Wise Not Withered

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Wise Not Withered podcast. I actually recorded a first draft of this episode back in May, but never posted it. In reviewing and trying to edit that episode, I noticed that I went on so many tangents, feeling really guilty about this announcement, and basically trying to prove to myself that it was okay. And the episode was too long! So here is a shorter and sweeter version, read to you from my Notes app where I’m much better able to piece my thoughts coherently and succinctly. I’m officially going on hiatus. I realized I was taking on too many projects, and for now I would like to focus my efforts on music therapy grad school, teaching, and building my career. Wise Not Withered has been a passion project for almost seven years, and I’m so proud of what we’ve done. If you’re new to the podcast, or if you’ve listened to a few episodes, thank you for being here, AND please go back and listen to more! There are amazing character showcases, interviews with all kinds of interesting, wise women, and more. You can truly do so much in seven years! I don’t know when I’ll be back, but a few things that happened this year made me realize my heart isn’t FULLY in the project anymore right now. It’s not an issue of if but when I return to the project. I’ll continue compiling ideas, such as interviewing music therapists, or writing about the resilience and strength I witnessed in older women during my music therapy internship at a large hospital last year. There are many directions this project could go in, and I’m already excited to see what comes next. I also wanted to officially announce that I will also be changing the name of the project. I think Wise Not Withered is very bold and defiant, and makes a statement. I also realize that I want to focus on what I want to focus on. So rather than what older women are not, focus on what they ARE, and that is Wise and Worthy. Haven’t quite figured out how the name change will look across all the websites and other online presences, but we’ll figure that out sometime later! I have time to figure it out :) Thanks for tuning in, and you will hear me next time. Bye-bye!

Welcome to another episode of the Wise Not Withered podcast! Today's episode is a PART TWO character showcase of Candace, our 50-year-old FPS Housewife. Please check out her earlier episode which came out on February 4, 2020 :') In today's episode, you will hear from B (@b_doesart [https://www.instagram.com/b_doesart/]), Candace's brilliant illustrator; she talks about her background as an artist, and we also talk about various facets of the gaming industry these days. After our conversation, I share a fun and funny story about working with B and the amazing illustrations she made for Candace and Candace's sons. Stay tuned for more news about Wise Not Withered! New things are coming :)

Hello and welcome to the Wise Not Withered Podcast! This is Season 4, and we are on Episode 13. This will actually be the last episode of Season 4; I will do a pivot into Season 5, and I'll talk about that next month. This month's guest was Manpreet Johal Bernie. I found her first through Tiny Buddha [https://tinybuddha.com/author/manpreet-johal/], where she has written many different kinds of articles. She also has her own podcast, called Heart's Happiness [https://www.heartshappiness.co.uk/podcast]. She is a transformational coach and a writer; she made a fascinating transition from what she used to do and how it translates to the work she does now. TRIGGER WARNING: She does talk about self-harm and suicide. I do want to also say that even though we talk a lot about trauma, one of the main points she also stands for is post-traumatic GROWTH. I'm really honored and excited to share the final episode of Season 4 with Manpreet Johal Bernie. She is just such a warm, loving, kind-hearted soul, and I can't wait for you to hear her story. — Cool so, let’s see, is it Manpreet? Am I saying that right? Yeah, it says Manpreet. So I have got married since I got Zoom, so it’s Manpreet Johal Bernie, and my Podcast and all the things I do is Heart's Happiness. Yeah, Heart's Happiness. That’s so… It’s just so wholesome, I love it. Thank you! Yeah. All right, let's start with… What’s your age? So I am… I’ve just turned 42, and I can't remember that, because I feel like I'm 25! (Laughs) Yeah, and talk more about that. What do you mean you feel like 25? As I've got older, I seem to have way more ambition for my life than I did when I was 25, so I can't quite believe that I'm 42, because I'm living more as a 42-year-old than I did when I was 25 because I was in a lot of pain when I was 25, so… Very different. But it's just, the number’s getting bigger. Mhm, yeah, amazing. And so where did you grow up, and where do you live now? So I was born and raised in London in the UK, and I lived there… I moved around London but my whole life I didn't leave London—like the city and you know, well, I was in the suburbs, but generally that whole area—until I was like 39, which is, you know, part of my new life, my new chapter. I didn't really know who I was when I was living in London, so I was raised in my family. There's lots of trauma and lots of difficulties and