Angel Mamas Pregnancy Loss Podcast - Ep 1 - Behind the name

Anastasia Adam and Joanna from IVF_tribe come together to chat things IVF and embryo loss.  Joanne shares some great tips that she has learned in her journey with IVF and infertility. TRANSCRIPT Anastasia Today we have beautiful Joanna also known on Instagram as IVF_Tribe. And the beautiful woman has just caught my attention with all the beautiful posts and sharing that Joanna does when it comes to trying to conceive and myself we had our struggles and tried to conceive for a very long time and I feel like there is a real big space that's needed for for that community and to support women inspire women and men, and see the journey that, you know, happens out there to people so you don't feel like you are alone, and we have Joanna here today to share a little bit about her story her journey. Joanna Thank you for inviting me It's my very first podcast are very exciting and very honored to be here. Well, Nick and I started IVF last year in April, so 2019. I am obviously over 40, and in the geriatric age. In terms of trying to conceive so I just thought we will go straight into IVF. Since then, we've done nine cycles and I'm about to begin my 10 cycles. But when we started I did seven cycles back to back. A lot of ladies messaged me to say you know, "How do I do it", "You're so strong", but for me, I think I just saw it as whole time job, and I just had to have my baby so it just became an obsessive thing you know cycle after cycle after cycle. I was struggling, physically, emotionally, mentally, but the end goal was a baby and that just drove me to keep doing cycles. So, still no baby but I'm still trying. Anastasia Yeah, it's such a hard thing when all you want is to have a baby, and I know myself we tried for many years and had miscarriages. I think in the IVF world though you're not gonna if you have a cycle that is not successful, it's not considered a miscarriage you're still born like I've experienced but I do believe that there is still pain, there is still grief, there is still stuff that comes on behind that and that it's okay to feel that but from some women that I spoke to who have experienced and gone through IVF, they kind of feel like from that to not relevant or better I've got nowhere to sit in amongst all of that when they can't conceive and they can't feel pregnant. How is that felt for you? Joanna So lost to me, every cycle that day, every embryo that has fertilized and hasn't made it to day five or haven't frozen it, I feel it's a loss, it's a loss of a potential baby. Maybe obviously in abnormal embryo but it's still an embryo like all these all the same to me. So, yes, I actually do view it as a loss. Anastasia Yeah, absolutely. And you have created this amazing space on Instagram for women and men that are also going through same or similar things as you, and the community is just amazing. How come you've decided to create this? Joanna I have no outlet, as many ladies no who have Instagram or IVF Instagram accounts. I discovered the TTC or IVF world. First, with Facebook. I was obsessed with Facebook forums when I found you know when I found that out and Nick actually hated me being on it because it was a 24/7 thing and I was looking for messages and ladies messaging me and I was just updating. And I'm looking at all these posts all the time. At this start last year, it was very informative for me. I learned a lot through those forums, so I was very thankful for those. But I found that I needed another outlet outside those forums that kind of led me explore my own feelings. I felt like you know the forums were a little bit they were guarded by admin so obviously, you couldn't really say what you wanted to say and say how you really felt. So someone suggested, "No, look up Instagram just look up the #TTC or IVF.", and then you know I did and it was just another another world. And so, I felt very alone. And then, I felt like I was I had this secret life that I couldn't share with anyone on my personal account and I didn't want to share my personal account so that's how I created the "IVF_Tribe". And it sort of grew from there. I never thought it'd be what it is right now I never thought I'd get to these many followers and ladies being so invested in my story and I'm very thankful for all the support and the kind messages I get every day. So, yeah, it grew organically which was amazing. Anastasia I think you've done such an epic job and you just sitting there, found alone and you didn't want it on your private page and I can relate to that. That was me and I didn't want to share that I'm having trouble trying to conceive and I didn't even share my early miscarriages either at the time because you do feel. I don't know there's just so many feelings and emotion, then the fear of being judged as well. And for some reason, Instagram does have that power to allow you to express because it just kind of feels like a lot more people get it. And of course, no matter what we're always going to be judged I think there's always people out there to judge us. But, it connects us with people who are also going through similar things that might not want to share, but find value and that's what I thought when I've been watching your page and I love how you've got on there IVF humor because you do bring a bit of human light heart to something that's really serious as well and it just makes it I think bearable to some people, let's make the situation bearable and hats off to you because I think it takes a real brave courageous person to do what you have done and to share and to invest so much time in supporting others going through fertility issues and IVF just like yourself. Joanna It is rewarding, in some way, but it's also it's also hard. So on the flip side, it's amazing to see women falling pregnant and you know obviously you know their struggle because you're going through themselves but there is also that that sadness for you, happy