35 | What Has the Storm of Betrayal and Broken Trust Left Behind in Your Heart? A Simple Practice to Name the Hidden Losses

40 | 7 Truths About Grief After Betrayal And What Can Get in the Way | An Honest Q&A With a Therapist, Part 1

Have you been wondering if you are grieving the wrong way or not grieving enough, or too much, or in the wrong order and quietly judging yourself for how messy and unpredictable your healing has felt? Do you find yourself reaching for busyness, distraction, or anything that keeps the grief at a safe distance and then wondering why you still feel so stuck months or even years later? Have you ever asked yourself how long is this going to take and felt frustrated, ashamed, or hopeless when you could not find a satisfying answer? In this episode I am sitting down with a licensed marriage and family therapist who has been on this show before and together we are having one of the most honest, reframing, and practically helpful conversations about grief after betrayal that I think you will ever hear. We are covering 7 truths about grief after betrayal and what gets in the way of it including * why we avoid grief without even realizing it * what unprocessed grief actually does to us * why the word healthy might be making things harder not easier * what functional effective grief actually looks like in real life He also shares a perspective on grief that completely reframes the whole process not as something you endure but as something you actively participate in by identifying what your needs are first and then taking ownership over how to meet those needs. This is Part 1 of a two part conversation. Part 2 drops next Thursday where we continue the conversation and cover the connection between grief and forgiveness.   RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED * Grief Series: Episodes 33-39  * 💌 Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from Julia [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] * 📞 Apply for a 1:1 Private Clarity Call with Julia [https://calendly.com/juliacarlton-book/60min] * 🔜 Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle] A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal. Be the first to know when doors open! * ❓ Have a question or topic idea? Ask Julia here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit]   CONNECT WITH JULIA AND NEXT STEPS Contact → hello@juliacarlton.com [hello@juliacarlton.com] Podcast → Heart Work After Betrayal on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-work-after-betrayal-infidelity-marriage-forgiveness/id1868235071] Next Steps: Step 1: Sign up to receive weekly encouragement and practical support and be the first to know what's coming! → Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from me [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] Step 2: Have a question for me or a topic you'd love for me to cover on the podcast? → Ask me a question [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] Step 3: Want more personal support? If you are tired of carrying this alone — together we will work on rebuilding clarity, learning to trust yourself again, and taking your next step with God, yourself, and your marriage. → Apply for a 1:1 Private Clarity Call with me [https://calendly.com/juliacarlton-book/60min] HEART WORK HEALING CIRCLE **COMING SOON** A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal in their marriage. Get your name on the waitlist — you will be the first to know when the doors open. → Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]   DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational and encouragement purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or counseling. If you are in crisis please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

39 | Why Staying Busy After Marriage Betrayal Is Actually Keeping You Stuck, The Number One Thing I Did Instead

Are you sick of being ambushed by your emotions, triggered out of nowhere, overwhelmed in the middle of an ordinary moment, and wondering why you still cannot seem to get ahead of the grief? Have you been staying so busy, so distracted, so focused on everyone else that you have barely had a moment to sit alone with what you are actually feeling after the betrayal? Have you ever considered that what looks like coping on the outside might actually be avoidance and that the grief you have been postponing is quietly fueling the triggers that keep catching you off guard? In this Monday Heart Check we are wrapping up our grief series and before Thursday's special guest episode I want to give you one simple practice to prepare your heart for what you are about to hear. In this episode I am sharing a simple three step reflection practice called What Am I Reaching For? I encourage you to see honestly what you have been using to avoid the pain of betrayal and take your first step toward something different. Honesty gets you connected to reality. And nothing disconnected from reality will ever truly work. That is something we will learn more about on Thursday, as I just directly quoted the therapist I will have a conversation with on Thursday. This practice is your first step toward that honesty. RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED * 💌 Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from Julia [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] * 🔜 Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle] — A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal. Be the first to know when doors open! * ❓ Have a question or topic idea? Ask Julia here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit]  CONNECT WITH JULIA AND NEXT STEPS Contact → hello@juliacarlton.com [hello@juliacarlton.com] Podcast → Heart Work After Betrayal on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-work-after-betrayal-infidelity-marriage-forgiveness/id1868235071] Next Steps: Step 1: Sign up to receive weekly encouragement and practical support and be the first to know what's coming! → Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from me [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] Step 2: Have a question for me or a topic you'd love for me to cover on the podcast? → Ask me a question [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] Step 3: Want more personal support? If you are tired of carrying this alone — together we will work on rebuilding clarity, learning to trust yourself again, and taking your next step with God, yourself, and your marriage. → Apply for a 1:1 Private Clarity Call with me [https://calendly.com/juliacarlton-book/60min] HEART WORK HEALING CIRCLE **COMING SOON** A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal in their marriage. Get your name on the waitlist, you will be the first to know when the doors open. → Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle] DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational and encouragement purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or counseling. If you are in crisis please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