I was just caught up in all of that and I had like a career in London where I worked for big companies in IT and change management and things like that. So I was just really caught up in the world, like London, like New York, and these big cities, you know… It's like lots of like going out, and drinking, and work that I didn't enjoy and then all my dramas that was at home, so I was just caught up in this whole bubble there. But as you get older, and you start… I began my own healing journey, I started to figure out who I was, and actually I don't love the city life, so I'm now in, more near the coast in the UK. So in Kent, which is like south, so lots of like nature, walks, and sunsets and a much smaller pace of life. Well, not my job, but, you know, just outside my house anyway, so I love it here. So it's really real different, but again, a big decision that I made as I got older, as I decided to discover who I truly am! Yeah! Yeah, and I want to dive into all of that. I'm so curious. What is your… What is the work that you do? So I am a trauma transformation coach and mentor. Okay, so you mentioned IT, so you have made the transition… Completely changed. Amazing, okay. I used to do change management for big companies. I now do that for people! (Laughs) Okay!! Yeah! It was a complete accident. It's not what I was trained in like. I went to university here in the UK and I did like… I did it to please my dad. Actually he was a computing teacher, so I did computing and business analysis and all of this kind of stuff. But it's just my own journey. As I started to get older, I lost my dad to suicide when I was 26, and so the person that I had created this whole life to please was no longer alive. And when I started to struggle myself, like in my mid-30’s, after he'd been gone for a long time, I started to have real issues myself, like especially in romantic relationships, with my relationship with alcohol, with doing work, I didn't like, I was just really struggling. So I got into a sort of rock bottom situation and… I was like mid to late 30s couldn't get into a healthy relationship, and it was then that I was like, am I just gonna be like my dad? Am I gonna take my life, or… Am I, you know, I'm gonna be like my family and just be unhappy? Like what's going on with me? I started my own journey of like, healing and discovery, and that is the journey that led me to my work. So it's a complete accident. What happened was I was going to therapy, but I remember being in therapy and being like, okay, I get that I've got all of this like childhood trauma and that's why I'm being a complete crazy person with men, but like, how do I change this? I remember saying… I just, like I don't know if I'm allowed to swear, but I was like, how do I do that? Go ahead! It was like, how do I not be fucked? That’s what I said to her. Yeah, so real. I became obsessed with like okay, well, is there a way I can change? So I worked on changing basically, and then I started to get people ask me, how have you changed? Like how did you break that pattern? How did you used to be this like, woman with really low self-esteem and low confidence and bad relationships, and you know, I was very single for many, many years. How did you get to change that and be something else? So I was like oh, and I would tell my story, and it wasn't until you know COVID times and 2020 that I was like, oh, maybe I should start sharing it on a podcast because, podcasts had been so helpful for me as a medium, as part of me understanding what was going on with me. So that's how I kind of started with Heart's Happiness, which is my podcast, and then people started to reach out to me and say, could you teach me what you did? So the very first thing I did was I just created a course and I was like, step by step, like I would be training at work, for like a custom change. I was just teaching them how to do what I did. And then it kind of evolved from there where people started to ask me to do it one-to-one and then I started to train in some of the modalities that really helped me, like EFT tapping, and eye movement, and NLP, and things like that. So I trained, but all of this time I was still working in the corporate world. So I used to work for the VPC in their IT. I wasn't like a media person. So I was doing both at the same time. But the more that I was getting interested with Heart's Happiness, I was like this is what really sets my soul on fire. So actually I'd really like to leave. So I left, just… I'd been running Heart's Happiness for about a year and a half, so I left just before my 40th birthday and, yeah, best thing ever! And slowly, slowly, it's just been growing! And I've got like clients all over the world. I get to teach them my methodology. And it’s turning into some other thing now as well, where I get to help other people turn their healing journey into their work as well. So I've got like little business-starting, and helping people like that. You know, with that transformation that I made as well, so it's been really cool to turn all of that pain into something else. Right, yeah, that's so inspiring! I love that. Yeah, can you talk more about your podcast? There’s… I've listened to a few episodes. There's like the three