The Place She Could Be Herself Was at Work. Don't Let the Smile Fool You EP31

The Place She Could Be Herself Was at Work. Don't Let the Smile Fool You EP31

What happens when your personal pain becomes invisible but starts leaking into every room you enter, even the boardroom? In this episode of Don't Let the Smile Fool You, we sit down with Ama Karikari to talk about the complexities many women face when dealing with emotional abuse like the silent treatment, especially when they're high-achieving professionals juggling work, ambition, and toxic relationships. Ama opens up about her fifteen-year journey, beginning with her honeymoon, when she first experienced the silent treatment from her husband—a pattern that would haunt her marriage and spill over into her professional and personal life. As a lawyer, consultant, and later a candidate for public office, she tried to compartmentalize her pain, showing up each day with a smile that concealed intense private struggles. We talk about how that energy drains your confidence, your ambition, and even your health. Through candid stories and sharp insights, Ama explains how the absence of true support at home doesn't just cause a loss, but might also erase achievements that could have been. She reflects on moments like running for office while feeling unsupported, and the toll of living with someone who weaponizes silence. We touch on the ripple effects—how children absorb this pain, how work suffers, and what it takes to finally say enough. Ama reveals the turning point: the moment it became clear that what she was enduring wasn’t a communication problem, but a pattern of covert abuse. She shares how naming the problem, moving from marriage counseling advice to the language of trauma and domestic violence, was key to her escape and healing. Now, after divorce, she's helping other women recognize these patterns in their own lives with her new workbook, Silenced to Soaring, and a supportive community. This conversation isn’t just about surviving abuse—it’s about reclaiming yourself, rebuilding your ambitions, and learning how to trust your instincts again. If you’re a woman grappling with the effects of a toxic relationship, whether in West Africa or anywhere in the world, this episode will give you the language, validation, and practical steps to start regaining your power and your smile. Chapters: 00:00 Introduction and Normalizing Silent Treatment 05:35 Ama Karikari’s Honeymoon Story: When Abuse Begins 06:57 Sharing with Family and Not Recognizing Abuse 11:57 How Abuse at Home Impacts Confidence and Work 17:04 Running for Office While Silenced at Home 20:29 The Difference Real Support Makes—and What’s Lost Without It 27:06 How Women Adapt and Compartmentalize Hurt 30:27 The Limits of Compartmentalizing Pain at Work 32:54 Finding the Breaking Point and Leaving 39:19 The Cost of Staying: Health, Sanity, and Family Legacy 44:45 What About Women Who Cannot Leave? 47:22 From Surviving to Healing: The Power of Support and Self-Love 52:47 Unlearning Old Behaviors After Abuse 54:47 Why Silenced to Soaring is a Workbook 56:34 Speaking Up: Finding the Courage to Share 58:40 Where to Find the Book and Support Groups 1:01:42 Reflecting on What Could Have Been—with the Right Support If this resonates with you or someone you know, reach out—Ama’s book and her soaring sister circles just might be the resource you’ve been searching for. Find her on Skool, Support, Accountability, and Mastermind Group: https://www.skool.com/silenced-to-soaringmoms/about Socials: Linkedin: @https://www.linkedin.com/in/amakarikariyawson/ Instagram: @amakkarikari Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@amakkarikari Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amakkarikari Connect with Uche Ofodile: Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ucheofodile TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@uche_ofodile Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ucheofodile/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ucheofodileofficial/

You Don’t Have 90 Days.

