Harder to kill and easier to love

The Feather, the Brick, and the Truck: Recognizing Life’s Wake-Up Calls

In this episode, I am joined by Andrew Boniface, a former emergency helicopter pilot turned corporate consultant and men’s group facilitator. Andy shares his profound personal transformation following the breakdown of his marriage. He discusses how hitting rock bottom led him to processing and taking responsibility for his own trauma. Which in turn, allowed him to become a more present and regulated father to his twin daughters. He is now giving back by facilitating dad’s groups and helping corporate organizations foster human-first cultures. Scroll down if you’d like to watch the conversation or if you’re listening on Spotify please visit the Substack page here [https://tamingthumos.substack.com/p/the-feather-the-brick-and-the-truck]. Key themes from the episode The Analogy of the Feather, the Brick, and the Truck Andy introduces a powerful framework for how life communicates lessons to us through subtle and not so subtle means. Starting with the feather, a gentle, subtle tickle or indicator (e.g., minor arguments or coming home with the wrong mindset) that we often ignore. Which then turns into the brick: A more severe, tangible warning sign. And if we ignore that, the truck! Usually, a catastrophic event or rock bottom that forces an ego death and complete awakening. Squeezing the Lemon: Facing Generational Patterns Andy notes that it isn’t until we are squeezed like a lemon under intense stress that our deepest unaddressed issues emerge. Having previously avoided long-term relationship tests, the immense stress of sleep deprivation and raising twin daughters caused him to default to the critical, judgmental habits of his own father—habits he had sworn he would never replicate. Recognizing this allowed him to step out of a victim mindset and take absolute responsibility for his actions. The Power of Emotional Responsibility and Self-Forgiveness Andy talks about learning the difference between blame and responsibility. We discuss how losing oneself in shame becomes self-loathing rather than focusing on repair. And how self-forgiveness must take place to stop whipping yourself and truly take responsibility. Andy explains how he grew up believing anger was inherently “wrong” because of his father’s short temper, leading him to suppress it. Through men’s work, he learned that responsibly expressing anger is necessary. Moving from Left-Brain Logic to Right-Brain Feeling Andy shares how his self-development was purely left-brained, focused on structured logic, reading classic corporate psychology books, and physical fitness. Referencing Steve Bidoff’s book Wild Creature Mind, Andy discusses how men frequently suppress emotions with logic. True healing required him to get back into his body and actively feel the suppressed emotions. "For every new level, the same devil will be there... we can never outrun the humanity. I've got to love the humanity because that will always be there. I can never outrun it by fixing myself." I hope you enjoyed that conversation, I know I did! Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, I love hearing about what people take away from these conversations! To learn more about Andy’s corporate offering, Altitude Initiative, visit his website [https://www.altitudeinitiative.com/] and Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/andrew_boniface2025/]. Support the cause If you’re enjoying the podcast, and would like to support men’s mental health, consider leaving a 5 star review on Spotify and sharing the episode on your social media! Stay up-to-date Never miss an episode by subscribing to Taming Thumos on Substack [https://tamingthumos.substack.com/], it’s free! Every new episode and article is sent directly to your email inbox. Or if you’re listening on Spotify hit the notification bell to stay up to date with future episodes! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tamingthumos.substack.com [https://tamingthumos.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Grief, the shadow of responsibility

