Why You Can't Always Trust Your Intuition in Relationships

Why You Can't Always Trust Your Intuition in Relationships

Why You Can't Always Trust Your Intuition in Relationships Everyone says, "Trust your gut." But what if your gut is responding to old wounds instead of present reality? In this episode, Kay explores how trauma, attachment wounds, emotional neglect, and inconsistent caregiving can distort our perception of relationships and make it difficult to know whether we're experiencing genuine intuition or anxiety. If you've ever found yourself overanalyzing text messages, assuming someone is upset with you, constantly seeking reassurance, or feeling like you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop, this conversation is for you. You'll learn why hypervigilance is often mistaken for intuition, how the nervous system adapts to unpredictable environments, and what it takes to rebuild trust in yourself after trauma. In this episode, we discuss: • Why trauma can hijack your intuition • The difference between intuition and hypervigilance • How emotional neglect impacts adult relationships • The "Neutral Face Trap" and why we fill in the blanks • Why your brain prioritizes survival over accuracy • How anxiety disguises itself as intuition • Practical DBT-based tools for rebuilding self-trust • The difference between fear and wisdom One of the most important takeaways from this conversation: "The goal isn't to stop trusting yourself. The goal is to stop letting fear impersonate your intuition." 🎁 FREE RESOURCE Download the Anxiety or Red Flag Guide: www.therapykay.com/freebie [http://www.therapyk.com/freebie] This free guide helps you determine whether you're experiencing a genuine red flag or an activated trauma response so you can make decisions from Wise Mind rather than fear. ABOUT THE SERIES This episode is Part 1 of a 4-Part DBT Self-Trust Series. Introduction: Wise Mind – The Foundation of Self-Trust Part 1: When Trauma Hijacks Your Intuition Part 2: Red Flag or Trigger? How to Separate Facts from Fear Part 3: DEAR MAN – How to Ask for What You Need Part 4: FAST – How to Protect Your Self-Respect in Relationships Follow for more conversations about relationships, trauma, DBT skills, attachment wounds, emotional regulation, and rebuilding self-trust.

Coming Out Later in Life: Healing Trauma, Finding Queer Identity & Living Authentically

Coming Out Later in Life: Healing Trauma, Finding Queer Identity & Living Authentically | Valerie Wittman FREE Anxiety vs Red Flag DBT Guide - www.therapykay.com/therapykay What happens when you stop living according to who the world expects you to be and start listening to who you truly are? In this special Pride Month episode of the Not So Dumb Blonde Podcast, therapist, author, and advocate Valerie Wittman shares her powerful journey of healing from trauma, discovering her queer identity, and embracing authenticity later in life. Valerie opens up about navigating the intersection of being both a therapist and memoir writer, the vulnerability required to share your story, and how writing became a tool for healing. Together, we explore complex PTSD, people-pleasing, self-trust, narrative therapy, and the courage it takes to challenge societal expectations and live authentically. Whether you're exploring your own identity, healing from childhood trauma, questioning long-held beliefs, or simply looking for permission to be more yourself, this conversation offers hope, validation, and practical wisdom for your journey. 00:00 Introduction 01:15 Author vs. Therapist: Navigating Vulnerability and Professional Boundaries 03:20 Why Sharing Your Story Can Help Others Heal 05:10 Healing Through Writing and Memoir 07:35 Complex PTSD Recovery and Reclaiming Your Narrative 10:15 Narrative Therapy: Rewriting the Story You Were Given 13:05 How Childhood Experiences Shape Identity 16:20 Learning to Trust Your Body and Inner Knowing 20:10 People-Pleasing as a Trauma Response 24:45 The Impact of Societal Expectations and Heteronormativity 29:30 Discovering Queer Identity and Coming Out Later in Life 35:20 Living Authentically and Improving Mental Health 40:15 Boundaries, Self-Respect, and Emotional Healing 44:30 Self-Care as a Foundation for Recovery 48:20 Vulnerability, Connection, and Human Resilience 52:15 The Inspiration Behind Lost on Purpose 56:30 Advice for Anyone Beginning Their Healing Journey 59:45 Closing Thoughts and Where to Connect with Valerie • Coming out later in life and embracing queer identity • Healing from complex PTSD and childhood trauma • The relationship between authenticity and mental health • How heteronormative expectations influence identity development • People-pleasing, perfectionism, and trauma responses • Trusting your intuition and inner wisdom • Narrative therapy and reclaiming your story • The healing power of vulnerability and self-disclosure • Writing as a tool for self-discovery and recovery • Boundaries, self-care, and emotional well-being • Living authentically during Pride Month and beyond "Our scars don't disqualify us, they make us." "Trust your body and your inner knowing." "Healing is nonlinear and part of growth." Valerie Wittman is a therapist, author, and advocate whose work focuses on trauma recovery, identity development, authenticity, and personal transformation. Through counseling and storytelling, she helps others reconnect with themselves, challenge limiting beliefs, and create lives aligned with who they truly are. 📖 Lost on Purpose by Valerie Wittman 📖 The Power of Vulnerability by Brené Brown 📖 Untamed by Glennon Doyle 📸 Connect with Valerie: @midnite.musing [https://www.instagram.com/valeriewittman/] www.oldsoulsearching.com Topics Covered: Queer Identity, LGBTQ Mental Health, Coming Out Later in Life, Pride Month, Complex PTSD, Trauma Recovery, Authenticity, Self-Discovery, Narrative Therapy, People-Pleasing, Childhood Trauma, Personal Growth, Boundaries, Self-Trust, Memoir Writing, Emotional Healing, Mental Health, Therapy, Vulnerability, Self-Acceptance. ChaptersIn This Episode We Discuss:Memorable QuotesAbout Valerie WittmanResources & Links