for you, sad for me. Thing that goes on. When I kind of been Instagram and I can't scroll and actually I have been backing off. Scrolling a lot, so I'll you know open it up and I'll do my stories but I won't spend too long now scrolling because it wasn't at one point, good for my headspace. Yeah. Anastasia So do you have any tips or advice for going through this I personally haven't experienced going through IVF? Do you have any thing that you would like to share with our listeners that may have experienced an embryo not fertilizing and not carrying through a pregnancy or did go through IVF and had pregnancy loss along the way? Joanna I do, I think the main things is finding your tribe which I did on Instagram, finding friends you can chat to many friends you've never met before but friends that you can actually, ask questions get advice or even just to read and rave and cry too. When you do have that you know that the loss. And another big one is "Don't blame yourself." A lot of females just feel, hydrate coffee, I lifted that box of shopping, I had the glass of wine, what you shouldn't do to make way but I see so many women, feeling so guilty for drinking coffee and look I might be caned for it but I'm still drinking coffee, and I'm sure there's you know women who, message me we study showing coffee is bad, but we got can't my life would be just so boring if I cut everything out that I thought would be toxic and then you know feeling guilty for it I think doing what you think feels right for you, but not feeling guilty for it is important. So there's no point drinking that coffee if you're going to feel so guilty about it. I think do what's right and don't feel guilty that you haven't done this or that, because you had a fail. I think I'm going to IVF thinking all the success is also a bit naive. I feel that many women will go through me, [inaudible] the reality of IVF. It's great if you're they know that person who does IVF and gets pregnant, the first time, and that's amazing but the actual reality it's all tied to a few cycles, unfortunately. Anastasia Thank you so much for sharing that. And it's. I couldn't agree more. Every time you know every time you say something I'm just seeing him shaking my head going Yes, yes. I totally agree and I did a post on my, my Facebook page just on the weekend, about a little letter to my own body as well saying dear body you are capable of anything you want and are perfect just the way you are. I'm so sorry for the journey from these photo was taken hasn't been a smooth sailing one and I'm so sorry that I actually didn't think you were amazing. Because isn't that true like blame, I read and I'm so sorry I blamed you for the miscarriage and stillbirth I'm so sorry I blame you for grief payments that pain and sadness like we do. I find we blame ourselves in our body and in the letter I say we are now united we are as one and you know from today, we the rocky road no matter what it is we're sticking together we're best friends in a relationship through kindness, through love, joy through sadness through it all and I'll never feel disappointed at you again. And that's a hard one isn't it because we get disappointed, especially when for my first miscarriage. I wasn't aware and naive of how often miscarriages came along, so I was disappointed. Same the second time was like "Okay well this is not happening as often.", but the reality is, as you said, like, even through pregnancy loss and IVF loss and not successful pregnancies. It is a lot more common than what we actually believe to be all led to believe in the beginning and then we say through this journey of trying to conceive and hold a pregnancy to we got a beautiful baby in our hands. There's such a big distance from one to the other, and I don't know about you but I know for me I spent a lot of my 20s, trying not to get pregnant. Joanna Like I want a refund and all that I took. Anastasia It's so bizarre and then you know because we have this - I don't set in belief in women that it's an easy thing to happen, and then it's easy you know you you have sex and then you have a baby and then life's you know picket fence and all but it's not like that at all, is it? Joanna Not for the ladies going through IVF. I don't think sex to have a baby. I don't think that statement even hauls like true at all. It's such a foreign concept put it that way. It's not sexy whatsoever. It's not romantic and I was just saying to a girlfriend before. Unfortunately going through IVF it robs us of every single joy, the you know the joy. I'm going to put this in inverted commas, a normal person would go through falling pregnant naturally and undergo through the stages of pregnancy you know that joy of peeing on a stick and you know that result and seeing that bump I think it was IVF that joy is taken away from you, it's replaced by fear, will I have, you know, well I'm making week five, well I get to my scan, it's just the whole nine months, and that's sad because I want to enjoy my pregnancy but I don't know, I might be that lady who is fearful with her whole pregnancy and I don't know. But who knows [inaudible] therapists not to me. But that fear and that guilt and that you know. We just so scared. The more you want the baby, the more feel for you, I think. Anastasia Yeah, I think we've [inaudible] metiria my oldest I've rocked in the corner for the entire nine months of fear, and didn't sleep a wink didn't sleep more than five minutes at a time concerned that something would happen while sleeping. I think loss and grief and the want of - Joanna Post traumatic stress from cycle after cycle. Anastasia So I guess, you know in a positive light because, you know, we're just sharing our experiences our thoughts and obviously we're not counselors, but just coaching people through having find some support and know you're not alone and can continue to be positive and continue to go for that dream that it is if it is so have a baby is this for