When the boat comes in, what will you have?

When the boat comes in, what will you have?

One long stream of consciousness in honour of lying down and letting whatever peace surrounds me, surround me.

The one full of moaning, with a side order of groaning

In this episode I moan a fair bit whilst pondering whether it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have matched on tinder at all. Fear not though, it’s not all bad: at the end I stop moaning.

My (almost) life with Melinda Messenger

In this episode I wax lyrical (what does that mean?) on all manner of crap. This is the first episode I’ve recorded on-the-go and to be honest, it shows. Here and there I have moments of brilliance and lucidity that quite frankly border on the acceptable. As always please give your feedback via nonapatillbedtime@outlook.com and if it’s positive / gushing praise I’ll read it out.

The Prince formerly known as Charles, and the importance of embracing kindness after love has left

If like me you could only manage three and half minutes of the coronation before reaching for the emergency sherry then you're in good company. Here I answer the question on everyone's lips - 'is King Prince Charles genetically closer to a lizard or a cucumber?' Once that's been answered (and trust me, it isn't) I swerve into some ramblings on the value of kindness at the end of a relationship. Sure, you know a lot of things that could hurt you ex-partner but do you really need to say them on your way out the door?

How to chat up barmaids, and the sex robot cometh

Ever had that moment when you realise the barmaid isn't just smiling at you because she's paid to? Maybe she really likes you and you want to brave enough to ask her what time she knocks off? Well, here's how I deal with that situation with 100% repeatable results. Also, I rant a bit about people's attitude towards electronically enhanced companions - and their knockers!