How to Trust Yourself in Relationships Using DBT Wise Mind

Have you ever looked back on a relationship and wondered: "Why didn't I trust myself?" In this episode of Not So Dumb Blonde, Kaytlyn Gilner, M.A., MSW Candidate, explores one of the most powerful skills from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): Wise Mind. If you've ever struggled with relationship anxiety, overthinking, emotional reactivity, anxious attachment, trauma responses, or trusting your own judgment in relationships, this episode is for you. Many people believe they have to choose between following their emotions or ignoring them and focusing only on the facts. DBT teaches something different. Wise Mind is the integration of both emotion and logic, helping you make healthier relationship decisions without getting stuck in anxiety, black-and-white thinking, or impulsive reactions. In this episode, you'll learn: • The difference between Emotion Mind, Reasonable Mind, and Wise Mind • Why black-and-white thinking can fuel relationship anxiety and emotional spirals • How trauma impacts decision-making and emotional regulation • Practical ways to access Wise Mind during difficult relationship situations • How to stop overreacting without suppressing your emotions • Real-life examples of using Wise Mind when dating and navigating relationship uncertainty Whether you're healing from a breakup, working through attachment wounds, learning to regulate your emotions, or simply trying to build healthier relationships, this DBT skill can help you develop greater self-awareness, emotional balance, and self-trust. Chapters: 00:00 Why We Ignore Red Flags in Relationships 01:05 What Is DBT Wise Mind? 02:15 Emotion Mind vs. Reasonable Mind 04:00 How Trauma Fuels Black-and-White Thinking 05:10 Relationship Example: Someone Cancels Plans Three Times 06:45 How to Access Wise Mind in Real Life 07:40 Anxiety or Red Flag? Learning to Trust Yourself Key Takeaway: Wise Mind isn't about choosing emotion over logic or logic over emotion. It's about learning to integrate both so you can respond effectively instead of reacting impulsively. Resources: 🎁 Free Guide: Anxiety or Red Flag? https://www.therapykay.com/freebie [https://www.therapykay.com/freebie] Connect with Therapy Kay for more content on relationships, attachment styles, trauma recovery, emotional regulation, DBT skills, self-trust, and mental health. Topics Covered: DBT, Wise Mind, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Relationship Anxiety, Attachment Styles, Emotional Regulation, Self-Trust, Trauma Recovery, Healthy Relationships, Relationship Psychology, Dating, Mental Health, Personal Growth, Anxiety, Decision Making

Sasha DiGiulian on Bullying, Body Image & Becoming a Champion

Sasha DiGiulian on Bullying, Body Image & Becoming a Champion What does it take to overcome bullying, recover from an eating disorder, and become one of the world's most accomplished athletes? In this episode of the Not So Dumb Blonde Podcast, I sit down with world champion rock climber, entrepreneur, speaker, and author Sasha DiGiulian to discuss the challenges that shaped her journey—from navigating body image struggles and public criticism to breaking barriers in a male-dominated sport. Sasha shares how she built resilience through adversity, learned to embrace both her femininity and athletic identity, and found the confidence to pursue ambitious goals despite setbacks, injuries, and self-doubt. We also dive into mental health, social media, entrepreneurship, leadership, women supporting women, and what it really means to stay authentic while building a successful career. Whether you're an athlete, entrepreneur, student, or simply navigating your own personal challenges, Sasha's story offers powerful lessons on self-trust, perseverance, and growth. 🎁 FREE GUIDE: Anxiety or Red Flag? Download here: www.therapykay.com/freebie [http://www.therapykay.com/freebie] In this episode: • Overcoming bullying and eating disorders • Building confidence and resilience • Mental health in elite athletics • Women in sports and breaking stereotypes • Recovering from injuries and identity shifts • Social media and public criticism • Entrepreneurship and founding Send Bars • Embracing femininity in competitive spaces • Leadership, authenticity, and personal growth • The importance of community and women supporting women Connect with Sasha: Instagram: @sashadigiulian Send Bars: sendbars.com Connect with Therapy Kay: Instagram: @itstherapykay TikTok: @itstherapykay YouTube: @TherapyKay If you enjoyed this episode, please follow, rate, and share the podcast. Your support helps us continue bringing meaningful conversations about mental health, relationships, personal growth, and resilience to more people.

4 Surprising Signs of Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

Have you ever met someone who seemed incredibly loving, attentive, and all-in at the beginning of a relationship—only to become distant once things got serious? In this episode of Not So Dumb Blonde, Kaytlyn Gilner breaks down four surprising signs of dismissive avoidant attachment that often get missed in dating and relationships. Many people assume avoidant attachment looks like emotional distance from day one. In reality, dismissive avoidants can initially appear affectionate, reassuring, and deeply invested. The challenges often emerge once true emotional intimacy develops and attachment wounds become activated. In this episode, we discuss: • What dismissive avoidant attachment actually is • Why avoidants can seem loving and emotionally available at first • The connection between love bombing and attachment insecurity • How superficial relationships can be a warning sign • The role of work, hobbies, substances, and other distractions in emotional avoidance • Communication red flags that may indicate avoidant attachment patterns • How attachment wounds impact long-term relationship dynamics Whether you're trying to understand your own attachment style, make sense of a past relationship, or learn how to identify healthy relationship patterns, this episode offers practical insights into one of the most misunderstood attachment styles. 🎧 Subscribe for more conversations on attachment styles, relationships, anxiety, trauma recovery, mental health, and personal growth. 💗 FREE GUIDE: Anxiety or Red Flag? Download here: www.therapykay.com/freebie [http://www.therapykay.com/freebie] Connect with Kaytlyn: YouTube: @KaytlynGilner Website: www.therapykay.com [http://www.therapykay.com/]