Nope! We're Not Monogamous

What happens when you grow up being told your body isn’t yours, your desires are dangerous, and your worth is tied to being someone’s “only one”… and then you finally break free? In this powerful conversation, I’m joined (again!) by Leah Carey, relationship and intimacy coach and former host of Good Girls Talk About Sex, to talk about what so many folks discover after leaving high-control environments like purity culture, religious abuse, cults, or narcissistic family systems: → The floodgates of curiosity open—and suddenly queerness, kink, and non-monogamy are on the table. We dig into: * Why exploring outside monogamy can feel like a reclamation of autonomy * How high-control systems shape our nervous systems and sexual wiring (and why “just getting over it” isn’t a thing) * The sticky shame messages ex-purity-culture kids drag into adult relationships—and how to start untangling them * How non-monogamy can be a massive relief during seasons of mismatched desire (and Leah’s refreshing take on letting a meta meet your partner’s needs) * Why true sexual freedom often starts with learning what your real yes and no even are If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I just be normal about love and sex?” this episode will remind you—you’re not broken. You just weren’t given a roadmap. And you get to write a new one. Links & Resources: * Connect with Leah: leahcarey.com [http://leahcarey.com]  | YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@XOLeahCarey] | @XOLeahCarey on socials * Leah Carey is a Relationship and Intimacy Coach and host of the podcast Good Girls Talk About Sex, which ran from 2019-2024. In a world full of confusing and contradictory messages about intimacy and relationships, Leah helps sex make sense. Drawing on her own healing journey from fear and repression, she specializes in working with people from High-Control childhoods like Purity Culture, narcissistic abuse, cults, and other religious abuse. Regardless of your background, she works with clients to unlearn stigmas and unhealthy patterns around intimacy and communication. Her work has been featured by Buzzfeed, Yahoo, NBCThink, The Journal of Cancer Education, and more. * Learn more about non-monogamy support at elleciapaine.com [https://elleciapaine.com/] * Join the Nope! We’re Not Monogamous community on Facebook [https://www.notion.so/Leah-Carey-238b426e857b8058a379f4c58cf31f51?pvs=21] for real-talk convos about love, sex, and autonomy Send us a text [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/1774508/open_sms] https://elleciapaine.com/call [https://elleciapaine.com/call] Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine [%20https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine%20] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ [https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/] Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

In non-monogamy, being misunderstood often feels like the default—and being truly seen? That’s the exception. But finding your people truly changes everything. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, non-monogamous love, sex, and relationship coach Ellecia Paine cracks open the emotional exhaustion of constantly explaining your relationships—especially to therapists, friends, or family who just don’t get it. She shares what real support actually looks like, how it feels in your body, and why tolerating your truth isn’t the same as honoring it. You’ll learn: * The nervous system relief of being seen without explanation * The emotional toll of defending your relationships * A 3-part framework to stop performing and start protecting your peace: * ✦ The Triage Method – who gets access to your truth * ✦ The Information Diet – how much to share (and with whom) * ✦ The Boundary Script – what to say when someone crosses the line * Why the right support isn’t just validating—it’s healing * How to find (or create) a space where your love doesn’t need a disclaimer Whether you’re solo poly, partnered, or somewhere in between, this episode is your reminder that you don’t have to keep explaining yourself to feel worthy of support. You just need the right people who meet you with curiosity, not correction. 🔗 Resources & Links: * Join the “Nope! We’re Not Monogamous” Facebook Group [https://www.facebook.com/groups/156086393074950] → https://www.facebook.com/groups/156086393074950 [https://www.facebook.com/groups/156086393074950] * Book a free Clarity Call with Ellecia → https://elleciapaine.podia.com/clarity-chat [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/clarity-chat] * Get support in Breaking Free From Monogamy → http://www.elleciapaine.com/breakingfree [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/c01b64b4-9db5-44a9-8d21-0938e916026a] Let’s Keep the Conversation Going: If this episode gave your nervous system a big ol’ exhale, leave a review or share it with a fellow polyam pal who needs to feel seen too. And don’t forget to subscribe—because your support helps this show keep doing its thing. Send us a text [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/1774508/open_sms] https://elleciapaine.com/call [https://elleciapaine.com/call] Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine [%20https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine%20] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ [https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/] Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Do you worry that your desires make you “too much”? Like wanting more connection, more honesty, or more love means something is wrong with you? You're not broken—you’re just becoming. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m getting all the way real about the internalized guilt so many of us carry when we crave “more” in our relationships. More connection. More truth. More you. And especially inside non-monogamy, where wanting more can trigger every insecurity we’ve ever inherited from monogamy culture. 🔍 We’re unpacking: * Why wanting more doesn’t make you greedy—it makes you honest * The myth of being “enough” in non-monogamy and why it’s total B.S. * How monogamous conditioning gaslights our desire and shrinks our relationships * What “enough” actually means—and why it’s YOUR definition that matters * Why non-monogamy isn’t inherently chaotic (but support + tools matter) * How to let go of the shame and build relationships that are truthful, not performative ✨ If you’ve been asking yourself, “Am I selfish for wanting more?” or “Would they still want others if I were enough?”—this one’s for you. And spoiler: no, you're not selfish. You're self-aware. Mentioned in this episode: 👉 My 3-month coaching program Breaking Free From Monogamy—for folks ready to stop surviving and start creating love on your terms. Learn more at elleciapaine.com [https://elleciapaine.com/linkinbio] If this episode made your heart exhale… ➡️ Leave a review. ➡️ Share it with someone who needs to hear it. ➡️ Or DM me on Instagram @elleciapaine [https://instagram.com/elleciapaine] and tell me what hit. Because you’re not too much. You’re just ready to stop pretending crumbs are enough. And that? That’s the beginning of something real. Send us a text [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/1774508/open_sms] https://elleciapaine.com/call [https://elleciapaine.com/call] Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine [%20https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine%20] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ [https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/] Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