This episode features a deep and moving conversation with my friend and former colleague Lachlan Learg. Lachlan is a CrossFit Seminar Lead Instructor and gym owner. The conversation centers around his journey navigating immense personal loss while balancing the heavy responsibilities of business and family. Scroll down if you’d like to watch the conversation or if you’re listening on Spotify please visit the Substack page here [https://tamingthumos.substack.com/p/grief-the-shadow-of-responsibility]. Key points from the episode The Weight of Responsibility Lachlan reflects on the “psychological reality” that while responsibility is a positive force, it can also become a burden that requires difficult choices. He shares how facing the arrival of his third child and a promotion to Flowmaster, he realised he was juggling too much and winging his professional preparation. And to be more present for his family, he made the difficult decision to sell his original CrossFit affiliate in Dubbo, which he had run for a decade. Lachlan also shares his views on work as not only as a means to provide, but as a way to model being a productive member of society for his children. Navigating Sudden Grief A significant portion of the conversation focuses on the sudden loss of Lachlan’s twin brother, Tavis, in a car accident in France in 2023. Lachlan describes the unique difficulty of losing a twin with whom he shared every life stage and interest. He shares how his therapist helped him understand and prepare for the oscillating nature of grief. And how he found CrossFit training to be vital outlet, noting that a particularly grueling workout felt like it accelerated his grieving process. Not to mention the strength he found through his CrossFit gym community, who shared their own stories of miscarriage, stillbirth, and loss, creating a sense of solidarity that made his own pain easier to bear. Finding Closure and Meaning Lachlan shares extraordinary experiences that helped him process his brother’s passing, such as the repatriation journey where he traveled to France to bring Tavis’s ashes home, retracing his brother’s final travel steps, which provided a necessary sense of closure. He also shares with us a series of vivid, lucid dreams where he communicated with Tavis. And how these dreams, which several close family members also experienced, helped him accept his brother’s death. “The goal of life isn’t to avoid struggle, but to struggle well” I hope you enjoyed that conversation, I know I did! Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, I love hearing about what people take away from these conversations! Support the cause If you’re enjoying the podcast, and would like to support men’s mental health, consider leaving a 5 star review on Spotify and sharing the episode on your social media! Stay up-to-date Never miss an episode by subscribing to Taming Thumos on Substack [https://tamingthumos.substack.com/], it’s free! Every new episode and article is sent directly to your email inbox. Or if you’re listening on Spotify hit the notification bell to stay up to date with future episodes! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tamingthumos.substack.com [https://tamingthumos.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Building range and transcending resistance

Hello and welcome to another episode of Taming Thumos! My guest for this episode is Rich Burrows. Rich is a high performance coach, former intelligence officer and father. Rich has trained a range of people from world champion ultra endurance athletes to corporate CEOs and tech entrepreneurs. This conversation centres around stress and ways that we can often find ourselves like a frog in boiling water; incrementally becoming burned out by modern western living and the various micro-stressors we face on a daily basis. And most importantly, ways that we can manage and develop tolerance for stress rather than avoiding it. Scroll down if you’d like to watch the conversation or if you’re listening on Spotify please visit the Substack page here [https://tamingthumos.substack.com/p/transcending-resistance]. Expect to hear how Rich uses tools such as breathwork, cold water exposure as well as pool training to help his clients transcend the limits of their own resistance and fear. He emphasises the importance of building range rather than just calm to handle life’s stressors. Focussing on controlling the controllables, nervous system regulation and movement and environment. As well as training for acute stress vs. living in chronic stress. We also dive into finding balance between logic and emotional regulation. Rich shares how marriage and parenting have been great teachers for him to learn how to see the emotional experience alongside the rational. Finally, we touch on the pillar of health often missed, the spiritual one. For Rich, spiritual health is tied to purpose; what one wants to leave behind for their family and community. Value Alignment; stepping back for a “thousand-yard view” to ensure daily behaviors align with core values. And transcendence; moving from self-improvement to responsibility for others, such as the gift of shaping a child’s life. Learn more about Rich’s work with The Resistance Lab here [https://www.resistance-lab.com/about], focusing on meeting the resistance of cold exposure and expanding one’s window of tolerance. He is planning on hosting another Range Workshop on the Sunshine Coast following the success of the last workshop in Melbourne, collaborating with former AFL player Troy Simmonds to explore how movement informs performance and well-being. Stay tuned by following him on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/richjburrows/]! "We're not about building calm, we're about building range. You want to actually widen the scope of what's available to you to feel, to experience, to activate without it causing you to completely flip your lid or shut down." I hope you enjoyed that conversation with Rich. As always, please leave your thoughts on the episode in the comments section on Substack [https://tamingthumos.substack.com/p/transcending-resistance]. Pssst… this is where you can watch the video version of this episode! Support the cause If you’re enjoying the podcast, and would like to support men’s mental health, consider leaving a 5 star review on Spotify and sharing the episode on your social media! Stay up-to-date Never miss an episode by subscribing to Taming Thumos on Substack [https://tamingthumos.substack.com/], it’s free! Every new episode and article is sent directly to your email inbox. Or if you’re listening on Spotify hit the notification bell to stay up to date with future episodes! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tamingthumos.substack.com [https://tamingthumos.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Navigating chaos with calmness

