When You Don't Know What You Actually Want: How To Say No, When To Say Yes, and The One Question That Cuts Through It | Yara Shahidi

When You Don't Know What You Actually Want: How To Say No, When To Say Yes, and The One Question That Cuts Through It | Yara Shahidi

Plus: The "hard yes" list, the intentional pursuit of being bad at things (and how that opens doors you didn't know were closed), being "on intimate terms with catastrophe," and optimism as a daily practice. From How To Be A Better Human. Today we're sharing an episode from another show we love: How to Be a Better Human [https://www.ted.com/series/how_to_be_a_better_human], hosted by Chris Duffy. In this conversation, Chris talks with actor Yara Shahidi — known for Black-ish and Grown-ish, and now host of The Optimist Project [https://www.siriusxm.com/blog/tag/the-optimist-project-with-yara-shahidi] podcast — about what she's learned from building a career and an identity at the same time. Yara explains why she thinks of optimism as a daily practice rather than a fixed personality trait, how a "year of no" eventually led her to build a "hard yes list" of things that reliably bring her joy, and why she's been deliberately pursuing things she's bad at — cartwheels, crochet, the glockenspiel — as a way of staying curious and connected. It's a thoughtful conversation about purpose, identity, and how to keep growing once you've already achieved the thing you thought you wanted. If you like what you hear, check out How to Be a Better Human [https://www.ted.com/series/how_to_be_a_better_human] wherever you get your podcasts. Join Dan's online community here [http://www.danharris.com/] Follow Dan on social: Instagram [https://bit.ly/3tGigG5], TikTok [https://bit.ly/3FOA84J] Subscribe to our YouTube Channel [https://bit.ly/3FybRzD] Join Dan, Sebene Selassie, and Jeff Warren for Meditation Party, a 3-day immersive retreat at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY, October 16–18. Grab your in-person spot here [https://www.eomega.org/workshops/meditation-party], or sign up to livestream here [https://www.eomega.org/workshops/meditation-party-livestream]! To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris [https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris]

You're Gonna Be Alright No Matter What: On Facing Anger, Aging, and Loss With Humor and Grace | Sylvia Boorstein

The legendary dharma teacher on self-acceptance, the two-sentence trick she uses on her own anger, and what actually makes her happy after 90 years of living. Sylvia Boorstein, PhD, LCSW is a co-founding teacher of Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Woodacre California and the author of five books on Buddhism, Mindfulness, and particularly That's Funny, You Don't Look Buddhist: On Being a Faithful Jew and a Passionate Buddhist. In this episode we talk about: * Why turning 90 makes the Buddha's teachings on impermanence feel real instead of theoretical * The line Sylvia repeats to herself that's become the antidote to ill will and anger * Why "there's always a hand to hold" might be the whole point of being alive * The four (or three) noble truths, reworked in Sylvia's own words * A grocery store treat that turned into an unexpected lesson about where happiness actually comes from * What she says to people who are dying, and why it's not a lie * And much more Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here [https://app.danharris.com/membership] Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here [http://www.danharris.com/] Follow Dan on social: Instagram [https://bit.ly/3tGigG5], TikTok [https://bit.ly/3FOA84J] Subscribe to our YouTube Channel [https://bit.ly/3FybRzD] This episode is sponsored by: BetterHelp:: Don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/HAPPIER [http://betterhelp.com/HAPPIER]. Warby Parker: Our listeners can buy one pair of glasses and get 20% off any additional pairs at WarbyParker.com/HAPPIER [http://warbyparker.com/HAPPIER] — and using our link helps support the show. #WarbyParker #ad To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris [https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris]

How To Read People, Calm Tension, Build Trust, and Ask For What You're Worth | John Richardson

An MIT/Harvard negotiation expert on the two types of "no," the FBI hostage negotiator trick you can use with anyone, and the rhetorical move that improves outcomes for women. John Richardson teaches negotiation at MIT's Sloan School of Management, and previously at Harvard Law, and was an associate at the Harvard Negotiation Project. He was coauthor with Roger Fisher and Alan Sharp of Getting It Done and Negotiation Analysis with Howard Raiffa and David Metcalfe. He is also a graduate of the Massachusetts Firefighting Academy. His latest book is Never Settle [https://www.neversettlenegotiate.com/], co-written with Attia Qureshi. In this episode we talk about: * Why lying in a negotiation is tactically stupid, not just morally wrong * The "give them a sandwich" trick FBI hostage negotiators use, and how to steal it for everyday life * The difference between healthy manipulation and the harmful kind * A simple word that can pull someone's brain out of fight-or-flight mode mid-argument * Why knowing your alternative matters more than knowing your ask * When saying no is actually the smartest move in the room * And much more Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here [https://app.danharris.com/membership] Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here [http://www.danharris.com/] Follow Dan on social: Instagram [https://bit.ly/3tGigG5], TikTok [https://bit.ly/3FOA84J] Subscribe to our YouTube Channel [https://bit.ly/3FybRzD] This episode is sponsored by: Cash App: Download Cash App Today: https://click.cash.app/ui6m/oh9jnxlq [https://click.cash.app/ui6m/oh9jnxlq] #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card. Savings provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. IQ Bar: To get twenty percent off all IQBAR products, including the ultimate sampler pack, plus free shipping, text DAN to 64000. To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris [https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris]

That Feeling of "Always-Behind and Never-Enough"—Here's the Antidote | Ellen Hendriksen

