Love for the Other

Stand Up for Others, Stand Up for Yourself

June: On Conflict and Courage June 3 Throughout your life you’ll find yourself pushed and pulled in all kinds of directions by all kinds of people and circumstances—a lot of them will not have your best interests in mind. But you’ll go along with it because you’re afraid of hurting or inconveniencing others. Or because you trust their words and advice over your own, when in reality, what they’re asking you to do is in direct conflict with your authentic self. And listening to them pulls you from your path. You have the ability to stand up for yourself. To help yourself, which will in turn allow you to help others. You just need to take the first step—small as it is. Little by little, you'll move on, their voices becoming echoes until they fade and you can no longer hear them, and your own voice replaces theirs.  It’s possible.  You just have to begin the journey. * Reflection title: Stand Up for Others, Stand Up for Yourself * Creative inspiration: Mary Oliver, "The Journey" * Reflection Question: Do I have the courage to stand up for myself? To do right by me, so I can do right by others?

Have the Courage To Ask

June: On Conflict and Courage June 2 This idea of seeking help from none was ingrained in Victorian masculinity—and perhaps as well with a colonial mindset, but it’s a dangerous and lonely belief—one that can lead to festering mental and emotional wounds and isolation. Gordon lost his daughter at 11 months, had his head cracked against a gatepost by his horse, and was facing financial ruin. It seems a deep-running depression was almost inevitable given the circumstances. But I have to wonder, could things have been different for him had he the courage to seek the help he so desperately needed? I suppose conjecture is the only answer we’ll get to the question. Nevertheless, Gordon’s poetry outlived his despair and has offered others strength, where perhaps they needed it desperately. What I would like to pull from this beautiful poem and sad story about a man who died so young is that we must recognize that seeking help is not a weakness but rather it is in our nature as social creatures and it is often a wise thing to do. Sometimes this comes with age, in some sad cases it comes too late or not at all. Sometimes it’s the bravest thing a person can do.  Seeking help is a courageous thing, indeed.  * Reflection title: Have the Courage To Ask * Creative inspiration: Adam Lindsay Gordon, "Ye Weary Wayfarer" * Reflection Question: Do I have the wisdom to recognize when I need help from others? Do I have the courage to seek it?

Are You a Human or a Flea?

June: On Conflict and Courage June 1 June begins a new month and a new topic: On Conflict and Courage. You must learn to recognize fear so you can master it—that’s where courage comes from.  To think you’re without fear, or that it’s only something that happens to others is foolish—that is a weakness.  So feel your fears, face them so you can resist and tame them. After all, you wouldn’t want to be a flea, would you? * Reflection title: Are You a Human or a Flea?  * Creative inspiration: Mark Twain, The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson * Reflection Question: Do I recognize and acknowledge my fears? Do I choose courage despite them?

Share Your Smile

May: On Love May 31 We’ve talked about it before—the world will give you endless reasons every day to frown, snarl, and bite back at it (or at the other people inhabiting it). But where will that get you? You’ll satisfy an animalistic instinct to “fight” back for a moment, but after that? Oh, you’ll have some elevated levels of epinephrine (adrenaline), norepinephrine, and cortisol (which can be life-saving in certain circumstances!) but overall, when the moment passes and your body regulates, you’ll be left feeling exhausted, tense, or maybe even have some digestive issues. And really, reacting this way changes nothing. The alternative? Slow down. Consider what it is you’re reacting to—and maybe more importantly, why you’re reacting to it, and why you’re reacting the way you are. Stop. Breathe. Think. Can you see how silly it is that a random stranger’s comment at the store or on social media might upset you? Can you laugh at the absurdity of modern life and the rat race we find ourselves in? Can you smile in the face of any disaster that might come your way—because you’re still here and you’re still breathing and you’re giving it everything you’ve got? * Reflection title: Share Your Smile * Creative inspiration: Mother Teresa, Nobel Lecture, 1979 * Reflection Question: Am I doing my best to meet the world and others with a smile? Am I smiling at myself?

Warning: Deep Well Ahead

May: On Love May 30 It’s a risky thing—loving someone or something. Because if you love—if you truly love someone—you’ve given them everything you’ve got. And should they go? Should they be taken from you? Well . . . what have you got left? It happens all the time. You hear romantic stories of elderly partners passing away within days of each other . . . death by a broken heart. This is something called the widowhood effect. And while there doesn’t seem to be a clear medical reason as to why it might happen, it goes to highlight, at the least, just how important love is in our lives. So important that sometimes we can’t live without it. * Reflection title: Warning: Deep Well Ahead * Creative inspiration: Eastin DeVerna, Life Is But a Dream * Reflection Question: Am I prepared to lose the one I love most? Are they prepared to lose me? What promise can I make to myself and to them about carrying on?