unexpected things my eating disorder taught me | the recovered-ish podcast ep. 25

unexpected things my eating disorder taught me | the recovered-ish podcast ep. 25

Episode Description It feels strange to say, but it's true: my eating disorder taught me things that have actually added to my life. Not the behaviors. Not the rules. But real, paradoxical lessons that I've carried with me into recovery and into the rest of my life. In this episode I'm sharing a casual list of the unexpected things I learned through my eating disorder — about my body, about planning, about self-compassion, about the power of my own brain. These lessons go way beyond food and body. They're really about being human. In This Episode: * Why my body sends me signals long before my mind catches up — and how I use that now * The hard lesson that planning doesn't always work — and what that shattered for me * Why I had to learn that I'm allowed to change my mind * Why you can't outsmart your emotions — and what happens when you try * How powerful the brain really is — and how that power can work for you instead of against you * Why self-criticism took me far but was never going to sustain me * The shift from self-hate to self-compassion — and why one crushes you while the other carries you * Why the lessons underneath an eating disorder are rarely about food and body at all Timestamps: 0:00 Intro — summer stress and a note for anyone struggling right now 4:00 Why this podcast is also personal reflection time for me 6:00 Today's topic — unexpected things my eating disorder taught me 6:30 Lesson 1: my body knows something is wrong before my mind does 12:00 How hypersensitivity became a tool instead of a problem 13:00 Lesson 2: planning does not always work 18:00 Cognitive dissonance and why the eating disorder became my way of avoiding a hard truth 19:00 Lesson 3: I am allowed to change my mind 23:00 Lesson 4: you can't outsmart your emotions 27:00 Why feelings are signals, not problems to solve 28:00 Lesson 5: how powerful the brain really is 31:00 Using that same mental power for something supportive 32:00 Lesson 6: self-criticism took me far, but it was never going to sustain me 35:00 The self-compassion research that changed how I think about motivation 38:00 Why these lessons go beyond food and body 39:00 Closing thoughts The Lessons, At a Glance: * Your body often knows before your mind does — pay attention to the signals * Planning gives you a sense of control, but it can't account for everything * You're allowed to change your mind, and that's not failure * You can't think your way out of feeling something — emotions need to move through you * Your brain is incredibly powerful, and that power can be redirected toward something supportive * Self-criticism can fuel you for a while, but self-compassion is what actually sustains you Quotes from This Episode: "There came a point where I realized I'm never going to get what this eating disorder is promising me. I need to find a different way to pursue my goals that doesn't require harming myself in the process." "Feelings aren't meant to be fixed. They're not problems to be solved. They're signals." "What used to feel like losing control — changing my mind, choosing a different course — now feels like actual control, autonomy, and freedom." A Note: If summer or anything in this episode is bringing something up for you, please know you're not alone in that, and support is available. In the US, the Crisis Text Line is reachable by texting HOME to 741741. If you're outside the US, a quick search for "eating disorder helpline" plus your country will point you to local specialized support. Resources + Connect with Me: * Recovery Skills Training + Summer Workshops — use code PODCAST57 for $57 off: https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/ [https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/] * Instagram: @recoverwithchloe [https://instagram.com/recoverwithchloe] * Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts * Subscribe on YouTube Keywords/Tags: what eating disorders teach you, eating disorder recovery lessons, self-compassion eating disorder, planning and control eating disorder, eating disorder and emotions, recovered-ish podcast, chloe cox, ED recovery podcast, eating disorder therapist, body awareness recovery, self-criticism vs self-compassion, eating disorder reflection Resources + Connect with Me: * Instagram: @recoverwithchloe [https://instagram.com/recoverwithchloe] * Recovery Skills Training: [https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/] use code PODCAST for $57 off! * Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts * Subscribe on YouTube! [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXsP_SerXmcGNULIuPyCNyA]

pregnancy, body changes, and eating disorder recovery — the part nobody talks about | the recovered-ish podcast ep. 24

