NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship

📅 Book a private session: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ [https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/] 💬  Join my private facebook community here:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989 [https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989] Grab your free Boundaries guide: https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 [https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250] Empowered Boundaries Course: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ [https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/] Speaker 1 (00:03 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4YWQ5Njc2ZjIwZWNmMDE4ZDM4MTRhRjJMNllmTjlBb0tD/o/VEMwMDM3MDI1ODc0?ts=3.09]): Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath queen. This one's for you. Hey. Hey, queen. Today we're doing a little identity detox from the role that your narcissistic family cast you in. Because listen, if you were the scapegoat, the fixer, the golden girl, the lost one, that was not you. It was a role you adapted to so you could survive in this toxic system that was created. But you're safe now. Take a breath. You're going to be safe. If you don't feel safe. Now you are going to, we're going to get you there, but we're going to start letting that old identity fall away. Say byes. Say byes, kiss it goodbye. This five minute practice is called the roll detox. So grab your journal if you can, and if not, just listen and let it land. (01:07 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4YWQ5Njc2ZjIwZWNmMDE4ZDM4MTRhRjJMNllmTjlBb0tD/o/VEMwMDM3MDI1ODc0?ts=67.8]) Save it for later. And if you want to come back to it and get a journal, you can do that. But just really be present with this one. Okay? So step one, you're naming the role. Okay? So ask yourself, what role did I play in my family growing up? Were you the rebel, the perfect one, the one who kept quiet and kind of just disappeared into the background? Then you go a little deeper. Who did I have to become in order to feel safe or accepted in the family? Now, name it out loud. First we're going to start with I became the what to survive. Is it the rebel? Is it the attention seeker? Is it that golden child energy? The perfect one, the one who kept quiet? What did you become to survive the family or I learned to be what? Because it felt safer than being rejected. (02:23 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4YWQ5Njc2ZjIwZWNmMDE4ZDM4MTRhRjJMNllmTjlBb0tD/o/VEMwMDM3MDI1ODc0?ts=143.25]) None of these are your actual identity. Think of it as your armor. You are putting on this identity as armor. You put it onto survive and now it's safe to start taking it off. Take it off, girl. Alright, so step two, challenge the lie. Okay? So that role created a belief in you. So ask what lie did that role teach me about myself? These are some common ones. One of mine was this. I'm too much or too sensitive, right? I'm too much. But there's also, I'm not enough in a different way, right? I'm not enough. Maybe I'm not interesting enough. Maybe it's I'm not smart enough. Just good enough in any form is not good enoughness. Okay? Another common one. My needs are a burden, okay? I have a very close person in my life for privacy sake. I will not mention who it is, but this was hers. (03:35 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4YWQ5Njc2ZjIwZWNmMDE4ZDM4MTRhRjJMNllmTjlBb0tD/o/VEMwMDM3MDI1ODc0?ts=215.65]) She felt like she was always a burden to her parent. Always a burden. Did you ever feel like that? Or fear? Like if you spoke up, you'd be punished. And I'm not just talking violence, punished by sharp words, punished by being ignored. Punished by not getting things that other kids in the family might get because you spoke up. There's many ways that narcissists will punish you. I do think of them as the punishers. If you don't do what they want, when they want and how they want, you will get punished. So now let's flip it. So you've written down what is the lie that rule taught you about yourself? So you have that down. Now flip it, reclaim the truth, and then don't forget to say it out loud. You're writing it down, but also say it out loud. It's so healing to say stuff out loud. Can I just tell you, say it out loud. I'm loud. I have no problem doing that and then let it land. So some examples of this, my sensitivity is not a flaw, it's a gift. (05:00 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4YWQ5Njc2ZjIwZWNmMDE4ZDM4MTRhRjJMNllmTjlBb0tD/o/VEMwMDM3MDI1ODc0?ts=300.52]) I love my sensitivity. Now I'm sensitive. I'm empathetic. That's good. Does that make you a target for a narcissist? Sometimes, but we're learning to queen it out so we can rise above that and not take the bait. So own your sensitivity. Now, that's your armor. Shine that shit. Okay? You look sexy in sensitivity. I'm going to create a quote and put that on my Facebook. Guys, if you're not following me on my Facebook, by the way, always go click all the links. All the links in my show notes of the podcast, okay? I have a private Facebook group full of women just like you. And I drop some quotes, sometimes videos, my podcast episodes in there, all the fun. So go join that. All right. How about this one? I deserve love without earning it. You don't have to earn love. No. That should be given to you out them gates, out them wombs. Okay? You deserve love without earning it. Another one. Oh, let's see who this hits. Let's am safe When I'm fully myself. Fully, I am safe when I'm fully myself. Doesn't that feel good? If you could believe that, let's get you there. We're starting by just saying it out loud, okay? We're trying to start the transformation. (06:35 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4YWQ5Njc2ZjIwZWNmMDE4ZDM4MTRhRjJMNllmTjlBb0tD/o/VEMwMDM3MDI1ODc0?ts=395.72]) Another one being seen isn't dangerous, it's now powerful, right? Some of us growing up, being seen or heard could be dangerous. Why? Because we get punished. The punisher, the great Punisher, Uhuh, nope, it's powerful. Now we grownups and we're going to take our power back and it's going to be freaking powerful to be seen, to be heard, to have a voice and be able to say what your desires, what your needs are, that's power and you deserve it. So these truths are not just fluffy little affirmations. They are weapons, okay? Weapons of healing, how's that whip that healing around you? Got it? Alright, so we've got that down, okay? We've got challenging those lies. The now step three is anchoring a new identity. So take a deep breath in and out in the nose, out the mouth, close your eyes and visualize yourself free from that role. (07:55 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4YWQ5Njc2ZjIwZWNmMDE4ZDM4MTRhRjJMNllmTjlBb0tD/o/VEMwMDM3MDI1ODc0?ts=475.49]) No mask, no performance, no guilt, just you grounded, radiant, powerful like a dang queen. Okay? What does she wear? How does she speak? How does she protect her peace? And you can pause this and really marinate on it, okay? This is where the good shit happens, doing this work and hold that version of you in your heart. That is not future you. She's already up in there. Don't you feel her queen? She's in there. You're just reconnecting to her. All right? Repeat after me and then I'll let you go. I'm probably going over. Yep, there I am. Blobby mouth went over her five minutes. Surprise. All right. Say it with me. I'm no longer playing the role they gave me. I, okay, I'm living the truth. I chose. (09:05 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4YWQ5Njc2ZjIwZWNmMDE4ZDM4MTRhRjJMNllmTjlBb0tD/o/VEMwMDM3MDI1ODc0?ts=545.73]) I am not who they said I was. And here's my favorite. Yes, feel this one. I am who I decide to become. That is your thrive in 10 today, Queens. Real healing, real tools. We're not fluffing around. I don't fluff. Something I don't do is fluff, right? And if this cracks something open for you, go listen to this week's full episode. If you missed it, I walk you through the narcissistic family roles and how to break free from that without all the guilt Bs. So go look at that. Also, if you want to do deeper healing, really transformational stuff where you get to feel alive and have peace and have joy and don't have to struggle so much sitting in your brain spinning out all the time. If you want to get past that and heal from the body where you actually get lasting results, go click on one of those dang links I told you about, preferably the one-on-one coaching. You can start out with our Reclaim You Sessions, an hour and a half session. Okay? And then from there, we go to monthly work month, one month at a time, chapter after chapter, growth after growth, cleaning after Queening. Are you in? Yeah, go click it. All right? Have a beautiful day and I will talk to you in the next episode. (11:54 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4YWQ5Njc2ZjIwZWNmMDE4ZDM4MTRhRjJMNllmTjlBb0tD/o/VEMwMDM3MDI1ODc0?ts=714.58]) That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment. And check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

