The Relationship We Never Expected

Real Talk About Foster Care- the Q&A sesh

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2499154/fan_mail/new] We accidentally took a month off... and the reason isn't dramatic. 😅 Summer with a big family happened. Between graduations, birthdays stacked back-to-back, Fourth of July chaos, vacations, and just trying to survive the calendar, we looked up and realized an entire month had flown by. But we're back! Before we jump into our next adoption story, I wanted to pause and recognize something that's incredibly special to our family. July 1 is our Family Gotcha Day—the day our adoptions became official. It's a reminder that even the hardest parts of foster care can lead to something incredibly beautiful. Since Sly is at work, this episode is a solo Q&A! I'm answering some of the questions you've been sending us, including: • What foster parent training is really like—and the moment almost everyone wonders if they should quit. • What it feels like to take a foster child out in public and worry you'll run into biological family. • Whether reunification ever gets easier. • What those very first meetings with a child actually look like. • Why the "perfect house" during agency visits is a myth. We also get into some of the practical side of foster care and adoption, including what permanent custody (PC) really means, why court timelines can stretch on even after PC, how trauma affects behavior around holidays and visits, respite care, licensing costs, home studies, medical coverage, daycare assistance, name changes, and navigating relationships with biological families. Whether you're a foster parent, an adoptive parent, considering taking the first step, or you're simply curious about what this journey really looks like, I hope this episode encourages you. If you enjoy the episode, please subscribe, leave us a review, and keep sending your questions—we'd love to answer more of them in future Q&A episodes. Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2499154/support]

When Foster Wallen Turns to Forever a Wallen

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2499154/fan_mail/new] Adoption doesn’t happen in one moment. It happens in deadlines, court continuances, sleepless nights, phone calls that stop your heart, and the slow work of helping kids feel safe enough to be kids again. We start with Grace’s private adoption, which went from “we just found out” to “she’s here” in about 30 days. That quick timeline still meant a home study, attorneys, references, and a whole lot of trust in the people helping us. It also became the doorway into foster care because we wanted our daughter to have siblings and a fuller family life. That choice led us straight into the foster-to-adopt reality: reunification plans, shifting goals, and learning how to do our job even when our emotions are all over the place. From there we get into what it’s like when a child comes back into care with siblings, how trauma shows up in protective “big sister” behavior, and why keeping sibling bonds intact can take constant effort outside the system’s default routine. We also talk about guardians ad litem, what their role is supposed to be, and why it’s scary when someone with real power barely knows the case. Then comes the long wait: permanent custody, moving houses for safety, agency turnover, COVID delays, endless paperwork, and the infamous child summary that sounds huge until you finally read it. We wrap with the courtroom day that makes it official, the celebration that made it real for our kids, and why “Forever Wallen” means more than a judge’s signature. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs a realistic foster care adoption story, and leave a review with your biggest question so we can follow up. Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2499154/support]

The Relationship We Never Expected

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2499154/fan_mail/new] The biggest surprise we didn’t expect in foster care wasn’t the paperwork, the routines, or even the heartbreak of saying goodbye. It was the biological families. When kids first came into our home, we were handed a snapshot of someone’s worst day and quietly taught to keep our distance, protect ourselves, and brace for drama. So we did. We made assumptions about bio moms and dads. We worried about safety. And if we’re being honest, we kind of believed the unspoken message that we were the “good guys” and they were the problem. Then real life humbled us. We started meeting parents who clearly loved their kids but were drowning in addiction, poverty, trauma, mental illness, lack of support, and impossible choices like missing visits because they couldn’t get off work or didn’t have transportation. We realized foster care is rarely simple, and people are rarely all good or all bad. In this episode, we talk about why kids still deeply miss their parents even after removal, how being taken from home can feel traumatic even when it’s necessary, and why visitation days can become some of the most emotionally intense days of the week for everyone involved. We also get honest about the things that frustrate foster families too — the junk food after visits, last-minute schedule changes, mixed communication, and even the emotional tug-of-war over small things like haircuts, clothes, routines, and control. Most importantly, we share what helped us stop clashing and start co-parenting better: using a Google Voice number, sending pictures and updates, asking parents what worked at bedtime, coordinating extra visits, and learning that boundaries and compassion can exist at the same time. If you foster, hope to foster, work in child welfare, or just want a more honest look at reunification and adoption, this conversation might challenge some easy narratives and help you better understand the people behind the case files. Subscribe, share, leave a review, and send us your questions for a future Q&A: What do you want to know about working with bio families? Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2499154/support]

What If Loving Them Means Losing Them

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2499154/fan_mail/new] The moment you realize a child you love is going home feels like someone suddenly knocked the wind out of you. One minute you’re packing lunches, folding tiny clothes, and building routines… and the next, you’re trying to figure out how to say goodbye to someone who became part of your family. This week on our foster care series, we’re talking about the hardest part of fostering: loving a child with your whole heart while knowing you may eventually have to let them go. We revisit our first placement story with Kamilla, including the emotional “plot twist” where we truly believed adoption was becoming the plan — until a conversation with the social worker changed everything. We talk honestly about how confusing the child welfare system can feel, the mixed messages foster parents sometimes receive, and how quickly reunification timelines can shift when you least expect it. For families who crave structure and certainty, that unpredictability can be devastating. But goodbye doesn’t just affect foster parents. We open up about the ripple effect attachment has on everyone in the home — siblings, grandparents, friends, and the people who loved these kids alongside us. We share what rapid transition visits looked like, the anxiety of not really knowing the biological family, and how fear and heartbreak can quietly turn foster parents and biological parents into “enemies” in each other’s minds, even when everyone ultimately wants what’s best for the child. We also share the things that helped us survive the grief: sending kids home with comfort items and photos, making sure they left knowing they were deeply loved, and the small coping mechanisms — like grief cleaning and staying busy — that helped us make it through the silence after they left. If you’ve ever thought, “I could never do foster care because I’d get too attached,” we understand that completely. And honestly? Attachment is the point. Loving them fully is the point. We hope this episode helps you better understand both the beauty and heartbreak of foster care. Subscribe, share this episode with someone curious about fostering, and leave a review so more families can find the show. And tell us — what question should we answer next? Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2499154/support]

When The Call Finally Comes

Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2499154/fan_mail/new] What happens when the county number flashes across your phone… and you have only seconds to decide if your life is about to change forever? In this episode, we take you back to those early foster care days — the waiting, the anxiety, the fear, and the split-second “yes” that changed everything. We share the reality behind placement calls, what counties tell you (and what they don’t), and the pressure of trying to make huge decisions with almost no time to think. We open up about our very first placements, including the unforgettable Friday afternoon call for an 11-month-old experiencing neglect. From scrambling for childcare and supplies to walking into the agency with almost no idea what to expect, we relive the chaos, exhaustion, heartbreak, and beauty of that first night. We talk about: • the emotional rollercoaster after licensing and the home study • the pressure of making a fast yes-or-no decision • how couples navigate placement calls together • the realities working foster parents face trying to coordinate childcare • why our first placement experience was far from typical • bringing home a baby with little more than hope and adrenaline • guessing sizes, routines, food, and everything in between • the incredible village that showed up with diapers, pajamas, and dinner • the strange mix of joy and grief that foster care brings into your home This episode is messy, emotional, honest, and deeply personal — because foster care changes your home, but it also changes you. And if you’ve ever gotten “the call,” we would LOVE to hear your story too. 💛 If there’s something you want us to talk about, explain further, or questions you still have about foster care or adoption, let us know. Your questions could inspire a future episode. Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2499154/support]