self awareness sucks

the first time i realised i had to change

16 min · 11 de ene de 2026
Portada del episodio the first time i realised i had to change

Descripción

In this episode, I talk about the first time I realised I needed to change something about myself. It wasn’t dramatic or life-altering, just a small behaviour that didn’t sit right anymore. I reflect on how telling tiny white lies became a habit, why it felt uncomfortable, and how choosing honesty became my first real act of self-awareness. This episode is about noticing, sitting with discomfort, and choosing to do things differently. This is where it all started for me.

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episode self awareness in the body artwork

self awareness in the body

In this episode, I get into something I think a lot of people carry around quietly: the relationship between self-awareness and the body. Specifically, my relationship with my skin, my relationship with exercise, and the moment I realised the patterns I had in one area were showing up everywhere else too. From cystic acne and the all-or-nothing approach to skincare, to avoiding the gym because I couldn't bear to be seen not being good at something, I reflect on how much of what I was doing to "take care" of myself was actually about trying to earn something: desirability, validation, the right to take up space. I also get into the beauty standards I absorbed growing up, from Disney Channel and Nickelodeon to early 2000s culture, and a conversation I came across online that made me realise the standard I'd been measuring myself against wasn't universal. It was constructed. And I'd never once questioned it. This episode also introduces a new recurring segment, Uncomfortably Honest, where I say the thing I probably would have softened or talked around a few sentences ago. If you've ever done all the right things for completely the wrong reasons, this one's for you. Disclaimer: This episode discusses skin picking, body image, weight loss, fitness and appearance.

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