Were you the scapegoat, the golden child, or the lost one? In this episode, we break down the toxic roles in narcissistic families and how they mess with your identity, confidence, and peace—and most importantly, how to break free from them for good. 📅 Book a private session: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ [https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/] Grab your free Boundaries guide: https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 [https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250] Empowered Boundaries Course: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ [https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/] Speaker 1 (00:00 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4ODJhNjk2OThjZWU2ZDdmODBjZDM3QkhtV2RkQUc4VzlE/o/VEMwMjQzMTMzMjk2?ts=0.33]): What if the guilt you feel around your family is not your fault, but the result of a system that was built to silence you? In today's episode, we're diving deep into narcissistic family dynamics, what they look like, why you got cast in a role you sure as hell did not sign up for, and how to finely break free without drowning in all that familial guilt. You're not crazy, you're not alone. Look, I'm right here next to you, we, and yes, we are allowed to choose peace over people, even our family, even if it's hard. When we are in these situations, have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dried ice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. (01:08 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4ODJhNjk2OThjZWU2ZDdmODBjZDM3QkhtV2RkQUc4VzlE/o/VEMwMjQzMTMzMjk2?ts=68.01]) I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. Welcome back, beautiful queens. It is Christy Jade, your guide, your cheerleader, your no nonsense truth teller in my heels. Are you in your heels today? Looking super fly. Alright, so we're talking about something that can hit very deep narcissistic families and yes, grab your tea, your journal, maybe your little inner child because this is going to go deep, but hopefully be healing for you. So often we think abuse equals obvious, yelling, hitting chaos, and it does. (02:18 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4ODJhNjk2OThjZWU2ZDdmODBjZDM3QkhtV2RkQUc4VzlE/o/VEMwMjQzMTMzMjk2?ts=138.66]) But with some narcissistic families, they can be more covert, more manipulative. They might look functional on the outside, but inside there is favoritism, there's gaslighting, there is emotional neglect, masked as tough love, and there's control dressed up as we just want what's best for you. So if you grew up walking on eggshells constantly trying to earn somebody's love and feeling responsible for everyone else's emotions, that was not healthy love. That's not the love you deserved to have. Okay, so let's talk family role in narcissistic families. Everyone gets cast in a role, like a little play first. There is my personal unfavorite, the golden child. They are almost idolized. You have to walk on eggshells and everyone does. They're an extension of a narcissistic parent's ego, right? They usually can do no wrong in the family's eyes. Then there's the scapegoat. This is the one who gets blamed for everything, often the truth teller or the sensitive one, the empath, and that means also the black sheep. (03:58 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4ODJhNjk2OThjZWU2ZDdmODBjZDM3QkhtV2RkQUc4VzlE/o/VEMwMjQzMTMzMjk2?ts=238.18]) But in my opinion, it's good to be a black sheep and a narcissistic family. That means you're not like the rest, right? Then there can also be the lost child, invisible, quiet. They kind learn to disappear, to stay safe and out of the chaos of the group. So you didn't choose your role. You adapted to what you had to be to survive in this dynamic. So let's repeat that. You adapted to survive. So it wasn't weakness, it was just what you had to do. And now that you're grown, you don't have to stay stuck in that script. So here's where the guilt trap comes in, but they're family. Let's talk about the biggest tool narcissistic families used to keep you stuck. Ding, ding. Guilt. Guilt. (04:56 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4ODJhNjk2OThjZWU2ZDdmODBjZDM3QkhtV2RkQUc4VzlE/o/VEMwMjQzMTMzMjk2?ts=296.2]) Things like have you heard this before? You only have one mom. You're so sensitive, right? That's a big one. You're so sensitive, you can't take a joke and I did the best I could. You turned out fine, didn't you? Or family? Is everything family's first blood thicker than water? Not saying any of these things cannot be said in a normal family, but there's a pattern and it is used against you when you are being mistreated. Okay? That's the difference here. So family is not everything. If it costs you your peace, your truth, or very importantly, your safety, right? The real truth is blood does not give someone a pass to mistreat you. I'm going to say that a little louder, fold. The back blood does not give someone a pass to mistreat you. The old, oh, well, that's just how he is or that you hear that in family so much. (06:04 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4ODJhNjk2OThjZWU2ZDdmODBjZDM3QkhtV2RkQUc4VzlE/o/VEMwMjQzMTMzMjk2?ts=364.55]) That's just how they are. Oh, just ignore it. Oh, he's just crazy. Oh, he is just got a temper. Oh, boys will be boys. It can be girls too. I'm just just doing the he right now. We'll throw some girls in there too. Oh, she's just high maintenance. Oh, she's just a little princess. Oh, she's just on her period there now you don't want to hear about the girl one anymore. No. So you've heard all the excuses that are given for narcissists. So how to start breaking free without swimming around in that guilt. So first, here's what I want you to remember. You are allowed to set boundaries, right? I'm not saying you go cut every single person off and your family and throw 'em and flush 'em, right? You're allowed to set boundaries and you stick. I have a great boundaries course. If you don't know, I also have a freebie boundary guide. (07:03 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4ODJhNjk2OThjZWU2ZDdmODBjZDM3QkhtV2RkQUc4VzlE/o/VEMwMjQzMTMzMjk2?ts=423.05]) I am going to put in the description of this episode. You need to grab it if you have not grabbed it. It's a very recent creation. A couple of weeks ago I put it out. So go grab that and I also have a course. I'll link that too. That is epic. But if you have trouble setting boundaries, both of those things can help you. But you're allowed to set boundaries even with your family. It's okay. You're allowed to say no even to your mother often, and I know it can be generational too, but that's also an excuse We over, okay? (07:37 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4ODJhNjk2OThjZWU2ZDdmODBjZDM3QkhtV2RkQUc4VzlE/o/VEMwMjQzMTMzMjk2?ts=457.58]) Oh, they're old. No, no one should treat you like crap. And it's okay to have boundaries and stick to them and give actual consequences. And you're allowed to take space. You're allowed to say, I'm going to back off for a couple of weeks and just get my bearings. You're allowed to go low contact, right? You don't want to go all the way, no contact, that's fine. Go lower contact, give yourself a little more peace, or you are allowed to go no contact in certain situations. If there is someone in your family that is abusive, it is absolutely a thousand percent okay to go no contact. Do you want to set boundaries first and try that out to see so you never have regrets? Yeah, I would. I love to give people chances. Guess what though? You fuck up on some chances. It's a no. And you're allowed to heal. (08:36 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4ODJhNjk2OThjZWU2ZDdmODBjZDM3QkhtV2RkQUc4VzlE/o/VEMwMjQzMTMzMjk2?ts=516.23]) Even if they don't apologize, even if they don't right their wrongs, it is not about them. This is about you and your journey. This is about you saying, I want peace. I'm deciding I'm not taking their bait. I'm not believing their, I'm saying I am ready to have peace and I'm the rule creator for this relationship, right? That doesn't mean go be abusive to them. That's not what I'm saying here. You don't build boundaries to go be mean to people. No. You build boundaries to protect your peace. Yeah, remind yourself of that because sometimes a lot of us will feel guilty placing boundaries because we are conditioned and told that we are the mean ones. We're being irrational or unreasonable when we're just trying to protect ourselves. So I'm here to tell you, this