Domestic Terrorist, Lap Baby (Episode 17)

Domestic Terrorist, Lap Baby (Episode 17)

Edgar continues his campaign against this household with a series of increasingly unhinged offenses, including tribute offerings, targeted attacks on inanimate objects, and an incident involving a lizard that nearly escalated. He is a menace to society. And then he climbs into my lap, goes completely limp, drools everywhere, and acts like I am the greatest thing that has ever happened to him. It’s very hard to enforce rules under these conditions.

Snuggles on Demand (BONUS)

We came home from the alleged vacation braced for disaster. There wasn’t one. No one had died. Nothing had exploded. The pet sitter survived. Boof lost her mind, Mr. Darcy remained professionally unimpressed, and Edgar… apparently took comfort in the dog. Then Mama sat down. What followed was purring, drooling, emotional damages, one contested blanket, and a fragile peace treaty between two cats who both believed my lap belonged to them. Edgar missed me. He would never admit it out loud, obviously. But that chocolate criminal could not hide it.

"Eat Toe Beans, Drooligan!" (Episode 16)

I spent most of the day worried about Mr. Darcy. And then Edgar chose violence. What followed included an aerial attack on the dog, a covert operation inside the couch, and a betrayal I was not emotionally prepared for. Somewhere in the middle of all that, I realized we are no longer a household. We are a situation.

Field Notes from the Alleged Vacation (BONUS)

Vacation promised rest. Instead, I got waves, sand, logistics, and the haunting realization that “relaxing family trip” is mostly just regular life in a swimsuit.

Daylight Savings + Feral Animals vs. My Middle-Aged Self (Episode 15)

In this episode: daylight savings, physical decline, pet mutiny, senior-cat breakfast theft, kitten tyranny, pollen, pain, and one very sparkly recital tutu that Edgar would absolutely destroy if given the chance. I am tired, the animals are confused, and the government remains suspiciously unbothered by the suffering it has caused.