Redefining Fatherhood: Building Strong Bonds With Your Daughter

Beskrivelse

Fatherhood comes with its own set of joys, challenges, and constant learning curves—especially when raising daughters. If you're a dad looking to deepen your connection with your daughter and help her become a confident, independent woman, the latest episode of Dad and Daughter Connection is an absolute must-listen. Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, the podcast's mission is clear: to provide real stories, expert advice, and practical tips so fathers can show up as the dads their daughters need. In this episode, Dr. Christopher Lewis [https://www.linkedin.com/in/drchristopherlewis/] sits down with Michael Mirza [https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-mirza/], a father of two, to revisit his parenting journey since he last appeared on the show four years ago. As both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Michael Mirza share, the parenting landscape is always shifting, and what worked yesterday may need to be reimagined for the children we love today. The Power of Presence and Pause A central theme is the importance of being present. Michael Mirza recounts a recent moment with his daughter at a quiet park, where they simply paused to enjoy nature and each other's company. He shares how his daughter's insight—"it's really nice to just pause and be quiet sometimes"—reminded him of the value in stepping back from the busyness of life and savoring stillness and connection. These simple acts, often unplanned, create the foundation for deep and lasting bonds. Embracing Neurodiversity The episode dives deeply into Michael Mirza's and his daughter's shared experience with ADHD. He discusses how receiving a diagnosis became an opportunity to empower his daughter, framing ADHD as a unique superpower rather than a setback. The family's approach—open conversations, focusing on strengths, and using creative analogies (like referencing Elsa's powers from Frozen)—drives home the message that differences can be celebrated, not shamed. Nurturing Independence and Repairing Connection Another important discussion centers on balancing guidance with independence. Michael Mirza talks about giving his daughter room to grow, whether it's letting her walk to a friend's house or manage her own routines. He stresses that letting go of control so children can rise to the occasion fosters confidence and trust. Crucially, the practice of apologizing and intentionally repairing after conflict is highlighted. Michael Mirza emphasizes humility, admitting when he's made mistakes, and always reaffirming his love—no matter the frustrations or tantrums. Final Takeaways From outdoor "treasure hunts" to creative home projects, this episode is filled with real-life examples of building strong, resilient relationships. Michael Mirza's core advice to dads? Meet your daughter fully in her world, free of self-consciousness and stereotypes—paint her nails, dance, and never be afraid that vulnerability will compromise your strength as a father. Whether you're a new dad or have years of parenting under your belt, this episode of Dad and Daughter Connection offers wisdom, encouragement, and the firm reminder that being present and authentic is what matters most. Tune in and let these stories inspire you to build an even stronger bond with your own daughter. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey [https://bit.ly/daddaughtersurvey] to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter [https://bit.ly/ddcneweletter] to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/DrChristopherLewis], Facebook Group [https://www.facebook.com/groups/dadanddaughterconnections], Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/dadofdivas], LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/drchristopherlewis/], X [https://www.x.com/dadofdivas]. TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection. I'm your host, Dr. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:54]: Christopher Lewis, and I'm really excited that you're back again this week, because every week I love the opportunities that we have to be able to learn and grow together. I've said this many times, but you know that I've got two daughters myself, and this podcast came out of the fact that I wanted to be able to talk to other dads about what they were learning along the way. And I knew that dads are not always the best at asking questions. They're not always the best at reaching out. And when you have a daughter, that relationship is an important one, and we've got to show up. We've gotta be willing to do what we have to do to be able to be the dads that our daughters need, and that's why this podcast exists. The conversations that we have lead to deeper connections with our daughters, and it's an opportunity for you to be able to roll up your sleeves, to be able to learn, to grow and to take some things out of every episode. My hope is that at the end of every episode, you've got something, whether it's one thing, whether it's 10 things that you have taken away from the episode, some tools for your toolbox that will allow for you to be able to be just that little bit better. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:05]: And every week, I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that have been doing this fatherhood thing in their own way, and they're bringing some perspectives to you. Doesn't mean that it's going to work for you. It could. It might not, but you're going to still learn something new. Today we got another great guest. Michael Mirza is with us today, and Michael is a father of two. He's got both a son and a daughter. His daughter is 8, and we're going to be talking about his relationship with his daughter. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:36]: And for full transparency, Michael was a guest on my past podcast called Dads with Daughters about four years ago. And so this is a great opportunity for me to be able to reconnect with him and an opportunity for you to get to meet him and to learn from him today. Michael, thanks so much for being here today. Michael Mirza [00:02:54]: Thank you so much. It's an honor to be back, Christopher, and I am really grateful for the ways you have kept this conversation going and the depth and wisdom you bring to it and the intentionality. So thank you so much for having me. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:05]: You know, I really appreciate you being back. And as we were talking before we started, things have changed a lot in four years, and not only in the sense of your daughter being where she's at today, and you're in a very different point in your own fatherhood and parenting. And I guess my first question for you is, as you look back at the eight years that you've had with your daughter, what's one of the most meaningful moments that you've been able to share with your daughter thus far and what made it so special? Michael Mirza [00:03:33]: Mm, I love that. Well, first of all, I just thought, wow, eight years. And we chatted four years ago, so it has literally been double her lifetime since we last talked. Like, in the scheme of things, like, she is truly a completely different person, and I am in a lot of ways as well. The first thing that came to mind when you asked that was actually a fairly recent moment. So I don't know if it's the most meaningful of all, but it's one that is. Just came to mind right away with all the craziness of life. We were recently at a park, and it was a pretty quiet day at the park, and there was, like, almost nobody else around, so I was there with my two kids. Michael Mirza [00:04:13]: We played on the playground a little bit. Then we were just kind of strolling around the park. At one point, we ended over by the baseball diamond, and my son was drawing with a stick in the dirt, and my daughter and I were just sitting on the bleachers watching him. And there was sort of a natural pause, and she. In. In an unprovoked way, she was just noticing, like, the birds and the clouds gently passing over just in a totally, like, unsolicited way was just like, it's really nice to just pause and be quiet sometimes and just listen. And that meant a lot to me because I think it's a good reminder to me and a good word for me and we've been talking a lot lately about the importance of nature, as in taking care of nature and learning from nature and also trying to get out and spend time in nature where in the area we live in. We're grateful to have a lot of forest preserves close by where we live. Michael Mirza [00:05:03]: But to have her sort of reflect that without me sort of prompting like, hey, isn't this nice? And she was just like, wow, sitting and listening to the birds. Pretty cool. That was a really special moment for me. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:15]: I love that. And you're right, I mean, sometimes those quiet moments, those opportunities to be able to just be, are so important because so many times in our lives, life gets in the way. The busyness of life gets in the way. And you don't sit down and just reflect or you don't sit down and just allow for the world around you to be able to just be. Michael Mirza [00:05:42]: It's something that for me, I have adhd. And that's another thing my daughter and I now share is we both share diagnosed adhd. But so for me, like just with the noise and you know, so much of my life is on screens, those moments of pause, I haven't fully dabbled into meditation, probably as much as I should, and yet sometimes it's my daughter is the one reminding me was a real gift. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:03]: So talk to me about that diagnosis that you both share and what that has meant not only for her, but for you. And sharing that, but also what have you been able to do to be able to help her, to be able to better understand what she is going through and what you've gone through. Michael Mirza [00:06:21]: And it's actually pretty recent for her. So I was diagnosed with ADHD in middle school. I tried a bunch of different medications and didn't like the side effects for various reasons. And so my parents and I decided together. I honestly don't fully remember the details of the conversation, but actually decided to forego medication. And I made it through my life okay. My academic career and in my professional career. However, I look back at my career and I can think, I can see a lot of places where I probably struggled a lot more than I needed to. Michael Mirza [00:06:53]: So actually just for myself, just about two years ago, I went and got formally assessed again as an adult and got my own ADHD diagnosis again. This is. That means I had gone roughly 30 years ish, without medication and not on any sort of high horse, like good reason. I just like for whatever reason didn't want to. And then I quickly saw the difference it made in my life. Meanwhile, with my Daughter. We were seeing some. A lot of the signs that there may have been adhd. Michael Mirza [00:07:22]: And it is a. You know, it has genetic components to it, and my mom has it as well. So she's incredibly creative, brilliant, and also can struggle with regulating her emotions and slowing down to make decisions, but so creative and capable of leaning into, like, the hyper focus that is characteristic of adhd. So we just got her assessed and we finally got the results from the therapist who worked with her just a week ago. So this is super, super fresh. So the next step is actually to go meet with a psychiatrist and work with the psychiatrist and pediatrician to get medication. And so it's all. We haven't even gone that far. Michael Mirza [00:08:01]: But simply having the diagnosis has been so helpful. I can already see so much of myself in her and the strengths she has, the challenges she has. So much of it I can relate to on a very personal level. And now to have the diagnosis and the language about her experience has already created opportunities, even before we start her on medication, to start talking about her in a way that builds her up and, but also helps her understand. This is your unique body and the way you've been built. So the way we've been talking about it with her is you have this brain that has this superpower where you can make amazing things and you can really, really focus on the things that excite you. And kind of like we referenced, you remember in the movie Frozen, Elsa has these amazing ice powers, but when her emotions are dysregulated, her powers can do damage and her powers can get out of control and do things that she doesn't actually want them to do. And so we referenced that and kind of explaining like, you have these amazing powers in your brain and sometimes you need a little bit of help to be able to know how to use your powers to do amazing things and make beautiful things. Michael Mirza [00:09:05]: And she really resonated with that and found it to be a very edifying way of talking. And she feels excited about it. And she's been telling her friends and telling her teachers, like, I have adhd. It's a superpower. And I think that's the language that I'm trying to impart from her and learning from my own experiences of shame at times of feeling shame when I felt that I didn't create work or perform in a way that I knew I was capable of. And it is a mental brain diagnosis. It is a medical thing in that sense. It just is a unique makeup of the body. Michael Mirza [00:09:40]: But to not treat it as so much as being. I'm hesitant to call it a disability, and I'm not as well versed as I should be in making sure that I'm avoiding ableist language. And so I'm cautious to say that I'm not wanting to use the term disability in any disparaging way. And yet, just the way we're framing this diagnosis for my daughter, we're really trying to build it as a superpower and not focus on the negative aspects. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:04]: As now, you know, one of the things that I'd be interested in hearing a little bit about is your daughter is getting older. As I. As I said at the beginning, we talked about four years ago, and a lot changes in four years. How do you find yourself balancing guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence to grow into the person she's becoming? Michael Mirza [00:10:24]: You know, honestly, I mean, that goes hand in hand with the diagnosis as well, is that there have been places where I believe my wife and I have asserted a lot of control more than we needed to. Being like, well, we should probably still keep brushing her teeth for her, even though she's not, because she doesn't always do well at the dentist. So if we brush her teeth for her, well, then therefore, then she'll have less trouble at the dentist. And we've realized over the years of seeing that, like, you have to let go, because otherwise, if the goal is to raise a healthy, functioning adult, I have to trust her more. And what we have found is that when we release control and trust her more, she will rise to the occasion. And it is scary and vulnerable to release control. But, for example, taking a bath, taking a shower. It used to be like we're kind of hovering and giving instructions on next step by step, and trying to guide her through it. Michael Mirza [00:11:18]: Well, she's heard the instructions enough times that now we give the instructions and we leave the room and we let her do her thing. And then we'll check in. We'll open the door, check in. Hey, did you do this step? Did you do the next step? Great. You did it. Awesome. Here's the next step, and then we just leave. And the more we've been doing that, where we just give the instructions and leave, sometimes we still have to do reminders, of course, but she has been really rising to the occasion and demonstrating without even saying it, I can handle this. Michael Mirza [00:11:42]: I can do this. And it's honestly been more my work and my wife's work for us to release control. And I think the other area with the independence that we're just starting to get into is. I think a lot of folks that I talk to, my age and older, have a memory of childhood in which there was this freedom in roaming the neighborhood and, you know, the. The quintessential staying out till the lights till dark and then coming. And I think over time, there's been a shift in that there's a lot less independence giving to kids in the way that they play. And that's another area where we're trying to give more independence. So one of my daughter's best friends lives right down the block, Just has to cross one not very busy street, and she can walk there. Michael Mirza [00:12:25]: So just in the last month, as it's been getting warmer, we have been saying, like, we'll kind of text with the parents just to make sure, but we've been saying, like, go ahead, walk down the street. Knock on the door. Can you play? And she was really nervous at first, but getting her to the point where she's getting more comfortable walking out the house, down. Down the street by herself. And again, the parents are still doing a little bit of coordinating to know, like, this is going to relatively work, but we want to do more and more of that, too. And we see in our neighborhood, like, kids who are 10, 11, 12, riding their bikes by themselves or in little groups. And so we're trying to get. Get her moving in that way as well. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:04]: What are some intentional ways that you've worked to strengthen your bond with your daughter, especially during those challenging times? Michael Mirza [00:13:11]: We try very hard when there's an argument or a disagreement about what needs to be done next to validate what she may be experiencing and to say, hey, I understand you want to do this. I understand that you're really focused on this thing right now. We have to pivot and get ready for the next thing for this reason. And there are times in there where validating it isn't enough. And there's still frustration and emotions that will. That will come. I've had to be really intentional also about apologizing when I am feeling frustrated myself. And I add a lot of hurry sometimes, and sometimes that, I mean, she doesn't respond well to being rushed and hurried. Michael Mirza [00:13:51]: And I have had to apologize a lot, not only sometimes for the ways I'm getting frustrated and my own emotions are coming up, but that I've also recognizing. Hmm. A lot of the reason we're rushing is because I wasn't managing my time well, and now I'm not. I'm kind of rushing at the last minute and imposing that rush and urgency onto you. And that's why there's a tantrum and a breakdown that's happening when in reality, if I had managed my time better and started the get ready to leave process 20 minutes earlier, then we could be in a more relaxed and flexible space. So I've had to do a lot of recognizing and apologizing for my own ways in which I am adding to the stress of the environment that has taken an ongoing effort of humility that some. Sometimes I'm able to recognize in the moment, sometimes it takes a little while longer to recognize. But I think that that's, I would say, as a baseline, I know I'm going to make mistakes, but it's a hard and fast rule for me to always apologize. Michael Mirza [00:14:50]: Everyone makes mistakes. Not everyone apologizes for their mistakes. And I think the apology, as almost a discipline has been important for us and building trust. And I think it has created the opportunity that even when we have a tantrum that ends with, you know, some frustration and big emotions, that we are always able to come back to an embrace and. And reconnection moment. And me being able to articulate I love you no matter what, there's nothing that will ever cause me to stop loving you. And even when we have disagreements, even when we have fights, I will always love you no matter what. And I have to manage my emotions and not let my anger get in the way of. Michael Mirza [00:15:27]: Of my love for you as well. So I think that at a. Really, that that's been one of the ways that we have done that. And then other than that, I think we connecting over nature and art and lately music as well have all been ways that we are able to strengthen our connection in those more peaceful times. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:42]: How do you support your daughter as you identify those passions, those dreams that she has? What are you doing to support her in those? Michael Mirza [00:15:51]: So I've noticed that she's really. She's quite creative. She specifically has a real knack for organizing and arranging things. So one of her favorite ways to play is she has lots of little trinkets, and it's a mix of, like, Barbie things and other things from all sorts of, like, mishmash of a bunch of different types of toys. She really likes to arrange them. And so first of all, just verbally affirming her and saying, like, oh, you have a real eye for design. That's really cool. She doesn't think of herself as a designer yet, but the way that she likes to arrange, it's sort of an editorial form of creativity. Michael Mirza [00:16:25]: But that has also meant sometimes that sometimes the arrangements that she's created in the little museum displays she's building around the house. Some of that means allowing those things to stay where they are, perhaps longer than I or my wife might like them to stay put, because we want to honor the creativity that she and the hard work she put into these little displays that she has created. And sometimes I'm just like, oh, yeah, this is so amazing. We actually need to use the kitchen table to eat. However, this is so beautiful. Beautiful. And it's not always at the kitchen table, but maybe it's like, in the middle of the living room and other places. And my wife's preference, and mine too, but I think my wife is particularly values having a serenity in the home, especially at the end of the night. Michael Mirza [00:17:07]: So kind of our nightly rhythm is as soon as bedtime goes, is done, we kind of, like, clean the house, do just a little tidying so that we feel like we can kind of rest and breathe the rest of the night. But sometimes that means honoring my daughter's creativity by saying, we're going to intentionally choose to leave this display that she has created, even if it might mean the house feels a little less tidy than we might like. And so we'll let that go. And then after a couple days being like, all right, are you okay with taking this down? Usually she's more okay with it at that point. And then we'll often take a picture of what she has created before we clean it all up. That way, it's like, okay, we've got a record of this cool display that you made. The real fun of it, at least for me, as a creative. And I think my daughter, she wouldn't admit this, but I would. Michael Mirza [00:17:51]: I think it's true for her, too. The joy is actually more in the creating than it is in the leaving it out once it's created. The joy. She got her money's worth from that experience, figuratively speaking. So trying to guide her and be. Yes, it's sad to take down this thing that you worked hard on, but it actually just means you get to make a new arrangement next. So just like, little ways of trying to nuance and support her creativity in that way. I think she is a very talented designer and artist, and who knows what she'll. Michael Mirza [00:18:17]: How she may choose to use that in her life and what the creative landscape will look like by time. She's an adult, which I guess is only like 10 years away, but still, who knows? But we want to continue to affirm and nuance her creativity and her hard work, while also recognizing that the context of her creations may be fluid. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:34]: One of the things that I think that all of us try to do is we try to show our daughters that they can count on us, that we're here for them, that we show up for them. What's one way that you show your daughter that she can always count on you? Michael Mirza [00:18:47]: I'm thinking of relevant to some of when she has had really big emotions and whether it's been that there's a change of plans or asking her to stop something she's working on so that we can move on to getting ready for the day or getting ready for bed or whatever it is. And in those moments when she has a kind of a meltdown of sorts or, and as she gets older, this gets less common. But I think it's still something that plays into the ADHD thing. One of the ways that I think we try really hard to show up for her is this posture of always being willing to embrace and not hold bitterness towards. Even when sometimes like her dysregulation may cause her to say things we know she doesn't mean or lash out. Trying really, really hard to not take that personally. And it's amazing how the words of an 8 year old can still hurt. But trying really hard to demonstrate that we're still here, that talking in that way is not kind and it's not something we're okay with. Michael Mirza [00:19:45]: But we're still here and we will be here with you. We're going to guide you and help you and understand that it's not okay to talk to people that way. And we're not going to leave you. We're not going to punish you with isolation or shame in those moments. But I think that that's part of the reason why we are always able to reconcile in the way that we are is because of this posture of showing that even when sometimes it's like, I need you to take a. I need you to take a few minutes to just calm down in your room and then when you play with your fidgets, do a little drawing when you're calm, I'm going to go take some time for me to be calm. Let's come back together in a couple minutes and let's talk about that. Even in those moments, making sure that she is understanding that I'm not like shutting the door and walking away and we're done with this. Michael Mirza [00:20:32]: We're moving on to making it clear like, I'm still here, but we both need a little space right now. Let's take some space. Let's come back and demonstrating that consistently that she is never going to be abandoned as part of her any sort of consequence for anything that might happen. Maybe that's still a little too abstract, but that's sort of her high level. But that's where my mind went. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:53]: Completely understand. And it's definitely a journey. We talked about it being a journey, but it's going to evolve, it's going to change. And you have to change with it as your daughter changes as well, and as you get to better understand how you need to be there for and be able to allow for her, as we talked about earlier, become the person that she's becoming. What's a tradition that or a routine that you and your daughter do together, that you either create together or do together that strengthens the bond that you have together. Michael Mirza [00:21:24]: When we were talking about nature earlier, one of our ways that we like to do is we try to get out in the forest preserve once a month, which might not sound that hard, but you'd be surprised with the way schedules fill up just to like carve out a day. And we like to carry little buckets when we go into the woods and look for treasures. And I've been using some kind of found objects in nature for my own artwork as well. I've been exploring pattern design as a. As a medium lately. And so my daughter already liked this process of finding treasures, which may be anything from a pine cone to a mushroom to, you name it, just found objects in nature. We try to. Our rule is that you've got to either find it on the ground or got to be able to pluck it in a way that's not going to damage the rest of the plants or the organism, whatever it is. Michael Mirza [00:22:12]: But as I have been exploring my art medium and using found objects in that the focus of our treasure hunting has changed a little bit, in which now she is ecstatic about the idea of finding treasures that I can use in my art. And it's fun because she has also been like, taking these things beyond just the fun of finding and starting to do some kind of creativity of her own with nature. So she's been doing like little sketches of mushrooms and pinecones that she'll find. And then she likes to kind of put like little faces and turn them into little characters. That's been a really kind of a fun thing we've been doing for a long time of trying to being intentional about going outside and going in the woods and treasure hunting. And it's fun that now it sort of has this added layer of making art and sort of practicality to it in a way that is really, really fun. So I think that that's something that I would, I hope, you know, as we get older that our exploration of nature and treasure hunting evolves and we're able to do more in depth hiking. And I, I am hopeful about the idea of growing older and that even as my daughter is living on her own someday, that getting back together to go into nature together is something I hope we will continue to do for as long as we can. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:25]: Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection. 6. Six more questions that delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready? Michael Mirza [00:23:33]: Let's do it. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:33]: What's one word that describes your relationship with your daughter? Michael Mirza [00:23:38]: Mirroring. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:39]: What's the best piece of dad advice you've ever received? Michael Mirza [00:23:43]: Go to therapy. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:44]: What's one activity that you and your daughter love doing together? Michael Mirza [00:23:47]: In addition to what? Everything else that I would say is dancing. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:50]: If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be? Michael Mirza [00:23:55]: Slow down and appreciate all the goodness around you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:57]: What's one thing you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad? Michael Mirza [00:24:01]: It's good to do less. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:02]: And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters? Michael Mirza [00:24:10]: There is nothing that you could do with your daughter that compromises your masculinity in any way. And you will have a more fulfilled and enriched relationship with your daughter by entering fully into her world and not caring what anyone else thinks about whether or not what you're doing is fatherly in any sort of way. So do her hair, paint her nails, paint your nails. Meet her there. And you are actually more fulfilled as a father and as a man when you meet her fully there and aren't concerned about how that might come off, about how you are perceived. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:41]: Well, Michael, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing the journey that you're on with your daughter and it's going to continue, it's going to evolve, it's going to change. But I truly appreciate you being here for sharing and for coming back into this conversation. And I look forward to hearing more about how things evolve as time goes by. And I wish you all the best. Michael Mirza [00:25:04]: Thank you so much, Dr. Lewis. It's been a delight. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:06]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect, it's about being present. If you enjoy enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs. Musical Outro Performer [00:25:36]: We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming passengers? We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast? The time goes by just like a dynamite blast? Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the world to now Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Supporting Passions: A Father-Daughter Story of Trust, Creativity, and Growth

Building Lasting Bonds: Lessons from "Dad and Daughter Connection" with Drew and Eva Bennett On the latest episode of the "Dad and Daughter Connection" podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis brings listeners an inspiring and heartfelt conversation with Drew Bennett and his daughter Eva. This episode dives deep into the journey of father-daughter relationships, the importance of celebrating individuality, and how simple acts of connection can shape a daughter's confidence and independence. One of the standout themes is the power of acceptance and encouragement. From a young age, Eva shares how Drew Bennett always made her feel seen, heard, and valued – whether through supporting her interests in comics and pop culture, or giving her the freedom to express herself creatively. Eva Bennett highlights moments where her dad invested wholeheartedly in her passions, from discussing favorite characters to spending weekends at comic conventions. These shared experiences became more than hobbies; they were opportunities to bond, laugh, and build trust. Cosplay, in particular, played a unique role in strengthening their connection. Eva Bennett describes their adventures crafting costumes for conventions, often designing duo costumes (like Lord of the Rings' Eowyn and Theoden or Spider-Verse's Peter B. and Mayday Parker). Drew Bennett shows up not just as her dad, but as a supportive partner in creativity – accompanying her to events, holding props, and celebrating her success. But this episode isn't just about shared interests – it's also about giving children the independence to grow. Drew Bennett reflects on the balance of guidance and freedom, stressing the value of supporting his daughter's choices and letting her explore her own path. Eva Bennett expresses gratitude for this sense of trust, which helped her feel safe sharing challenges and seeking advice. As Eva prepares to leave for college, both reflect on how their relationship will evolve. They promise to keep in touch through quick texts, TikToks, and special traditions like convention weekends, showing that even as life changes, strong roots make lasting bonds. In their closing advice, Dr. Christopher Lewis, Drew Bennett, and Eva Bennett urge other parents to "meet your kids where they're at." Even if you don't fully understand their passions, dive in, listen, and show that you care. If you're a dad (or a parent) hoping to nurture a close, meaningful relationship with your daughter (or child), this episode is packed with authentic stories, practical wisdom, and the reassurance that showing up – whatever form it takes – truly matters. Listen to this powerful episode of "Dad and Daughter Connection" and discover how small moments can forge lifelong connections. Subscribe today and join the journey toward building stronger family bonds! TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to connect and work with each other, to be able to work, go on a journey together. Because all of us as fathers are on a journey as we're trying to build that relationship with our daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]: And that's why this show exists every week. I love being able to have you here to listen, to, learn, to be able to show up. Because by showing up, not only are you doing this for yourself, but you're doing it for the relationship between you and your daughter. And that's why every week, I love being able to bring you different guests, different people with different experiences, and I always love it when I have the opportunity to be able to have a father and a daughter on the show, because I know it. It doesn't always happen, but today I do. And today I'm introducing to you Drew Bennett and his daughter Eva. And I've known Eva since she was very young, virtually. I've known Drew for many years as well, and Drew's been a guest on other podcasts that I've had, but we've never had Drew and Eva on. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:49]: And I'm really excited to be able to have them both on to talk about the journey that they've been on, and I'm looking forward to introducing them to you. Drew, Eva, thanks so much for being here today. Drew Bennett [00:01:58]: Oh, thanks for having us. Eva Bennett [00:01:59]: Thank you for having me. Drew Bennett [00:02:00]: It's my pleasure. I love being able to have dads and daughters on, and I guess I'm going to be asking both of you some questions because I want to get a better sense of your relationship. And I'm going to start with you, Eva. What's one thing that your dad did that made you truly feel seen, heard, and valued as a daughter? Eva Bennett [00:02:20]: I think that's something that, honestly, my dad has always been really, really good at is, like, making sure that I feel seen and heard, and especially in terms of, like, what I'm interested in at the time, because I definitely got a nerdy streak from my dad. So when I was growing up, he had all of these things like Transformers and Marvel and stuff that he was really into, and he would share with me on, like, a child appropriate level. And then when I got older and started to have my own interests and stuff, he was always really good about making sure that I had space to talk about that and to talk about what I care about and feel like I was able to share that stuff. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:58]: I guess I want to flip that a little bit, because, you know, you just heard Eva talk about that you supported her passion in the things that were most important to her. How did you support Eva in pursuing her passions and her dreams? Drew Bennett [00:03:12]: Well, like, Eva was talking about some of the shows and things that she likes, and really, it was just like, giving her the space to explore certain things that, you know, I did certainly try to influence some of the loves of different nerdy genres, specifically Transformers. I am a huge fan of that and have a huge collection. You know, one of the things, it's like, I really want to share my collection of toys with the kids and. And they really didn't care too much about the toys. But early on, we watched some of the shows together, and Eva found characters that spoke to her, and we would talk about the characters and what those characters like, and any chance I got to expose Eva to different characters that would. Would speak that I thought would speak to her, I would. So I found Avatar the Last Airbender. And I was like, all right, with both kids, we're gonna. Drew Bennett [00:04:08]: We're gonna sit down and watch this, because this is a fantastic show. And we watched one episode, and they're like, eh, it was good. And then I don't know when it was, like, months later, Eva finds it on Netflix and watches all the seasons. I was like, what? I like, there was things like, I want to spend this time. I want to have these things that we can talk about. So there are a lot of different. I think a lot of it started with pop culture stuff that we could connect with. And so every year, I would bring Eva to Free Comic Book Day, which I collect comics. Drew Bennett [00:04:39]: We love comics. And when Eva was real little, I'd be at Free Comic Book Day with a little Power Ranger Princess with me. And then Eve would start to find her own way of expressing in costumes, which is something that has grown into something that's even more of a passion for Eva is. Is costuming, which I'm sure we'll talk about later, especially with college and stuff. But those things kind of came about from the influences of different genres of entertainment that we connected with together. I always wanted to, like, when a new show would come out. Way back when, when I was doing stuff with. With Netflix, they had shows like she Ra Came out and Kipo and Voltron. Drew Bennett [00:05:27]: And so we would watch these things together, and there would always be different characters that we could discuss a connection with that, you know, maybe Eva had a connection to a specific character, and I had different connections to different characters, but we could always find those sort of things to talk about together. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:45]: Now, speaking of costuming, I know that one of the things that you've bonded on over the years is cosplay, and some of that came down to the costumes that Eva, that you created and that you got your dad involved with as well. Why don't you both talk a little bit about that and those connections that you built through that? Eva Bennett [00:06:03]: Yeah, so I've always kind of been interested in dressing up as a kid. I remember we used to have. This was like a knight's cape, so the back had fabric that looked like chainmail, and it was all silver at the top. And there's a photo of me when I was little in, like, a purple T shirt and leggings and that cape and, like, Thor's helmet with my foam sword that I had as a kid, and I still have it. So I've always been interested in dressing up and mashing together whatever pieces I could find in the costume bin with kind of no rhyme or reason to it. And as I've gotten older, I've gotten into some sewing and a lot of fiber arts and a good way for me to put that to use and kind of have, like, a clear goal in mind when I make stuff is to make costumes. So I've gone into making a lot of costumes, and dad took us to a convention, I think, in, like, 2019. And I wasn't sewing at the time, but I put together costumes for all of the days that we were there. Eva Bennett [00:07:03]: And then Covid happened. And then a couple years after, I think in maybe 2022, we ended up going back to that same convention. And by then, I had picked up with making and putting together costumes again. And then I think two years ago now, I talked dad into doing a, like, a duo costume with me. And it was a father daughter costume, actually. He went as Peter B. Parker from the Spider Verse movies and I did like a teenage Mayday design. So we did that together and that was really fun. Eva Bennett [00:07:36]: And I'm still in the planning phase of this right now, but I'm working on another father daughter costume for us right now, which is Eowyn and King Theoden from the Lord of the Rings. So not exactly father daughter, but close enough. And my dad was awesome enough to let me do that, and he's going to let me put him in a big crazy costume that I make. Drew Bennett [00:07:56]: It's funny because, like, the costumes that I've had, I go as Bobby Singer from Supernatural, which all I have to do is slap a hat on my head and I've got the grumpy old man look and the beard and I've got this, you know, dirty ball cap that I can be Bobby Singer. And I've done that the past two years with Comic Con. We go to it's Granite State Comic Con in New Hampshire. And that's become the thing that Eva and I do together. We went as a whole family. I think it was 2018, where the kids kind of participated in the kids costuming side. And then Eva and I went a few times where Eva was in costume and I was the support system of holding all her stuff. Eva Bennett [00:08:39]: And you're really the best for doing that. Drew Bennett [00:08:42]: So I do that. But then, oh, you know what? I could do this character. And that was kind of been a bit of a hit because people love Supernatural and I do look like Bobby Singer when I put the costume on. But when we went as Peter B. Parker and Mayday Parker, that was a lot of fun because again, you know, all I had to do is put on schlubby clothes. I did a mixture of the two movies into and across the spider verse. And so where the first one he had the sweatpants and the two different shoes, and then the next one he had the pink robe. So I kind of mixed those two together walking around as Peter B. Drew Bennett [00:09:18]: Park with like a. With a Spider man shirt. Eva had a really cool costume that went along with it. And so, yeah, so when Eva's done working on these ones from Lord of the Rings, which is another genre that when Eva gets into something, she gets fully into it. How many times you've watched the special editions of Lord of the Rings? More than I have ever had. Three times at this point. Eva Bennett [00:09:41]: And the Hobbit since the beginning of the year, which is when I watched it for the first time. The beginning of the year, we're only on round two. Drew Bennett[00:09:48]: We're in April, like, I've had these movies. I've been waiting to watch them on a big screen, and then we got the big screen, and I never watched them, and then I'm like, oh, wait for the kids to watch them. Then I was at Eva's suggestion to watch Lord of the Rings, so we watched Lord of the Rings and since has watched Lord of the Rings and then gotten so far into it, so. And it's awesome to watch the progress that Eva's made, not only within cosplay community and in conventions, but then she's also turned that love of costuming into a position at school. So been the costume lead for the school's theater program for the past two years, and. And that's going to be a focus towards college. So it's really interesting how the progress has been made. And I am always just in awe that Eva will come downstairs and say, hey, mom, can I borrow crochet needle? And, like, two hours later, she'll come down with, like, this whole thing that you made, like, oh, yeah, I taught myself on YouTube, and, like, now I can crochet. Drew Bennett [00:10:50]: And. And then not just. Just get into it more and more and more to perfect those skills. There's so many, like, skills that Eva has just developed on her own that it's just, like, fascinating to me how. How amazing she can do them. I'm like, I. I can't do any Eva Bennett [00:11:08]: of that at all. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:11]: So. You know, Drew, one of the things that I'm hearing from you is, I mean, you really have tried to guide Eva over her lifetime in many different ways. She may have taken your advice and may not have. We know that as fathers. But I. One of the things that comes to mind that I wanted to ask you was, as Eva has grown up, how did you balance guiding Eva while also giving her the ability and the independence to become the person that she is becoming? Drew Bennett [00:11:41]: I think never really had to say, you have to do things this way, or, like, it's always just been the freedom to explore what Eve's wanted to do. I feel that we kind of give the leeway of just like, hey, you want to try this? Try this. You want. The only times I've ever, ever pushed on anything was, you got to watch this. Check this out. But I know that if you push Eva, she digs in her heels and, like, no, not going to do it. But then occasionally she'll go find something like that on her own, and it's like, oh, I discovered that I've been trying to get you to show, like, Like, I've been wanting to watch this or do this. Okay. Drew Bennett [00:12:17]: I know it's like, it's going to be in her own time, and if it's something that speaks to her, it's going to be full in 100%. So it's really just been discovering what those things are. And then I always try to. If there's something that Eve is into, I'd like to, like, read it or watch it. Some things. There are some things that I just. I never really got into that didn't speak to me, but it spoke to you. And I understand how that was, how much you enjoyed that. Drew Bennett [00:12:43]: There was a lot of, like, Minecraft smp. Eva Bennett [00:12:46]: Yes. All the Minecraft stuff that I've enjoyed. Drew Bennett [00:12:49]: Yeah. So, like, what. These kind of came about during the pandemic where people made these videos. It was just something that Eva liked, and it kind of influenced the different cosplays that she created early on. And Eva would try to explain the storylines and, like, oh, that's. That's really, really, really cool. It's not something that I would be into, but I can appreciate it. And I would try to say, oh, check out this. Drew Bennett [00:13:17]: Or it would always just kind of give her the freedom to just explore certain things that were of interest and then try to find what was mutually of of interest to the two of us. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:28]: And, Eva, how has the relationship with your dad influenced the way you navigate life, relationships, or challenges today? Eva Bennett [00:13:39]: I think dad has talked about giving me a lot of freedom to explore what I'm interested in, look at what I'm interested in, and I think that's been really important in how in my life, like, I've never felt like I was gonna get laughed at, or I never thought that my parents were gonna think it was weird that I was into this thing or, like, so having that kind of relationship definitely made it easier for when I was having a problem or if I wasn't happy about something, I felt like I could go talk to my parents. Like, I didn't feel like I had to hide anything, really, because they've always given me the space to do what I want to do and have the mutual understanding of, we are giving you this freedom because we trust you, and that's helped build trust in return. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:21]: It definitely makes sense. And, Drew, what's one way that you consistently are showing Eva that she can always count on you? Drew Bennett [00:14:30]: I try to be at anything that I can be to support. So if there are shows, if there's something I know Eva likes, try to get tickets to it or go to different things, but just, I mean, I'm always around. One of the things is I have a weird work schedule. So I think after the first. First year that Eva was born, I was still traveling and I hated it because I never was around. So I switched my whole way of working to work overnights on weekends so that I would be home all week. So we don't do a lot of weekend stuff, but during the week, I'm always there. We try to have, you know, as a whole family, we try to sit down and have dinner every night, and we all talk about, you know, what went on during the day. Drew Bennett [00:15:14]: Might be the same repetitive questions, but we do, you know, get into talking and we know what. What everyone's into and what they're doing and how the school days went. And I always found that that was important to be there and home in that way for those meals and, yeah, I think just being around, I guess. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:32]: Eva, can you share a favorite memory with me that you and your dad shared that made you feel really connected with him? Eva Bennett [00:15:40]: I mean, going back to what we've been talking about before, but, like, the conventions that we do, it's like a two hour drive to get there. So I. We get up early, and I'm up at 8 already getting bags packed, getting hair done, makeup done. I'm doing all this stuff. And then we get in the car and I'm like, so hyped up. And then we're in the car for two hours. And you would think that it would get awkward, but it's really nice because then dad and I get to chat and he gets to tell me about the book series that he was reading. What was the. Drew Bennett [00:16:09]: Yeah, it was a Silvers. Yeah. Book series by a guy named Shane Silvers who wrote about this character named Nate Temple. And it was. This whole guy wrote like 34 books starting in like 2015 or something like that. Eva Bennett [00:16:22]: So it's like a crazy expansive universe. There's a ton of books, and you've read them in like, every order that you can because there's like multiple series and they overlap in different places. And I've tried so hard to follow them. I'm so sorry to tell you this, but I don't know what happened in that book series. There was so much happening. Drew Bennett [00:16:40]: Well, it's funny because it's the same thing when you try to tell me about the SMPs, and I'm like, okay, so this one is this, and there's that, and, oh, okay. But I can recognize Eva's passion for and love for this thing, whereas she can recognize it in me for what I love and why I love it, but is not gonna remember all the details about it and that I don't think it really matters what the details of those are. It's how she feels, talking about it and how it makes her feel and how it's influenced the friendship she's made. And we go to a convention, and she is cosplaying this character, Technoblade. The first time we went to the convention, first time we did it was not at Granite State. It was at WickedCon. But we're walking around and there's these people. They're like, hey, Technoblade and Eva less lit up. Drew Bennett [00:17:29]: And I still didn't quite understand the whole Technoblade thing and how important it was, but I know how it made Eva feel, and I saw how it made Eva feel, and that was what was the most important. Eva Bennett [00:17:40]: But I really love our drives to conventions because they're two hours, so we both get a lot of time to talk, and we also get a lot of time to, like, just sit in the quiet if we want to, especially on the way home. We kind of. By the end of the weekend, we're kind of done. We don't really want to be around people anymore, so we, you know, sit and we don't talk to each other for two hours. And that's great that we're able to do that and not, like, feel awkward. And we're not, like, you know, fighting by the end of the weekend. Because as much fun as conventions are, they can also be really stressful because you're in a place with a lot of people and you're dressed up and you're probably not super comfortable in what you're wearing, but you're wearing it because you love it. And. Eva Bennett [00:18:16]: And, like, you're hot and gross, and there's people everywhere, and you're kind of done. But, like, we have such a good relationship that we can get to the end of those two days and be on the drive home. And the drive home feels like this massive, huge, like, endeavor. And we're sitting in the car and we're together, and we're not talking to each other, but we're sitting there and we're. It's. It's nice to be able to sit in the quiet with somebody and not feel like you have to fill the space. Like, you can if you want to, but you don't have to, and that's going to be okay, too. So all of that to say, I think one of my favorite memories is just doing that convention with you, like, drive up, drive back included. Eva Bennett [00:18:56]: Even if the drive back doesn't seem as fun in the moment. Drew Bennett [00:19:00]: Well, it's funny. I've noticed that at the end of a school day, if you had a particularly tough school day, I pick Eva up from school most of the time that I might ask a question or two at the beginning of the drive, but then the rest of it is in quiet because I know you need time to just process the day and relax without so many questions. And I'm very much the same way. It's like I'm home by myself all day, and then I don't hear a lot of things. I don't talk a lot throughout the day. And sometimes I do want to talk a little bit, but sometimes I'm just like, all right, there's too much activity coming at me. And I know that you kind of do the same thing or feel the same way sometimes with that. And I try to be like, okay, we could just be comfortable in the quiet. Drew Bennett [00:19:44]: And we know it's not that anybody's feeling any feelings of, like, resentment or anything. It's just that we know we need some quiet time. That's all. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:52]: You know, I can tell this bond that you have is a very strong one. We touched on it just a second ago. But, Eva, you've got some big changes coming, right? You're heading to college, going to be taking that passion for costuming on to your dream school. And I guess I want to talk about that a little bit, because your relationship's going to change a bit, and you're not going to have that person to talk to all the time. Right? Neither of you will. So talk to me about either the conversations you've already had or how that makes you feel in regards to this change that's coming. Eva Bennett [00:20:25]: I mean, it's definitely going to be a big change, but I'm not going to be too far from home. So I can. If I'm really missing being at home and missing being near mom and dad, I can come home. I'm not allowed home within the first two months, but according to Mom. Drew Bennett [00:20:40]: Okay, I was going to say I didn't. I didn't say that. Eva Bennett [00:20:42]: According to Mom, I'm not allowed back in the first few months, but after that, if I. If I feel like I need to come home and I need to be with you guys, I can do that, and that's okay. And I am also. I know that if I need you guys When I'm not able to be back home, I can call you guys for whatever, and I might need a little bit of a push reminder to give you guys updates on what I'm doing. And that's just because I really am terrible at talking to other people and keeping them updated on stuff. So that might be a little bit of a struggle. Just because I have a bad memory when it comes to, like, you know, sharing my projects and giving update pictures. Because I just go and I do stuff and I don't. Eva Bennett [00:21:22]: I'm normally not sharing it with anybody, so I kind of. I forget that there are other people who, like, want to see that. So I think that's going to be a little bit difficult. But I know that, like, if I need something or if I just want to talk to you guys, I can call, I can text. I think it'll be fine. I will miss you guys, though. I'll miss being, like, in the same house. Drew Bennett [00:21:40]: Yeah, it's definitely something that is not going to hit me until it hits me and thinking about it. We've already made our plans for September to go to the convention again, so we have that to look forward to. I'll come up to school, pick Eva up for the weekend, and we'll go to the. To the convention. We've got that. But, like, other ways, too, that we kind of communicate in our own little ways is that we'll, like, send each other different tiktoks of things that we love. So, like, there's a guy who does, like, what is it, the mandolin or the liar who will takes, like, 80s songs or other songs and does, like, medieval covers. Yeah, medieval covers of, like, 80s hair bands and stuff like that. Drew Bennett [00:22:22]: Because since you drive to school with me, you're going to get the 80s hair band playlist and also metal and stuff like that. It was just funny because when Eva and I were in Krav Maga, when we were taking that, our sensei would always play these different songs that are always on our playlist. He'd quiz the teens and be like, who. Who sings this? So. And Eva would always know it because it was in the car, because this is the stuff that I listened to, which is fun. But then we find something like that we know that particularly speaks to our interests. We'll send a quick little TikTok that we might have found back and forth and that, you know, to me it's just another way of saying, like, I see you and I see what you love. And this made me think of you. Drew Bennett [00:23:03]: That's How I send those things along in, you know, just like, another way. So if we don't talk all the time, okay. I want to see everything that's going on. But I know Evie's got to have this room to grow and make these new connections and these new friendships. But I know that there's always, like, space for her mom and dad. But we're not going to be overbearing in that way. We're going to miss her, certainly. But to wanting to be at every point of thing, we want to be there for the big stuff, and I mean, also for the little stuff, to be supportive, but we don't have to be there every minute holding hands kind of thing. Drew Bennett [00:23:38]: So I think what I've seen Eva in the past few years, specifically growing up and becoming more independent with stuff, has been amazing. So Eva started her first job last year where she does a teaching assistant for a summer science school. And seeing Eva meet a whole group of kids that became great friends, I was like, I'm not worried about Eva making friends in college because I think no matter where Eva goes, gonna find her people. And I think that's great. It's very. They find deep friendships, so that's a good thing I see happening. And so, yes, I'm going to miss Eva big time, and I don't want to know what's going on. And I think on our end, we have to maybe prompt. Drew Bennett [00:24:23]: Hey, what are you working on this week? Or, you know, things like that, but not too much, you know, I mean, I don't want to be like, constantly, hey, give me an update, give me an update. But once in a while, what's going on? Or once in a while, I was thinking of this. Are you into this? Have you heard about this? That sort of thing. Just finding the ways that we could continue to connect across being away. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:43]: Now, I always finish our interviews with what I like to call the dad connection. 6 and usually it's just a dad on. But now that I have both of you, I'm going to ask you both the questions. So, Eva, what's one word that describes your relationship with your dad? Eva Bennett [00:24:55]: Like, the first word that came to mind was silly. Because I feel like we like. Of course we're able to have really important talks and we're able to talk about stuff like that, but we're also able to be silly and talk about stuff that doesn't feel as important but kind of it still is. That was the first word that came to mind. Drew Bennett [00:25:14]: I can see that too, because I know that, like, when you were little, we'd play certain music, and I do silly dances, and you're only the person who sees the silly dances. And I can be silly. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:27]: And what word would you say, Drew? Drew Bennett [00:25:30]: I would say independent. That Eve has always been independent, fights for what she believes in, and is just very, very strong in that. In the. In the independence. So what. You asked what it describes our relationship, didn't you? Eva Bennett [00:25:47]: Yep. Drew Bennett [00:25:47]: Not what describes Eva. Is that a question for later? I'm sorry, Did I just totally mess that up? That is how I think of Eva. But, like, our relationship, I want to say, like, the word is fandom, that we appreciate the fandoms that we enjoy, and we can appreciate each other's. So I think that's helped us bond is the different things that we love together and separately and how we can talk about them together. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:12]: And, Eva, what's the best piece of dad advice you've ever received? Eva Bennett [00:26:17]: I feel like just the message of be yourself and you'll find your people, because that's something I've always been very worried about, and that's something that you seem to have no worries about for me on my behalf. So I think that's. That's a big piece of advice that I have gotten a lot, if not. If I haven't internalized it entirely yet. But it's something that I have gotten and has always been a very important message to me from my dad. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:40]: What about for you, Drew? What's the best piece of dad advice you ever received? Drew Bennett [00:26:44]: I think from my dad, I used to work with him cleaning up, and he was a contractor, and on the job sites, I would do a lot of the cleaning. And that has helped me in different jobs over the years. It's like, if you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean. I know that's mostly in the restaurant business, which I kind of picked up a second job to do that. And that has always just been my. There's always something that you can do to help, to be. To be useful, and that's always something that he may have. Might never have said, if you got time to lean, you got time to clean. Drew Bennett [00:27:13]: But that's like how I've internalized that, is that if you're there, you're there to help, to work, and to do what you can. And that's what I've taken with anything that I've ever done is like, you know, you're there. You do what you can while you're there sort of thing. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:27]: Now, this is a question that we've been talking a lot about. And it may be the same answer, but you can have a different answer. So I'm just going to say that. So, Eva, what's one activity you and your dad love doing together? Eva Bennett [00:27:38]: I mean, saying going to a convention feels like cheating, because that's what we've talked about this whole time. But that's definitely my favorite thing. That's our thing that we do, just the two of us. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:48]: Drew, do you want to give a different answer? Drew Bennett [00:27:49]: I mean, that is definitely something that I love doing, but I also just like nerding out over something that we both enjoy. So talking about it in such depth, because one of the things Eva will do is that after reading something, like a lot of books. So we both really loved the Percy Jackson series. And it was funny because that was the series that I was like, you gotta read this. I know you're gonna love it. And he's like, nah, now I like this other thing. No, no, no, no. And then Eva's cousins was reading it, and they decided to swap and say, okay, you read this, I'll read this. Drew Bennett [00:28:24]: And then Percy Jackson became the more interesting thing than the other. Oh, no. Oh, okay. Eva Bennett [00:28:30]: Sorry. I'm gonna cut in for a second. When we swapped, I still didn't like it until you got tickets to see the musical. Drew Bennett [00:28:35]: That's right. Eva Bennett [00:28:36]: You made me come and see the musical, and that's when I started to love it, and I loved it so much that I got a T shirt when I was there, and that's still in my closet somewhere. Drew Bennett [00:28:44]: Yeah. Eva Bennett [00:28:44]: So sorry. I just had to get the timeline right. Right. Drew Bennett [00:28:46]: And then there. So. And then there. There's. And we can always find something to talk about there in that. So with the different characters and stuff like that. So bonding over, like, our love of reading. Both big readers. Drew Bennett [00:28:58]: Right now, I'm more audio because I just don't have the time, and I love audiobooks so much. I may also. I will read a book, but I just love so many of the different ways that people do the narration of audiobooks. It's amazing. So I love that. But it's also absorbing what's going on in the books and being able to talk about the books. And we have this really beautiful bookstore in our area called Unlikely Story that's actually owned by the author of Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Jeff Kinney. You haven't run into him? No, he's there all the time. Drew Bennett [00:29:27]: But I've never met him and never run into him. Drew Bennett [00:29:29]: But he has such a wonderful bookstore, and that we love going there for books and just bonding over books, I think is something that. And if Eva's reading something that just really, really into, it might not be the genre that I'm into, but I'll give it a try. And one of the books she really loves, I read it, and I was like, oh, this is really interesting. So discovering new things together is fairly important too. Eva Bennett [00:29:52]: My answer kind of felt like I was cheating. The father daughter dance for school. We've always done that together. That's something that we really enjoy doing together, and that kind of feels like a cliche. Cause, like, every. Pretty much every dad and daughter does that, because that's, like, the thing specifically for them. Drew Bennett [00:30:08]: But, yeah, I mean, not every school has it, but it has been something that has been important part of our lives, because we even have our little things that we do at the father daughter dance. Like, we take the selfie with the dessert, or we'll dress alike with. To match. Drew Bennett [00:30:24]: Done that the past, you know, years. And that's something that I really, really love. Yeah. Drew Bennett [00:30:28]: And every time we go to get the picture, people are like, wow, how you guys? Because it's just, like, I want to support in one way that shows that we're there together and having a good time. And it's not just, all right, all the girls go off and dance together, and all the dads sit at the table. There's some of that. I don't dance so much, but I'll dance enough. But. But we do. That has been a good one. And this. Drew Bennett [00:30:49]: This was our last one this year, so that was kind of tough. Eva Bennett [00:30:52]: It was a good one. Drew Bennett [00:30:53]: It was a good one. It was a good one. Yeah. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:56]: Now, Drew, the next two questions are for you. Drew Bennett [00:30:58]: Okay. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:59]: If you could give Eva one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be? Drew Bennett [00:31:03]: Pursue happiness. What it is that makes you happy. It might be hard, but that is going to be the thing that's going to be the most important as you go through life. So do that thing that makes you happy. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:14]: And what's one thing that you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad? Drew Bennett [00:31:18]: I know early on, I did not have very much patience, especially with more Eva's brother. But I've developed much more of that in a way that, like, there's so much that doesn't matter as far as, like, the things that I got stressed out about that just didn't matter. But the things that do matter are the things that stick. So I try to give the kids Just the freedom to do that which they want to do, because I know that they're smart kids. They're. They're good and kind kids. That is probably one of the most important things, is that they're good and kind. They think about other people and just not a lot of that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:54]: So, Eva, in closing today, and Drew, you'll have a chance at this, too. What advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters? Eva Bennett [00:32:04]: Try to connect with them about things that they love, like meet them where they're at. And I know dad has talked about that a lot, but I think that that's a really important part of why we have such good relationship, because he's talked about trying and reading books and stuff that I love, because there was a book that I like four times last that I loved so much, and you read it. You borrowed my copy, and you read it, and you didn't love it. It wasn't really your thing. You didn't entirely get it, but you knew that I loved it, so you still gave it that try. And I think it's things like that that are why we are able to have such a good relationship. Try and meet your kids where they're at. Even if you don't totally get it, give it a shot, because it might give you an opportunity or, like, a window into understanding them better. Drew Bennett [00:32:45]: You definitely meet them where they are and you find something that the two of you can enj. It might be something that you didn't know or you were adverse to doing. Like, maybe your daughter loves cooking, so you experiment with cooking together. Or they love photography or they love I'm not a sports guy. Maybe they love sports, but, like, wherever they're into, be into it enough that you can talk about it and show that you're making an effort into what they like. That's a good way to just start the ball rolling is be there where your child is at. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:25]: Well, Drew, Eva, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. And, Eva, I wish you the best as you go forward into the next step of your journey into college and beyond. And, Drew, thank you for sharing this special bond that you have together, and I wish you both the best. Eva & Drew Bennett [00:33:44]: Thank you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:44]: Thank you. That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad, dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs. We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming, passing? We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast? The time goes by just like a dynamite blast? Calling astronauts and firemen? Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the world you now Be the best dad you can Musical Performer [00:35:47]: be Musical Performer [00:35:50]: Be the best dad you can.