Episode Description I used to think pregnancy would give me a break from my eating disorder. That the permission to gain weight, to nourish my baby, would make it all feel easy. That's not quite how it went. In this episode I'm getting honest about what body changes in pregnancy actually feel like when you have an eating disorder history — the first trimester appetite chaos, the body dysmorphia on high alert, the awkward in-between phase where nothing fits, and the pressure to be the perfect pregnant person that nobody warned me about. This one is for anyone navigating pregnancy, postpartum, or body changes of any kind in ED recovery. The lessons here go way beyond pregnancy. In This Episode: * Why I thought pregnancy would cure my eating disorder — and what actually happened * First trimester appetite chaos — and what it stirred up mentally * Why pregnancy triggers body dysmorphia like almost nothing else * The awkward in-between phase where nothing fits — and the sensory challenge that comes with it * The myth of the perfect pregnant person — and how perfectionism fills the void when the ED quiets * Why relapse rates are highest during pregnancy and postpartum * What it looks like to practice body neutrality during pregnancy * The mantras I use when I don't love what I see in the mirror * Why other people's opinions about your body say more about you than them * How pregnancy has deepened my body trust — and what that means beyond pregnancy * What I want my daughter to know about her body from day one Timestamps: 0:00 Intro + summer updates 2:00 Recovery Skills Training summer workshops 3:00 Today's topic — pregnancy, body changes, and ED recovery 5:00 A note for anyone whose fertility has been impacted by an eating disorder 8:00 Why these lessons apply beyond pregnancy 9:00 I thought pregnancy would fix my ED — here's what happened instead 11:00 First trimester appetite chaos and what it stirred up mentally 13:00 Food aversions, cravings, and eating consistently in recovery 15:00 Why pregnancy triggers body dysmorphia so intensely 17:00 The awkward in-between phase — when nothing fits but you're not showing yet 18:00 Body changes are supposed to happen — even when they're hard 20:00 The myth of the perfect pregnant person 22:00 Relapse rates in pregnancy and postpartum — why this is so common 24:00 Body changes nobody warned me about — the honest list 27:00 Being curious about body changes instead of critical 29:00 What are other people thinking about my body? — reframing that question 31:00 Taking your power back — shifting from external to internal 33:00 How pregnancy deepens body attunement 35:00 Listening to your body across all three trimesters 37:00 Mantras for hard body image days 40:00 What I want my daughter to know about her body 42:00 Body trust isn't about loving your body — it's about believing it knows what it's doing 43:00 Closing thoughts Mantras From This Episode: * I am uncomfortable, and I can handle that. * I don't like my body right now, and I can trust this process. * I'm unhappy with these changes, and my happiness can be sourced elsewhere. Quotes from This Episode: "I thought pregnancy was going to be a vacation from my eating disorder. What ended up replacing it was the pressure to be the perfect pregnant person." "Body trust is not about loving your body. It's just about believing that it knows what it's doing and allowing that to lead." "If I believe that's true about my daughter — that her body has nothing to do with who she is — I've got to believe that's true about me." "One of the highest rates of relapse happens during pregnancy and postpartum. You're so not alone, and you're likely not doing anything wrong." Resources + Connect with Me: * Recovery Skills Training + Summer Workshops — use code PODCAST57 for $57 off: https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/ [https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/] * Instagram: @recoverwithchloe [https://instagram.com/recoverwithchloe] * Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts * Subscribe on YouTube Keywords/Tags: pregnancy and eating disorder recovery, body changes in ED recovery, eating disorder and pregnancy, body dysmorphia pregnancy, postpartum eating disorder relapse, recovered-ish podcast, chloe cox, ED recovery podcast, eating disorder therapist, body trust pregnancy, body neutrality pregnancy, quasi-recovery, pregnancy body image, eating disorder relapse postpartum Resources + Connect with Me: * Instagram: @recoverwithchloe [https://instagram.com/recoverwithchloe] * Recovery Skills Training: [https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/] use code PODCAST for $57 off! * Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts * Subscribe on YouTube! [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXsP_SerXmcGNULIuPyCNyA]

travel in ED recovery — my honest survival guide | the recovered-ish podcast ep. 23