Move on from the inner critic and beat perfectionism without lowering your standards. Dr. Ellen Hendriksen [https://www.ellenhendriksen.com/] is a clinical psychologist who helps people calm their anxiety and be their authentic self. She serves on the faculty at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders (CARD) and is the author of HOW TO BE ENOUGH: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists [https://static.macmillan.com/static/smp/how-to-be-enough-9781250291875/] and HOW TO BE YOURSELF: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety [https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Yourself-Critic-Anxiety/dp/1250161703]. You can find her on Substack at How to Be Good to Yourself When You're Hard on Yourself [https://substack.com/@ellenhendriksen]. This episode originally aired in 2025. In this episode we talk about: * The relationship between perfectionism and anxiety * The definition of perfectionism––and why the word is actually a misnomer * Dr. Hendriksen's own struggles with perfectionism, and how they manifested physically * The difference between healthy perfectionism and unhealthy perfectionism * Changing your relationship with your inner critic * Shifting from rigid rules to flexibility * Keeping high standards while making room for mistakes * Overcoming procrastination * Navigating social comparison * And much more Related Episodes: * Strategies for Social Anxiety | Ellen Hendriksen [https://www.danharris.com/p/strategies-for-social-anxiety-ellen-35c?utm_source=publication-search] * The Voice in Your Head | Ethan Kross [https://www.danharris.com/p/the-voice-in-your-head-ethan-kross-495?utm_source=publication-search] * How To Move Into The Future With Optimism Instead Of Anxiety | Frederik Pferdt [https://www.danharris.com/p/how-to-move-into-the-future-with-3a4?utm_source=publication-search] Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here [https://app.danharris.com/membership] Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here [http://www.danharris.com/] Follow Dan on social: Instagram [https://bit.ly/3tGigG5], TikTok [https://bit.ly/3FOA84J] Subscribe to our YouTube Channel [https://bit.ly/3FybRzD] Join Dan, Sebene Selassie, and Jeff Warren for Meditation Party, a 3-day immersive retreat at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY, October 16–18. Grab your in-person spot here [https://www.eomega.org/workshops/meditation-party], or sign up to livestream here [https://www.eomega.org/workshops/meditation-party-livestream]! To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris [https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris]

Secrets From the Therapist's Couch: How Boundaries Actually Work, How To Come To Peace With Your Parents, and Why It's Not Too Late To Change | Lori Gottlieb

Plus: How your envy can be useful, why you're an unreliable narrator of your own life, and why you keep choosing partners who echo the unfinished business of your childhood. Lori Gottlieb [https://lorigottlieb.com/] is a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone [https://www.amazon.com/dp/1328662055?lv=shuf&channelId=500&plpRedirect=mhFallback], which has sold over three million copies and has been translated into over 30 languages. In addition to her clinical practice, she writes The New York Times "Ask the Therapist [https://www.nytimes.com/column/ask-the-therapist]" advice column and is co-host of the popular "Dear Therapists [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-therapists-with-lori-gottlieb-and-guy-winch/id1523340696]" podcast and the advice podcast Since You Asked [https://www.thesinceyouaskedpodcast.com/]. In this episode we talk about: * Why insight alone doesn't change anything, and what "idiot compassion" gets wrong * Whether you actually need to like your therapist * Why there's no such thing as a hierarchy of pain * How to spot a help-rejecting complainer, including in yourself * What envy is actually trying to tell you * Why a real boundary is a bid for connection, not a cutoff * Why we're all unreliable narrators, and how to edit the story you tell about yourself * Why we keep choosing partners who echo our unfinished business Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here [https://app.danharris.com/membership] Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here [http://www.danharris.com/] Follow Dan on social: Instagram [https://bit.ly/3tGigG5], TikTok [https://bit.ly/3FOA84J] Subscribe to our YouTube Channel [https://bit.ly/3FybRzD] Additional Resources: * Maybe You Should Talk To Someone Workbook [https://www.amazon.com/Maybe-You-Should-Talk-Someone-ebook/dp/B09L5BR22N/?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_w=W79Xz&content-id=amzn1.sym.3a079c4e-f938-40c9-a0ed-01ef0e9528e9&pf_rd_p=3a079c4e-f938-40c9-a0ed-01ef0e9528e9&pf_rd_r=141-9976842-2413604&pd_rd_wg=FX80K&pd_rd_r=d220e930-ce42-43be-9752-170f8b222aba] * Maybe You Should Talk To Someone Journal [https://www.amazon.com/Maybe-Should-Talk-Someone-Journal/dp/0358667216/ref=books_amazonstores_desktop_mfs_author_smart_catalog_2?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_w=2jmuh&content-id=amzn1.sym.aec507cb-142c-4f68-9ae5-803b8e7b33f1&pf_rd_p=aec507cb-142c-4f68-9ae5-803b8e7b33f1&pf_rd_r=141-9976842-2413604&pd_rd_wg=f7Bbg&pd_rd_r=72ca8675-6aeb-4907-beb4-2936ad0323c6] Join Dan, Sebene Selassie, and Jeff Warren for Meditation Party, a 3-day immersive retreat at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY, October 16–18. Grab your in-person spot here [https://www.eomega.org/workshops/meditation-party], or sign up to livestream here [https://www.eomega.org/workshops/meditation-party-livestream]! This episode is sponsored by: Function Health: Join at functionhealth.com/happier [http://functionhealth.com/happier] or use the gift code HAPPIER25 for a $25 credit toward your membership. To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris [https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris]