Episode 5: Sib as a Recovering Perfectionist

Episode 5: Sib as a Recovering Perfectionist

Perfectionism doesn't ask where it came from — it just tells you to keep going. This episode traces the layers that built one sib's relationship to perfect: being the eldest daughter in an immigrant family, being the one who could pass in rooms her brother couldn't, and an internal pressure to prove her worth. Welcome to Sib as a Human! A new podcast where we explore the messy, beautiful and complex experience of what it’s like being a sibling to someone with disabilities or significant emotional, physical, or behavioral needs.In this episode, Sheena and Sinjita Bhattacharya pull apart how ableism, culture, and family expectation stack on top of each other — and what it actually takes to set some of it down.- Learning that rest isn't something you have to earn - Untangling being a sister from being a stand-in parent- What "ableism" actually means, and how deep it runs- Carrying disability, immigrant identity, and eldest-daughter expectations at once- Building community that doesn't ask you to explain yourself first Guest bio:Sinjita Bhattacharya is a law student, disabled person, and sibling to her Autistic younger brother. Sinjita is an organizer for disability justice, abolition of carceral systems, and collective liberation. Growing up in an immigrant family, Sinjita was often an advocate for her brother and family's needs. Now, she aims to defend marginalized people whose stories and backgrounds are silenced by the criminal punishment system, with the ultimate hope that one day, no one will be in cages. Sinjita loves to read, re-connect with her inner child, and spend time by the water. Resources:Disability Visibility [https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/617802/disability-visibility-by-alice-wong/] by Alice Wong Care Work: Dreaming Disability Justice [https://arsenalpulp.com/Books/C/Care-Work] by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-SamarasinhaProject LETS [https://projectlets.org/]The Self-Esteem Workbook [https://www.newharbinger.com/9781626255937/the-self-esteem-workbook/?srsltid=AfmBOor85YnSNbqavOXtBd5j7hp77i_Fg6nExQseCjddWoYaYwGMEH_j] Thought Leaders to Know: Talila “TL” Lewis - AbleismKimberlé Crenshaw — coined “intersectionality” Stella Young — coined “inspiration porn,” Want to know about potential Sibs Affinity Groups? Subscribe to our Substack and fill out the new reader questionnaire that lets us know if you may be interested in being a part of a future affinity group. If you have already subscribed, you can take the questionnaire here: Brought to you by Sheena Brevig & Sibling Leadership NetworkCONNECT WITH USSubstack: https://sibasahuman.substack.com/ [https://sibasahuman.substack.com/]Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sibasahuman/ [https://www.instagram.com/sibasahuman/]Donate: https://www.zeffy.com/en-US/donation-form/sponsor-a-sib-as-a-human-podcast-episode [https://www.zeffy.com/en-US/donation-form/sponsor-a-sib-as-a-human-podcast-episode] Sibling Leadership Network: https://siblingleadership.org/ [https://siblingleadership.org/] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sibasahuman.substack.com [https://sibasahuman.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Bonus Ep: The Intersection of Sibs and Men's Mental Health