areas, like what are the main parts of your podcast? Yeah, so I have a lot of guests on. I do bring people on that are like you know… Because when I started I wasn't a professional myself, so I bring in like experts, like therapists and coaches and healers and people that could help others to undo what's happened in their lives and make them feel better. So that was kind of what I decided to start with and share my story. Like I really feel that when we share stories, we help people to understand their own story. So that's kind of where I started, but then, as time went on, I discovered that I was some kind of teacher about this stuff. So I do a lot of content on you know, like how we can change, and, like you know, delving into different issues to do with trauma. So you know, dysfunctional relationships, trauma in the body and how we can change those things.  The addictions that happened during the process, like you know, what I was actually doing in relationship with men was actually called love addiction, so it was very like, almost like intoxicated by men that were very unavailable, but that's very common with people like ourselves that have been through trauma. So sharing stuff like that, talking about traumas and yeah, so it's very much to do with mental, spiritual, emotional wellbeing, but it's very holistic and we talk a lot about health as well and how even we can eat to heal you know our trauma and things like that. So it's really evolved over years, but it's still my favorite part of the week. So I love sharing and I've shared pretty much… I think two weeks I've missed, but for the last three and a half years I've pretty much had a podcast out every week. Wow, every week. Amazing. Yeah, been a long time, so I haven't done seasons or anything, it's just been like a consistent thing. But it's mad, because I'll get somebody you know from where you are, like reach out or Australia, or like all parts of the world. And people that from different backgrounds, they're not the same upbringing as me and we've just got the same story. It's just… To hear that my random content help people like that is kind of cool.  Yeah, yeah, it's definitely so… It's so powerful. Yeah, just resonates with a lot of people. Yeah. Let’s see, I guess getting a little lighter. What are some of your hobbies that you do outside of all this intense work? (Laughs) (Laughs) I know I do really love it, though it's great, of course.  Right, of course. I do actually really love it, so to the point that it's really hard to just come from the point of me or the business stuff, because I'm really into like self development and personal development anyway. So I am quite spiritual, do love the woo-woo’s! So I love like reading spiritual books or self-help books. I just cannot get enough. It's terrible. Like I went on holiday recently for my birthday and you know I read just so many books. That's just like my thing. So I do love traveling and seeing the world. I always loved that before as well. I love reading and just… I do have a natural desire for all the things that I bring into my work. So just everything about that, like you know, and going to sound baths and sound healings. It's like a way that I can help my clients, my teaching, stuff like that, but it's something for myself.  Right. It was really interesting. Through this journey of setting up my business and also helping other people and being on my own healing journey, I've really discovered who I am. So years ago I would have been someone very, very different. Like I would have been… I wouldn't even consider myself like more extroverted, but I'm actually really introverted. So I'll actually just love, like, being now and just like you know nature, I do love to see the world, I love to learn and I love connecting with people that are like deep and don't mind talking about the crazy things about life. I love a conversation. I still… I used to work for fashion companies, still love things like fashion and things like that and like finding ways to be creative. Yeah, I just love and I love… I do love what I do. Like, so I love meeting and hearing people's stories and watching those people just transform. It's incredible. I guess I just feel really blessed that I feel, just like… You know, like actually really like my life when I used to just absolutely hate it.  Right, yeah, that's beautiful, I love it.  I had to create it. You know, like it wasn't like that. It was… And I didn't even know who I am, and I'm still discovering who I am. I really enjoy it. Because for so many years I was just like people-pleasing and about what other people wanted from me, or what society expected. You know, especially even… You know, as a woman, I never had aspirations to like grow a brand or, you know, grow a business, like it felt like a real thing that I wasn't really into. But I love that now! I love helping women to be independent and create their own finances and, you know, use it for the good of the world and stuff like that. I didn't even think I was, you know, like into that kind of achieving or anything like that, but I do love it. I actually do really love business, which is weird.  Yeah, and that is somewhat recent. Yeah, I never would have thought that was who I was before. — Read the full transcript on wisenotwithered.com