IVF, whatever it is, that it's important that you stay true to yourself and you keep on moving forward towards what it is. Is there something that you do to help keep that light, lit for you - like so through my pregnancy loss course I'm creating I've got a module on self care and one on journalizing, meditating, exercise and a whole heap of stuff do you do anything like that to help keep yourself in a positive light and looking forward? Joanna I do, it's been hard with lockdown and COVID. Exercise was always my therapy how escape and it wasn't about losing weight. It was just it was more my hour, hour and a half, I could just escape life, escape everything. So I am a physiotherapist by trade so I love Pilates, and I miss getting on the reformer so much, so I'm looking forward to getting back but I'll do Pilates at home, in a mat Pilates. And I'll definitely go for a walk with a girlfriend who lives around the corner and she incidentally I met her through my IVF account. So that's been very therapeutic for me. I have tried journaling on and off. It has work. She just reminded me to journal today. Gratitude diary has helped, for sure. Just writing, just the little things that you're grateful for every day. I'm sorry to say I failed at meditation and guided meditation, very hard for me to even clear my head for five minutes let alone half an hour, but I have tried I think last year I downloaded, nothing headspace. I think I got to like 120 days straight and then I sort of fell off. But again, it has helped so please do it again. Anastasia Yes. You know there's some misconception around meditation as well and needing to clear your brain I've got, I'm a part of the course is on that end, a writer of a book called Heavily Meditated has given us a discount code for anyone who's doing it so I'm happy to share that with you as well and it's a great book to still learn how to meditate and please know you don't need to clear your mind. All right. Joanna Actually, a lot of ladies have said that to me it's not about clearing your mind. Anastasia But it took me a long time, it actually took me almost five years. It's been six years now that I lost my baby and the first five years I found it really hard to sit in that quiet space so it's not for everybody. But yeah, if you can absolutely like just to let your body and your nervous system find some kind of leveling out, but they have some amazing tips that you've shared and thank you for sharing your story I mean it's really vulnerable and it's so brave and courageous and myself and I'm sure all of the listeners, really wish you all the best luck in trying to conceive and we are going to be watching your journey and seeing how it goes and fingers crossed sooner rather than later you do get your dream baby. Joanna I do hope there's a happy ending and I really do. Anastasia Yeah, I understand. You know, it's really interesting having that conversation from this side of the story now like that I have my baby. But, you know, I was on that side and I never knew I didn't know if it was gonna happen and, you know, all the hundred billion bloody pregnancy tests and doctor's appointments and blood test and the two weeks in between waiting to find out and the disappointment and seeing all your friends have successful pregnancies and the month I first wanted to try. There's a lot that we take on in trying to conceive and then of course if we experience any kind of loss and I just want to put it out there that you know you are entitled to feel that you have had a loss if you do go for IVF down that road and you are on that journey for trying to conceive. And it doesn't come through on the other end like you're allowed to feel like you've had a loss it's so important. Joanna And also if you don't, if you choose another pathway. I think a lot of ladies they get upset when people say 'don't give up' but sometimes, giving up the way you thought you might get your baby. Yeah, it's not giving up, you just choosing another pathway if that first original pathway isn't the way you're going to get your baby. So don't look at it as giving up a such, knowing you're going down, obviously other routes of trying to get another baby, [inaudible] no baby. There's a lot of guilt as well. If you're going to choose donor or adoption or surrogacy - there's not a lot of people talk about that as well. Now, we're talking about loss but that's another side of you know, IVF that is also not talked about and I feel that a lot of ladies. And a lost not knowing who to talk to about about this as well. Anastasia Absolutely. Well thank you so much for taking the time to be with us today. You have been an absolute delight and pleasure and I hope we get to connect again and hopefully down the track to another little podcast about your journey and where it's heading. Later on. Well, thank you so much, and we'll hope to see you soon. Good luck! Joanna Thanks Anastasia, it's a pleasure.

So many woman feel a fear or shame around pregnancy loss and then keep their experience to themselves.  Anastasia Adam talk about the Freedom to talk about pregnancy loss.

Angel Mamas Pregnancy Loss Podcast Ep 2 with Shan Weerasiri - wife of Dr Tilak Weerasiri, an accredited private obstetrician and gynaecologist who has experienced 2 miscarriages. Shan shares her story of loss and her journey with Anastasia Adam You can find their practise website https://www.obstetrician-melbourne.com.au/ [https://www.obstetrician-melbourne.com.au/] or follow them on insta https://www.instagram.com/obstetricianmelbourne/ [https://www.instagram.com/obstetricianmelbourne/] For Pregnancy Loss support join the Angels Mamas private Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/Angelmamaspregnancyloss/ [https://www.facebook.com/groups/Angelmamaspregnancyloss/] and follow on Insta - https://www.instagram.com/angel_mamas_au/ [https://www.instagram.com/angel_mamas_au/] If you loved it and would like to hear more podcasts, please leave a review.

