When Life Doesn’t Go According to Plan: Later Love, Motherhood at 42 & Finding Joy in the Life You Actually Have

When Life Doesn’t Go According to Plan: Later Love, Motherhood at 42 & Finding Joy in the Life You Actually Have

Writer, former TV sports anchor, and midlife storyteller Laura Behnke joins Found at 40 for a powerful conversation about what happens when life refuses to follow the timeline you had planned. Laura shares how she built a successful career while quietly grieving the life she thought she was supposed to have, including marriage, motherhood, and the pressure to be “on track.” This conversation also takes a very necessary turn into the bathroom stuff no one wants to talk about, which is exactly why we need to talk about it. Laura shares the symptom she kept explaining away, the colonoscopy she almost delayed, and why “it’s probably just hemorrhoids” is not a medical plan. It’s honest, funny, a little uncomfortable, and genuinely life-saving. In this episode: (0:00) ✨ Meeting Laura Behnke and the life that didn’t follow the script (1:00) 🕰️ The childhood timeline Laura thought she would follow (4:00) 💭 Why getting married at 38 and becoming a mom at 42 once felt impossible (7:00) 📺 Building a successful career in sports television while hiding her private pain (11:00) 🎯 The illusion of control in career, dating, and relationships (14:00) ⏳ The “social clock” and why so many women feel behind in life (20:00) 🌊 Turning 35, hitting a low point, and beginning to imagine a different future (25:00) 💕 Meeting her husband when she finally stopped forcing the timeline (30:00) 💔 Marriage, family loss, and the reality of layered grief (37:00) 🧬 IVF during grief, COVID shutdowns, and one miraculous embryo (42:00) 👶 Becoming a mother at 42 and grieving the life before motherhood (44:00) 🚩 The symptom Laura thought was “just hemorrhoids” (53:00) 🩺 The colonoscopy that changed everything (58:00) 📣 Rectal cancer, colorectal cancer awareness, and why we need to talk about poop (1:03:00) ✅ Colonoscopy screening, knowing your baseline, and the power of early detection (1:07:00) 🌱 The life you planned, the life you actually have, and finding meaning in the “actually” Find Laura at @laurabbehnke on Instagram or on her Substack, The Life Actually [https://thelifeactually.substack.com/] ✨ Hit follow, send this episode to your group chat, and leave a glowing review 📱 Check out @foundat40podcast on Instagram for extras, outtakes, and mild oversharing 🎙️ Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify 📺 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Foundat40 [https://www.youtube.com/@Foundat40] Keywords: later in life motherhood, motherhood at 40, motherhood at 42, IVF journey, infertility after 40, feeling behind in life, social clock, life timeline, midlife women, later love, dating in your 30s, grief and motherhood, rectal cancer symptoms, colorectal cancer awareness, colonoscopy screening