So your mind gets polyamory—you’ve read the books, done the therapy, had the late-night conversations. But your body? It’s still freaking out when your partner goes on a date. Welcome to the nervous system’s opinion on non-monogamy. In this deeply validating and often hilarious conversation, I’m joined by Dedeker Winston (co-host of the Multiamory podcast) and Orit Krug, a licensed dance/movement therapist, to talk about why your nervous system might not be as on board with polyamory as your prefrontal cortex is—and what you can actually do about it. We cover: * Why jealousy can’t be “talked out of” * How trauma shows up in open relationships (even years later) * Why somatic therapy works when your brain hits a wall * What healing in community really looks like (spoiler: it’s not group sobbing, but it is a little weird) * A behind-the-scenes look at their upcoming somatic retreat for polyamorous folks in Spain Whether you’re solo poly, partnered, in a polycule, or still figuring it out—this episode is a must-listen if you want more ease, embodiment, and nervous system support in your non-monogamous journey. 💌 Learn more about the retreat: 👉 https://multiamory.com/retreat [https://multiamory.com/retreat] September 22–25, 2025 | Northern Spain | Sliding scale available Send us a text [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/1774508/open_sms] https://elleciapaine.com/call [https://elleciapaine.com/call] Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine [%20https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine%20] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ [https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/] Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

What actually happens at sex-positive events? Cuddle parties? Consent circles? Erotic service? 👀 In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, I sit down with Jamie Love, Executive Director of Sex Positive World [https://www.sexpositiveworld.org/], to talk about the radical, healing, and totally human side of building sex-positive community. We cover: * How to start a sex-positive space or community near you * What consent really looks like (hint: it’s not just “yes or no”) * Erotic service, safer sex talks, and the power of devotional touch * What to expect at events like cuddle parties, massage-a-trois, and self-pleasure circles * Jamie’s relationship style: when your community is your primary partner * The truth about creating spaces that are inclusive, beginner-friendly, and deeply transformative * And what’s coming up at Polytopia 2025—Portland’s conference for polyamorous people, where I’ll be a featured speaker! If you’re curious about non-monogamy, ethical sluthood, radical consent, or how to make friends (and maybe lovers) outside the mainstream—this episode is for you. 🔗 LEARN MORE 👉 Sex Positive World: https://www.sexpositiveworld.org [https://www.sexpositiveworld.org] 👉 Polytopia Conference: https://www.sexpositiveportland.org/polytopia-2025 [https://www.sexpositiveportland.org/polytopia-2025] 👉 Jamie Love on Instagram: https://instagram.com/jamielove_pdx [https://instagram.com/jamielove_pdx] 👉 Support the show + get bonus content: https://patreon.com/notmonogamous [https://www.patreon.com/c/Notmonogamous] 👉 Learn more about me: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] Send us a text [https://www.buzzsprout.com/twilio/text_messages/1774508/open_sms] https://elleciapaine.com/call [https://elleciapaine.com/call] Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter [https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter] ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous [http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous] 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com [https://www.elleciapaine.com] 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine [%20https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine%20] 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ [https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/] Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237