Episode Description Travel is one of the hardest things you can do in eating disorder recovery. New foods, broken routines, different meal times, swimsuits, pictures — it's a lot. And nobody really talks about how to actually get through it. In this episode I'm sharing my honest survival guide for traveling in ED recovery — from what it looked like when I was deep in my disorder on a family trip to Hawaii, to what it looked like this past month traveling to New York and Maryland fully recovered. The difference is everything. Whether you're in early recovery, somewhere in the messy middle, or further along and still noticing the eating disorder show up on trips — this one's for you. In This Episode: * Why travel is one of the biggest pressure cookers for an eating disorder * The Hawaii trip that showed me how much my eating disorder was already stealing from my life * Why nothing reveals an eating disorder faster than being pulled from your routine * How to handle the airport, time zones, and meal timing on travel days * What my travel day actually looks like now — 11 years into recovery * The "eating disorder is not invited" mindset trick — and how to use it * How to find safe foods and guardrails for early recovery travel * When to use travel as a recovery challenge — and how to approach it strategically * Body image on vacation — swimsuits, less clothing, and how to prepare * Why your body is not going to change as much as your eating disorder says it will * How to flip the script from body-focused to experience-focused Timestamps: 0:00 Intro + business updates 2:00 Recovery Skills Training summer workshops announcement 3:00 Quasi-Recovery Exit group program update 4:00 Today's topic — travel in ED recovery 7:00 Why travel is so hard when you have an eating disorder 8:00 The Hawaii trip — what early disordered eating on vacation looked like 13:00 Missing ice cream with my family — how the ED steals moments 15:00 Why nothing reveals an eating disorder faster than leaving your routine 17:00 How uncertainty triggers the eating disorder nervous system 18:00 The airport — where travel anxiety starts 19:00 Time zones, meal timing, and the meal plan confusion 20:00 What my travel day actually looks like now 24:00 How to navigate travel days in early recovery 26:00 The "eating disorder is not invited" mindset trick 29:00 Preparation is everything — practical tips for packing and planning 31:00 Safe foods, guardrails, and when to challenge yourself 33:00 Using travel as a strategic recovery challenge 35:00 Finding a model person to eat alongside 36:00 Body image on vacation — swimsuits and less clothing 38:00 How to find a swimsuit that feels tolerable 40:00 Avoiding the mirror and packing for sensory comfort 41:00 Your body is not going to change as much as your ED says 43:00 Flipping the script — experience first, body last 45:00 Closing thoughts + summer workshop promo Practical Tips From This Episode: * Talk to your dietician before you go — walk through your itinerary and plan meal timing together * Stay on your home body clock on travel days until you adjust * Pack familiar snacks so you always have a safe option available * Use the "eating disorder is not invited" reframe — mentally leave it behind before you board * Find a model person with a healthy relationship with food and follow their lead * Practice wearing your swimsuit at home before the trip as a small exposure * Pack clothes that feel comfortable and don't draw sensory attention to your body * Avoid the mirror as much as possible on vacation * Schedule a therapy session before you leave and when you return * Use difficult moments on the trip as information to bring back to recovery — not as evidence you failed Quotes from This Episode: "Nothing reveals an eating disorder quicker than when a person is plucked from their routine." "Eating disorder, you are not invited. You will be staying home. I'll attend to you when I return." "Your body is not checking the time. Your body just knows — I need nourishment and I need it consistently." "The eating disorder makes your world so small. Travel is a reminder that the world is so much bigger than your eating disorder." Resources + Connect with Me: * Recovery Skills Training + Summer Workshops: use code PODCAST57 for $57 off — https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/ [https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/] * The Quasi-Recovery Exit — applications open: https://recover-with-chloe.moxieapp.com/public/quasi-recovery-exit-application [https://recover-with-chloe.moxieapp.com/public/quasi-recovery-exit-application] * Instagram: @recoverwithchloe [https://instagram.com/recoverwithchloe] * Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts * Subscribe on YouTube Keywords/Tags: travel in ED recovery, eating disorder and vacation, summer travel eating disorder recovery, how to travel with an eating disorder, eating disorder routine disruption, vacation body image, recovered-ish podcast, chloe cox, ED recovery podcast, eating disorder therapist, quasi-recovery, food freedom travel, eating disorder summer, airport eating disorder recovery Resources + Connect with Me: * Instagram: @recoverwithchloe [https://instagram.com/recoverwithchloe] * Recovery Skills Training: [https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/] use code PODCAST for $57 off! * Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts * Subscribe on YouTube! [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXsP_SerXmcGNULIuPyCNyA]

why letting go of your eating disorder feels like losing yourself | the recovered-ish podcast ep. 22