Why So Many Women Are Getting ADHD Diagnoses in Midlife: ADHD vs. Dysregulation

There is a question that so many women in midlife seem to be asking lately: “Do I have ADHD… or am I just completely overwhelmed?” Using a recent article about women receiving ADHD diagnoses in midlife as a jumping-off point, they talk through inattentive ADHD, hyperfocus, procrastination, emotional dysregulation, and the systems women build to keep life moving. Sarah shares what it was like growing up as a smart, energetic, often “spacey” kid whose ADHD traits were easy to miss, while Chrissi explores the difference between lifelong ADHD and the very midlife feeling of dysregulation– being scattered, overstimulated, and maxed out. It’s part sister conversation, part midlife brain audit, and part permission slip to ask a better question than “What’s wrong with my brain?”  (0:00) 🧠 Why so many women are asking about ADHD in midlife (1:00) 📅 Maycember chaos, end-of-school-year overload, and the midlife mental load (3:00) 💉 PRP facials, aging, sister banter, and the ongoing “who’s older?” debate (7:00) 🦷 Sarah’s root canal, big test energy, and major life transitions (9:00) 📖 The article that sparked the conversation: women, ADHD diagnoses, and the systems that suddenly stop working (11:00) 🤸 Sarah’s childhood ADHD clues: constant movement, gifted programs, spacing out, and missed signs (13:00) 📝 Why inattentive ADHD in girls was so often overlooked (16:00) 🧺 When motherhood, work, and unpredictability overwhelm even the best coping systems (18:00) 🎯 Hyperfocus, changing majors, “going off vibes,” and wondering what could have been different (21:00) ⏰ Procrastination, urgency, adrenaline, and the crash after getting everything done (24:00) 🎓 Former gifted girls, anxiety, ADHD, and the shame of feeling smart but stuck (26:00) ☕ Caffeine, ADHD medication, and what it feels like when a noisy brain finally quiets down (28:00) 🛒 The grocery list spiral: when one simple task turns into a full life reorganization (31:00) 🌪️ ADHD vs. dysregulation: feeling scattered, overwhelmed, overstimulated, or unable to function (33:00) 🔊 Emotional, sensory, and behavioral dysregulation in midlife (36:00) 🚪 Reducing input, setting boundaries, and the “unless there’s fire or blood” rule (38:00) 🫶 Lowering the shame and asking what your brain actually needs (40:00) 🐅 The tiger-in-captivity question, summer survival, kids’ phones, and midlife brain management (43:00) 💬 Final thoughts for ADHD women, dysregulated women, and everyone whose brain is following side quests Link to The Cut Article [https://www.thecut.com/article/surge-of-women-midlife-adhd-diagnoses.html] Link to Liz Moody podcast episode on ADHD and dysregulation  [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-liz-moody-podcast/id1398442165?i=1000761492053] ✨ Hit follow, send this episode to your group chat, and leave a glowing review 📱 Check out @foundat40podcast on Instagram for extras, outtakes, and mild oversharing 🎙️ Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify 📺 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Foundat40 [https://www.youtube.com/@Foundat40] SEO keywords: ADHD in women, ADHD in midlife, women with ADHD, inattentive ADHD, ADHD diagnosis in adulthood, midlife women, perimenopause and ADHD, emotional dysregulation, sensory overload, executive function, ADHD paralysis, hyperfocus, procrastination, mental load, overwhelmed moms, women’s mental health, anxiety and ADHD, adult ADHD, Found at 40 podcast

Life After 40: What We’re Loving, Learning, and Loathing This Week

This week on Found at 40, Chrissi and Sarah are sharing what they’re loving, learning, and loathing in midlife—because life after 40 is equal parts growth, monotony, reinvention, and “are we really doing this again?” moments. From small personal wins to bigger mindset shifts, they talk about how to feel less stuck, more present, and actually enjoy your life in your 40s. They dive into the “Novelty Rule” (and how to make time feel slower and more meaningful), why so many of us feel behind in midlife, and how stress can completely shut down your creativity and decision-making. Plus: travel highs, sister stories, and the things currently testing their patience—including the housing market and some necessary rage toward unacceptable male behavior.  (0:00) 🎙️ Welcome back + midlife catch-up with sisters (1:00) ✈️ Two Truths and a Lie—and a surprising win (4:00) 👶 Parenting then vs. now and how things have changed (6:00) 📖 Discovering poetry in your 40s and unexpected inspiration (8:00) 🤔 Feeling behind in life and midlife timeline pressure (11:00) 👏 Self-worth, confidence, and letting go of outside validation (12:00) 🌴 Virgin Islands trip: travel, snorkeling, and unforgettable moments (16:00) 🧠 The Novelty Rule: how to make life feel slower and more meaningful (19:00) 🔄 Breaking routines and escaping midlife autopilot (20:00) 😵‍💫 Stress, burnout, and the “freeze” response explained (23:00) 🔥 What we’re loathing: unacceptable behavior from certain men in Congress (30:00) 🏡 The housing market, finances, and why adulting feels harder than ever Learn more about The Novelty Rule on the Liz Moody Podcast ✨ Hit follow, send this episode to your group chat, and leave a glowing review 📱 Check out @foundat40podcast on Instagram for extras, outtakes, and mild oversharing 🎙️ Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify 📺 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Foundat40 [https://www.youtube.com/@Foundat40] Keywords: midlife podcast, life after 40, women in their 40s, midlife reset, feeling stuck in life, how to stop feeling behind, novelty rule, how to make life more exciting, midlife burnout, stress and freeze response, personal growth podcast, self improvement for women, confidence in your 40s, reinvention in midlife, routines vs novelty, making life feel meaningful, housing market struggles, adulting in your 40s, sister podcast, relatable podcast for women