is about protecting your peace. You're not doing anything to anybody. (09:48 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4ODJhNjk2OThjZWU2ZDdmODBjZDM3QkhtV2RkQUc4VzlE/o/VEMwMjQzMTMzMjk2?ts=588.3]) You're not controlling anybody. You're controlling yourself and how you handle the situation. So here's a little practical tip for you. Start small. If you haven't heard of my hell yes, hell no list. We'll start small with that. Write down hell yes on one side, hell no on the other. Who makes you feel safe and seen? Who drains you, manipulates you or triggers guilt, right? Just list the people in your family, okay? Start with that. What's working, what's not? And you can go further. You can work with me one-on-one to really get into all of that and help heal that and help change that story without guilt. But you don't owe anyone an explanation for protecting your peace, especially not people who never protected you. Let's say that again, and I'm going to post it on Facebook. I've just said it in that hit, you don't owe anyone an explanation for protecting your peace, especially not the people who never protected you. (11:04 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4ODJhNjk2OThjZWU2ZDdmODBjZDM3QkhtV2RkQUc4VzlE/o/VEMwMjQzMTMzMjk2?ts=664.77]) We feel like we owe people. That's natural. You're a nice person with a heart and a soul, right? You're probably empathetic. You know what it feels like, but guess what? You're doing nothing wrong by protecting your peace. There's a reason you are here at this point. So what would it feel like to feel that freedom doesn't mean getting there is overnight and easy, but working with me, it can be fun. We can shine our little crowns together. You might feel sad, you might have a little confusion working through it, but over time, I am here. I'm telling you on the other side of for me, I did go no contact with narcissist. (11:56 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4ODJhNjk2OThjZWU2ZDdmODBjZDM3QkhtV2RkQUc4VzlE/o/VEMwMjQzMTMzMjk2?ts=716.08]) You do feel lighter. You stop second guessing every decision. You breathe deeper, you sleep better, and this is huge. You trust yourself more. You can trust yourself. You build yourself trust. What are you without self-trust? You're living in someone else's damn body. You'll begin to build your chosen family. Let's say you do end up low or no contact with some people. It opens it up for people that deserve your friendship, your relationship, your love. People that lift you up, people that see you and hear you and believe you and give you the benefit of the doubt. Meet you halfway. People that don't confuse and manipulate and gaslight you, people who love you for every part of you as you are and don't project onto you. There's no performance, there's no roles. There's no freaking game. Spider web of crap. That's the kind love that heals you. (13:13 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4ODJhNjk2OThjZWU2ZDdmODBjZDM3QkhtV2RkQUc4VzlE/o/VEMwMjQzMTMzMjk2?ts=793.33]) That's the kind of love that heals your children and their children and all the generations after. That is true love, and I have that in my life. Do you know how amazing that is to come from a certain part of life where I felt like helpless. That's the only word I can use in this situation. I felt absolutely heartbroken and helpless. I'm trying to be more open and raw here in my podcast because I am a very bubbly, fun personality. But I want you guys to know I get it. I seriously just got choked up. I don't like talking about the dark parts, but I'm supposed to, right? It's part of it. I've done a lot of that work, but I need to bring it to you so you can see. I get it. I've been there. I have been in the dark laying there, praying to God, saying, what do I do? (14:23 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4ODJhNjk2OThjZWU2ZDdmODBjZDM3QkhtV2RkQUc4VzlE/o/VEMwMjQzMTMzMjk2?ts=863.8]) God, I don't know what to do. I felt like the situation was absolutely impossible. I thought there was no way I could stay in it and no way I could stay, get out of it. It felt absolutely impossible. And I'm here to tell you it's not impossible. It's not. You learn to set boundaries. You do, I think really need support. I got support. I got help with somebody who knows narcissism. So again, I would love to help you through any of this. I will put how to work with me in the description box. This does not have to be something you navigate alone and it should not be something you navigate alone. It is heavy shit. It's heavy shit. It's dark where you're at. But that's the whole point is I want to reach and hold your hand and help you climb out of that mud. (15:24 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4ODJhNjk2OThjZWU2ZDdmODBjZDM3QkhtV2RkQUc4VzlE/o/VEMwMjQzMTMzMjk2?ts=924.29]) See the light, get to the light, feel that lighter. Can you imagine actually not having that visceral shoulders up all the time? Always second guessing yourself, always waiting for the shoe to drop, not knowing how to navigate the situation. Even if you're lower contact, just not really having a plan, still feeling like up in the air. The balls are up in the air and it's just like a chaotic mess. Imagine feeling peace. Imagine feeling like you are in control. That's what we need for you. You have to feel like you are in control and you trust yourself and no matter what comes at you or what they say or do, you got it. You can handle it and you know what to do. That's how I want to help you feel. That's the light, right? That's that. Ah, just like settled, comfortable at peace, calm. (16:29 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4ODJhNjk2OThjZWU2ZDdmODBjZDM3QkhtV2RkQUc4VzlE/o/VEMwMjQzMTMzMjk2?ts=989.87]) You get to feel those things. So if you are ready, sign up for a session with me. You got to be ready. Are you ready? So like I said, I have the boundaries guide. I've got the course. If you want to do the real work, sign up. We do our intro session and then there are sessions after that. The intro session. You do not stop there. Sure. It'll give you a little fun feeling. You get like when you go to see a motivational speaker or something, sure you'll have a little kick, not a little pep in your step there. It is a little pep in your step, probably for a couple days. You might learn a couple tools and sure, I do my work to help people and I think it'll help you. These podcasts help you and they're free, right? It's great. But if you want to do transformational, long lasting work, you need to do the work. You need to go deep and you need to be ready and say, yeah, let's do this, queen. Okay? So sign up for your Reclaiming You private session. We're going to help clear that guilt and build a plan, and we are going to go from there because you want this life. It is not meant to struggle. And how old are we? (18:00 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4ODJhNjk2OThjZWU2ZDdmODBjZDM3QkhtV2RkQUc4VzlE/o/VEMwMjQzMTMzMjk2?ts=1080.3]) I mean, what would life look like if you are in the same place five years from now? I know a lot of you say you feel stuck. I'm here to help you get unstuck. That is my job. It is the best thing in the damn world to help unstick my peeps, my queens. So you don't want to be in the same situation. You don't want to be dreading family events. You don't want to be not knowing what to do when the phone rings or the text comes through. You don't want the guilt. You don't want to feel like you want to be a good role model for your kids and have a peaceful, happy life, but there's this disruption and drama and chaos. Come on, we're too old. We're too old for this. I mean, no age should deal with it, but at this stage, it's time to take control of your life, get your power back. (19:01 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4ODJhNjk2OThjZWU2ZDdmODBjZDM3QkhtV2RkQUc4VzlE/o/VEMwMjQzMTMzMjk2?ts=1141.77]) You deserve that, okay? You're not broken because of your family. You are becoming that cycle breaker, the pattern shifter, the one your future self, your kids will thank. That's why you're here. That's why you're on this podcast. Okay? So I see you and you are reclaiming that crown. So go click that link and then don't forget to follow the podcast. So you get the notifications. And on Thursdays we have Thrive in Five, usually related to the Tuesday episodes where there's some delicious body energy healing going on or tools or techniques. It's five minutes. It's just like a bite-sized podcast every Thursday. So you get more tools to help. But if you want that deep transformation, hit that damn link and let's go. I hate that saying, that's so popular. Now let's go. I think I just hate when people are like, yeah, bro, let's go, but let's go Queen. Maybe that makes it better. Are you ready to go? Let's go. All right, I'll see you in the next episode.

