Why Neurodivergent Kids “Fall Apart” After School — Deanna Dow, PhD, an LA Autism Psychologist
On Look for the Helpers, a podcast by Engage Therapy in Agoura Hills, Dr. Blake Brisbois sits down with Deanna Dow, PhD, a clinical psychologist and the founder of Spectrum Psych in Los Angeles. Dr. Dow specializes in autism and ADHD, and she recently came out to the Engage Treatment Program campus in Westlake Village to spend three hours helping our team make our programs more neuro-inclusive. This is that conversation.
Her throughline is one every parent, teacher, and clinician can use: a neurodivergent kid who "falls apart" at home isn't being bad. They spent the whole day masking, looking people in the eye, managing their sensory world, holding their emotions in, and they have nothing left when they walk in the door, where you're their safe person. Dr. Dow explains why so many kids (especially girls) and high-IQ adults get diagnosed late, why a diagnosis can land as relief instead of a label, and the reframe that changes everything: your brain is wired differently, and that's not a problem.
Blake and Dr. Dow also get into the language that's shifted (identity-first, and "support needs" instead of "high or low functioning"), the myth that autistic people don't want to be social, autistic burnout, and how to adapt good, evidence-based therapy so it actually fits a neurodivergent brain.
Warm, practical, and hopeful for anyone raising, teaching, or treating a neurodivergent kid.
Chapters
0:00 Intro
0:45 Welcome: Dr. Deanna Dow & Spectrum Psych (and training the Engage team)
2:23 The words we use: identity-first language & "support needs," not "functioning"
5:53 Treating mental health, not "curing" autism — and why a specialist matters
9:13 What gets missed: masking, late diagnosis, and why girls slip through
11:13 The after-school meltdown: the invisible work of masking
13:03 "My kid is not bad": diagnosis as relief and the superpower reframe
17:03 Accommodate vs. adapt: routines, sensory breaks & neuro-affirming spaces
23:23 The social-motivation myth & social-skills groups, done right
27:13 Why this work: authenticity, identity & autistic burnout
32:08 The hidden cost of masking, and a warm goodbye
Key topics:
• Masking and the after-school meltdown: why the tank is empty at home
• Why girls and high-IQ adults get diagnosed late
• Identity-first language and "support needs," not "high/low functioning"
• Diagnosis as relief: "my kid is not bad"
• The social-motivation myth, autistic burnout, and neuro-affirming therapy
About Engage Therapy
Engage Therapy is a clinician-owned, clinician-led practice supporting youth and families across the Conejo Valley, including Agoura Hills, Westlake Village, Calabasas, Thousand Oaks, Simi Valley and nearby. Our Engage Treatment Program offers intensive outpatient care for preteens, teens, and young adults. Learn more at engagetherapy.com [https://www.engagetherapy.com] · (805) 497-0605 · @engagetherapy [https://www.instagram.com/engagetherapy/].
Guest: Dr. Deanna Dow, PhD — Spectrum Psych, Los Angeles · spectrumpsychla.com [https://www.spectrumpsychla.com/]· IG @spectrumpsychla [https://www.instagram.com/spectrumpsychla/]
This conversation is for education and support, not therapy or medical advice. If you're struggling, you're not alone. You can call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time.
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