38 | What Grieving the Loss After Marriage Betrayal Looked Like For Me | The Real Way I Healed And You Can Too

Have you been wondering what grieving well after betrayal actually looks like in real life in the daily reality of being a wife and a mother and a woman who is trying to hold everything together while her heart is completely broken? Do you feel like you have been trying to heal but nothing is really moving like you are doing all the right things but there seems a deep disconnect?  Are you longing to hear from someone who has actually walked this road and come out the other side really and truly healed? In this episode I am setting the teaching aside and just talking to you, sharing what grieving the loss after my husband's betrayal actually looked like for me. The beach walks. The prayer journals. The first time I walked into a support group and cried because I finally felt safe. The photo albums I had to put away. The scheduled cry in the car with classical music playing. The raw, searching, honest prayers. Underneath all of those stories I am going to show you the three connections that I believe made healing not just possible but inevitable: connection with yourself, connection with God, and connection with others. This is what I know to be true: the only path through grief after betrayal is moving toward connection when everything in you is screaming to run away from it. RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED * 📖 the Psalms * 📖 Proverbs 4:23 "You are the keeper of your heart like a vineyard keeper", the throughline of this entire grief series * 📖 Renovation of the Heart by Dallas Willard: spiritual formation and the heart as the executive center of the self * 🎙️ Episodes 33-37, the “Grief Series”  * 💌 Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from Julia [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] * 🔜 Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist : [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle] A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal. Be the first to know when doors open! * ❓ Have a question or topic idea? Ask Julia here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] CONNECT WITH ME AND NEXT STEPS Contact → hello@juliacarlton.com [hello@juliacarlton.com] Podcast → Heart Work After Betrayal on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-work-after-betrayal-infidelity-marriage-forgiveness/id1868235071] Next Steps: Step 1: Sign up to receive weekly encouragement and practical support and be the first to know what's coming! → Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from me [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] Step 2: Have a question for me or a topic you'd love for me to cover on the podcast? → Ask me a question [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] Step 3: Want more personal support? If you are tired of carrying this alone, together we will work on rebuilding clarity, learning to trust yourself again, and taking your next step with God, yourself, and your marriage. → Apply for a 1:1 Private Clarity Call with me [https://calendly.com/juliacarlton-book/60min] HEART WORK HEALING CIRCLE  **COMING SOON** A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal in their marriage. Get your name on the waitlist, you will be the first to know when the doors open. → Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]   DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational and encouragement purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or counseling. If you are in crisis please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

37 | Why Emotions Still Can Take Over Out of Nowhere - And How One Sacred Space Can Change Your Healing After Betrayal and Broken Trust

Do your emotions still take over out of nowhere. maybe in the car, in the middle of a normal conversation, right before you fall asleep and you cannot figure out why you are still feeling this way? Have you been powering through, staying busy, keeping the routines and yet something still feels tender and unresolved underneath all of that functioning? Have you ever wondered if what you are calling exhaustion or numbness or irritability might actually be grief that has simply had nowhere safe to go? "Sometimes what we call being tired is actually grief that has had nowhere to go." In this Monday Heart Check we are continuing our grief series and this week I want to give you one of the most practical and relieving tools in the entire healing journey after betrayal. In this episode I am sharing a simple three step practice for creating a sacred space for your grief, a specific time, a specific place, and a gentle way to tend the vineyard of your heart with God, so that grief stops ambushing you in the moments you least expect it and starts moving through you the way it was always meant to. Because a grief container does not mean grief gets to run your whole life. It means grief is allowed to be here, in its own space, with God, and where it can finally begin to move. Grief showing up again does not mean you failed. It may simply mean another layer is ready to be tended. This episode is for the woman who has been strong for everyone else and has not yet given her own heart somewhere safe to land. RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED * 📖 Proverbs 4:23 a picture of the heart as a vineyard and you as its keeper, introduced in Episode 35 and carried throughout this series * 🎙️ Episode 33 "You Can't Grieve What You Can't Name: 3 Steps to Begin Grieving the Loss After Marriage Betrayal”  - start here if you are new to the series! * 🎙️ Episode 34  "Why Do I Still Feel This Way: Understanding the Grief Nobody Talks About After Marriage Betrayal and Broken Trust" * 🎙️ Episode 35  "What Has the Storm of Betrayal and Broken Trust Left Behind in Your Heart? A Simple Practice to Name the Hidden Losses" * 🎙️ Episode 36 "Why I Still Can't Forgive: 8 Hidden Layers of Loss After Betrayal and Broken Trust" * 💌 Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from Julia [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] * 🔜 Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]  A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal. Be the first to know when doors open! * ❓ Have a question or topic idea? Ask Julia here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] CONNECT WITH JULIA AND NEXT STEPS Contact → hello@juliacarlton.com [hello@juliacarlton.com] Podcast → Heart Work After Betrayal on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-work-after-betrayal-infidelity-marriage-forgiveness/id1868235071] Next Steps: Step 1: Sign up to receive weekly encouragement and practical support and be the first to know what's coming! → Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from me [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] Step 2: Have a question for me or a topic you'd love for me to cover on the podcast? → Ask me a question [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] Step 3: Want more personal support? If you are tired of carrying this alone, together we will work on rebuilding clarity, learning to trust yourself again, and taking your next step with God, yourself, and your marriage. → Apply for a 1:1 Private Clarity Call with me [https://calendly.com/juliacarlton-book/60min] HEART WORK HEALING CIRCLE *** COMING SOON ***A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal in their marriage. Get your name on the waitlist, you will be the first to know when the doors open. → Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]   DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational and encouragement purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or counseling. If you are in crisis please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