🎁 FREE RESOURCE: Goodbye Guilt, Hello Boundaries 3 powerful strategies to stop people-pleasing and set boundaries that actually stick — without the guilt spiral. Grab your free guide: 👉 https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 [https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250] 💬 JOIN THE COMMUNITY: You're not meant to heal alone. Come hang with me and other women healing from narcissistic abuse in our free Facebook group! ✨ Join here:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989 [https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989]     👑 Work 1:1 With Me Need personalized support to reclaim your peace and power? 📅 Book a private session: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/   Speaker 1 (00:03 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4MTlhMWE0MGFjYTVjZTJmODNhMWMzSUlVZWNFdHR6dUl2/o/VEMwNTk0MjAwNjk3?ts=3.09]): Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to Take a Breath Queen. This one's for you. Hello Queens. Are you still spinning in your head? Wondering, was it lover Just control? Today I'm giving you three simple but powerful questions that can help you stop the obsessive loop and reclaim some clarity. Let's get into it. Number one, did they love you or the version of you that served their needs? So narcissists are great at mirroring, but when you stop pleasing them or you had maybe a conflict or brought up something that bothered you how they were treating you, or you wanted to do something for yourself or something your way and not always theirs, did the love vanish? Did they punish? Did they hold things back? That is control, not love, right? Number two, did they make you feel consistently safe and supported? Like steady no matter what they were on your team, lifting you up on your side supporting you, or confused and anxious? Maybe there were some moments of support. Usually that is during a time that's benefiting them, but mostly confusing you, manipulating you, playing mind games, making you feel like you're crazy, causing you anxiety. Which one? (01:55 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4MTlhMWE0MGFjYTVjZTJmODNhMWMzSUlVZWNFdHR6dUl2/o/VEMwNTk0MjAwNjk3?ts=115.11]) Real love creates peace. It makes you feel secure. It makes you feel calmer, right? Not the up and the down and the woo all around. No, no, ma'am. Narc, love, love, let me put it in quotes, can really create panic, end of story, chaos, inconsistency. We talked about this Tuesday on the longer episode, right? About the inconsistency, the chaos, the back and forth, the up and down, making your mind a whirlwind. Even after you have left them, you still have that imprint and the questions, questioning yourself, not trusting yourself, not knowing what to trust about what really happened, what was real, what wasn't real, what was love? What was not love? Number three were your needs. Your needs that you deserve by the way, ever truly prioritized or where they always, always pushed to the side. (03:09 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4MTlhMWE0MGFjYTVjZTJmODNhMWMzSUlVZWNFdHR6dUl2/o/VEMwNTk0MjAwNjk3?ts=189.52]) Love honors you as a whole, right? And your needs, it honors you as a human being, right? Narc, love erases who you are. I'll say that again. Love honors you as your whole human narc. Love erases it. If you're going, where the F did I go? Who am I? What do I do? Now it makes sense if you were in a relationship with a narc of any kind, right? So if you answered those and you felt a gut punch on the negative side of the answer, you're not crazy. You're just waking up to all of this and good thing you are. Some people don't get the chance to wake up. They don't get the chance. You're getting this chance. You're seeing it in a new light, maybe confusing. You may want answers. That's what I'm here for, to help you, to guide you. But you get to choose the truth, the real truth, your truth, what really happened and who you are. (04:32 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4MTlhMWE0MGFjYTVjZTJmODNhMWMzSUlVZWNFdHR6dUl2/o/VEMwNTk0MjAwNjk3?ts=272.65]) You get to know who you are all over again rather than the fantasy of what was the fantasy of the love that was shared between you. That wasn't really love, it was control and maybe addiction, codependency. And you get to build a life based on real love, starting with loving yourself the right way, knowing what you expect for yourself from yourself, bleeding into other relationships. You will enter, not just romantic, okay? I'm talking friendships. Anybody you're letting into your life better be able to show you real love. We can often get attracted to the wrong people when we are used to controlling relationships, certain types of people we're comfortable. Get uncomfortable with controlling people. Get uncomfortable with narcissists. Get uncomfortable with people who don't reciprocate. Get uncomfortable with people who only talk about themselves and focus on themselves. What should you get comfortable with? People who uplift you, people who want to hear more about you, people who are there for you, people who are steady and in your corner, people who are excited about you. (05:58 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4MTlhMWE0MGFjYTVjZTJmODNhMWMzSUlVZWNFdHR6dUl2/o/VEMwNTk0MjAwNjk3?ts=358.31]) So if you haven't listened to that episode, go listen to Tuesday's episode. I go deeper into this, how to move forward when your brain is tangled up in the doubt, in the questions. All right, Queens, you got this. I hope this is helpful. Save the episode. If you start to get those doubts, go back and look at those questions. You know the answers. If you're here, you probably know the answers already, and sometimes it takes just seeing them, hearing them from someone else, having it spelled out to wake up and say, wow, this sucks. It hurts when you realize all of this. It's painful. This isn't easy stuff, but know what it is. It makes it easier. I will say to move forward, once you say out loud the things you have to say out loud, excuse me, pardon me. A little alarm saying those things out loud, saying, you know what? (06:58 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4MTlhMWE0MGFjYTVjZTJmODNhMWMzSUlVZWNFdHR6dUl2/o/VEMwNTk0MjAwNjk3?ts=418.37]) That wasn't the love I deserved. That wasn't authentic, true love. It was control. It was codependency. It wasn't the real love that I am going to get from myself and from others from this point on. Can I get a what? What? Thank you. Alright, so take a deep breath. It's a lot to take in. I know. Shake it out. Shake your arms. I'm also doing my podcast now on YouTube too, so you can get the visual. No, I just thought, I know a lot of my YouTube people like podcasts, but they like the video ones. So I'm putting on there on video now, so you can check those out too. And as always in the show notes, if you're looking for ways to work with me, if you want to really show up and do the work, like big transformations, you've got to actually consistently meet with someone, whether it's me or a therapist. (08:01 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4MTlhMWE0MGFjYTVjZTJmODNhMWMzSUlVZWNFdHR6dUl2/o/VEMwNTk0MjAwNjk3?ts=481.07]) If you are going to a therapist, make sure they know a lot about narcissism because it is not some cookie cutter way of dealing with co-parent or exes. It's not a normal healthy individual you break up with or you have to deal with this stuff with, right? We know that. So you have to make sure they really know narcissism. But you do to make transformation, I'm talking, you get to find yourself again. You get to have peace. I know you're not asking for much, and you can get there, but you've got to actually make the move, even though it can be scary to make that first move and say, yeah, I'm ready. So are you ready? If you're ready, go on my show notes. Click on the ways you can work with me there and let's do this. You deserve it, and I want, this is what my dream is. I got out on the other side and I want to help people like you. I went through absolute hell mind body, right? I ended up in the er. I was choked by a phone cord. My back was nearly snapped in half on a bathtub. (09:18 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg4MTlhMWE0MGFjYTVjZTJmODNhMWMzSUlVZWNFdHR6dUl2/o/VEMwNTk0MjAwNjk3?ts=558.72]) None of that's fun to talk about, but I'm here to tell you, you can leave that behind, come out of it and shine and do more for yourself and more for your children. Love yourself harder and let your children see that so they know how to love themselves the right way. All right, I'll see you in the next episode. Bye. That's your Thrive in five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your peace like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment, and check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