One of the biggest blocks in fully recovering from an eating disorder isn't the food. It's identity. In this episode I'm getting into something I've been circling around for a while but never done a full deep dive into — the way an eating disorder becomes a mask, a persona, a way of being seen in the world. And why letting go of it can feel terrifying even when you desperately want to. This one gets personal. We're going all the way back to a backwards baseball cap, through the eating disorder, and into what it's actually looked like for me to find out who I am without all of it. In This Episode: * Why identity is one of the biggest blocks in full recovery * The baseball cap story — and what it taught me about protection, power, and being seen * What my ED behaviors were actually communicating to the world * Why changing in recovery feels so exposing even when you want to * The labels we try on after the eating disorder — and why they don't fill the void * What it's looked like to find my identity at 31 * The "I am a person who" assignment — and how to use it yourself * What becomes possible when you stop trying to be who you think you should be Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 1:00 Life update 3:00 Today's topic: identity and eating disorder recovery 6:00 The backwards baseball cap — my first identity story 10:00 What the hat was really about 13:00 When I outgrew the persona but felt trapped in it 15:00 How this connects to the eating disorder 17:00 What my ED behaviors communicated to the world 20:00 Power, safety, and why we reach for external identity 22:00 The mask the eating disorder becomes 24:00 Why changing feels so exposing in recovery 28:00 The identity void recovery leaves 30:00 What I've discovered about myself since turning 30 32:00 The "I am a person who" assignment 35:00 Identity neutrality 37:00 What becomes possible when the ED stops taking up space 39:00 Closing thoughts Resources: * Recovery Skills Training: https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/ [https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/] * The Quasi-Recovery Exit (apply before summer session!): https://recover-with-chloe.moxieapp.com/public/quasi-recovery-exit-application [https://recover-with-chloe.moxieapp.com/public/quasi-recovery-exit-application] * Instagram: @recoverwithchloe [https://instagram.com/recoverwithchloe] * 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts * Subscribe on YouTube Keywords/Tags: eating disorder identity, letting go of eating disorder, eating disorder recovery identity, who am I without my eating disorder, eating disorder persona, identity in ED recovery, recovered-ish podcast, chloe cox, ED recovery podcast, eating disorder therapist, quasi-recovery, identity and eating disorders, eating disorder masks, self-discovery recovery Resources + Connect with Me: * Instagram: @recoverwithchloe [https://instagram.com/recoverwithchloe] * Recovery Skills Training: [https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/] use code PODCAST for $57 off! * Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts * Subscribe on YouTube! [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXsP_SerXmcGNULIuPyCNyA]

does intuitive eating work in eating disorder recovery? | the recovered-ish podcast ep. 21

Episode Description Short answer: yes. Long answer: it's complicated, it takes time, and it definitely doesn't happen the way most people think it does. In this episode I'm getting into my own journey from restriction, to meal plan, to eventually finding something that actually feels like food freedom — and what every stage of that actually looked like. Including the messy middle, the slips, and the moments I started to actually trust my body again. Inspired by a comment questioning why I still eat six times a day at 11 years into recovery. Spoiler: it's not because I'm still on a meal plan. In This Episode: * Why I don't recommend jumping straight into intuitive eating at the start of recovery * My first experience with a dietician — and why my eating disorder hated her immediately * The role of exposure therapy in rebuilding a relationship with food * How fear foods actually lose their power over time * The messy middle between meal plan and intuitive eating * Why I still eat six times a day — and what that actually means * How pregnancy deepened my ability to trust my body's cues * What food freedom actually looks and feels like Timestamps: 0:00 Intro — back from New York City 2:00 What returning to NYC recovered felt like 5:00 Today's topic: does intuitive eating work in ED recovery? 6:00 Why I don't recommend starting with intuitive eating in early recovery 9:00 My first experience with a dietician 12:00 What finally made me surrender control to someone else 17:00 The role of exposure therapy in rebuilding a relationship with food 23:00 How to expand your zone of safety if treatment isn't accessible 26:00 The messy middle — when the meal plan starts to loosen 33:00 Why I still eat six times a day 36:00 How slips and relapses fit into this process 38:00 When life becomes bigger than food 41:00 How pregnancy deepened my body trust 46:00 Closing thoughts and resources Resources: 📚 Books: * Intuitive Eating [https://www.intuitiveeating.org/the-book/] * Eating in the Light of the Moon [https://www.amazon.com/Eating-Light-Moon-Women-Relationship/dp/0936077476] 📲 ED-Informed Dieticians to Follow: * @michellepillepichnutrition [https://instagram.com/michellepillepichnutrition] * @thehungryclementine [https://instagram.com/thehungryclementine] * @healthyshyla [https://instagram.com/healthyshyla] * @diet.culture.rebel [https://instagram.com/diet.culture.rebel] * Recovery Skills Training: https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/ [https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/] * The Quasi-Recovery Exit: https://recover-with-chloe.moxieapp.com/public/quasi-recovery-exit-application [https://recover-with-chloe.moxieapp.com/public/quasi-recovery-exit-application] * Instagram: @recoverwithchloe [https://instagram.com/recoverwithchloe] * 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts * Subscribe on YouTube Keywords/Tags: intuitive eating eating disorder recovery, does intuitive eating work, meal plan to intuitive eating, food freedom eating disorder, rebuilding trust with food, eating disorder recovery food, recovered-ish podcast, chloe cox, ED recovery podcast, eating disorder therapist, fear foods, exposure therapy eating disorder, quasi-recovery, intuitive eating after restriction, body trust recovery Resources + Connect with Me: * Instagram: @recoverwithchloe [https://instagram.com/recoverwithchloe] * Recovery Skills Training: [https://recoverwithchloe.thrivecart.com/recovery-skills-training/] use code PODCAST for $57 off! * Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts * Subscribe on YouTube! [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXsP_SerXmcGNULIuPyCNyA]