Men and male sibs - are you doing okay? In this bonus episode, Sheena is joined by Dr. Peter Fisher, a research fellow at the Movember Institute of Men’s Health, to dig into something no one is talking about: the very things that make it hard to be a man in this culture are the same things that make it hard to be a Sib. Together, they explore: * How loneliness has reached epidemic levels — and how Sibs, across all genders, will recognize that feeling immediately * What Pete’s research says about why caregiving and masculinity aren’t as far apart as we’ve been told * The “perception gap”: how men consistently overestimate how much other men endorse traditional masculine norms * What the data shows about the gender differences in the impact of being a caregiver * One small thing you can do today for the male Sib or man in your life — and why it might mean more to them than you know We all need community, so let’s build it together. Send this episode to someone who needs to hear it. About Dr. Peter Fisher: Dr. Peter Fisher is a research fellow at the Movember Institute of Men’s Health. He received his PhD in social psychology from UCLA and conducted research on approaches to motivate equitable behavior and attitude change from within privileged social groups, including ways to reframe traditional masculine norms. At Movember, Peter’s work focuses on developing a new measure of healthy manhood and understanding ways to frame messages about health that are engaging to men. He has coauthored multiple Movember reports, his research has been published in well-respected journals, and he has presented his research at national and international psychology conferences. He also has experience consulting with entertainment companies on evidence-based ways to improve gender equity. 🌐 Website: peterhfisher.com [https://www.peterhfisher.com/] About Movember: Movember is the world’s leading charity changing the face of men’s health. Since 2003, Movember has funded more than 1,250 men’s health projects around the world, tackling prostate cancer, testicular cancer, and mental health and suicide prevention. They know what works for men — and are committed to transforming the way health services reach and support them. Resources: 📊 The Real Face of Men’s Health Report: us.movember.com/movember-institute/the-real-face-of-mens-health-report [https://us.movember.com/movember-institute/the-real-face-of-mens-health-report] 📸 Instagram (Global): @movember [https://www.instagram.com/movember/] 📸 Instagram (US): @movember.usa [https://www.instagram.com/movember.usa/] 🌐 Website: us.movember.com [https://us.movember.com/] Follow Sib as a Human: Instagram — @Sibasahuman [https://www.instagram.com/sibasahuman] Substack — Sibasahuman.substack.com [https://sibasahuman.substack.com/] Contact — Sibasahuman@gmail.com [sibasahuman@gmail.com] Sibling Leadership Network — Siblingleadership.org [https://siblingleadership.org] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sibasahuman.substack.com [https://sibasahuman.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Ep 4: Sib as a Car Stuck in High Gear

If someone asked you right now what you want (not what needs to get done, not what everyone else needs) could you answer? Andrew Perez couldn’t. For most of his life, the question didn’t even register as one worth asking. In this conversation, he and Sheena get into what it actually takes to go from surviving your childhood to building a life that has room for you in it and why that journey looks different when you’re a man doing it mostly alone, in spaces that weren’t built with you in mind. Together, they explore: * Why so many sibs become overachievers and what it costs * What it’s like to be one of the only men in sib spaces, and what Andrew wants other male sibs to know * The moment the pandemic forced him to finally ask for help and what he discovered when he did * How he learned to talk back to the voice in his head that told him he wasn’t worth taking up space * What healing actually looks like when you’ve spent a lifetime putting yourself last This one is for every sib who’s been running so long they forgot they were allowed to slow down. Content Note: This episode contains candid discussion of suicidal ideation, childhood abuse and neglect, parental alcoholism, and complex family trauma. Crisis resources are listed below. About Andrew Joseph Perez Andrew Joseph Perez is an actor, audiobook narrator, and self-acclaimed ‘Jack of All Trades.’ Andrew is a sibling to his younger brother who has a variety of diagnoses and is a wheelchair user. Andrew describes being his brother’s advocate since the age of five. Andrew learned how to read Tarot Cards after first learning how to read I Ching and Norse Runes. Resources Mentioned Movember Foundation — men’s health, suicide prevention, and building community for men. Link us.movember.com [http://us.movember.com] 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — call or text 988 (US). https://988lifeline.org/ [https://988lifeline.org/] Proxy Podcast [https://podcasts.apple.com/ag/podcast/brian-cant-stop-fact-checking-his-mother-in-law/id1746433334?i=1000713180282] https://podcasts.apple.com/ag/podcast/brian-cant-stop-fact-checking-his-mother-in-law/id1746433334?i=1000713180282— Andrew referenced an episode called “Brian Can’t Stop Fact-checking His Mother-In-Law [https://podcasts.apple.com/ag/podcast/brian-cant-stop-fact-checking-his-mother-in-law/id1746433334?i=1000713180282]” exploring acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive diffusion with Dr. Claudia Drossel. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sibasahuman.substack.com [https://sibasahuman.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Ep 3: Sib as a Tired Nervous System

