Masking to Belong: People Don’t Know the Real You Because You Won’t Let Them

How to Stay Calm When Everything Goes Wrong

Text Jule comments or topic requests :) [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2512272/fan_mail/new] Here's how I stopped overreacting when life falls apart, and why learning to stay calm under stress isn't a personality trait you're either born with or not.  I just spent three days trying to get home from Europe, and watching everyone melt down taught me a lot about how to stay calm when things go wrong. Flights got canceled, a plane got diverted, I caught food poisoning, and the whole time people were screaming at the staff. I used to be one of these people yelling at everyone, and somewhere this changed. If you know your reactions could be better, or you're walking on eggshells around someone who's always about to blow up, this one's for you. Topics in this episode: * How a brand new woman at the airport went from listening to the angry guy to sorting out her own flight  * The metaphor I gave a client about what to do when it feels like it's raining shit on you  * The $600 assessment that showed me my own victim energy and anger energy on paper in 2021  * Why most people land in either victim energy or anger when things go wrong, and why anger feels like the better option  * The one moment in three days of travel chaos that actually got me angry, and what set me off  * Why you change how you feel by changing how you react, not the other way around  * How to give your emotions enough room without wallowing in them  Mentioned at the end: David Hawkins Map of Consciousness [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KGBLuFdas8] Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2512272/support] Interested in coaching with Jule? [https://adviceactually.com/contact/] LinkedIn: @julekim [https://www.linkedin.com/in/julekim/] / Instagram: @itsjulekim [https://instagram.com/itsjulekim] / TikTok: @itsjulekim [https://www.tiktok.com/@itsjulekim] Jule’s website: https://adviceactually.com/ [https://adviceactually.com/] Buy Jule’s Self-Love Affirmation Cards on Amazon [https://www.amazon.com/Self-Love-Affirmations-Reflections-Self-Worth-Self-Compassion/dp/0593690303/] Ways to Support This Podcast: 🌟 If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs it—and please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Your support helps more people find the show.

Conflict Resolution: The Hidden Reason Someone Might Be Upset (Communication Skills 2)

Text Jule comments or topic requests :) [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2512272/fan_mail/new] If you’ve ever wondered how to de-escalate a conflict with someone who won’t let it go, or why your apology isn’t landing even when you mean it, this episode is going to give you a real answer. Most people try to fix the feeling, but the actual problem is almost always the thinking underneath it, and until you address the thought, nothing you say is going to move the needle. I walk through a real workshop scenario where the attendees roleplayed through a very common situation, and I show you which responses fell flat, which ones made things worse, and the one that finally worked. Then I get into the three approaches I use most often for conflict resolution at work and in relationships, including a technique I developed myself called coming to neutral. In this episode: * The workshop scenario where four different apologies got four very different reactions, and what that tells you about how people actually process conflict * The one sentence that told me exactly which thought I needed to address, and how to spot this in your own hard conversations * How to know whether to address someone’s emotions or their thinking first * The accusation audit from Chris Voss, and how I use it * The technique I use with my clients to stop the wild emotional swings between positive and negative interpretations * Why a reframe almost never works when emotions are still running high, and when it actually does * The easy test I use to spot when someone’s thinking is the real problem in a conflict This is part two of my communication mini series, so if you haven’t listened to part one yet, start there. Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2512272/support] Interested in coaching with Jule? [https://adviceactually.com/contact/] LinkedIn: @julekim [https://www.linkedin.com/in/julekim/] / Instagram: @itsjulekim [https://instagram.com/itsjulekim] / TikTok: @itsjulekim [https://www.tiktok.com/@itsjulekim] Jule’s website: https://adviceactually.com/ [https://adviceactually.com/] Buy Jule’s Self-Love Affirmation Cards on Amazon [https://www.amazon.com/Self-Love-Affirmations-Reflections-Self-Worth-Self-Compassion/dp/0593690303/] Ways to Support This Podcast: 🌟 If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs it—and please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Your support helps more people find the show.