My guest for this episode is JP. He and I go way back! We served in Afghanistan together in 2008, as young Royal Marines Commandos. JP went on to work in Maritime security during the piracy surge in the late 2000s around West Africa (you may recall the film Captain Philips with Tom Hanks…). He then went on to test himself in the private security world, working with prestigious families in Hong Kong and eventually becoming the physical security manager for a leading tech company. Scroll down if you’d like to watch the conversation or if you’re listening on Spotify please visit the Substack page here [https://tamingthumos.substack.com/podcast]. Key points from the episode * We talk about the essential roles many men occupy that keep society operational, but don’t get the credit like some of the more front facing roles. * The conversation also touches on how having a tangible purpose, whether in the military or a high-responsibility civilian role, positively impacts men’s mental health and sense of identity. * We discuss how the “flat structure” and culture of the Royal Marines, where Marines acknowledged Sergeants on first name terms and visa versa, built a foundation of trust and competence. JP explains how he uses those same principles today to empower his teams and identify individual strengths. * We reflect on our time in Helmand Province, Afghanistan. Where you go from patrolling through poppy fields one minute, to realizing you’re caught in an ambush. * The level playing field of war and how it has it’s way of showing you who you really are. * We also remember the real heroes, specifically discussing the incredible courage of fellow Marine Cousie Jones, who earned the Military Cross for his actions under fire. Listen out for “Bootneck” Slang: As two former Marines, the conversation is peppered with jargon! You might hear terms like: * Dit: A story (a “genuine dit” is a true one). * Green Lid: The iconic Commando green beret. * Threaders: Extremely annoyed or fed up. * Scran: Food. Houston, we have a problem… Unfortunately, due to technical difficulties some of the conversation was cut short. However, I still wanted to share what we did record of the conversation because I think it will give some insight into the realities of war, which many people think only existed 100 years ago. I hope you enjoyed that episode with JP, I know I did! Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. Support the cause If you’re enjoying the podcast, and would like to support men’s mental health, consider leaving a 5 star review on Spotify and sharing the episode on your social media! Stay up-to-date Never miss an episode by subscribing to Taming Thumos on Substack [https://tamingthumos.substack.com/], it’s free! Every new episode and article is sent directly to your email inbox. Or if you’re listening on Spotify hit the notification bell to stay up to date with future episodes! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tamingthumos.substack.com [https://tamingthumos.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Learning to drink tea with the Devil

My guest for this episode is Alain Sauvage. I first met Alain through a men’s group I co-facilitated here on the Sunshine Coast. He is a former school teacher and principal, and today, he serves as a grandfather and mentor. At 70, he is an avid surfer and active member of the community. Scroll down if you’d like to watch the conversation or if you’re listening on Spotify please visit the Substack page here [https://tamingthumos.substack.com/podcast]. Key points from the episode Alain recounts his early childhood in Kenya, living in a house of local materials where lions and hippos were part of the neighborhood. Despite the idyllic memories of an African nanny and camping under the stars, his family’s move to Perth in the 1960s sparked a lifelong struggle with belonging. As a "third culture" immigrant with French parents who didn't quite fit the Anglo-Saxon mold nor the Italian "wog" groups at school, Alain often felt like an outsider. The conversation dives deep into Alain’s evolving understanding of masculinity and faith. He describes a spiritual journey that moved from traditional Catholic belief to a mystical, “Desert Father” style of prayer centered on the silence between thoughts. For Alain, spirituality is not a Sunday activity but a “unitive experience” that connects him to the earth, with all beings and the Aboriginal spirit. A central theme of the episode is Alain’s experience with rheumatoid arthritis. He offers a powerful metaphor for dealing with debilitating pain: instead of fighting it, he invites the “devil” in for tea. Alain argues that the language of “fighting” illness is unhelpful because it targets a part of oneself. “I started then to make peace with my body and to say… have a cup of tea with my pain and say, 'oh, you’re going to hang around today, aren't you? All right, how are we going to dance? Let's dance together.” Now serving as a grandfather and mentor, Alain reflects on the transition from the “cocky 30-year-old” who thought he knew everything to a community elder who realizes he knows less now than ever. He shares the gentle advice he gives his grandchildren: persist, believe in your own beauty, and don’t let the hooks of social media get under your skin. Alain’s story is a reminder that while we cannot control the upheaval of life or the limitations of our bodies, we can choose how we dance with them. I hope you enjoyed that episode with Alain! Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. Support the cause If you’re enjoying the podcast, and would like to support men’s mental health, consider leaving a 5 star review on Spotify and sharing the episode on your social media! Stay up-to-date Never miss an episode by subscribing to Taming Thumos on Substack [https://tamingthumos.substack.com/], it’s free! Every new episode and article is sent directly to your email inbox. Or if you’re listening on Spotify hit the notification bell to stay up to date with future episodes! Join the crew Be part of the community, remember “no man is an island”! Share your thoughts by participating in the comments section! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tamingthumos.substack.com [https://tamingthumos.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]