36 | Why I Still Can't Forgive: 8 Hidden Layers of Loss After Betrayal and Broken Trust

Have you been trying to forgive your husband's betrayal, saying the words, praying the prayers and yet the wound keeps reopening and the anger keeps coming back no matter how hard you try? Do you feel stuck in your healing and cannot figure out why?  It feels like you are doing everything right but it still seems you cannot move forward? Are you months or even over longer into this journey and still asking yourself why you cannot find the healing and the peace you so desperately are longing for?  If forgiveness has felt impossible after your husband's betrayal, this episode is going to give you the answer you have been looking for. And it is probably not what you expect. In this episode I am sharing the 8 hidden layers of loss that most women never name after betrayal in their marriage and why carrying these unnamed losses is the most common reason healing stalls and forgiveness feels out of reach. Using the powerful picture of the heart as a vineyard from Proverbs 4:23 we are going to walk the rows together from the most visible surface damage all the way down to the deepest root of all. You will walk away from this episode with clarity of what you are actually grieving and the ability to begin to do the HEART work with intention. This is Episode 2 of our grief series and it builds directly on Episode 34. If you have not listened to that one yet go back and start there first RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED * 📖 Proverbs 4:23 - the picture of the heart as a vineyard and you as its keeper * 📖 Renovation of the Heart by Dallas Willard, the heart as the executive center of the self * 📖 Ambiguous Loss by Pauline Boss introduced in Episode 34, referenced throughout this series * 🎙️ Episode 33. You Can’t Grieve What You Can’t Name: 3 Steps to Begin Grieving the Loss After Marriage Betrayal [https://theheartwork.podbean.com/e/33-you-can-t-grieve-what-you-can-t-name-3-steps-to-begin-grieving-the-loss-after-marriage-betrayal/] * 🎙️ Episode 34: Why Do I Still Feel This Way? Understanding the Grief Nobody Talks About After Marriage Betrayal and Broken Trust. [http://admin5.podbean.com//theheartwork.podbean.com/e/34-why-do-i-still-feel-this-way-understanding-the-grief-nobody-talks-about-after-marriage-betrayal-and-broken-trust/]  Listen to this before today’s episode!  * 🎙️ Episode 35: What Has the Storm of Betrayal and Broken Trust Left Behind in Your Heart? A Simple Practice to Name the Hidden Losses [https://theheartwork.podbean.com/e/35-what-has-the-storm-of-betrayal-and-broken-trust-left-behind-in-your-heart-a-simple-practice-to-name-the-hidden-losses/] - the Vineyard Inventory practice pairs perfectly with today's episode * 💌 Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from Julia [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] * 🔜 Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle] — A private healing community for women doing the hard, holy work of rebuilding after betrayal. Be the first to know when doors open! * ❓ Have a question or topic idea? Ask Julia here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] CONNECT WITH JULIA AND NEXT STEPS Contact → hello@juliacarlton.com [hello@juliacarlton.com] Podcast → Heart Work After Betrayal on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-work-after-betrayal-infidelity-marriage-forgiveness/id1868235071] Next Steps: Step 1: Sign up to receive weekly encouragement and practical support and be the first to know what's coming! → Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from me [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] Step 2: Have a question for me or a topic you'd love for me to cover on the podcast? → Ask me a question [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] Step 3: Want more personal support? If you're tired of carrying this alone, together we'll work on rebuilding clarity, learning to trust yourself again, and taking your next step with God, yourself, and your marriage. → Apply for a 1:1 Private Clarity Call with me [https://calendly.com/juliacarlton-book/60min] HEART WORK HEALING CIRCLE ***COMING SOON*** A private healing community for women doing the hard, holy work of rebuilding after betrayal in their marriage. Get your name on the waitlist, you'll be the first to know when the doors open. → Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]     DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational and encouragement purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or counseling. If you are in crisis please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.