Episode 30 | Tidying Up — And Why Bother

Episode 37 | Everyone Has An Opinion — What's Yours Of You?

Full transparency. As of June 16th, 2026, my day job is delivering food via a delivery service in 97 degree St. Louis heat and fucking humidity so thick that you don’t even need to iron your clothes before you step out into the day.    With this podcast, or the site, or anything that Sharon and I are building, there is no advertising revenue. No team. No YouTube money. Just Sharon and me and a microphone and whatever this is.   And what does that mean? It means that we don’t have anyone telling us to “chill out” or “that’s a bit too much.” It means that the way that this started, from the heart and genuinely real, is how it still is. It’s imperfect because the two of us are imperfect.   But it’s fucking real.   Sharon rang the bell twice for her two cancers. For those of you that know what that means and the significance, then you know and it’s something that is a living and permanent part of the rest of our lives.    That particular storm is over.    What's left is rent, groceries at prices that have no business being what they are, and the ongoing work of building something real without a safety net.   What’s left is a deepening love and respect for one another that neither of us knew existed. And again, this isn’t about perfection, rather, it’s about living and loving and learning.   This morning I went face to face with someone we owe rent money to. Could have been a short conversation. Perhaps “should have been” a short-ass conversation.   But it wasn’t.   They turned it into an opinion session about how we should be living our lives.    Everyone has a fucking opinion, right? I shut it down.    We had an agreement. Everything else was none of their purview.    That's not arrogance.    That's knowing the difference between what belongs to someone else and what belongs to you.   This episode is about that difference.    Everyone. Has. An. Opinion.    About your finances, your relationships, your choices, the word they use to try to diminish you.    None of it defines you unless you hand it that authority. And you've been handing it that authority your whole life without realizing that's what you were doing.   What's your opinion of you?    That's the only one that actually runs the show.

Sunday Stroll 05 | Cherry Pick The Good Stuff

I'm sitting on the sofa next to Sharon with my coffee watching birds land on a light outside the window. I've got an iMac, a Vocaster 2, Bose speakers, a MacBook Air, an iPad Pro, a 32-inch monitor. None of it holds my hand when I get home from work. No technology replaces genuine compassion and care for another person. That's the whole musing right there and I could stop. But I didn't. This one is about cherry picking. I did it for most of my life without knowing that's what I was doing — called it telling it like it was, called it being honest, called it facing reality. What I was actually doing was rooting around consistently for the painful stuff, the stuff that confirmed what I already believed about myself. You have a choice about what you root around for. That's not toxic positivity. That's just a fact about where you put your attention. If you're going to cherry pick anyway — and you are, we all do — why not pick the good stuff sometimes.

Episode 36 | All People Suck — And Other Bullshit You Tell Yourself

All people suck. Men are dogs. Women just want one thing. You keep attracting the same type and you've decided that's just how people are. It isn't. That's how you see people. And how you see people is a direct reflection of what you believe about yourself. I know that's not what you want to hear. Say it anyway. This episode is about dating, relationships, and the sweeping generalizations we make when we keep bumping into the same kinds of people and can't figure out why. I've been married five times. I'm not talking theoretically. I'm talking about what it costs to walk into relationship after relationship without knowing what you actually want — and then wondering why nothing works. So here's the exercise. List five qualities that make a good partner for you. Now ask yourself — why do you keep settling for three out of five? And when you're done with that question, ask yourself the harder one. When did you last sit down and develop the same kind of generous, patient, compassionate relationship with yourself that you keep hoping someone else is going to show up and give you? The episode ends with me wanting pancakes at midnight. My wife said it was too late. My choice whether to eat them anyway. Think on that. All people suck. Men are dogs. Women just want one thing. You keep attracting the same type and you've decided that's just how people are. It isn't. That's how you see people. And how you see people is a direct reflection of what you believe about yourself. I know that's not what you want to hear. Say it anyway. This episode is about dating, relationships, and the sweeping generalizations we make when we keep bumping into the same kinds of people and can't figure out why. I've been married five times. I'm not talking theoretically. I'm talking about what it costs to walk into relationship after relationship without knowing what you actually want — and then wondering why nothing works. So here's the exercise. List five qualities that make a good partner for you. Now ask yourself — why do you keep settling for three out of five? And when you're done with that question, ask yourself the harder one. When did you last sit down and develop the same kind of generous, patient, compassionate relationship with yourself that you keep hoping someone else is going to show up and give you? The episode ends with me wanting pancakes at midnight. My wife said it was too late. My choice whether to eat them anyway. Think on that.

Episode 35 | Mistakes, Missteps, And The Apology That Never Came

My father never apologized for what he did to me as a child. I spent a long time waiting for that apology. I thought I needed it. I thought that without it I couldn't move forward, couldn't feel whole, couldn't consider myself worthy of anything good. And then he died. Without saying it. Without taking responsibility for any of it. And I had a choice to make. This episode is about that choice — and about the question underneath it. Can there really be any mistakes or missteps, or are they misinterpretations of your potential to love yourself? Because everything you've done, including the things you're most ashamed of, is part of who you are right now. To condemn those things wholesale is to condemn yourself as you currently exist. I'm not asking you to applaud what you've done. I'm asking you to consider whether burning yourself at the stake for it is actually serving you. Recorded March 2023 at 10:26pm with whatever equipment I had on hand. Stream of consciousness. No edits. Real shit.

Episode 34 | We Are Not Broken

This episode was recorded March 26th, 2023. Like so many of the of these earlier episodes while Sharon was dealing with her medical challenges, at this time, as yet unknown, I’m posting the episode out of order.   Sharon and I listened to it together tonight and decided it needed to go out now.   There’s no “rational” or “logical” reason. Not really.   It just felt like something that we needed to do.   Around the four-minute mark I talk about November 2nd, 1994. My suicide attempt. And what it means to have gone from that night to a Sunday morning in March 2023 where I can say — I didn't know you could feel this light. This whole. This free. This “unencumbered.”   I genuinely didn't know that such things existed for someone like me.   And then I cry.    On the recording.    I'm fucking leaving it in.   I’m leaving it in not because I want your sympathy.    Not because I'm “performing” some bullshit vulnerability schtick. But because the person who needed this episode is the one who has spent years telling himself that wanting to feel okay, and loved, and wanted, and cherished was some weak-ass, fucked-up shit that only “other” people did.    That needing something to change means something was wrong with me.    That feeling and believing myself to be broken was all that I was ever going to know. Or be.   It wasn’t.   It isn't.   I know that because I lived that life for a very long time.    And I know what it costs.    And I know what's on the other side of it.   You're not broken.    You may not believe that right now.    And that's okay; you don't have to believe it yet.   Just listen.   And decide for yourself.