Wondering if the narcissist ever truly loved you? In this episode, we unpack what narcissistic “love” really is, why it feels so convincing, and how to finally tell the difference between real love and control. If you’re stuck in confusion, this truth-packed episode will give you the clarity—and closure—you deserve. 💬 JOIN THE COMMUNITY: You're not meant to heal alone. Come hang with me and other women healing from narcissistic abuse in our free Facebook group! ✨ Join here:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989 [https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989] 🎁 FREE RESOURCE: Goodbye Guilt, Hello Boundaries 3 powerful strategies to stop people-pleasing and set boundaries that actually stick — without the guilt spiral. Grab your free guide: 👉 https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 [https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250] 👑 Work 1:1 With Me Need personalized support to reclaim your peace and power? 📅 Book a private session: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ Speaker 1 (00:03 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=3.06]): Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry ice and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. (01:00 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=60.87]) Alright, Queens, welcome back to narcissistic abuse Recovery. We're going to keep it real and raw today. Well and always. So let's just get real here. Many of us get out of a toxic relationship and we spiral, right? It's normal, it's okay. Take a breath. We've all done it, but we're haunted by. But did they ever really love me? And I'm going to say something hard, but I love you and I'm going to say it with truth and compassion here. They may have loved you in a way that's different. It's more about how you make them feel, which we can relate to in a little bit. But they're all about the ego. So their form of love is truly about loving what they're gaining. It's feeding them. They loved what you gave them. The real love, that healthy type of love, that kind that sees you, values you, uplifts you. (02:10 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=130.59]) That's not what they have to offer. That's not the love they provide, and you deserve that, right? Of course. So what real love looks like versus narc love, real love, and you might want to write this down, you might want to go back to this. Keep this in your notes. When you are entering new romantic relationships or new friendships or any type of relationship with anyone you'll be spending time with in any form feels safe, it feels steady, it feels respectful. It feels supportive of your growth. They want to see you do well narcissists often, and it goes both ways. It's give and take. It's not take, take, take. So narcissistic love feels like a wild ass roller coaster, high highs, low lows, light, dark. It always ends up in the dark though. That's the bad news. With the narcissist, it will always go back to dark. (03:22 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=202.84]) It feels transactional. It can be obsessive and possessive, right? You are a property to them in a way. You are a possession of theirs. So it can feel like that where it might feel good to you in a way. Maybe you kind of like the feeling when they get jealous. It's like, oh look, they're showing they love me. That's not love by the way. But we can view that in these situations as a type of them showing their love that catches. That's not love, that's just the control, right? And it's centered on control, not connection. I'm going to say that part again. Their love is centered on control, not connection with you. I want that to sink in because I think that for me was something when I realized that myself was like, wow, we did not connect in the way I needed. I was always wanting more. (04:28 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=268.57]) There was something missing, and that's a big element that misses when you're with a narcissist so they don't fall in love with you. They become, especially in the beginning, obsessed with the supply you represent. We're talking about that feeding you, feed them how you maybe made them feel admired, powerful. They love people who accommodate them, who compliment them all the time, who blow their egos up. So if you're an empath, if you've got a huge heart, if you are expressive with your words, if you put things aside for yourself to support them always and they don't reciprocate that, that is that uneven supply they're getting, right? You're essentially a mirror for their ego. So it's not a partnership. Narcissists cannot be in a healthy true partnership. So how do they weaponize love as control narcissists say, I love you as a leash. So especially in the beginning, but also between the abuse, they will love bomb you with the attention gifts and soulmate talk, which you may misunderstand is the connection you're actually missing. (05:59 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=359.33]) But you feel like, well, they're saying these words, but deep down you probably don't really feel it. You're like, well, soulmates don't do this other stuff subconsciously. You may know that, but the soulmate, oh, you're my soulmate, or I got no one's ever made me feel the way you feel. You're so special. We've gone through so much together. You're the only one who can X, Y, z. Did you hear any of those? Yeah. So they will also use your loyalty against you later. They know as you get more and more loyal, which you will fall under that you have already in the past, if you're listening to this, you may be out of the situation, but maybe some people are still in it, but we're talking about, and you should know when you were very loyal to them, it probably progressed more and more and you felt more fear associated with if you were not loyal or you did not do exactly what they said. (07:00 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=420.11]) So they do this. If you loved me, you wouldn't go out with your girlfriends. You'd be wanting to spend time only with me. If you loved me, you would do this for me if you loved me, right? It's this guilt trip related to loyalty. But they don't give you loyalty back necessarily, right? Except with the possession type attachment, the codependency. So they also will punish you. That could be with the silent treatment or just withdrawal of the love bombing of the compliments of the carrots they give you. They'll start holding those back, making you want them and desire them and just wait for them hoping they'll come back around. When you set a boundary, when you're like, I really even bringing up something that is not accommodating what they are doing, they can do that, right? The other one is using fake vulnerability to rope you back in. (08:05 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=485.24]) And this is a tough one because sometimes we can't tell, especially when we're fully in it, what is real and fake. They could have crocodile tears, they can have, I'm sorry, it's just that I had a really hard life and right? And it's just the sob stories all the time about their constant poor behavior towards you, and they will act as if they're being vulnerable, crying, opening up to you. Again, you might mistake this for that connection that you're seeking, but that's the wrong connection. That's the guilt tripping and fake vulnerability connection. So that is not love. It's a strategy manipulating and it's masquerading as intimacy. So you were not loved in the way we love you were used, and it's not your fault. And yes, it sucks. Of course, we all look back, we spent how many years of our life being used? How did I not see that? (09:17 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=557.16]) We're not going to do that here today, and we'll have episodes of addressing