Thanks for listening to another episode of the Wise Not Withered Podcast! This is Season 4, and we are on episode 12. This month's guest was Claudia Ortega-Lukas. She is a graphic designer. She shares an interesting story about how her job has evolved over the decades, as technology has also evolved. She shares her experience being a stepmother, and also her relationships with her own parents. She also talks about this duality of different cultures, two different worlds, which is actually how I found her, through an article she wrote a few years ago. In addition, she talks about her community, support system, and challenges she has overcome as well as what she is facing now. — Thank you so much for joining the podcast! What is your age? I'm 60 years old. 60. Okay. Just turned 60. Nice. When’s your birthday? September. Oh, September. Okay. Awesome. I’m a Libra! Oh, you're a Libra. Okay, awesome. Are you into astrology much? Not really. I just thought I liked the, I don't know, I guess we're always saying, you know, what sign you are, but I'm not really into it a lot. I've read it every now and then. But yeah. Mhm. And where did you grow up? I grew up in Mexico City. So, well actually in a town called Texcoco. We were born in Mexico City and then shortly after I was born, my family moved to Texcoco which you know back when I was born, it was probably a whole hour drive to Mexico City. But now I think they're like, pretty much, you know, have touched borders. Okay. And where else have you lived? So from from there from just Texcoco, I spent a semester with one of my mom's relatives in Denton, Texas. And then we moved to Guadalajara when I went to college, and then when I was there in college, I was an exchange student at the University of Oklahoma. Norman, Oklahoma. And then, I came back for a short period of time and then I actually enrolled at the University of Missouri for a master's degree. And so I moved to Columbia, Missouri, to go to school. Okay. And from there, I got a job and Reno, and then I came to Reno and I was here working for their newspaper for two years. And then I got a job with another newspaper in Savannah, Georgia. And then I went there… And I worked there for another two years. But before I left, I managed to meet my husband. Well, you know, the guy who is my husband now. So, yeah, so I was two years in Georgia. And then I came back. We got married there and then came back here and settled in Reno. Okay, so you're in Nevada now. Okay. Awesome. And what do you do for a living? I'm a graphic designer. Oh, okay! That's why… Yeah, I think that's what I wanted to do since I was middle school, although I didn't know what it was. But, you know, I did my own collages for my binders and things like that. And so, by the time I was in college, I knew that that's what I wanted to do. Okay. Yeah. And so take us through, like, what all does that entail? So, like making collages on your binder, then how did that translate into the work that you do now? Well, I mean, it's basically just the, you know… When I was in middle school, it was just basically, you know, kind of making a collage of all of the things that I liked. And then in a way that I thought was, was nice looking. By the time I went, when I got to college, I started working at a newspaper. So I was going to school, from 8:00 to 1:00. And then I was working from 2:00 to 8:00 or 2:00 to 10:00, depending, at the newspaper. So I was doing layout. And that's when I realized that that’s sort of something that I really liked. And I think, working at a newspaper, when I was in college, was really sort of what got me into both technology, and you know, the… I was refining kind of how I was doing. So basically, I was provided with all of the stories that had to be in on one page, or two pages, or the whole section. And then I had to use the photograph that I had available for each of the stories and I had to, you know, lay out a page that, would have a dominant element, a dominant headline, you know, had entry points would kind of guide the reader through it or tease the reader, you know, kind of thing. So, and then yeah, and then that's basically kind of what I did, I did that when I was all the way through school. And then when I move to… When I got my masters, my master's is in magazine and newspaper design. So basically, that was a little bit more emphasis on publication design. It's different from… You can do a poster layout. But it's slightly different when you're doing stories. Because you know, in a poster you you have less elements, in a way, because you have very limited space to tease the reader into what you want them to read, or you want them to be intrigued. And with the story, it kind of goes on and on, you know, it's a longer piece. So you have to you have to design it in a way that the reader can… If they're just sort of glancing at the page. If the headline doesn't intrigue them, maybe the photo does, maybe the photo caption, maybe a quote, maybe some of the sub-heads, or you have like a little sidebar. And so, so that's kind of what I did mostly. When I came to the Reno Gazette-Journal here in Reno, I was doing just mostly one of their small