How to Talk to Someone Who’s Emotional Without Making It Worse (Communication Skills 1)

Text Jule comments or topic requests :) [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2512272/fan_mail/new] Most of us mess up difficult or emotional conversations because we try to fix the wrong thing. Someone’s upset, and we hand them a fact, a logical explanation, a different perspective, and then we wonder why they get more frustrated or just shut down. (I’m guilty of doing this too.) In this episode I’m sharing my STEW framework (See, Think, Emotion, Words) and a really simple tool for handling someone who’s stuck in their emotions. It’s something I learned the painfully hard way after pissing off a lot of people, and it’s the difference between a conversation that actually goes somewhere and one where you both walk away annoyed. In this episode: * The mom moment that made me realize I was treating emotional pain like it was a logic problem * My STEW framework and how to figure out where someone is actually stuck * The dead giveaway that tells you someone doesn’t need more information, they need something else * Why people prefer feeling angry over feeling sad, and what that means for how you respond * The one tool that calms people down faster than almost anything else * The mistake I see men make with women constantly that backfires every time This is Part 1 of 3 on how to handle someone stuck in their emotions. The next episode covers how to handle someone who’s stuck in their thinking. Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2512272/support] Interested in coaching with Jule? [https://adviceactually.com/contact/] LinkedIn: @julekim [https://www.linkedin.com/in/julekim/] / Instagram: @itsjulekim [https://instagram.com/itsjulekim] / TikTok: @itsjulekim [https://www.tiktok.com/@itsjulekim] Jule’s website: https://adviceactually.com/ [https://adviceactually.com/] Buy Jule’s Self-Love Affirmation Cards on Amazon [https://www.amazon.com/Self-Love-Affirmations-Reflections-Self-Worth-Self-Compassion/dp/0593690303/] Ways to Support This Podcast: 🌟 If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs it—and please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Your support helps more people find the show.

The Video I Made in 10 Minutes Beat Everything I Overcomplicated

Text Jule comments or topic requests :) [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2512272/fan_mail/new] A video I made in ten minutes beat the ones I spent hours on. That forced me to face something I didn’t want to admit: a lot of what I called “hard work” and “progress” was just overcomplicating the real work. In this episode: * How I convinced myself that hours of production per video was "doing the work" * The TikTok I rushed in ten minutes that got more views than anything I'd ever made * Why my TikTok coach told me my setup was actually hurting my growth * The real reason I kept going back to the old way even after I had proof it wasn't working * What I call "the packaging" and why it felt so much safer than just hitting record * The one question I ask myself now whenever I catch myself overcomplicating something * What actually changed about how I feel on camera now, and what didn't Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2512272/support] Interested in coaching with Jule? [https://adviceactually.com/contact/] LinkedIn: @julekim [https://www.linkedin.com/in/julekim/] / Instagram: @itsjulekim [https://instagram.com/itsjulekim] / TikTok: @itsjulekim [https://www.tiktok.com/@itsjulekim] Jule’s website: https://adviceactually.com/ [https://adviceactually.com/] Buy Jule’s Self-Love Affirmation Cards on Amazon [https://www.amazon.com/Self-Love-Affirmations-Reflections-Self-Worth-Self-Compassion/dp/0593690303/] Ways to Support This Podcast: 🌟 If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs it—and please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Your support helps more people find the show.

Why You Struggle to Apologize (and What It’s Costing Your Relationships)

Text Jule comments or topic requests :) [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2512272/fan_mail/new] Most people who never learned how to apologize don't even realize that's the problem. I grew up in a Korean household where apologies never happened, so I spent years refusing to apologize without understanding what that was doing to my relationships. In this episode, I'm getting into why some people genuinely can't apologize, why over-apologizing does just as much damage, and what shifted for me when I finally stopped holding back. In this episode: * Growing up without any model of what a healthy apology looks like * How being punished into saying sorry as a kid turned apologies into a shame trigger * The moment in my relationship when I realized accountability wasn't optional * The metaphor I use to think about what apologies are actually for * Over-apologizing and why so many women are quietly burning their credibility * How my parents, in their 70s, started doing something I never thought they'd do * What changed across all of my relationships once I stopped withholding apologies If you've ever struggled to say sorry, or you're waiting on an apology you might never get, this one's for you. Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2512272/support] Interested in coaching with Jule? [https://adviceactually.com/contact/] LinkedIn: @julekim [https://www.linkedin.com/in/julekim/] / Instagram: @itsjulekim [https://instagram.com/itsjulekim] / TikTok: @itsjulekim [https://www.tiktok.com/@itsjulekim] Jule’s website: https://adviceactually.com/ [https://adviceactually.com/] Buy Jule’s Self-Love Affirmation Cards on Amazon [https://www.amazon.com/Self-Love-Affirmations-Reflections-Self-Worth-Self-Compassion/dp/0593690303/] Ways to Support This Podcast: 🌟 If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs it—and please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Your support helps more people find the show.