Angel Mama's Pregnancy Loss podcast - Behind the name   Hello, and thank you so much for joining me. This is my very first podcast and it's something that I have been dreaming off for some time to bring to life. So, I wanted to share with you a little bit about the name and my vision and how Angel Mama's Pregnancy Loss has come to life. So in 2018, I had a beautiful little girl so it was 11 months after I had my 39 weeks stillborn boy. And I started a business where one of my main goals was when I had some financial and time freedom. I would create something to support people through pregnancy loss. I didn't feel like there was much out there or much offered. And I don't believe that you should have to go searching high and low asking for support. I wanted, you know, wanted more. I wanted a place where people who had experienced things like me could have from people who had also experienced pregnancy loss. So about you know, a few a few weeks ago only, I realized I was in that position where I had the freedom to be able to now create angels, Mama's pregnancy loss. And so I thought, why would I not just get it done and I had felt for some time that the world was calling more of me. And I couldn't pick on exactly what it was. And I had an amazing coach help me to take that out. And it all looks so clear now when I look at all of my sheets of what I want to do and what I want to create and What would I do if I create success in my other business and it all came back to doing something to support those who have also experienced pregnancy loss?     So, what I've started now is Hello a podcast and a pregnancy loss. So Angel Mama's pregnancy lost Facebook page and Instagram page. But I've also got a Facebook private group, Angel Mama's pregnancy loss. And in there, if you'd like to join, please do it's a safe place for those who have also experienced pregnancy loss to just talk it out. And, you know, sometimes we face daily challenges and other times we come across a situation that just takes us right back to our grief. And having a page like that would be great. Like I've always wanted a place where I could just pop in and say, just ramble on something that totally upset me or caught me out for the day. So if you're looking for that, I want you to know that's now available to you. I also wanted to create something, you know, I love creating, I absolutely love creating it just soothes my soul and fills me with such joy. So I'm creating a course where those who have experienced pregnancy loss can, can absolutely jump in and do and it's got so much amazing content that I've already created in there. And I can't wait to share it with you. So its main stuff comes from the name as well. And the name Angel Mama's. So where did that all come from? My son, we named him Angel. And I know angel is such a thing that we think of from pregnancy loss and I just felt felt so right at the time that we had, you know, I birthed him to name him Angel. It took us a little while but it just made so much sense at the time and I also got his name tattooed on my arm just to feel connected all the time, and I wanted to put his name somewhere where it can be honoured and create something where it can support others where magic can be and where people can say his name and keep his spirit alive. For me, I think it means the world. And here we are Angel Mama's pregnancy loss. So I just want to thank you so much for being part of this and for joining. I can't wait to share lots of great stuff in the groups. And I've got some incredible interviews coming up in my podcasts with other two have also experienced pregnancy loss. Now if you have a story that you want to share, and you want to be on one of my podcasts, please comment, let me know. So I can reach out to you and have a chat to you about your experience and possibly have you on as well. So, you know, it's it's such a journey, isn't it? It's, it's never crystal clean. It's never cut in one certain way. There's no book to take exactly what to do. But I do believe that having support having a place to have a voice and taking away the taboo about pregnancy loss is massive. You know, for me, I had never heard of having a stillborn when I had my stillborn I didn't know what what was going on. I was in total shock, my mind, my spirit, my body, everything was in total shock. And I would have loved to have had something more. Some kind of support that was available that I could join into, a support group that was just open and people understood and we're supportive of how I felt. You know, one thing that I've noticed maybe through my first early pregnancy and my early miscarriage before my stillborn was how easily, things like that are just kind of pushed aside or ignored or it's just a norm move on. But when you're in it yourself and when you experience it, there's so much more than just putting aside it does not happen like that at all. And we don't have to. We don't have to, it's our pregnancy loss and we can choose how we want to play that one out. Now, you might want some help and support and how to do that and I can't wait to bring that to you. But know that you do not have to push that aside, you do not have to ignore it. You do not have to believe or pretend that it did not happen, if you wish too. Absolutely but you're probably not here listening to my podcast if that is you. You know, you are worthy and you're an amazing person. And this is of no fault of your own.     I think that's a really important thing that I want to be leaving you with today. My very first podcast but I can't wait to share more with you. And please, I welcome you to join my group I would love for you introduce yourself in there. I would love to hear from you. Have a wonderful day, and you're an amazing human being.