Life Deconstructed

Today's message, “Before & After” This week, the United States military mission ended in Afghanistan. The U.S. effectively or ostensibly exited the longest war in American history. A war that killed over 2,400 U.S. troops. There is always a before and after, whether it is the collapse of the Soviet Union, the removal of the Berlin Wall, the attacks on September 11th or a global pandemic that shuts down air travel and forces all of society to pause... It is this heavy feeling of innocence lost, or perhaps a death to the life, in many cases, we were unconsciously and robotically living. In the aftermath, once the chaos settles, we  find ourselves in stillness. I am reminded of an art exhibition I viewed many years ago, at the Museum of Modern Art in New York [https://www.moma.org/calendar/exhibitions/1221], which touched on the  civil unrest in Afghanistan. 50 years ago, Italian conceptual artist, Alighiero Boetti [https://www.moma.org/calendar/exhibitions/1221], commissioned Afghani women to embroider large global map tapestries which he called, “Mappa” with each country depicting its national flag. * The Afghani women Boetti hired to work on the maps, had never seen traditional global maps, so the thread colors they chose to fill in the earth’s ocean weren’t blue, but instead, vibrant shades pink and orange. * Between 1971 and 1994, Boetti continued his Mappa project  as the nations, country rulers and flags continually changed, meaning every map essentially highlighted the before and after in geopolitical changes year over year. * In his 1983 map, Boetti left Afghanistan blank without a flag as the Soviet Union had occupied the country and its fate was uncertain. It is both the vibrant shades of color depicting the earth’s ocean and the blankness of Afghanistan from that 1983 map that has stayed with me all these years later  from that exhibition.  How fitting are both examples in illuminating the tender times of political, societal  and cultural change. It is in reflection of the ‘before’ then the determination of its ‘after’ where we experience the awe of stillness. It is as if everything we thought we knew or believed is suddenly set on fire. It is in these quiet moments where we must look beyond the smoke and create something new. Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom [http://www.instagram.com/megan_nycmom]

Today’s passage, “What is the root cause of procrastination?” I had a friend once remark to me, “Have you ever eaten something salty like peanuts then wanted something sweet like chocolate, then next thing you know an hour has past and you’re in this vicious cycle of eating salty and sweet until you’re bloated and feel disgusting?”  That’s a great metaphor for what it feels like to procrastinate when it comes to meeting our daily objectives, work tasks, taking care of our personal health and other meaningful activities that requires a steady stream of ‘follow through’. Just like the cycle of sweet and salty snacking leads to lethargy, stomach aches and weight gain, the cycle of procrastination leads to low self-esteem, fear over failure, fear over success and ultimately a feeling of trepidation or anxiety in facing the task at hand. Like with the root cause of many bad habits in our lives, there may be the sense that it’s not a really harmful habit until there is a negative outcome, say for example, developing type 2 diabetes as a result of poor eating. When faced with a consequence, we may then decide that the habit is no longer working as a temporary fix in distracting us from whatever it is we do not want to face, because all bad habits in life are a distraction, providing a false sense of control. ·        So what is the root cause of procrastination? Why do we as humans continue a routine that makes us feel so bad? Procrastination sparks a myriad of opposing emotional responses, which is one of the many reasons think procrastination is used to connect to oneself. We may feel both anxiety and fear in procrastinating with elements of relief and calm by delaying the inevitable. Why do we do this? I believe that reviewing moments in our early childhood where we felt a similar range of opposing emotions in succession might be instrumental in understanding why we continue behaviors that ignite those same feelings in adulthood. It is my personal belief that every bad habit or addiction develops from an unmet emotional need in our life... Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom [http://www.instagram.com/megan_nycmom]

Today’s passage, “The development of knowing begins with suffering.” It seems that it’s rule, not the exception that the majority of our life lessons are learned through painful experiences that deepen our awareness of self, which helps us understand the pain of others. It is through the handling of our failures, or even perceived failures, that allow us to truly see what is broken within and needs repair. Awareness takes practice and time. It’s why we often hear that wisdom comes with age. Through our experience in suffering, we gain a broader perspective, the development of knowing. ·        Liberation is a byproduct for assessing our challenges in life, by facing our own suffering with humility, courage and unbridled acceptance. It is accepting our suffering as it is without a need to change it that liberates us from fear and control. Acceptance for many of us, is a change in attitude when we face our biggest conflicts and obstacles. Peace of mind is never created from overthinking, projecting, or in other words, ‘future tripping’ on what ‘could happen’. But if acceptance opens the door to peace, where do we find the key? I find that to accept any given situation, I must first detach and contemplate. It isn’t easy. Sitting with the uncomfortably in the unknowing or the ‘as is’ can feel scary. It takes courage to have vulnerability or a natural innocence that is innate in all of us to address suffering in an even, balanced, and detached manner which supports victory over pain and Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom [http://www.instagram.com/megan_nycmom]

