the birds show up.   Check out the website for articles published weekly: www.naplesintegratedrecovery.com [http://www.naplesintegratedrecovery.com/] Want to work together? I see psychotherapy clients in Florida: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/brian-granneman-naples-fl/1153470 [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/brian-granneman-naples-fl/1153470] I also offer accountability, coaching, and sober companion services. Send an email: brian@naplesintegratedrecovery.com [brian@naplesintegratedrecovery.com]

Watering Dead Soil is Not Patience: When Waiting is a Waste of Time

Patience can become a way to stay stuck. This episode breaks down the difference between slow growth that is actually building capacity and waiting that keeps the same loop alive. Brian looks at relationships, recovery, career frustration, personal development, and the nervous system’s need for closure when the outcome is uncertain. You’ll learn how to assess whether time is increasing honesty, discipline, judgment, tolerance, and steadiness, or whether the same pattern is continuing under better language. The central question is whether roots are forming or the ground has already given you the answer. Watering dead soil is not patience. Check out the website for articles published weekly: www.naplesintegratedrecovery.com  [http://www.naplesintegratedrecovery.com] Want to work together? I see psychotherapy clients in Florida: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/brian-granneman-naples-fl/1153470 [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/brian-granneman-naples-fl/1153470] I also offer accountability, coaching, and sober companion services. Send an email: brian@naplesintegratedrecovery.com [brian@naplesintegratedrecovery.com]

Why Inconsiderate People Hit Such a Nerve

Why do other people feel so exhausting sometimes? This episode uses Buddhist psychology to break down the aversive temperament: the part of the mind that sees flaws quickly, gets irritated by disorder, and can confuse clear perception with contempt. Using examples from beach crowds, Walmart, airports, AA, and public life, Brian explores why some people experience inconsiderate behavior as almost physically intolerable. The episode also looks at why “that’s my alcoholism” can become too small of an explanation after years of sobriety. The deeper work involves understanding temperament, noticing aversion before it becomes disgust, keeping discernment without feeding contempt, and learning how to stop making peace dependent on everyone else acting right.   Check out the website for articles published weekly: www.naplesintegratedrecovery.com [http://www.naplesintegratedrecovery.com] Want to work together? I see psychotherapy clients in Florida: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/brian-granneman-naples-fl/1153470 [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/brian-granneman-naples-fl/1153470] I also offer accountability, coaching, and sober companion services. Send an email: brian@naplesintegratedrecovery.com [brian@naplesintegratedrecovery.com]

You Knew You’d Regret It. You Did It Anyway.

Why do people keep repeating behaviors they already decided to stop? This episode breaks down the neuroscience behind addictive loops, impulsive behavior, craving, dopamine, the orbitofrontal cortex, salience, tolerance, withdrawal, and why insight alone often does not change behavior. Using a simple cereal aisle example, Brian explains how the brain assigns value before conscious reasoning catches up. The episode also explains why recovery has to begin earlier in the sequence: before access, before negotiation, before the craving peaks, and before the old behavior becomes automatic. The real work involves changing the environment, interrupting the loop, tolerating discomfort, and giving the brain repeated evidence that the old behavior is no longer required. Check out the website for articles published weekly: www.naplesintegratedrecovery.com [http://www.naplesintegratedrecovery.com] Want to work together? I see psychotherapy clients in Florida: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/brian-granneman-naples-fl/1153470 [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/brian-granneman-naples-fl/1153470] I also offer accountability, coaching, and sober companion services. Send an email: brian@naplesintegratedrecovery.com [brian@naplesintegratedrecovery.com]