The Art Of Listening Without Shields

The Art Of Listening Without Shields

In this episode, Angela opens Season 3 by exploring one of the most common and most costly patterns in close relationships: listening to defend rather than listening to understand. Drawing from Gottman Method research and Emotion-Focused Therapy, Angela unpacks why defensiveness isn't the enemy but rather a nervous system signal, what happens when protection replaces connection, and how learning to truly hear your partner can transform conflict into closeness, one pause at a time. Relationship Reset Challenge The Rapaport Practice Round Set a timer for five minutes and try one full Rapaport round: one person speaks, one person only listens and reflects. When the speaker says "yes, you got it," switch. No rebuttals. No fixing. Just: do you understand me? Notice what shifts when someone feels truly heard, even once. Resources Mentioned * Arms Open Counselling resources and blog posts: www.armsopencounselling.com [http://www.armsopencounselling.com] Connect with Us If today’s episode resonated with you, share it with a partner or friend! Follow @ArmsOpenCounselling on Instagram and Facebook for more relationship wisdom, behind-the-scenes therapy insights, and heart-centered tips. Presented by: Angela Kingma Edited by: Tayte McHugh

How Couples Bounce Back

In this episode, Angela explores one of the most quietly transformative skills in any relationship: the repair attempt. Angela unpacks what repair actually looks like beyond the perfect apology — and why the ability to come back to each other after conflict matters far more than whether conflict happens at all. Whether repair feels natural or terrifyingly vulnerable in your relationship, this episode offers real language, warm insight, and a practical reset to help you find your way back to each other. Relationship Reset Challenge One honest repair this week This week's challenge invites you to try one genuine repair attempt, no drama, no perfectly timed speech required. Just a small, intentional move toward your partner. Example: "I was short with you earlier, and I'm sorry, can we start over?" No perfection required, just intention. Resources Mentioned * Arms Open Counselling resources and blog posts: www.armsopencounselling.com [http://www.armsopencounselling.com] Connect with Us If today’s episode resonated with you, share it with a partner or friend! Follow @ArmsOpenCounselling on Instagram and Facebook for more relationship wisdom, behind-the-scenes therapy insights, and heart-centered tips. Presented by: Angela Kingma Edited by: Tayte McHugh

Why Admiration Keeps Love Alive

In this episode, Angela explores one of the most quietly powerful — and quietly neglected — forces in long-term relationships: fondness and admiration. Drawing from Gottman Method research and Emotion-Focused Therapy, Angela unpacks why expressed admiration is foundational to relational health, what happens when it goes underground, and how small, specific, consistent acts of saying what you genuinely value in your partner can transform the emotional climate of your relationship — one moment at a time. Relationship Reset Challenge The Admiration Audit Sit quietly for five minutes and identify three things you genuinely admire about your partner — not what they do, but who they are. Their character, their spirit, the way they move through the world. Then find a moment this week to say one of them out loud. Specific, genuine, unprompted. Just because it's true. And if you're feeling brave — say all three. Resources Mentioned * Arms Open Counselling resources and blog posts: www.armsopencounselling.com [http://www.armsopencounselling.com] Connect with Us If today’s episode resonated with you, share it with a partner or friend! Follow @ArmsOpenCounselling on Instagram and Facebook for more relationship wisdom, behind-the-scenes therapy insights, and heart-centered tips. Presented by: Angela Kingma Edited by: Tayte McHugh

Don't Fix It, Feel It

In this episode, Angela explores one of the most quietly misunderstood skills in relationships — the stress-reducing conversation. Not every hard moment needs a solution. Sometimes what your partner needs most is simply to feel heard, held, and less alone in what they're carrying. Angela shares a hilarious (and completely relatable) client story about a well-meaning partner who showed up to an emotional conversation with a spiral-bound notebook and bullet-pointed action items — and uses it to unpack why the fix-it instinct, while rooted in love, can accidentally leave partners feeling unseen. Relationship Reset Challenge Try the 10-minute rule. Give your partner ten minutes of uninterrupted, advice-free listening — no solutions, no redirects, no silver linings, and absolutely no notebooks. Ask one open question: "What's been the hardest part of this for you?" Then just be there with what comes. Notice what shifts — in them, and in you. Resources mentioned * Arms Open Counselling resources and blog posts: www.armsopencounselling.com [http://www.armsopencounselling.com] * The Gottman Institute — stress-reducing conversations and rituals of connection: www.gottman.com [http://www.gottman.com] * Dr. Sue Johnson — Emotion-Focused Therapy for couples: www.iceeft.com [http://www.iceeft.com] Connect with Us If today’s episode resonated with you, share it with a partner or friend! Follow @ArmsOpenCounselling on Instagram and Facebook for more relationship wisdom, behind-the-scenes therapy insights, and heart-centered tips. Presented by: Angela Kingma Edited by: Tayte McHugh

Fighting Fair by Starting Soft

This episode explores how the first three minutes of a hard conversation predict how it will end, and how our nervous systems and attachment needs often drive harsh openings that are really desperate bids for connection. Drawing from Gottman Method research and Emotion-Focused Therapy, Angela offers practical, real-life language shifts to help you bring up hard topics with respect, appreciation, and emotional safety, even when you’re tired, resentful, or feeling unseen. Relationship Reset Challenge The 60-Second Start-Up Pause Before you bring up a concern this week, pause for one minute. Ask yourself: “What am I really feeling underneath this frustration?” and “What do I actually need right now?” Then remove blanket generalizations like “You always” and start with a moment of appreciation before naming the issue. For example: “I really appreciate how much you do for our family. There’s something on my heart I’d like to talk about.” No perfection required — just intention. Resources Mentioned * Arms Open Counselling resources and blog posts: www.armsopencounselling.com [http://www.armsopencounselling.com] Connect with Us If today’s episode resonated with you, share it with a partner or friend! Follow @ArmsOpenCounselling on Instagram and Facebook for more relationship wisdom, behind-the-scenes therapy insights, and heart-centered tips. Presented by: Angela Kingma Edited by: Tayte McHugh