publications, which was… It was sort of like advertorial, we call it, so it's like a mix of advertising and a mix of editorial content. And then when I went to Savannah, I was actually the features and sports editor. And so just like, Design Editor. And so basically, making sure that all of the graphic designers that were doing those pages have all of the elements that they needed to try to make the paper and the stories sing, right. And so, yeah, I did love working for newspapers, you know, but then once I moved back to Reno, when Tim and I got married… The newspaper life is like, you work late, you work weekends, you know, it's just a little bit like, you don't have a lot of the normal hours, right, that people like to enjoy, like, you know, dinner time and things like that. (Laughs) My husband has two children, two boys. And so when we got married, they were five, and eight. Five, and nine, something like that. And so he was like, you know, I think it'd be better if you don’t work nights. He’s like, I'd like to have dinner together, all together. And so I went to teach! I did a brief teaching at the university here. And it was still teaching magazine layout, basically. And then there was an opportunity for me to apply for a position for a full time graphic designer for the office of marketing communications. And so then that's what I started doing. I used to do the alumni magazine. And then in between just serving all of the different units on campus, or, you know, different design needs. And the job has changed slightly through the years. You know, there's certain things that I don't do at all anymore. There are some things that I started doing to serve the web that I don't do anymore. And then I did a lot of stuff that was serving a social media, you know, and so I do some of it, but not as much. So it's just sort of like a little, you know, ebb and flow type of jobs, but all of them have been designed. Layout and design. Okay. Yeah. Can you talk a little bit more about how things have changed? Well, you know, for one, the newspapers have started to disappear. Right. And before the newspaper was sort of what you use as your trusted media, right. And so there was a lot of money spent in advertising, to create those newspapers. And when content online became much more, you know, more effective at penetrating the households, and everybody started going there, the advertisers used the money that they were putting into newspapers into the web. And so they strengthened their online presence. But if weakened the newspaper presence, and so then the newspaper start shrinking down. Right. And so, a lot of newspapers have folded, a lot of newspapers, you know, have gone from having five or six or seven sections to maybe having two. So that shifts to kind of what, for me… It was nice that like my private life sort of pushed me into getting out of that, into something else. The ones that they offer, marketing communications, is mostly to support efforts and recruiting for the university and to basically communicate with parents and alumni. So even, you know, for us, we… There was a point when I when I was doing the alumni magazine. We were doing, like, six issues that year. And then he was like, well, we're gonna do four, well, we're gonna do two… And then I think at one point after I stopped doing it, he went to maybe doing it once. And then he was like, well, maybe two. And so a lot of it has to do how people consume information. And more and more people are much more comfortable going online looking for the alumni news online, rather than having a magazine. Right? And so I printed magazine. There are other things that are still in place, because they are still effective, like, you know, we would produce postcards or brochures for recruiters to take to conferences, so that they can hand out to students, and parents, potential candidates. But even that, you know, sometimes it's like, they just have a big screen, and then they show them what they want to tease them with, right. So yeah, so my job has changed due to the way people consume information. And information online, now, it's just so much more effective—or it can be much more effective. And easily accessible, right? One of the things that happened when you printed something is that we knew, the moment that we printed something, it was outdated by the next day. Right? So for example, a brochure nowadays. If we do something for recruiting, we can do a brochure, and we do our best to put all the information that we need and QR codes and things like that. But we know that information that is printed can change, right? There can be changes to scholarship applications, to deadlines, to anything like that. So the QR codes now that we add to all of our all of our brochures, postcards, things like that, is to get them to the website where we can update things as they happen. Right. So that that has also been one of the major changes, or one of the reasons why things are changing. Because on the web, I mean, if you change a deadline from this morning to this afternoon, you can immediately change it and anybody accessing the information at that point, they will have the correct information. Read the full transcription on wisenotwithered.com!

