Sex, Desire, and the Neurodivergent Brain: A Sex Therapist Gets Real

Sex, Desire, and the Neurodivergent Brain: A Sex Therapist Gets Real

Dr. Emma Smith is a sex therapist, trauma specialist, and host of the Intimate Philosopher podcast. She has a PhD, a practice full of Type A++ overachievers, and a very low threshold for false pretense... which, as she says, might be autism, might be trauma, or might just be that she's from New Jersey. In this episode, Emma breaks down what sex therapy actually looks like, why desire gets squashed in the highest-achieving people, and what happens to intimacy after military trauma. She talks about relationship agreements, why polyamory is more like AP Physics than the "easy way out," and why neurodivergent people are actually wired for designing relationships that make sense. We also talk about the moment Emma nearly fell out of her front-row seat at one of Kory's presentations, when she realized she doesn't walk into rooms the way other people do. And what it means to live in a different reality than you thought you were in. This conversation is funny, real, and will make you think differently about desire, intimacy, and what your relationship could look like if you actually designed it on purpose. Find Dr. Emma Smith * Instagram: @EmmaSmithPhD [instagram.com/emmasmithphd] * Podcast: The Intimate Philosopher [https://open.spotify.com/show/1QAJNxwFElMIS9QuMIsnHc?si=2cb2280be36d4425] * Substack: The Intimate Philosopher — Things Left Unsaid [https://open.substack.com/pub/emmasmithphd/p/welcome-to-the-intimate-philosopher?r=3en7ht&utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web] * Workshops and masterclasses coming soon Mentioned in this episode: * Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine [https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/35900387-eleanor-oliphant-is-completely-fine] (book) * Relationship anarchy * Relationship agreement intensives * Window of tolerance Resources: * Learn more about high-masking, late-diagnosed autism: Instagram @neurokoryous [instagram.com/neurokoryous] * Unmasking Retreats: koryandreas.com [http://koryandreas.com] * YouTube: @ThatsMePod [youtube.com/thatsmepod]

"If I Could Do It, I Would": Executive Dysfunction and Late-Diagnosed ADHD

Jessica Hazard is a therapist in New York City who spent years working in public health before working for her own private practice. She worked at school-based health centers, and community health clinics. She was also the clinical director at an agency serving young people who had been commercially sexually exploited. She got diagnosed with ADHD at 41, after spending years working with ADHD clients and thinking, "Wait, why do I relate to everything they're saying?" In this episode, Jessica talks about the grief that came with late diagnosis ("What would my life have looked like if I had known this?"), the "lazy" narrative and executive dysfunction, ADHD piles and moral failure, the overlap between ADHD and autism, why therapy boundaries were designed to protect therapists (not clients), and how her own neurodivergence makes her a better therapist for neurodivergent clients. We also talk about the harm of evidence-based models that weren't tested on neurodivergent people, why she tells all her teenage clients about her own ADHD, and why self-esteem is the real issue, not the way neurodivergence shows up. Find Jessica Hazard: * Alma profile [https://secure.helloalma.com/providers/jessica-hazard/]: Jessica Hazard * Private practice in New York City (licensed in NY) * Works with adolescents and adults who have experienced trauma * Insurance accepted Mentioned in this episode: * ADHD piles * The "lazy" narrative * Rejection sensitivity * The overlap between ADHD and autism * Resources: * Learn more about high-masking, late-diagnosed autism: Instagram @neurokoryous [instagram.com/neurokoryous] * Unmasking Retreats: koryandreas.com [http://koryandreas.com] * YouTube: @ThatsMePod [https://www.youtube.com/@ThatsMePod]

Anorexia Autistica: Rewriting Everything We Know About Autism and Eating Disorders

Livia Sara is writing what she calls her "motherfucker book!" Over 100,000 words on anorexia and autism, complete with the entire history of both conditions and how their storylines are deeply intertwined. It's called Anorexia Autistica, and she wants it in the DSM one day. She writes on this topic from both lived and professional experiences and is changing the world of eating disorders for autistic people! In this episode, Livia breaks down everything we get wrong about eating disorders in autistic people, from the "eating disorder is a separate entity" model to forced compliance in treatment centers. She explains why it's not about body image, why weighing food actually helped her eat MORE, and why the word "recovery" can be so dangerous. We also talk about her book Rainbow Girl, the adaptive eating spectrum, why "the eating disorder talking" is gaslighting, and what it means to live label-free while honoring that labels can save your life. Kory and Livia gush about autistic joy and their shared love for writing, learning, and helping people through their lived experience. Hearts crack open as we share our transformative experiences within deliberately created autistic community. Livia's Books and Programs: Livia Sara's website [https://www.livlabelfree.com/] Livia's books [https://livlabelfreebooks.com/]: "Rainbow Girl "(memoir), [https://livlabelfreebooks.com/products/rainbowgirl-paperback] "How to Beat Extreme Hunger: A Neurodiversity-Affirming Guide to Food Freedom" [https://livlabelfreebooks.com/products/extremehunger-ebook] "How To Get Out of Quasi Recovery" [https://livlabelfreebooks.com/products/how-to-get-out-of-quasi-recovery-paperback] Autistically ED Free Academy [https://www.livlabelfree.com/group]: 8-week group coaching program combining autism and eating adaptations Resources: Learn more about high-masking, late-diagnosed autism: Instagram.com/neurokoryous [http://Instagram.com/neurokoryous] Kory's Unmasking Retreats [https://koryandreas.com] Online Neuro-affirming care course for therapists [https://koryandreas.com/onlineneurodivergencecourses]

