Ep. 56: 3 Things Your Unhappiness Is Teaching You

Ep. 56: 3 Things Your Unhappiness Is Teaching You

If you're unhappy in your marriage, it's easy to get stuck pointing at the obvious stuff — the dishes he won't do, the phone she won't put down, the sex you're not having, the way he shuts down every time you bring something up.  But what if the behavior isn't actually the problem? In today's episode, I break down three things your unhappiness is trying to teach you — if you can stop focusing on the unhappiness itself long enough to hear it. First, I talk about how almost every complaint is hiding an unmet need. "I need you to get a job" is rarely about the job — it's about not wanting to carry the family alone. "Can you put your phone down" is rarely about the phone — it's about wanting to feel like you're still chosen. I'll walk you through how to ask yourself the follow-up question that gets you to what you're actually missing: connection, partnership, to feel desired, to not feel alone. Second, I talk about the pattern running underneath your issues — the one where you bring something up and he gets defensive, so you get louder, so he shuts down further. Or where you avoid saying the thing to keep the peace, until it comes out sideways over coffee on a random Sunday morning. I'll ask you to shift from "what is my spouse doing wrong" to "how do I show up when I'm hurt" — because that's where the real clarity lives. Third, I talk about agency — and how many of us have quietly handed ours over while we wait. Waiting for him to initiate. Waiting for her to soften. Waiting for the apology that never really lands. I'll ask you what you're choosing every time you stay silent, avoid the hard conversation, or accept the same non-apology on repeat. My hope is that by the end of this episode, you're not asking "should I leave," but something more useful: what do I actually need, what have I already tried, and what am I no longer willing to keep repeating? Because the goal isn't to make a fast decision about your marriage — it's to make a clear one.   Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 [https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/] Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ [https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/] YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about] Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com [https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com/]

Ep. 55: Is Your Conflict Normal? 3 Questions to Ask Yourself

Is the fighting in your marriage normal — or is it a sign of something deeper?  Today, I'm answering one of the questions I get asked most by walking you through three simple signs to check in your own relationship. You'll learn: ·       Why the topic of a fight matters less than whether it stays on topic — and what it means when small arguments turn into old, unrelated hurts ·       The real difference between couples who repair after conflict and couples who just go quiet and move on without ever really moving on ·       Why silence, not yelling, is often the bigger warning sign in a struggling marriage ·       Three honest questions to ask yourself this week to get a clearer, more accurate read on where your marriage really stands This episode isn't about deciding if your marriage is doomed. It's about helping you see the pattern clearly, so you can stop guessing and start telling yourself the truth about what's actually happening. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 [https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/] Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ [https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/] YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about] Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com [https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com/]

Ep. 54: Are You the Pursuer or the Withdrawer in Your Marriage?

What if the biggest problem in your marriage isn’t the topic you keep fighting about… but the pattern you fall into every time you try to talk about it? In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, I’m breaking down the pursuit-withdrawal cycle — also called the demand-withdraw cycle — and why it can quietly create resentment, loneliness, panic, shutdown, and emotional distance in a marriage. This is the pattern where one spouse pushes for answers, connection, reassurance, repair, or change… and the other spouse pulls away, shuts down, gets defensive, goes silent, or leaves the conversation altogether. And here’s the hard part: both people usually feel completely justified. The pursuer feels abandoned, dismissed, and like they’re the only one who cares. The withdrawer feels pressured, criticized, overwhelmed, and like there is no right answer. Over time, this cycle can make both spouses feel like victims — and both become more convinced the other person is the problem. In this episode, I’ll help you recognize which side of the cycle you may be on, why this pattern escalates so quickly, why silence can feel like peace when it’s actually disengagement, and what it takes to begin interrupting the cycle before it causes deeper damage. And if you’re in the complicated middle — wondering if your marriage can be repaired or if you’re moving toward divorce — this episode will help you see the pattern more clearly so you can decide what needs to happen next.   Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 [https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/] Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ [https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/] YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about] Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com [https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com/]

Ep. 53: Hard Season or Marriage Crossroads? Here's How To Know

Is your marriage going through a hard season, or are you standing at a real crossroads? In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, Kari Hoskins helps you tell the difference between a temporary rough patch and a deeper marriage crisis. When you’re unhappy, disconnected, resentful, or emotionally exhausted, it can be hard to know what is actually happening. Is this stress? Is it burnout? Is it parenting, money, grief, or a difficult year? Or has something more serious shifted in the relationship? Kari explains why this distinction matters so much. If you treat a hard season like a marriage-ending crisis, you may make decisions from fear or exhaustion. But if you treat a true crossroads like “just a rough patch,” you may stay stuck for years, waiting for things to magically get better while resentment continues to grow. In this episode, you’ll learn the signs of a hard season, the signs of a marriage crossroads, and the difference between a passing divorce fantasy and the deeper shift that happens when divorce becomes something you are seriously considering. This conversation is for anyone who has been asking, “Should I stay? Should I go? Is this fixable? Or am I avoiding the truth?” You do not need to have the answer today. But you do need a clearer way to understand the question. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 [https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/] Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ [https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/] YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about] Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com [https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com/]

Ep. 52: Unhappily Married? Stop Doing These 3 Things Before It Gets Worse

Unhappy marriages don’t usually fall apart overnight. They often deteriorate through small, repeated patterns that become part of everyday life. In this episode, Kari shares three things to stop doing if you’re unhappy in your marriage: belittling or demeaning your partner, keeping score, and avoiding conversations when issues are still small. These habits may feel understandable when you’re hurt or resentful, but they quietly add fuel to the fire. They create more disconnection, more resentment, and make it harder to know whether your marriage can actually be repaired. Kari explains why stopping these patterns doesn’t magically fix everything, but it does help “stop the bleed.” Your daily life can feel calmer. Your conversations can become more productive. And whether you choose to rebuild or separate, you’ll be making decisions from a clearer place. Take the free “Should We Get a Divorce?” quiz at kahoskins.com to find out where you are in the divorce decision process. Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68 [https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/] Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/ [https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/] YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about] Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com [https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com/]