What if the reason you can’t relax, the reason your body always feels like it’s bracing for something, isn’t a personality flaw but a nervous system doing exactly what it learned to do? Naturopathic doctor and fellow sib, Dr. Sara Rapaport, joins Sheena for one of the first conversations directly speaking to what growing up as a sib actually does to our bodies, our nervous systems, and our ability to know what we even want. Together, they explore: * Why so many sibs intellectualize their way through therapy — and why understanding everything still doesn’t make you feel better * What complex developmental trauma means for sibs who grew up in loving families and still feel like something is wrong * Why “nervous system regulation” doesn’t mean being calm — and what it actually means to start healing * Why the most frightening and necessary thing for sibs isn’t a breathing exercise — it’s letting someone actually see you. This conversation will help you understand your own body a little more gently — and maybe finally give yourself permission to have needs. Watch the podcast episode on our YouTube Channel: About Dr. Sara Rapaport: Dr. Sara Rapaport is a Naturopathic doctor, massage therapist, biofeedback practitioner, and NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM) practitioner specializing in mind-body medicine and the treatment of complex trauma. She is additionally currently training to become a Somatic Experiencing practitioner. She combines counseling, nutrition, herbal medicine, and physical medicine to support whole person healing and transformation for her patients. In her personal life, she is an avid adventurer, dancer and mover, and especially loves dancing West Coast Swing. She is currently based in Portland, OR and grew up in Cincinnati, Ohio alongside her brother who was diagnosed with Autism at age 3 and Glut-1 deficiency syndrome (GLUT-1 DS) at age 18. Once she was mid-way through medical school, she realized how much of her life she had devoted to being a helper at the expense of her own identity and has since then, been on a path of reclaiming her own authenticity and helping others with developmental trauma come home to themselves. 📩Get in touch with Dr. Sara: https://www.drsararapaport.com/ Connect with us: Instagram — @sibasahuman [https://www.instagram.com/sibasahuman] @dr.sararapaport @sheenamidori This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sibasahuman.substack.com [https://sibasahuman.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Episode 2: Sib as the One Who Never Needed Anything

Episode 2: Sib as the One Who Never Needed AnythingSo many of us who grew up as sibs picked up on the same invisible rule: this family doesn't have room for your needs too. So we got so good at not having them, that we stopped knowing they were there.In this episode, Sheena sits down with Carly Larkin and together, they explore:-Why the helping never stops — and how the thing that earned you the most praise might be the thing quietly running you into the ground- What burnout looks like when the cup has been empty for decades- How our bodies carry what we were never allowed to say out loud. This one will make you feel less alone in the things you've been quietly carrying.About Carly Larkin: Carly’s younger sister, Hannah, was born with spina bifida, hydrocephalus, Arnold–Chiari malformation, and a complex combination of developmental, physical, and intellectual disabilities. Since birth, Hannah has undergone more than 45 surgeries, including 30 on her brain.Because of this, Carly has been navigating the U.S. healthcare system since she was two years old. Now in her 30s, she channels that lived experience—and her big, bleeding heart—into her professional life. Carly is a public relations and marketing professional in the medical research industry, where she translates complex scientific advancements into clear and practical information for patients, families, and policymakers. Carly is scrappy, genuine, and increasingly uninterested in being “little miss perfect.” In this episode, she keeps it real, sharing an honest look at how being a Sib has shaped her life—the good, the complicated, and everything in between.Content Warning: This episode includes brief mention of eating disorders (binge eating and anorexia), chronic mental health struggles (anxiety, depression, OCD), burnout, and the emotional weight of growing up as a caregiver. If any of these topics are sensitive for you, please take care of yourself as you listen. If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, the National Alliance for Eating Disorders helpline is available at 1-866-662-1235 (Mon–Fri, 9am–5pm ET). You can also visit allianceforeatingdisorders.com [http://allianceforeatingdisorders.com]Sib as a Human is brought to you by Sheena Brevig & Sibling Leadership NetworkCONNECT WITH USSubstack: https://sibasahuman.substack.com/ [https://sibasahuman.substack.com/]Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sibasahuman/ [https://www.instagram.com/sibasahuman/]Donate: https://www.zeffy.com/en-US/donation-form/sponsor-a-sib-as-a-human-podcast-episode [https://www.zeffy.com/en-US/donation-form/sponsor-a-sib-as-a-human-podcast-episode] Sibling Leadership Network: https://siblingleadership.org/ [https://siblingleadership.org/]#siblings #sibs #caregivingsupport #sibasahuman #siblinglife #caregiverburnout #mentalhealthsupport This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sibasahuman.substack.com [https://sibasahuman.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]