"Not Smart Enough": Three Failed Autism Assessments and a Comedy Career That Finally Fits

Janet McNamara is a professional comedian whose 45-minute special "Not Smart Enough" went viral with over 130,000 views on YouTube. She quit corporate America after 15 years of panic attacks, got passed at the Comedy Cellar (with a little help from Amy Schumer), and is moving to New York to pursue comedy full-time. She's also been assessed for autism THREE times and rejected every time based on outdated criteria...because she's "coordinated," because "people with autism have high IQs," because she "doesn't have sensory issues" (she only wears one brand of socks and didn't notice until a friend pointed it out), and because she "makes appropriate facial expressions" (learned in social skills class as a kid). Her final diagnosis? Social anxiety disorder. Not autism. In this episode, Janet talks about sabotaging tests because she doesn't want to find "something else wrong with me," building a comedy career that works for her brain, the neurotypical scripts that feel fake, corporate sensory overload (seven people talking at once in meetings), and her best friend Emily saying, "That's because you're autistic." This conversation will make you laugh and cry. Janet's story is proof that sometimes you have to build your own life when the world won't accommodate you. A note from a neuro-affirming, AuDHD therapist/diagnostician: It doesn't have to be this way. If you've had negative healthcare experiences like Janet's, you're not alone. There are providers out there who listen and who "get it." Please connect with the resources below if you need support. Sharing this podcast helps get autistic voices into the world telling their stories. Please share with anyone who needs to hear they're not alone. Your story matters. Find Janet McNamara: YouTube: Janet McNamara [https://www.youtube.com/user/Jmcnamara123] (45-minute special "Not Smart Enough") [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGbZqHU-Xew] Instagram: @janet.mcnamara [instagram.com/janet.mcnamara] Performing at the Comedy Cellar [https://www.comedycellar.com/] in NYC soon! Get more Janet at a town near you on Punchup [https://punchup.live/janetmcnamara] Learn more about high-masking, late-diagnosed autism: Instagram @neurokoryous [instagram.com/neurokoryous] Neuro-affirming autism assessments [https://koryandreas.com/autism-assessment-services] Unmasking Retreats: koryandreas.com [http://koryandreas.com] YouTube: @ThatsMePod [https://www.youtube.com/@ThatsMePod] Online Neuroaffirming care course for therapists [https://koryandreas.com/onlineneurodivergencecourses] Want to tell your story [https://koryandreas.com/thatsmepodcast] on this podcast?

From Climate Justice to PDA (Pervasive Drive for Autonomy) Safe Circles: Why Community Is the Answer

Rabbi Shoshana Meira Friedman came through climate justice, congregational leadership, and a burnt-out autistic body raising a high-needs autistic child who wanted the calendar recited as a bedtime story. Her son's burnout at age five, despite doing everything "right," despite being neurodivergent-affirming, despite zero childhood trauma, led her to PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance or Pervasive Drive for Autonomy) . And what she built from there changed everything we know about PDA. Rabbi Shoshana is the creator of the PDA Safe Circle, an approach that's actionable, visual, intuitive, and completely different from anything else in the PDA space. In this episode, Rabbi Shoshana explains why "low demand" isn't enough, how to actually map what's jabbing at your (or your child's) safe circle, and creating the conditions where thriving is possible. We also talk about grief work, community organizing, and trusting unconventional paths. We also talk about: * The PDA Safe Circle approach: what it is, how it works, and why it's different * Why arrows (not just demands) are what really matter * The antenna around our safe circles that detect threats to autonomy, control, social equality, and co-regulation * How climate grief work prepared her for disability advocacy * Building an online community that's actually hopeful and safe This conversation will change how you think about PDA, autonomy, trust, and what it means to build a life that actually fits. Find Rabbi Shoshana Meira Friedman: * Website: https://pdasafecircle.com [https://pdasafecircle.com] * Instagram: @rabbishoshana [instagram.com/rabbishoshana] * Free resources: Free coloring book (for all ages), blog with resources at pdasafecircle.com [http://pdasafecircle.com] PDA Safe Circle Community: * Everyone gets a free week * Accessibility rates available :no one is turned away * One-on-one coaching, staff training, clinician certification program Mentioned in this episode: * PDA North America [https://pdanorthamerica.org/]Conference * Amanda Diekman podcast [https://www.amandadiekman.com/podcast] (life-changing for understanding PDA) * Jenna Goldstein (ND3): https://nd3.org [https://nd3.org] Resources: * Learn more about high-masking, late-diagnosed autism: Instagram @neurokoryous [instagram.com/neurokoryous] * Unmasking Retreats: https://koryandreas.com [https://koryandreas.com] * Subscribe to That's Me! podcast: Spotify [link] | Apple Podcasts [link] | YouTube [link]