Hello, Happy New Year! And welcome to the Wise Not Withered podcast. We are on Season 4, and this is episode number 11. Today’s guest is Helen W. I found her on Instagram. Her username is 50_over_and_beautiful. And I really loved the vibe of her profile, just so colorful, she looks so happy. Lots of modeling, clothes and food and drinks, and all kinds of different places that she has traveled to. There’s a lot of different performances where she has sung. And she talks about all of those things in our interview. She is truly a citizen of the world. She grew up... And actually, I’ll let her tell you where she grew up and where she has lived all throughout her life. It’s pretty interesting, pretty unique. In addition to all the places where she has lived and visited, she talks about her pretty complex job, and also the intricate family dynamics, of her upbringing with her family of origin, and her dynamic with her son currently. And she also talks about just her experience being an older woman in today’s society... What that means, how she’s been treated by other women, especially—older and younger, and a pretty interesting work-life balance that she has maintained for a pretty long time. So without further ado, here is Helen! All right, so what is your age? I just turned 60! Oh, you just turned 60! When was that? I turned 60 in September. I think before turning 60, you have this fear, like, “Oh my god… Another decade.” And people regard you as “old”. You think of retirement, yeah… But yeah, I was thinking, because at 60, you get this “Joy Card” in Hong Kong. And then you get like discounts for transportation. Ohh okay! Anywhere you go, you’ll be paying 2 Hong Kong dollars. Which means everybody will know that you’re 60. And I was thinking, before I got the card, “Oh, would I actually use it? I’ll use it when I’m alone… If I’m with people, would I use it? Cause then everybody would know I’m 60.” Then when I got it, it’s like… What the heck! Just use it! I mean, I’m entitled to this! (Laughs) This discount to travel, because I’ve actually lived on Earth for 60 years, and contributed, and yeah! I should be proud! Amazing! I love that!! And what did you call it? Just a discount card? Or did it have a special name? It’s called a Joy Card! A Joy Card! Which is is nice name, isn’t it? Right! It’s a nice name, right? Yeah. I love that!! Be happy! In your senior age. Yeah. That is so cool! Yeah. Let’s see, so you live in Hong Kong right now. Did you grow up there? Where else have you lived? Okay. Yeah… I’m quite multi-national, in terms of where I’ve lived. So I was born in Japan. My parents are from China. But I was born in Japan, Tokyo. So I’m Chinese, born in Japan. Okay then, I did not actually do schooling in Japan, cause the family moved. I moved with my mother to Macao. And then from Macao… My parents divorced, so we were living there with my mom—me and my brother, in Macao. And then she found someone and remarried—an Australian Chinese. So we all moved to Sydney. Oh, wow! So in my teens, I actually moved to Australia, and grew up in Sydney. Did my education there, did my university there. Then after a few years, I married a Malaysian Chinese. And we moved to Singapore. And then the relationship didn’t really work out, so my child was born in Singapore as well. So we divorced. And then the boss that I was working for, he was a Hong Kong Chinese, and he announced he was moving to Hong Kong, so would you like to come and work for me in Hong Kong? He just got a position, so he invited me if I was looking for something. So I said yeah okay, I’ll come along with you. So that’s how I ended up and stayed in Hong Kong. Read the full transcript on wisenotwithered.com [https://wisenotwithered.com/2024/02/02/season-4-episode-11-interview-with-helen-w/]!