Will My Sleep Paralysis Demon Stick a Christmas Tree Up My Anus?

Going Professional as a Breakdancing Bulldog.

This week on Our Shit Podcast, we're tackling a universal millennial problem: seeing someone do a job on TV and thinking "yeah, I could absolutely do that." We dive deep into the jobs we think we'd be genuinely good at, completely ignoring the small detail that we have zero training, zero qualifications, and zero business being anywhere near these professions. But hey, confidence is free, right? In true delusional style, we discuss and agree extensively on which jobs we could go professional at without a single day of training. We're talking complete overconfidence, unwavering belief in our own abilities, and a complete disregard for actual competence. It's chaotic, it's confident, and it's peak millennial energy - if we just believe hard enough, we can do literally anything. Spoiler alert: we absolutely cannot.

Wazzzzzuppppp... Got any Cheesecake?

This week on Our Shit Podcast, we're exploring the fascinating criminal mastermind strategy of: What would you steal if you could only take things that mildly inconvenience your victim? Chloe gets absolutely rage-baited as we discuss stealing her precious books and foot-related thefts are apparently a category (don't ask), followed by tech annoyance 101. We also threw in a scary movie shoutout because apparently that's what the title references and we're nothing if not cryptic. We wrapped up with a chaotic quick-fire round of our worst burglar preferences. From book theft to password pilfering, we've covered all the petty crimes we'd commit with zero consequences. Warning: Contains rage-baiting tactics, food-related crime fantasies, password disclosure chaos, and proof we'd be terrible actual criminals.

Sweaty Bollocks and Moist Tits – The Heatwave Episode.

This week on Our Shit Podcast, we're sweating through our clothes and our dignity as we discuss surviving a UK heatwave. First up: heatwave fashion. We're talking black t-shirts and shorts because that's our vibe and we're not changing it. Other summer staples include shirtless skinny men and people wearing full pajamas to the supermarket. Fashion is dead. Next crucial question: do you stay or leave the UK during a heatwave? After much deliberation, we've both agreed: absolutely always leave. The UK is a hellscape when it's warm. Then we moved onto panic summer buys - you know, those random things you impulse purchase when it's hot? Lady M said Twister lollies, but Chloe didn't hear her properly. So Lady M had to rattle off other guesses while Chloe wasn't paying attention. Then Chloe finally said "Twister lollies" and Lady M immediately claimed she'd already said that exact thing. Gaslit by your own podcast co-host, classic. We then spiraled into nostalgia comparing childhood summers versus adult summers. Lady M has plenty of golden memories to share. Chloe, on the other hand, can only remember a traumatic cat death. Moving on. We wrapped up with quick-fire rounds of what we love and hate about heatwaves - the results were predictably contradictory. Warning: Contains fashion crimes, UK weather complaints, childhood trauma, shirtless men observations, and enough gaslighting to make you question your memory.

The Idiot Test & Other Ways We'd Ruin Everything.

Episode Description: This week on Our Shit Podcast, we're discussing what we would do if we ruled the world. Cue evil laugh. What big changes would we make? Can we make it a better place? Turns out, absolutely not. We kick off with the idiot test - identifying idiots and casting them out. There's a lot of them. We tackle keeping David Attenborough's soul alive by putting him in a head jar à la Futurama (sorry David), and discuss natural selection. Again, idiots are out. Next: bank holidays. We need TWO a month, minimum, and decent ones we can actually prepare for. Lady M wants uncensored TV with more blood, gore, and violence to keep everyone happy. Other brilliant rulings include banning social media, deploying strike force teams on sexual predators, bringing back plastic (controversial), and deleting fake news with military precision. So basically, the world is still quite bad under our ruling but a little more chaotic, a little more millennial, and very Our Shit Podcast. Warning: Contains authoritarian tendencies, Futurama-inspired immortality plans, idiot deportation schemes, violent television advocacy, and enough questionable policy to concern actual world leaders.

The Reality of Office Life and the Recurring Turdosaurus.

This week on Our Shit Podcast, we're asking the big question: What would we rather do than go to work on a Monday? Spoiler alert: literally anything. Chloe is officially done with corporate life and has regressed to eating easy chewable baby snacks because adulting is overrated. We dove into our lengthy career paths of bar work, graduate schemes, and living the millennial 9-5 lie that promised fulfilment but delivered Excel spreadsheets and existential dread. Lady M casually drops that she became a deputy manager of a 5-star hotel at 18 that had a dead person in the attic. Moving on. No fucks given by teenage management climbing that ladder. We discussed worst jobs, dream jobs, and then quick-fired "things we'd rather do than go to work on Monday." Chloe keeps it nice and airy: waxing her entire body, assembling IKEA furniture. Lady M goes full chaos: being dragged naked on a gravel road, getting hit by a car..., surviving in miserable pain. You know, standard preferences. So grab your baby snacks and reminisce on your own work fails while we question every life choice that led us here. Warning: Contains corporate burnout, hotel attic secrets, IKEA torture preferences, gravel road fantasies, and the mysterious recurring Turdosaurus that nobody asked about.