Episode 23 - How to Talk to Children About Separation and Divorce

Dare to Speak with Anthony Astbury - Men, Difficult Conversations & the Cost of Silence

Dare to Speak Interview with Anthony Astbury - Men, Difficult Conversations & the Cost of Silence Anthony Astbury spent nearly two decades in finance in the City before founding the Whole Man Academy, a personal development organisation for ambitious professional men who feel the distance between where they are and where they want to be. He runs events across London, the Cotswolds and Winchester, offers private coaching, books, a podcast, a membership programme, and corporate talks at companies including Spotify, Lloyds Bank and Credit Suisse. In this episode, Anthony and I talk about what it actually costs men to avoid difficult conversations, why grief is routinely misdiagnosed as depression, and what the male suicide statistics reveal about the consequences of getting that wrong. We cover what shifts in a relationship after a baby arrives, how physical intimacy erodes when it becomes conditional, and what John Gottman's research tells us about those early weeks of parenthood as a predictor of long-term conflict. We talk about the mental load as a project management problem, generational trauma made visible through fatherhood loss, and why most couples are working entirely from the communication patterns their own parents handed them. We also get into the neuroscience of speaking out loud, the Listen, Speak, Lead framework, and why tolerating discomfort in conversation is one of the most underrated skills in any relationship. Anthony also shares a question, passed on by a Californian police detective, that opens up a genuine conversation between partners. The gap between what you think your partner needs and what they actually need is usually significant. Connect with Anthony Astbury: Website: www.wholemanacademy.com [http://www.wholemanacademy.com] LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/anthony-astbury Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️ [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2566762/fan_mail/new] Connect with Eve Stanway If this episode has resonated with you, the conversation does not have to stop here. Website: www.evestanway.co.uk [http://www.evestanway.co.uk] Email: eve@evestanway.co.uk [eve@evestanway.co.uk] Instagram: @evestanway Facebook: Eve Stanway LinkedIn: Eve Stanway YouTube: @evestanway TikTok: @evestanway Substack: Eve Stanway If you are navigating separation and want to approach it with clarity rather than conflict, visit www.evestanway.co.uk [http://www.evestanway.co.uk/] Dare to Speak: Difficult Conversations That Change Everything is hosted by Eve Stanway, Difficult Conversations Expert and creator of the Listen, Speak, Lead Framework. Eve is the author of Dare to Speak: Navigate Difficult Conversations with Confidence and Clarity, available at www.evestanway.co.uk [http://www.evestanway.co.uk/] Coming September 2026: Dare to Listen: The Hidden Years, Difficult Conversations with Young Adults in Your Life.

Episode 24 - The Everyday Conversations That End Marriages

The Everyday Conversations That End Marriages Most marriages do not end because of one catastrophic event. They end because of thousands of small moments that nobody named, nobody addressed, and nobody thought were serious enough to talk about. I have spent more than 25 years working with people through separation and divorce. What I know, with absolute certainty, is that the end of a marriage is almost never a surprise. The signs are there long before anyone is ready to see them. The argument about the dishwasher. The silence after a long day. The feeling of carrying more than your share and nobody noticing. These are not small things. They are the data. This episode is about learning to read that data before it costs you your relationship. I cover three stress response patterns I see repeatedly in the couples I work with: the Leaky Bucket, the Straw That Breaks the Camel's Back, and Kicking the Cat. Understanding which one you use, and which one your partner uses, is not a minor insight. It is the difference between a conversation that lands and one that detonates. I also cover why the task is never really about the task. Why appreciation is not a nicety but a structural requirement in a healthy relationship. Why couples who cannot agree on who does what eventually stop being able to agree on anything. And how to use the Listen, Speak, Lead framework to have the conversations that most people keep putting off until there is nothing left to save. The couples who learn to talk about the small things rarely end up in my office talking about whether to stay together. This episode is practical, direct, and grounded in what I actually see working with real people in real relationships. Please share it with someone who needs to hear it. Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️ [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2566762/fan_mail/new] Connect with Eve Stanway If this episode has resonated with you, the conversation does not have to stop here. Website: www.evestanway.co.uk [http://www.evestanway.co.uk] Email: eve@evestanway.co.uk [eve@evestanway.co.uk] Instagram: @evestanway Facebook: Eve Stanway LinkedIn: Eve Stanway YouTube: @evestanway TikTok: @evestanway Substack: Eve Stanway If you are navigating separation and want to approach it with clarity rather than conflict, visit www.evestanway.co.uk [http://www.evestanway.co.uk/] Dare to Speak: Difficult Conversations That Change Everything is hosted by Eve Stanway, Difficult Conversations Expert and creator of the Listen, Speak, Lead Framework. Eve is the author of Dare to Speak: Navigate Difficult Conversations with Confidence and Clarity, available at www.evestanway.co.uk [http://www.evestanway.co.uk/] Coming September 2026: Dare to Listen: The Hidden Years, Difficult Conversations with Young Adults in Your Life.

Episode 23 - How to Talk to Children About Separation and Divorce

Episode 23: How We Talk to Children About Divorce The way you talk to your children about divorce will shape how they carry it. Not just in the weeks after you tell them, but for years. The language you use, the emotions you manage - or fail to manage - and the consistency of what you say and do will either anchor your children through one of the most destabilising experiences of their lives, or add to the uncertainty they are already carrying. This episode is about getting that right. There is no perfect script. There is no single conversation that resolves everything. What there is, is a way of approaching this that protects your children - not through silence, but through clarity, repetition, and calm leadership. What we cover in this episode: Why treating this as one conversation is the first mistake most parents make, and what children are doing with the silence you leave between talks. How children hear far more than adults realise. Overheard conversations, tonal shifts, and changes in routine communicate volumes before a single word is spoken directly to them. How to frame the conversation with honesty and reassurance at its centre - what age-appropriate transparency actually looks like in practice, and why vague comfort is less effective than specific truth. The three responses children most commonly have to being told their parents are divorcing: guilt, blame, and loyalty conflict. Each requires deliberate, repeated address - not a single reassurance and a move on. Why your emotional state is not a private matter when your children are in the room. Managing it before you speak is parental responsibility, not optional self-care. How children's developmental understanding evolves, and why the same questions will return at greater depth as they grow. The conversations you have now create the foundation for every difficult conversation that follows. Key principles from this episode: Silence does not protect children. It leaves them to fill the gap with their own interpretation - and children almost always interpret in ways that centre their own culpability. Reassurance that love continues must be demonstrated through action, consistently over time. Saying it once is not sufficient. Your words and your behaviour must match. Children are watching both. These conversations are not events to get through. They are an ongoing process that requires leadership, patience, and repetition. Resources mentioned: For structured support navigating separation and the conversati Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️ [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2566762/fan_mail/new] Connect with Eve Stanway If this episode has resonated with you, the conversation does not have to stop here. Website: www.evestanway.co.uk [http://www.evestanway.co.uk] Email: eve@evestanway.co.uk [eve@evestanway.co.uk] Instagram: @evestanway Facebook: Eve Stanway LinkedIn: Eve Stanway YouTube: @evestanway TikTok: @evestanway Substack: Eve Stanway If you are navigating separation and want to approach it with clarity rather than conflict, visit www.evestanway.co.uk [http://www.evestanway.co.uk/] Dare to Speak: Difficult Conversations That Change Everything is hosted by Eve Stanway, Difficult Conversations Expert and creator of the Listen, Speak, Lead Framework. Eve is the author of Dare to Speak: Navigate Difficult Conversations with Confidence and Clarity, available at www.evestanway.co.uk [http://www.evestanway.co.uk/] Coming September 2026: Dare to Listen: The Hidden Years, Difficult Conversations with Young Adults in Your Life.

Episode 22: The First 90 Seconds

Episode 22: The First 90 Seconds - The Hidden Dynamics of Difficult Conversations Most people think a difficult conversation goes wrong in the moment. It does not. It goes wrong before a single word is spoken. In this episode, I am exploring what is actually happening beneath the surface when a conversation feels impossible. The neuroscience. The nervous system. The patterns you learned long before you ever had to navigate a high-stakes exchange with another adult. The first 90 seconds of any difficult conversation are critical. Not because of what you say, but because of what your body and mind have already decided before you open your mouth. I explain why this happens, what it costs you, and what to do instead. We cover the role of co-regulation in close relationships, why the breakdown of that dynamic during separation or divorce is so disorienting, and how your attachment history quietly shapes every difficult exchange you attempt as an adult. I also walk through a practical framework for staying focused and effective when the stakes are high: how to turn complaints into clear requests, why addressing one issue at a time is not a limitation but a discipline, and how to approach these conversations with intention rather than reaction. If you are currently navigating a situation where communication has broken down or is under serious strain, this episode will give you a clearer picture of what is actually happening and a more precise way to move through it. In this episode: How your nervous system prepares you for conflict before you are even aware of it Why co-regulation matters and what happens when it collapses The role of attachment in adult conflict How to turn a complaint into a request that can actually be heard The one issue rule and why breaking it is so costly The Clarify, Communicate, Correct framework in practice Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️ [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2566762/fan_mail/new] Connect with Eve Stanway If this episode has resonated with you, the conversation does not have to stop here. Website: www.evestanway.co.uk [http://www.evestanway.co.uk] Email: eve@evestanway.co.uk [eve@evestanway.co.uk] Instagram: @evestanway Facebook: Eve Stanway LinkedIn: Eve Stanway YouTube: @evestanway TikTok: @evestanway Substack: Eve Stanway If you are navigating separation and want to approach it with clarity rather than conflict, visit www.evestanway.co.uk [http://www.evestanway.co.uk/] Dare to Speak: Difficult Conversations That Change Everything is hosted by Eve Stanway, Difficult Conversations Expert and creator of the Listen, Speak, Lead Framework. Eve is the author of Dare to Speak: Navigate Difficult Conversations with Confidence and Clarity, available at www.evestanway.co.uk [http://www.evestanway.co.uk/] Coming September 2026: Dare to Listen: The Hidden Years, Difficult Conversations with Young Adults in Your Life.

Episode 21 Interview: When Men Talk Honestly About the Hard Stuff Guest: Johnny Seifert | Host of Secure the Insecure

Bonus Episode: When Men Talk Honestly About the Hard Stuff Guest: Johnny Seifert | Host, Secure the Insecure Most people know what they should say. The problem is what happens in the body the moment the conversation gets difficult. The throat tightens. The mind races. The instinct is to deflect, perform, or disappear. Johnny Seifert has spent years creating a space where people, particularly men, can name what is actually happening. His podcast Secure the Insecure exists because the absence of honest dialogue is not a minor inconvenience. It is a pattern that shapes relationships, decisions, mental health, and the quality of a life. In this conversation, we go into the mechanics of avoidance. We explore what drives people away from the conversations that matter most, what childhood wires into the nervous system about vulnerability and rejection, and what it takes to stay present when everything in you wants to leave. In this episode we cover: * Why honest conversations feel dangerous, and what is actually driving that response * How childhood experiences with rejection wire adults to avoid vulnerability * The specific cost of comparison, imposter syndrome, and social performance * What social media is doing to the capacity for real dialogue * How divorce and separation bring avoidance patterns into sharp relief * The difference between performing composure and practising it * What changes when men stop seeking external validation and start building internal clarity About Johnny Seifert Johnny is the host of the celebrity mental health podcast Secure the Insecure, where he has conversations that most broadcasters step around. He is a senior podcast producer and TV commentator whose work normalises honest dialogue about mental health, identity, and the cost of avoiding the conversations that matter most. Find Johnny: Secure the Insecure podcast | LinkedIn | Twitter https://www.instagram.com/securetheinsecurepodcast/ Reflection questions for this episode: Is there a conversation you have been putting off? What would it cost you to have it this week, rather than next month? When you measure yourself against others, what are you avoiding feeling about your own situation? What would have to be true for you to ask for support before reaching a point of crisis? The conversations you are avoiding are not going to become easier with time. They will become more expensive: relationally, financially, and in terms of who you are when this is over. Find out more: www.evestanway.co.uk [http://www.evestanway.co.uk] Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️ [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2566762/fan_mail/new] Connect with Eve Stanway If this episode has resonated with you, the conversation does not have to stop here. Website: www.evestanway.co.uk [http://www.evestanway.co.uk] Email: eve@evestanway.co.uk [eve@evestanway.co.uk] Instagram: @evestanway Facebook: Eve Stanway LinkedIn: Eve Stanway YouTube: @evestanway TikTok: @evestanway Substack: Eve Stanway If you are navigating separation and want to approach it with clarity rather than conflict, visit www.evestanway.co.uk [http://www.evestanway.co.uk/] Dare to Speak: Difficult Conversations That Change Everything is hosted by Eve Stanway, Difficult Conversations Expert and creator of the Listen, Speak, Lead Framework. Eve is the author of Dare to Speak: Navigate Difficult Conversations with Confidence and Clarity, available at www.evestanway.co.uk [http://www.evestanway.co.uk/] Coming September 2026: Dare to Listen: The Hidden Years, Difficult Conversations with Young Adults in Your Life.