that. And of course you want to get into the nitty gritty of that and get rid of that. Come work with me. I am an expert at helping you navigate this. That's why I'm here. You want to do the real work? I get it. It is very hard where you're at and I have been there and I have thought about what I let happen to me, and I don't know how I didn't get help. It's very hard living through that, and it doesn't seem fun to shine a light on it and get help for it. But I am telling you, I went through not just narcissistic abuse, but physical abuse I just mentioned in my group for the first time, I'm talking about my actual physical injuries. I was choked by a phone cord. (10:15 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=615.9]) I was sitting there not knowing if it was going to be my last breath getting dizzy, feeling like, oh, here it goes, here I go, and I didn't get help. Then I, all I can say is I didn't know or didn't want to face it. Sometimes we don't want to face it. There's a bunch of different reasons, but we're not here to dwell on that part. Yes, we address it, we talk about it. I'm talking about my own situation more. It's not comfortable. That's probably why I haven't talked about it in public too much. But guess what, we're here now. And if you don't want to lose more years of your life to this, if you want to break the cycle for your own children, if you don't want to end up with health issues because of all of this gnawing at you in the pit of your stomach, the body and the mind are connected, and we do get sick from this stuff. (11:18 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=678.93]) So if you want, and look, I get passionate, I'm not yelling at you, but if you want to actually heal, you're going to need to go a little deeper than the podcast or the YouTube videos. They are helpful. It's great help for understanding. If you really truly want to heal, you are going to have to take it a step further. And I love to help people. My specialty is helping people move more quickly than you think with your, and I try to keep it as fun as possible, right? I'm Christy Jade. I love a good gold crown and sparkle, so I will always put how to work with me in the show notes. It is up to you to say, I don't want to live like this anymore. And what is your life going to look like in five years from now? You're sad. You wasted so much time, so don't waste any more time for you, for your kids. (12:20 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=740.65]) Anyway, I got a little side tangent, passion over there, but you were used. This isn't your fault. We know what we know when we know it. It is a reflection of them, not your worth. But there is damage done. So we do have to do the work. That part is up to us. That is our responsibility. What happened is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility. So why do we confuse love with control? So this is why it hits so hard. Many of us were raised in environments where love was conditional. Most of us who have later in life had these not so great toxic relationships. Narcissistic abuse probably ended up in that situation because there was a lack of something or an unhealthy childhood, whether that be from a parent, caregiver, sibling, whatever, where the approval had to be earned somehow, maybe you're dismissed where there was tension, fear, and that was the norm. (13:40 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=820.24]) I in my life was on high alert a lot. Looking back, I just, my God, my shoulders must've been up to my ears most of my childhood. So when a narcissist shows up with the chaos and the charm, some people see through that, people who have been in the situations we've been in, it feels like home. It feels unpredictable, which is home to us, unsafe, which is home to us. But love is not intensity. It's not the up and the down and the, oh, we're just a passionate family, right? I mean, I'm not going to get specific with my own family or anyone, but let's be honest, there is a generational thing that went on before us where it was excused, passionate parenting. I feel like that's what we should have called it. Passionate parenting. Oh, I'm going to smack you across your head. You can clear across the table, but then two minutes later, act like nothing happened and I'm kissing your forehead and we're eating pasta and meatballs together. (14:56 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=896.87]) That passionate up and down intensity. Love is not intensity. Up and down, up and down. It is consistency. And that gets boring to us when we are used to intensity. So we tend to be drawn to the people that give us intensity. That can include chaos. It doesn't matter. It could be the really happy, upbeat, crazy people that are wild, we like them, or people that are charismatic and love bombing, and then behind closed doors are hurting you. Love is not sacrifice. Sacrificing your own wants and needs. Yes, you're going to compromise in relationships of any kind. You should be compromising. It's healthy. No one's the same. You got to meet in the middle. You're not going to sacrifice your mental health, okay? That's what you're not going to sacrifice. Love is safe. We'll all have our disagreements. We're going to have fights here and there. (16:04 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=964.73]) We're human. There's a difference between that and a pattern of sacrifice, a pattern of chaos, a pattern of not feeling safe in your home every day. That is not love. So you were not crazy. You were conditioned. You were conditioned probably from an early age, and then it felt real nice and cozy, but it's not nice and cozy. And I'm here on the other side to say, guess what? You do actually get rid of that desire for intensity. I have the most steady, safe, calm husband in the world. I never would've guessed that from where I came from, and I can't tell you how amazing it feels, but I did a lot of work. So yes, this is for the people who are ready to do the work. So what can you ask yourself to reclaim the truth? Ask, did I feel emotionally safe in the relationship? (17:13 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=1033.01]) You're probably immediately going to say no. Most of you, unless you're still in a denial phase, which is fine. I'm here to tell you, if you're on this podcast, you didn't feel safe. Okay? Number two, did I feel free to grow and be myself? Do your own things. Did you get to choose what you wanted to do, what you wanted to wear, who you wanted to be? If you said, I want to change careers, was your partner okay with that? Did you feel free? And number three was their love based on who I was or what you gave them. And that could be just feeding their ego, accommodating them or was it on who you truly were? (18:10 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=1090.41]) And sometimes that's hard. You might have to navigate that for a few minutes to figure that out. But I know I walked on eggshells with my narcissist. There's a couple in my life, but one of them walked on major eggshells to accommodate them to do what they want to do because I just did it. It was not worth the fight or wanting to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it because I would either get punished or, yeah, punished is basically the outcome. Okay? So you deserve real love and real love does not break you. It's not that crumbling and putting together, and even when you crumble in a narcissistic, abusive situation, you're usually the one that has to put yourself back together. You might get a fake, I'm sorry, that's going to benefit them because they know how to work the abuse cycle, of course, and they might not say, sorry. A lot of people say narcissists never say sorry. They're never accountable. If they are desperate, they will give an apology, but it's not a true apology. It's not authentic. You can usually tell, but they may give one. If they're desperate, you're almost out the door. They absolutely may say, sorry, it might be an empty apology. It might not come with any sort of substantial reasoning behind it, or I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm sorry you're hurt. It's bullshit, right? (19:50 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=1190.49]) So love is not controlling, as we've said here, right? It's not confusing. Did