Your Brain is a Liar: How to Stop Overthinking & Break Old Patterns in Midlife

If your brain has been running the same exhausting loops—overthinking, second-guessing, telling you you’re behind—this episode is going to feel like a reset. I’m joined by life coach Ashley Molitor, who helps women unlearn the BS stories that keep them stuck, overwhelmed, and disconnected from themselves. We get into the patterns, limiting beliefs, and midlife mindset shifts that quietly run the show—and how to finally break free from them. If you’ve ever felt like you know what needs to change but can’t seem to do it, this conversation will hit. (0:00) 🔄 The “spinning wheel of death” in your brain—midlife overthinking explained (2:00) 🎯 What a life coach actually does (and how it helps you break patterns faster) (5:00) 🧠 Why your brain resists change—and keeps you stuck in the same cycles (7:30) 📖 Limiting beliefs: the stories you didn’t choose but keep living by (10:30) ⏳ “I’ll focus on me later”—why that mindset never works (12:30) 🗓️ Living on autopilot: busy, overwhelmed, and disconnected from your values (15:30) 🤝 Motherhood, burnout & why asking for help is the real power move (18:30) ⚖️ Body image, negative self-talk & separating facts from the story (21:30) 🔁 The patterns you don’t realize you have (relationships, habits & self-sabotage) (25:00) ❓ The questions you’re asking yourself that keep you stuck (30:00) 🔥 How to identify patterns by looking at results you don’t like (34:00) 😵 Post-interaction spiraling & how to stop overanalyzing everything (38:30) ✨ Letting go of “shoulds” and rewriting the story you actually want Follow Ashley on Instagram at @ashleylmolitor and or visit her website at https://www.ashleymolitor.com [https://www.ashleymolitor.com/home] ✨ Hit follow, send this episode to your group chat, and leave a glowing review 📱 Check out @foundat40podcast on Instagram for extras, outtakes, and mild oversharing 🎙️ Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify 📺 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Foundat40 [https://www.youtube.com/@Foundat40] Keywords: midlife overthinking, limiting beliefs, self-sabotage, breaking patterns, mindset for women, life coach Ashley Molitor, feeling stuck in midlife, negative self-talk, body image, boundaries, emotional health, personal growth for women, midlife reset, confidence, self-trust

Sarah is Engaged!!! 💍 Find Love Again in Your 40s 💖

After divorce, heartbreak, and nearly 20 years in a marriage that ultimately wasn’t right, Sarah is sharing the full story of how she found love again in midlife—and knew this relationship was different. In this episode, we talk honestly about dating after divorce, learning to trust your intuition, recognizing green flags, and why finding love in your 40s can actually be better than the first time around. Plus, Sarah shares the wildly sweet engagement story that had me secretly wearing a wig in public like a low-budget spy. If you’re navigating dating in your 40s, healing after divorce, or wondering if healthy love is still out there for you… this one is for you. (0:00) 🌴 Spring break adventures, capybara encounters, and why St. Augustine unexpectedly delivered (3:00) 👽 Our latest family obsession: Project Hail Mary, aliens, and audiobook recommendations (5:00) 💍 Sarah officially announces she’s engaged—and adjusting to fiancé life (7:00) 💔 Rewinding the clock: life after the end of a 19-year marriage and starting over after divorce (9:00) ❤️‍🩹 Dating after divorce, rebuilding confidence, and why jumping in too fast can happen (10:00) 🚩 “Where’s the bag of hair?” — the hilarious dating metaphor for hidden red flags in midlife dating courtesy of the movie Fever Pitch with Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon (13:00) 💚 The unexpected green flags that made Sarah realize this relationship felt different (15:00) 🧠 Chemistry vs. compatibility: what actually matters in long-term relationships (17:00) 🏡 What 19 years of marriage taught Sarah about what she truly needs in a partner (19:00) 🕵️ Behind-the-scenes of the engagement setup, ring recon, and my accidental secret-agent role (24:00) 🎶 The proposal night: how the surprise engagement actually unfolded at the Cannons concert (28:00) 😂 Why I was hiding in a Velma-esque wig and secretly filming the whole thing (34:00) ✨ Why finding love in your 40s can be better than finding it in your 20s (35:00) 🧭 Dating after divorce advice: trusting your intuition, listening to your body, and not ignoring warning signs (44:00) 💕 The biggest lessons Sarah learned about healthy love, emotional safety, and knowing when it’s right ✨ Hit follow, send this episode to your group chat, and leave a glowing review 📱 Check out @foundat40podcast on Instagram for extras, outtakes, and mild oversharing 🎙️ Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify 📺 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Foundat40 [https://www.youtube.com/@Foundat40]