So let me share a secret. For years, I believed that when you start a new job, you have 90 days to simply observe, learn, and build relationships. But that belief cost me more than I ever expected. It starts even before your first day. While I was still doing paperwork for a new position, people from the company were already looking me up, checking my LinkedIn, assessing my background, and forming opinions about who I was. There’s no 90-day grace period. The truth is: the assessment starts before you even step in the door. In this episode, I talk about what really happens in those early days, drawing on real stories from my own career. There was the time a stakeholder called my company arrogant on the very first day and I realized one response would define our relationship for years. Another time, I walked into a turnaround and saw a team so obsessed with the competition they lost sight of their own strategy—I banned the competitor’s name from meeting rooms and yes, locked the door to start meetings on time. My intention wasn’t to embarrass anyone but to set a new standard, right from the start. By waiting too long to act, you risk coming across as inactive or invisible. I almost lost my job by being too cautious, waiting to understand everything before doing anything. Now, I spend weeks beforehand observing quietly—joining meetings, looking up my new team on LinkedIn, trying to understand the unofficial dynamics—because preparation counts for much more than time. One concept discussed here is that assessment is a two-way process. As much as people are assessing you, you are assessing them. When onboarding new hires, I ask them to get out and meet our people in the field before even coming to the office. Facts matter more than assumptions. A key theme is that meaningful first impressions are built in moments, not months. You don’t have 90 days. You have, maybe, a split second. So set your tone, declare your standards, and build trust from day one. Are you starting a new job, or stepping into a leadership role? Forget the 90-day myth. Take action, get intentional, and remember: the clock starts ticking before you ever arrive. Chapters: 00:00 Book The First 90 Days and the reality of first impressions 01:17 When people start assessing you before you even arrive 02:35 The pressure of first stakeholder meetings and setting a new tone 04:32 Why there is no such thing as a ‘courtesy call’ 05:43 Turnarounds, setting new standards, and changing team habits 06:39 The importance of visible action over caution 09:31 The dangers of being invisible by waiting too long 10:08 Doing research before your first official day and assessing the team 11:12 Why new hires should start in the field, not the office 12:12 The real timeline of assessment and why nobody has 90 days Connect with Uche Ofodile: Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ucheofodile TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@uche_ofodile Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ucheofodile/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ucheofodileofficial/

Apologizing Doesn't Make You Weak. Doing It Wrong Does

So let’s talk about apologies. Not the awkward, forced ones, but real apologies in leadership and at work. A few days ago, I had a tough conversation with a colleague—I was rude, and I knew it. In that moment, apologizing felt like putting myself out there. Isn’t saying “I’m sorry” supposed to make a boss look weak?This question actually came up at my book event for Beneath the Leadership Infrastructure. It stuck with me, because for years, apologizing in the workplace was painted as a weakness, especially for women. You hold the line, you never apologize, you keep that “boss” energy at all costs. But what does that do to trust? What does it feel like to work with a boss who’s never wrong, never sorry?The episode dives into why apologies can actually be a strong show of leadership instead of a weakness. There are three classic traps to watch for: the leader who never apologizes and creates an environment of fear and corridor gossip; the performative apologizer, who says all the right things but makes no changes, eroding credibility; and the constant apologizer, often seen with women, apologizing for simply asking questions or taking up space, sending the signal of uncertainty.A genuine apology is completely different. We talk through examples—admitting when you’re wrong, actually holding yourself accountable, and following words with actions. It builds trust with your team and sets the foundation for a healthier culture.But you should never overdo it. If you’re apologizing every five minutes, that’s a behavior check. Use apologies when you mean them, not as a reflex. True leadership isn’t about never being wrong—it’s about taking ownership and making things right.If you’ve ever wondered how to handle mistakes at work, whether apologies really cost you authority, or how to find that balance between humility and self-confidence, this episode is for you.Chapters:00:00 Introduction—apologies and leadership mindset01:41 When apologizing goes wrong: never apologizing, performative apologies, and constant apologizing04:20 The impact on team trust and culture05:54 Corridor conversations and leadership erosion06:37 Performative versus genuine apologies07:34 Constant apologizing: especially among women leaders09:18 Story—admitting wrongdoing to a colleague10:55 Why genuine apologies build trust12:12 Apologizing without losing authority (real-life boss example)13:36 Why action must follow your words14:42 Wrapping up: the power and limits of a real apologyConnect with Uche Ofodile:Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ucheofodileTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@uche_ofodileInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/ucheofodile/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ucheofodileofficial/

What No One Tells You About Building Teams

There is this moment that no one tells you about when you step into a new leadership role. The strategy might be clear, the mandate written down, but your success depends on the people you surround yourself with. Does that sound familiar? On the surface, we love to talk about vision, performance, and strategy, but rarely do we tell the truth about what it actually takes to build the right team—one you can trust, not just one that looks great on paper.This episode is for every leader trying to figure out how to choose talent, who you keep close to you, and who you quietly move out. It’s about the difference between trusting your gut versus sticking with inherited teams out of politeness or fear of optics. The conversation uncovers why high-performing teams are more about trust and alignment than just competence.Many of us, especially women, arrive in new roles thinking, I’ll assess, I’ll wait, I don’t want to disrupt things. Those instincts come from a good place, but the hard lesson is this: leadership teams do not fall apart due to lack of competence, but because of a breakdown in trust, alignment, and judgment.You’ll hear personal stories of what happens when the wrong person sits close to the center of your operation, what it costs, and why being slow to act makes things worse. There’s a powerful reflection here—bringing the right people in, and moving the wrong people out, both require the courage to use the power you already have.If you’re thinking, competence is enough, think again. At a senior leadership level, competence without trust is a structural risk. You are not just looking for people who can do the job—you need people who will represent your thinking, protect the agenda, and never undermine you when you’re not in the room. Those critical qualities do not show up on a CV and rarely reveal themselves early.Drawing from real-life experience, this episode shares what really happens when you don’t trust your instincts, and what your reluctance to act actually costs your mandate, momentum, and credibility. If you are about to step into a senior role or are already in one, take this as your reminder that building a team starts with trusting yourself to make the hard calls. Choosing talent is not just about skills. It’s about judgment, alignment, and trust.Share this episode with anyone who is struggling with building their team or wrestling with decisions about who to keep close.00:00 Introduction and leadership realities00:58 Patterns leaders follow in team building02:03 Trust versus likability at senior levels03:33 Why teams break down—trust and alignment04:28 Story: Watching a leader reconstruct their team05:18 The impact of a wrong team fit06:25 What happens when you ignore your instincts07:14 The cost of keeping the wrong person08:30 Trusting yourself to make tough decisions09:06 Competence vs trust—what matters more10:05 The hidden risks of senior hires11:01 Dealing with sabotage from within13:28 What the wrong senior leader can really do14:15 The childhood lesson no one gives leaders15:20 The real stakes of senior team building16:11 Trusting yourself in team decisions16:56 Closing thoughts and sharingConnect with Uche Ofodile:Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ucheofodileTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@uche_ofodileInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/ucheofodile/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ucheofodileofficial/

They Called Me Aggressive. So I Went Silent.

Have you ever gone quiet in a meeting because of a single passing comment? Maybe it wasn’t even meant as criticism. Words like “you’re too loud,” “she’s too aggressive,” or “he’s too quiet” can stick longer than intended and slowly start shaping how we show up. These aren’t always said with bad intentions. Sometimes they're simple observations that turn into labels, slowly chipping away at our confidence without anyone really noticing.In this episode of Don’t Let The Smile Fool You, I reflect on the unintentioned effects of repeated descriptions and labels at work. I share how throwaway comments—even without negative intent—can shape, shrink, or silence us in our careers. I walk through personal stories of being called “too direct” or “too emotional” and how those labels turned from feedback into cages. We dig into the difference between healthy self-awareness and the damaging self-consciousness that sneaks in when we internalize what others say about us.If you find yourself holding back in meetings, second-guessing your tone, or shrinking to fit other people’s perceptions, this episode is for you. It’s time to unshrink yourself, to refine without losing your voice, and to pay attention to both the comments you receive—and the careless ones you give.Key themes in this episode: leadership, unintentions, labels at work, shrinking in the workplace, self-awareness vs self-consciousness, feedback, and reclaiming your authentic presence.Chapters:00:00 Introduction: The power of small comments00:35 Unintentions: When comments linger longer than intended02:11 How words shape leadership and self-perception04:42 Shrinking after labels and repeated descriptions06:51 The difference between self-awareness and self-consciousness08:37 The story that turned into folklore—and going mute for a year09:44 Silence as self-protection12:45 When shrinking goes unnoticed: The real cost of unintended labels13:21 Leadership, growth, and voice: What’s worth keeping15:04 Accumulation, stories, and building your own cage16:48 Final thoughts: Pay attention to unintentions and unsilence yourselfIf you’ve ever found yourself adjusting, editing, or even disappearing a bit at work just to avoid a label—know that you’re not alone and you can reclaim your place. Leadership asks for growth, not disappearance.Listen and join the conversation about unintentions, words, and finding your voice.Companion ResourceAre You Calibrating or Shrinking? — A recognition tool from this episode. Ten paired statements: calibrating on one side, shrinking on the other. Plus a section for people who may be shaping someone’s signal without realising it. smile-collective.kit.com/e5a38e0dd8Connect with Uche Ofodile:Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ucheofodileTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@uche_ofodileInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/ucheofodile/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ucheofodileofficial/