Will My Sleep Paralysis Demon Stick a Christmas Tree Up My Anus?

Sweaty Bollocks and Moist Tits – The Heatwave Episode.

This week on Our Shit Podcast, we're sweating through our clothes and our dignity as we discuss surviving a UK heatwave. First up: heatwave fashion. We're talking black t-shirts and shorts because that's our vibe and we're not changing it. Other summer staples include shirtless skinny men and people wearing full pajamas to the supermarket. Fashion is dead. Next crucial question: do you stay or leave the UK during a heatwave? After much deliberation, we've both agreed: absolutely always leave. The UK is a hellscape when it's warm. Then we moved onto panic summer buys - you know, those random things you impulse purchase when it's hot? Lady M said Twister lollies, but Chloe didn't hear her properly. So Lady M had to rattle off other guesses while Chloe wasn't paying attention. Then Chloe finally said "Twister lollies" and Lady M immediately claimed she'd already said that exact thing. Gaslit by your own podcast co-host, classic. We then spiraled into nostalgia comparing childhood summers versus adult summers. Lady M has plenty of golden memories to share. Chloe, on the other hand, can only remember a traumatic cat death. Moving on. We wrapped up with quick-fire rounds of what we love and hate about heatwaves - the results were predictably contradictory. Warning: Contains fashion crimes, UK weather complaints, childhood trauma, shirtless men observations, and enough gaslighting to make you question your memory.

The Idiot Test & Other Ways We'd Ruin Everything.

Episode Description: This week on Our Shit Podcast, we're discussing what we would do if we ruled the world. Cue evil laugh. What big changes would we make? Can we make it a better place? Turns out, absolutely not. We kick off with the idiot test - identifying idiots and casting them out. There's a lot of them. We tackle keeping David Attenborough's soul alive by putting him in a head jar à la Futurama (sorry David), and discuss natural selection. Again, idiots are out. Next: bank holidays. We need TWO a month, minimum, and decent ones we can actually prepare for. Lady M wants uncensored TV with more blood, gore, and violence to keep everyone happy. Other brilliant rulings include banning social media, deploying strike force teams on sexual predators, bringing back plastic (controversial), and deleting fake news with military precision. So basically, the world is still quite bad under our ruling but a little more chaotic, a little more millennial, and very Our Shit Podcast. Warning: Contains authoritarian tendencies, Futurama-inspired immortality plans, idiot deportation schemes, violent television advocacy, and enough questionable policy to concern actual world leaders.

The Reality of Office Life and the Recurring Turdosaurus.

This week on Our Shit Podcast, we're asking the big question: What would we rather do than go to work on a Monday? Spoiler alert: literally anything. Chloe is officially done with corporate life and has regressed to eating easy chewable baby snacks because adulting is overrated. We dove into our lengthy career paths of bar work, graduate schemes, and living the millennial 9-5 lie that promised fulfilment but delivered Excel spreadsheets and existential dread. Lady M casually drops that she became a deputy manager of a 5-star hotel at 18 that had a dead person in the attic. Moving on. No fucks given by teenage management climbing that ladder. We discussed worst jobs, dream jobs, and then quick-fired "things we'd rather do than go to work on Monday." Chloe keeps it nice and airy: waxing her entire body, assembling IKEA furniture. Lady M goes full chaos: being dragged naked on a gravel road, getting hit by a car..., surviving in miserable pain. You know, standard preferences. So grab your baby snacks and reminisce on your own work fails while we question every life choice that led us here. Warning: Contains corporate burnout, hotel attic secrets, IKEA torture preferences, gravel road fantasies, and the mysterious recurring Turdosaurus that nobody asked about.

If I Die, Contact Me on Blackberry Message.

WE'RE BACK FOR SEASON 3! This week on Our Shit Podcast, we're tackling the doom and gloom of the world but trying to cheer everyone up with our peak millennial energy. Spoiler alert: it's not working, but we're trying. We kicked off with quick-fire rounds including "what was your first ringtone?" (embarrassing), "what is a peak millennial flex?" (owning a house, apparently), and "when and how did you know you were old?" The answers are depressing but hilarious. After much deliberation, we've concluded that everything in life somehow comes back to hot milk and cinnamon. Don't question the logic, just accept it. We touched on the weird phenomenon of dead people still existing on Facebook, then revealed our dream dinner guests: Lady M wants to invite Steve Irwin (dead millennial icon), while Chloe has chosen Tiger King who is... still very much alive. Someone didn't understand the assignment. We also mentioned Reform, Nigel Farage, Justin Beiber's haircut from the 2000s, Ai taking over the world, and discovered that Lady M has somehow outlived her predicted death day. Happy Dead Day! It's chaotic, it's back, it's Our Shit Podcast - Season 3 baby!

AliExpress Machine Gun Kelly.

SEASON 2 FINALE CHAOS! This week on Our Shit Podcast, we forced Chloe to download a dating app and then proceeded to absolutely destroy every profile we came across. You're welcome, internet dating. To be fair to these poor unsuspecting daters (are we though?), we gave them alternative names before ripping apart their pictures, personalities, and questionable life ethics. Each lucky contestant got a score out of 10, and let's just say the results were... tragic. Plot twist: dating in your 30s is apparently a barren wasteland of disappointment and bad selfies. Who knew? We also read out some internet dating comedic/horror stories from Reddit because misery loves company, and honestly other people's disasters make us feel better about our own lives. From AliExpress Machine Gun Kelly to whatever fresh hell awaits in those DMs, we've covered it all. Shoutout to our sponsor (we don't have a sponsor, someone please sponsor us). Welcome to Season 2's grand finale where we've learned absolutely nothing and destroyed Chloe's dating prospects in the process. You're welcome.