Today’s passage, “Brain scans show that when a person hears information in opposition to a belief they strongly hold true, or information that actually even disproves the belief, the emotional, not the cognitive centers, of the brain is activated or lights up.” What if we retrained our brains to welcome every opposing opinion. To view every rage filled manifesto posted on Facebook, hateful meme on Twitter, news commentary that targeted our outrage center, to experience the event without reaction or resistance? Ellen Gottlieb’s new book, “How To Raise A Parent” Becoming a Conscious Parent in an Unconscious World, she focuses on the perils of unconscious parenting and how to avoid them. What I find so [https://www.amazon.com/How-Raise-Parent-Conscious-Unconscious-ebook/dp/B097HSBRN5] fascinating about her book is that you can apply every lesson to every type of relationship in your life. Dr. Shefali writes in her forward to Ellen’s book, “Ellen’s wonderful book paves the way for parents to apply its principles in a grounded, concrete, and practical way. These words will encourage you to build a stronger connection with your kids and help them discover their authentic selves. It is a must read for every parent who wishes to heal and fortify their relationship with their children. Your children will thank you for this.” I think you could really rewrite Dr. Shefali’s forward to say the book paves the way for parents to apply its principles to not only build a stronger connection with their children but also with their romantic partners, bosses, coworkers, parents, siblings and children to heal and fortify their relationships in a healthy way rooted in authenticity and presence. To be honest, I would like to do a book study on her book to breakdown her teachings in precisely this manner, apply every lesson and vignette to a variety of relationships. I’ll give an example. In Chapter 17, Ellen discusses, “Power and Responsibility” as she writes that, “Gratitude is an outgrowth of mindful living. Children who are raised in a conscious way inevitably feel worthy and are consequently grateful, while also being humble. This practice requires unconditional acceptance, connection, as well as, the imposition of clear boundaries.” She then bullets the following for reflection: "Have I been a role model for self-worth?" You can ask that question from parent to child, romantic partner to romantic partner, boss to subordinate, etc. Many of us believe, myself included, that when we are operating from a higher form of what you could call wellness, or awareness, most folks around us naturally attune to our balanced and easy approach in kind.  Sort of like the saying we have on the NYC Subway advertisements, “Courtesy is contagious”. Ellen asks, “Have I instilled the values of gratitude and humility?” [https://www.amazon.com/How-Raise-Parent-Conscious-Unconscious-ebook/dp/B097HSBRN5] Well, to instill these values in our children, we must embody these values in our romantic relationships, with our work colleagues, family members, etc. We could ask, “Do I embody the values of gratitude and humility in all my affairs?” It stands to reason that the first step in any successful, healthy relationship is the awareness of one’s own self acceptance.  Once we heal triggers like not reacting to opinions that are in opposition to our own with grace and understanding, the battle is nearly won as we recognize that we are all in this together as one. Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom [http://www.instagram.com/megan_nycmom]

Today’s passage, “You take two strangers and put ‘em in random predicaments Give 'em a soul so they can make their own choices and live with it.” Kendrick Lamar won the Pulitzer Prize for Music for his 2017 album, “DAMN [https://www.amazon.com/DAMN-Kendrick-Lamar/dp/B06Y4DGVZC].” It was the first non-classical or jazz album to win a Pulitzer for “A virtuosic song collection unified by its vernacular authenticity and rhythmic dynamism that offers affecting vignettes capturing the complexity of modern African-American life.” On the surface, this prolific album was filled with songs that could be described as, and I am dating myself here, “summer joints.” However, when you dig a bit deeper into the meaning of the lyrics, you recognize this album is densely spiritual. The last song on this album “Duckworth” is by far and large my favorite because it deals with questions around cause and effect, the randomness or perhaps predetermined events that happen in our in correlation with whether or not we have free will. Kendrick Lamar also references a book in the Bible, Deuteronomy, when he raps that “wickedness” was broken through submission to God, and as a result, karma brought about redemption and ultimately world-wide success for himself. In the song, “Duckworth” Kendrick Lamar’s Dad, Ducky, and Anthony “Top Dawg” , the founder of Top Dawg Entertainment, which produces Kendrick’s music albums have a past encounter that is told through the unveiling of the song. It so happens that many years before Anthony founded “Top Dog” he nearly could have killed Kendrick Lamar’s Father, Ducky. Instead, Anthony spared Ducky’s life. It is amazing to me the series of events that would have never unfolded if Ducky had been killed that day. never have realized what would become of it. The backstory is this... In 1984, Anthony robbed the chicken restaurant where Ducky, Kendrick Lamar’s Father, worked.  Anthony liked Ducky and let him live.  Had he shot him, Anthony wouldn’t have founded the music label Top Dawg that would later produce Ducky’s son’s music. Obviously, Anthony would be in prison and Kendrick would have grown up without a Father figure role model and would have perhaps never made music as a result. It’s funny how the worst of times and the best of times always land us exactly where we need to be. Song lyrics go: “pay attention That one decision changed both of they lives, one curse at a time Reverse the manifest and good karma, and I'll tell you why You take two strangers and put 'em in random predicaments Give 'em a soul, so they can make their own choices and live with it Twenty years later, them same strangers, you make 'em meet again Inside recording studios where they reapin' their benefits Then you start remindin' them about that chicken incident Whoever thought the greatest rapper would be from coincidence? Because if Anthony killed Ducky, Top Dawg could be servin' life While I grew up without a father and die in a gunfight” Connect with me: Instagram.com/megan_nycmom [http://www.instagram.com/megan_nycmom] Brain scans show1 that when a person hears information that disproves a belief of theirs, instead of their brain's cognitive centres lighting up (like you might expect), the emotional centres become active instead. So, perhaps disappointingly, our first instinct on hearing information that disproves our own beliefs is to rally our defences against that new information. This, for me, explains so much about human behaviour that we put together a video discussing the nature of beli