you feel confused as hell in your relationship? The ups, the downs, the I don't know what to do here. You deserve a love that lets you be you in your wholeness. Again, no one's perfect. We're going to have blips, but in general, you should be able to feel yourself and not go. Where the F did I go and it starts with you. You learning to love yourself seriously, fully, unapologetically. It's okay and it's hard. When you're coming out of these situations, you're conditioned to not put yourself first, to not love yourself, to think you're not worthy. They shove you down so far so they can have control over you. It's time for you look in the mirror and say, I deserve to more and I'm going to demand more. And that's okay. Christy said so. Christie says, so. Okay, so no more wondering if they loved you. (21:16 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=1276.09]) You get to decide, was it love or control? We know the answer. And look at this. You're deciding you are in control. Take that power back. Okay? I want you to just pretend there's a big golden energy and you're just pulling it in. This is your power, okay? You get to decide and you say, what kind of love am I choosing? Next? What will I tolerate? Safety, steadiness. Kindness, uplifting, empowering, joyful, consistent love. That's the love you are going to get and you're not going to settle for less. How would that feel? How would that feel in your body to have unconditional love? That was constant, consistent. You didn't have to question it. You didn't have to say, what did I do wrong? Or Is this my fault? Maybe it is. Or, oh, I'm crazy, I'm oversensitive, or, oh, I better not say what I'm thinking at all. No, we're not going to live like that anymore. (22:35 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=1355.41]) You are going to break out of those damn eggshells, shatter them, give them back to that narcissist. They can have their eggshells back. Thank you. And you are going to rise up. You are going to find that girl inside. You're going to find that fire that I know is in there, or you would not be here she is here, she's inside you and she's waiting, going, yes, I'm ready. I'm ready to live my life the way it should be lived. It's okay if you spent years doing something different, it brought you here. Do you understand? Yes. I went through years of all sorts of shit. Okay, but where am I now? I don't regret. I don't get mad. Yes, it sucks. So of course I feel bad for my younger self going through all of it, but I also know it led me here and I'm going to use it. (23:31 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=1411.87]) I have used it to live a life that most people don't get to live because I had to evaluate and go, what just happened? What's happened? Oh my goodness. I need to recreate a life. A dream life, honestly. And I know right now where you are, you might not be able to think of that life. Maybe you can. I hope you can. But back when I was in the situation or soon after, I couldn't imagine being in the life I'm in. But you have to be open enough to say, I want more. I want more for myself, and I do deserve more. I didn't deserve that. Okay? It is the past. We are going to let you live your you 2.0. That's what I call it, right? You 2.0 because it's still you. She's still in there, and that's going to be a part of your story. And that's okay. We are not going to grovel over all the years lost or we're just going to lose more time. And do not give that narcissist the satisfaction of taking one more damn minute. (24:47 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=1487.9]) Take that power back and say, what am I going to do now? I'm going to demand only the most amazing people in my life. I'm going to spend my time doing a job I love. I'm going to find the moments in the day for me. I'm going to choose to do whatever I want. I'm going to choose what shampoo I can use. I'm going to choose what vacation I want to go on. I am going to parent how I want to parent my own children. You get to be free. You get to be free. How would that feel? Just take that in for a moment. We're going to do Thursday. We're going to do, woo, I'm all hot and sweaty over here. Thursday, we're going to do thrive in five. If you're new to me, I do every Thursday a Thrive in five. It's five minutes or less of a little somatic healing, which is the body, right? We try to heal through the body. So we do meditation, we do breath work, we do visualizations, we can do sound healing. There's all sorts of stuff. So we are going to do one related to this on Thursday, which is great. We're going to actually apply this and imprint it into our bodies because all this talk is great. You might feel real motivated right now, but doing the somatic healing and ongoing work with me, that's where the transformation happens. (26:15 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=1575.77]) My clients shifts are out of this world. I'll be honest. Every call I have, pretty much, especially the ongoing clients where they've built up, they've been with me a month, two months, three months. I've had clients after a year. The transformation, you don't recognize yourself. That's what I want for you, no matter how you get it, if it's with me or someone else, get that one-on-one accountability and someone who knows what they're doing with yes mindset work, but also the body work, the somatic healing, because the body remembers everything. Mindset work is great, but doing the actual internal healing is going to give you those lasting results. I can't tell you the changes within my own life when I started doing the somatic healing. So again, all that information is always in my show notes. I hope this episode helped you share it with anyone that you think might need it if they've been in a toxic relationship, narcissistic abuse, and I just want you to really understand the power you have within you and how you get to decide what to do with that now. (27:42 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=1662.57]) Right? The past is the past you have now, and moving forward, what are you going to do? What do you want your life to look like five years from now, one year from now? Let's do one year. Five is a lot to think ahead, right? And one year from now, do you want to still be feeling like you're feeling or do you want to have a major transformation because you owe it to yourself, your kids, you owe it to. I mean, if you're a God person, God didn't put us here to suffer. He gives us all these beautiful things around us, these beautiful experiences, these beautiful tools in our little tool, tool bag. Tool bag. I was trying to say like backpack and bag at the same time. (28:37 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=1717.32]) We owe it to this life, to our higher self, whatever you want to call it. I owe it to God in my mind to not be lazy with my mental health, my growth. We are not stuck. You are not stuck. I've heard a lot of people saying, I'm stuck. I remember saying, I'm stuck. I'm here to tell you, you're only as stuck as you let yourself be. Yes, give yourself grace. But I'm here. You're here for a reason. So let me help grab your hand and guide you, whatever. You're already here. This is great. Give yourself a pat on the back for what you've done so far. Just listening is a great start, but you want a real transformation. Let's freaking go. Alright, I will see you in the next episode. Like I said, Thursday, thrive in five. We are going to do some body healing, good stuff. (29:36 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ZWViODBmMzhiYTM4MTZkZDNkZmUxanNfZTFQMFZJbGFu/o/VEMwMzY5MTc3ODkz?ts=1776.45]) And if you want to true transformation, you do have to do the work. You got to do the deeper work. So are you ready to do that? I'm ready for you. I'm ready, queen. Because everybody deserves to feel peace. Can you imagine feeling peace internally no matter what the hell's going on outside of you, you got peace and then you got freedom on top of it. You don't have the old stories in your head. You don't have the low self-esteem anymore. You don't have the decision fatigue. You don't have the, am I crazy? Was that real or not real? You don't have all the questions all the time. It's exhausting. Get out of your head. Let's transform. Okay? Alright, go look at my signup link and I will see you on Thursday.

🎁 FREE RESOURCE: Goodbye Guilt, Hello Boundaries 3 powerful strategies to stop people-pleasing and set boundaries that actually stick — without the guilt spiral. Grab your free guide: 👉 https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 [https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250]   💬 JOIN THE COMMUNITY: You're not meant to heal alone. Come hang with me and other women healing from narcissistic abuse in our free Facebook group! ✨ Join here:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989 [https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989] 🎙 What You’ll Learn: Feeling wired and fried after a text from the narcissist? This 5-minute somatic practice will calm your nervous system fast — and help you reclaim your peace before the spiral takes over. This is trauma-informed, body-based healing made simple. 👑 Work 1:1 With Me Need personalized support to reclaim your peace and power? 📅 Book a private session: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/   TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ODVmZDk0NGM5YzRmYTcyZDdmNGQ4bUVfQUdnbklHV2Jl/o/VEMwOTAxMjYwOTcz?ts=0.3]): Well, hello Queens. It's ChristyJade here, and I am so excited for this episode. This co-parenting stuff is just, it is a hot topic right now. A lot of people needing this. So I decided I would do my Thrive in five this week related to it since I just did a whole episode on it Tuesday. If you missed it, go back. Listen to that, put in your saved episodes, listen to it later, but definitely catch that one. So if co-parenting is feeling like an emotional whiplash with a side of guilt, you're not alone, right? But today I am going to give you three quick but powerful mindset shifts to help you stay grounded, not get sucked into all their chaos, and try to parent as much as you can with peace, right? Even if they're not so peaceful. So we're going to try keep it as short as possible. Let's dive in. (01:00 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ODVmZDk0NGM5YzRmYTcyZDdmNGQ4bUVfQUdnbklHV2Jl/o/VEMwOTAxMjYwOTcz?ts=60.36]) Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath, queen. This one's for you. All right? The old stop trying to be the bigger person all the time. This advice gets thrown around a lot, especially to women. But when you are dealing with a narcissist, they can use that against you. They will use that against you. So being the bigger person doesn't mean tolerating disrespect or avoiding boundaries. I'm the boundary queen. I love a good boundary. It means showing up with clarity. Calm, that's an important word here. Don't take that bait girls and values that protect your piece. So what does that look like? Instead of asking, how do I avoid upsetting them because we're sick of walking on the damn eggshells. That's why we're out of the situation. (02:01 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ODVmZDk0NGM5YzRmYTcyZDdmNGQ4bUVfQUdnbklHV2Jl/o/VEMwOTAxMjYwOTcz?ts=121.59]) Try something like what actually honors my mental health and models, emotional safety for my child, what honors my mental health and models, the emotional safety for my kiddo? Two very important things. Alright? Number two is a big one. I just talked about this today in one of my sessions. Let go of the idea that you're working together, right? I know you want a functional co-parenting situation. Who doesn't? Of course, that would be great. But with a narcissist, it's not reality. You might need to hear it louder. I might need to scream it. I don't feel like screaming, but I'll repeat it with a narcissist. It is not reality to have a functional co-parenting situation. You are not in a partnership. You're basically, I mean, let's be honest, in damage control constantly. So what works better than that? Parallel parenting. Have you heard of this? It's structured communication. (03:10 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ODVmZDk0NGM5YzRmYTcyZDdmNGQ4bUVfQUdnbklHV2Jl/o/VEMwOTAxMjYwOTcz?ts=190.63]) Very, very clear limits. A K, a boundaries and no fantasy of getting on the same page. You know what the good news is? You'll never be on the same page with a narcissist. That's actually good news because their pages suck. Okay? So stop chasing connection with someone who literally is committed to chaos. They don't connect in the same way we do. They don't get on the same page. So you got to choose the clarity, choose the structure, right? Take the emotion out of it and choose you and your child's piece. The third shift, reframe their chaos. And I love this. I always think of it this way. It's noise, but it's background noise. It's not just noise. Let it be in the background when they start baiting you, which they do on text, guilt tripping you through your kids. Pause. Pause. Can we all get that tattooed all over our bodies? (04:07 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ODVmZDk0NGM5YzRmYTcyZDdmNGQ4bUVfQUdnbklHV2Jl/o/VEMwOTAxMjYwOTcz?ts=247.09]) Pause. Breathe. Imagine their voice like static on a radio. It's like Charlie Brown's teacher. You don't have to tune in. That's the good thing. That's their radio station. You don't have to answer right away. I know you have the compulsion. You were conditioned to feel like you had to due to fear. We're going to stomp that fear. No, you do not have to answer right away. You don't have to answer at all unless it's related to the child's wellbeing or immediate situation with the child, right? So use the three question test. Maybe you should write some notes here on this one or save it and go back to it and write some notes if you're not in a place to, but this is a good one to write notes on. Three question, test one, is it about the child? I'm saying if they're coming to communicate to you and you don't want to deal with their noise, is it about the child first? (05:09 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ODVmZDk0NGM5YzRmYTcyZDdmNGQ4bUVfQUdnbklHV2Jl/o/VEMwOTAxMjYwOTcz?ts=309.37]) Is it urgent? Three, does it truly require a response? If the answer is not a clear yes, breathe, it can wait or totally ghosted, I vote for ghosted if you can, right? Okay, so I know it's not easy. You are doing better than you think, though you are. You're here, right? And this situation, I want to say this. Can I bold my words? This situation does not need to control you. This situation does not need to control you. Your nervous system matters, right? So that's why we do the somatic stuff. All the somatic work. If you want to work with me one-on-one, I'll put link in my description of the podcast. Your boundaries matter. Oh, do you guys know? Also, I have a new boundaries pocket guide and it's free. I will put that for sure in the show notes too. All these things just keep, they think of all the things I can help you with. (06:19 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ODVmZDk0NGM5YzRmYTcyZDdmNGQ4bUVfQUdnbklHV2Jl/o/VEMwOTAxMjYwOTcz?ts=379.46]) So excuse me, it's just so relevant. But the boundaries thing, I'm so excited. I just created this. It's a brand new thing. It's awesome. So go check it out and your piece matters. Your piece matters. Say it over and over. Make that an affirmation. Guys. Write it in lipstick on your mirror. So every time you look at your beautiful face, whether you're brushing your teeth or popping a pimpy, your piece matters. You can parent powerfully. Even if that other parent is toxic. Bad news bears, you still can, I promise. So like I said, if you want deeper support, I'll put the link there. You can go listen to the full episode of Tuesday's episode with setting Boundaries with a narcissistic co-parent. Start here, right? That's Tuesdays and I break it all down. There's some little scripts and boundary strategies that actually work with someone like this who we're talking about that dreaded narc. So find it all in the show notes, or you can search narcissistic abuse recovery. But if you're listening to this, you probably already found this stuff. You already found the goods. So you've got this. I believe in you. Do you believe in you? Hand on heart. Say, I believe in me, I'm a queen. Go ahead. I'm waiting louder. (07:45 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/Njg3ODVmZDk0NGM5YzRmYTcyZDdmNGQ4bUVfQUdnbklHV2Jl/o/VEMwOTAxMjYwOTcz?ts=465.29]) Oh, I did hear you. Alright, I will talk to you in the next episode. That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment, and check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.