18. maj 202635 min

Building Stronger Father-Daughter Bonds: Insights from John Francis

This week on the "Dad and Daughter Connection" podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis [https://www.linkedin.com/in/drchristopherlewis/] sits down with John Francis [https://www.linkedin.com/in/johnnyfranchise/], founder of Father's Eve [https://fatherseve.com/] and proud dad of two daughters, for a heartfelt conversation on what it truly takes to connect with our daughters and nurture their growth into confident, independent women. Whether you're a first-time dad or a seasoned parent looking for fresh inspiration, this episode is packed with wisdom, real-life stories, and actionable advice that will resonate long after you listen. One of the central themes of this episode is vulnerability. John Francis recounts a powerful moment when he allowed his daughters to see him grieve and express emotion about the loss of his own father—a memory that not only brought the family closer but gave his daughters permission to be honest about their feelings as well. As Dr. Christopher Lewis highlights, modeling vulnerability to our daughters breaks down barriers, opens up deeper connections, and provides a living example that it's okay to be real and open as men. The show also explores the importance of intentional parenting. John Francis emphasizes being truly present, stepping away from the "helicopter" parenting style, and letting kids learn through natural consequences 05:27. By designing his work and life to allow for more time with his children, he's witnessed the value of being available and engaged throughout their childhood—something he encourages all dads to strive for. Perhaps most touching are the actionable ideas shared: from creating regular one-on-one time with each daughter, to writing handwritten letters at major milestones, John Francis offers practical ways to strengthen bonds during both the joyful and challenging times. He's candid about his own parenting mistakes, revealing how seeking family therapy and learning patience have helped him foster a healthier, happier home environment. Finally, don't miss the inspiring story behind Father's Eve—a growing movement that gives dads a special night to connect, share, and celebrate each other just before Father's Day. John Francis invites all fathers to get involved ("It's fun, it's free, it's everywhere!") and reminds us that being a great dad is about showing up, listening, and always striving to grow. If you're looking for encouragement or practical tips for your own fatherhood journey, tune in to this episode of the "Dad and Daughter Connection"—and start building the relationship your daughter will cherish for years to come. Listen now! If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey [https://bit.ly/daddaughtersurvey] to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter [https://bit.ly/ddcneweletter] to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/DrChristopherLewis], Facebook Group [https://www.facebook.com/groups/dadanddaughterconnections], Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/dadofdivas], LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/drchristopherlewis/], X [https://www.x.com/dadofdivas]. TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together on these relationships, relationships that you want to build with your daughter. And it is a journey because each one of us is on a journey to be able to become the best dad that we want to be. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:09]: But on top of that, we have to put in the time, the effort to be able to build those solid relationships, because the relationship between a father and a daughter is a really important one, and you and I both know that. But we have to be present, we have to be in it to win it, and we have to be willing to learn and to grow to be able to become the dads that we want to be. And that's why this podcast exists every week. I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences to be able to have them share some of their own journey in being a dad to a daughter. And today we got another great guest. John Francis is with us, and John is the founder of Father's Eve, or we're going to be talking about Father's Eve, because Father's Eve is coming up here in not too long. And. But even more important, he is a father of two daughters, so we're going to be talking about his own relationship and experiences with his daughters, as well as what he's done with Father's Eve, and I'm really excited to have him here. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:05]: Thanks so much for being here, John. John Francis [00:02:06]: Thank you. I appreciate it, Christopher. I'm glad to be here and be on your podcast. I love it. Thank you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:12]: Well, I'm really excited to be able to have you here today, and I appreciate you being here. To be honest, John has been on podcasts with me for many years. We. I've had him on a couple of other podcasts along the way, so I always love being able to reconnect with John. And this time we're going to be talking about a few different things in regards to your relationship with your daughters. I guess the first. First question that I love to start these conversations with is, as you think about the relationship that you've had with your daughters, what's one of the most meaningful moments that you've been able to share with each of your daughters and what made it so special? John Francis [00:02:47]: Wow, that's a really good question. Hard to think about just one or the most. I'll think about something. I guess what's coming to my mind is they've seen me be vulnerable in a personal way, and I just remember the look on their face. I was having a memory about my dad. I lost my dad when I was 26, and I lost my brother just a few years later when I was 29, before I ever got married and well, before I ever had kids. And we were at home one day and I don't know what we were talking about. It might have been my dad's birthday or a holiday or something. John Francis [00:03:19]: And I was telling stories about my dad and how much I missed him and the sadness and the grief. And I can feel it now just thinking about it. I teared up and I was. Let it out, you know, just let it. I didn't stifle it. I just said, you know, I gotta let this out. And. And it was fine. John Francis [00:03:35]: It was natural and appropriate. And I think I've learned how to. That's living experience, let that happen. And. And they weren't little, but they were young. But they were old enough to see that, gee, that dad doesn't do that very often. And we talked about it kind of in the moment and then a little bit after, and I felt good about it because I think they realized that, oh, wow, it's okay, look, here's our dad. And we have typical kind of household environment here. John Francis [00:04:00]: But anyway, it was a moment where they saw me as regular, real human who has emotion and can express them. And it's not always just, rah, rah, let's go crazy. Was here's dad really dealing with grief over his father? And anyway, it was a meaningful moment. And I remember in the moment thinking, I'm gonna just do this and let it happen and talk about it because I want them to see it. So it was intentional, but I was intentionally natural. I don't know if that makes any sense. I didn't stifle it. I think a lot of guys, or a lot of maybe in the past I would have Said, well, you know what, we're going to talk about something else or move on or I wouldn't hold it. John Francis [00:04:35]: But I. Anyway, I feel like that was a meaningful moment and I. We all kind of grew together and an understanding that it's okay to be real and be emotional and express that, especially when you're together with your family. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:47]: It is really important because so many times men have a tendency to compartmentalize and we don't always share things. And I've said over and over again on this podcast the importance of being vulnerable and showing our daughters that men can be vulnerable and pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones in that way. Because ultimately, as you found as well, you're going to find that that vulnerability opens you up and your daughters up to more connection and that becomes even more important in the end. John Francis [00:05:20]: Yeah, I agree 100%. I can think of a few other moments that we've had that were meaningful, but maybe not in the same sense. But I'm a lucky guy that I've been able to. I designed my lifestyle, frankly, to be able to work from home when my kids were little and when they were old enough to start paying attention, I was really able to be full present as a dad, engaged at their schools and involved in their lives. Not helicopter snowplow parents, but fully available and to the point where it was like, well, that's just normal. Doesn't everyone have mom and dad who kind of do this? And then when they were old enough to realize that, boy, that's not common. Not every mom and dad have this kind of availability, I'll call it. So it was intentional for me and I'm just so grateful because we've got that kind of connection and relationship and I think it was good for all of us. John Francis [00:06:09]: And I'm just grateful to be able to make the choice and. And conscious enough to make the choice, you know, because a lot of guys just aren't, aren't, aren't thinking about it that way. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:22]: You know, now every one of us as fathers want to be able to do what we can to be able to help our daughters to become who they're becoming. How did you balance guiding your daughters while still giving them the independence to grow into the people that they inevitably becoming? John Francis [00:06:43]: Well, that's another great question. I don't know that a lot of it was really conscious, but I think that what's coming through my mind is there were moments where I let them learn a lesson where I didn't just solve the problem or I didn't make Them see the problem. I let them just experience what I'll call natural consequences to different situations, good and bad, not to shield them or protect them from reality. And I think, honestly, my girls have learned to handle themselves and handle situations. They've got tremendous confidence and. And they are interesting. You know, they know who they are and what they want, and they're not afraid. And I think a lot of that confidence came from letting them just be who they are and solve their, whatever problems in life. John Francis [00:07:26]: I mean, not that I wasn't. I was there, but it was more or less an approach of just letting them experience life on their own terms. And they're very different. Of course. Every child is different. Even though they're siblings and they grew up in the same era, in the same house and, you know, at the same time, but they're both very different and different situations with each daughter. I can think of a few moments where it's like they get it, you know, you can see kind of the connection made or the light bulb goes off. And then I might talk about it the next day or a couple days later and say, you know, what happened there? Here's what I saw. John Francis [00:07:57]: And then let them recognize there was a lesson and they pick that up. One more opportunity to learn. We're all learning, and I'm still learning, that's for sure. But I think it was having the ability to just stay calm. That's something I learned too. For me as a dad, early on, patience was not a strength, it was a weakness. And someone pointed it out, a friend of mine and my wife, frankly. And I'm like, oh, man, you're right. John Francis [00:08:20]: I didn't see it. But once I had the feedback, I recognized, wow, I need to develop more patience. This is nuts. Why would I react the way I, you know, and so that became a practice and I got much better at it. And. And I think that made a huge impact in the environment and just the stress level, because I didn't want to be that. That angry or overreactive or snap temper kind of thing. That's not who I am. John Francis [00:08:42]: It's not who I want to be. And that's not the dad I want. Because I believe daughters, they grow up, and if you're dad, I mean, you become the example that they look for in their lives. And so I wanted to be the best version of myself to whatever degree I'm capable of. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:58]: I think that what you're saying is we have to be intentional about the things that we do, and we need to be able to Think about that as we're working with our daughters and, and some of it is intentional and it's conscious and some of it's intentional but unconscious as well. And I guess as you think about intentional things that you've done, what are some intentional ways you've worked? Strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during those challenging times as they were growing up. And you know, because it's not always easy. John Francis [00:09:26]: No, nothing's easy, man. I know that something someone suggested to me two things that come to my mind. One is create some one on one time with each child separately. And so I would take them maybe on an overnight, on a short trip somewhere, or even to our family shares a lake home, which is fabulous. We go and do things just together, just the two of us, either one or the other, but not all of us at the same time. And that one on one time was very valuable. And getting them away from home, away from the family, away from their friends and just where they kind of have to have a conversation because you're together in the car. We didn't go anywhere. John Francis [00:10:03]: I mean it wasn't like a real big deal. But creating those one on one opportunities at different moments. And I've seen guys that do like an annual father daughter trip, which I think could be a really cool idea. I never got that far, but I think that's kind of a neat routine to build if you can. But for me it was having those one on one intentional, short, I would say departure from home. We weren't like an ordinary environment where you have all the usual distractions and I work from home. So that was primarily for me because if I'm home, that's where I'm going to be. That's one thing. John Francis [00:10:35]: The other thing someone recommended or I read somewhere, you know, I try to read and learn everywhere I go. And one of the other recommendations was write your daughter a letter at certain milestones in life and handwrite it, you know, not typed, but you might organize your thoughts and talk about what do you feel, how do you see them, what are you proud of, what do you hope for them, what are your dreams or whatever. I know it's not a novel, it's a few pages, but I've written them. My girls are older now, so the first milestone I figured that out was when they graduated high school because that's clearly a big milestone. So I wrote each daughter a letter just from me to them saying, you know, as you're graduating high school, I want to just share with you my thoughts about you and all the things you want to share. And so I put some thought into what to say and all the way back from the moment you were born, and some of the highlights or low lights or some of the lessons learned, and it's not a recap of their whole life or anything, but it's more about how I feel about them. And the idea is that there's something you can give to them that they can hold on to. And everybody knows in the, you know, years from now, when you're long gone, they might have that letter to go back and reflect and say, well, you know, I remember my dad this way because he was able to share with me these thoughts or these perspectives. John Francis [00:11:46]: So I've done that, and I intend to keep doing that at those milestone moments. And I just think I wish my dad wrote letters to all of us. I'm one of five kids, so he wrote letters to us before he died, but sadly, he knew he was dying. I mean, he had cancer for a long time. It was slow. So as he was fighting and fighting and fighting. And then finally, at the end, about the last three or four months, he started writing. And my mom, they were together, and she's like, what are you writing? And he says, I'm writing letters. John Francis [00:12:14]: You'll read them later. So he wrote a letter to the whole family, and then he wrote a letter to each of us. And that's quite a gift, so I'm grateful for that. And then, like I said, reading, the suggestion was, hey, hey, dad. You know, your daughter, she's only this age for a little while, and in the long life that she's got, how do you want her to remember you? You can create some of these milestones that could be real meaningful. So, anyway, that's something I've learned and I've tried to do, and it's certainly simple and costs almost nothing, but it takes some time and effort, and that's probably the hardest part, but it's so worth it. And then they read it, and then we talk about it if they want, but they've got it. And so I feel like that's. John Francis [00:12:53]: I can't give them everything, but I can give them that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:56]: Now, none of us as dads are perfect. We're fallible. You know, we are humans, and we do make mistakes. And for you, as you're thinking about your daughters and helping to raise your daughters, what's a mistake that you made as a father and what did you learn from it? About fostering a positive connection with your daughters? John Francis [00:13:16]: Which one? Yes. I gotta Think of one that's maybe relevant. I'm thinking about each girl. They're so different. So with my older daughter, probably a mistake that I made early on when she was probably early teens, preteen maybe, and things were going crazy. Her relationship with her mother, my lovely wife, they had some challenges, and they didn't see things the same way in a lot of ways. And my attitude was, I'm going to defend my wife first. So that's what I thought was the right thing to do. John Francis [00:13:47]: And so that's what I did. And it created a bit of a gap, I would say, with my daughter, because she recognized that, oh, okay, you're siding with mom every time. And so she responded her own way. And that, you know, I mean, that's the dynamic. Later, years later, our family. I insisted that we go together as a family to family counseling, family therapist. I said, we're happy, we're not miserable, but I know we can be more happy. And when I was a kid, my family went through some family therapy. John Francis [00:14:15]: One of my sisters, I have three sisters. One of my sisters went through chemical dependency, rehab treatment and pushed. Our whole family went through therapy because of that, and which was fantastic. It was sad for a lot of reasons, but it was really helpful for a lot of reasons because that therapy cleared up a lot of things that we were all unconscious to. So I had an appreciation for a good therapist. Years later, we went through some family therapy. Again, nothing really dramatic, but useful stuff. And some of this came out, and I started seeing how that really wasn't maybe the best option all the time. John Francis [00:14:46]: And so I learned a lesson from that. And we talked about it, and we talked through it and. And kind of resolved it. And it's like, well, okay, I can see why you did what you did, and I can see what you've learned. And it was me, her learning as much as I was learning, and same as my wife was learning. We're all in this room together, and so it's fascinating, I think, to just experience that. And we never had a bad relationship, but the relationship became much more clear and better after that because we all understood things just more clearly. And I think that's where a good therapist is really valuable. John Francis [00:15:21]: And I'm glad we did that. And I expect we'll do it again if we feel the need. Right? Because why wouldn't you, if you can live a happier, better, calm, more healthy environment and relationships that we all want that. So that's one thing I learned. I'm thinking about my other daughter with her, there are several. I can think of plenty of times where she was really mad at me, things I said or did that were not helpful. I think probably there I learned patience and understanding where her behavior was frustrating to me, and I might say something that was trying to provoke a response that really wasn't useful, wasn't healthy, and really just made her more mad. And then probably in that same therapy, kind of talk about those things and realize that, okay, that's not smart. John Francis [00:16:03]: That's not what I was trying to do, and that's not what I want to do going forward. So learning more patience and then being a little more tolerant, I guess, of letting her do what she needs to do, even if it's not what I think she should do or what I want her to do. But it's not risky or dangerous. So just support her and let her do her thing. So I think I've learned that. Again, my girls, they're not. Well, they're both adults, so they're not young ladies, but they got plenty of life ahead of them. And God willing, so do I. John Francis [00:16:31]: I'm sure we'll have more lessons along the way is what I'm trying to say. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:34]: It definitely happens throughout I their life and our life. We're going to have to kind of ebb and flow in that regard. Now, I mentioned that you are the founder of Father's Eve, and Father's Eve is coming up. And I guess, first and foremost, why don't you tell me a little bit about Father's Eve and why you chose to start this event for dads in conjunction with Father's Day. John Francis [00:16:57]: Well, thank you. Father's Eve, of course, is the day really, the night before Father's Day, we've got Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. And so I invented Father's Eve Eve because I love Father's Day. I love being a dad. It's the most important thing I'll ever do is raise some children. And so Father's Day is for the dads and families to celebrate, but Father's Eve is just for the dads. So we call it like a national Dad's Night Out. And this year it'll be June 20, 2026. John Francis [00:17:25]: Of course, it's Saturday because Father's Day Sunday. And honestly, it started as an accident of the calendar. When the Great Recession came through in 2009 and 10, we had an opportunity to move to a different house. So we did. And the house was nice, but the garage was terrible. So I had a new garage built at that House. And I wanted to show off my garage, basically to invite my buddies over and say, check out this garage, because it was pretty nice. And it turned out the only night available was that Saturday. John Francis [00:17:56]: And I didn't have really a lot of free time. It must have been a busy summer. And so I said, well, we'll just have a little get together in the garage and I'm going to call it Father's Eve. Because that's just kind of funny, right? It was sort of a joke. Well, a bunch of guys showed up and it turned out we had a great time, right? No children, no women, really nothing to it. Music was just a little too loud. It was perfect. I mean, it was just guys hanging out in a garage, kind of an inauguration or a christening of a new garage. John Francis [00:18:24]: And we had so much fun. We said, well, we got to do this again. And so we did it again and it had to be Father's Eve now. We said, well, that's. This worked out great, so let's do it again. So we did it the second year, but doubled, right? More guys showed up and more friends of mine. And just different people were coming together back in the same garage. And this time we added food and some games and we were a little more prepared and organized. John Francis [00:18:46]: Well, the third year we did Father's Eve, there were guys coming that I didn't know, which I thought was great. This means my buddies are bringing their buddies, more friends are bringing more friends because they're having so much fun. And it was still just all guys, very low key, no program, no speech, no nothing. Just show up and hang out and let's get together. And celebrating fatherhood is kind of the tagline. So someone challenged me to say, what are you going to do with this Father's Eve? Why don't you do some good? So the third year, I guess the fourth year, we outgrew the garage. We moved it to a bar and we made it a fundraiser for two charities. We split the money as a fundraiser and we raised $10,000 and got some publicity, got some media, had some friends, some. John Francis [00:19:26]: Some of my good, smart friends who were able to help me with the food and events. And we ran an auction. We got some media attention. We put in a cornhole tournament to have some fun with it. And it turned into something a little more I ever expected. And so the next year, that was 2015, was sort of the first official organized. We had a logo, we sold T shirts. We were having some fun with it. John Francis [00:19:49]: The next year, I went to the DAD 2.0 conference, which was sort of a media influencer thing, which I had no clue what I was doing, but I thought, well, see what we can do. And I met the guys from City Dad's group and I met the guys from the national At Home Dad Network network. And I'm like, where have you guys been my whole life I've been out here doing my thing all alone, on my own, figuring it out. And now I realize there's groups all around the country. Well, I had no idea. So started the City Dads chapter here in Minnesota, the Twin Cities Dads group, as an affiliate or whatever their thing was. And great guys, great, lot of fun. And so it kind of took off from there. John Francis [00:20:26]: We license it, I trademarked it and we license it for free. So Father's Eve is fun, it's free and it's, we say it's everywhere. So we kept doing it. Cities and volunteers pop up all over the country and host Father's Eve events at their, in their backyard and their, their local bar or restaurant or a church or school or a club or. We've done it all over the place and had quite a bit of fun with it. Some guys do fundraisers, guys have done golf tournaments. One guy did a poker tournament that seemed like a lot of fun. Some do fundraisers for local charities. John Francis [00:20:57]: We're not a charity, so we don't want the money. We want. If you're going to do it, raise the money and give it to someone else, someone who can do some good. Local nonprofit profit is usually what we recommend. Or for the At Home Dad Network is a good group. We collaborated with, really anybody, anyone who we thought was in alignment of let's help dads be better dads. I mean that's really the common denominator. Trying to help each other figure this out. John Francis [00:21:20]: So Father's Eve now, this year we'll probably have it in 30 or 40 cities around the country. We do a virtual toast. We learned something from COVID when, when that came around and, and it pushed us online. So we do an online zoom. And the fun part, Chris, you know this Father's Eve, we do a countdown toast at 8 o' clock. So people know on New Year's Eve you gotta wait till midnight to do the countdown. 10, 9, 8. The whole thing at midnight on Father's Eve, we back that up to 8 o'. John Francis [00:21:49]: Clock. Because I want to go home by 9:30. Man, I don't want to see midnight. It's Father's Day the next day. I want to be well rested. So we do a 8 o' clock countdown toast in East Coast, Central time, Mountain time and Pacific time, the four continental US Time zones. We go online and we get guys zooming in from all over the country, up and down the different time zones. It's really kind of fun. John Francis [00:22:12]: And they, they click, they connect. So it's like, you might be like, where I am in Minnesota, we're Central time. So we'll see guys from Minnesota, Chicago, Dallas, Kansas City, you know, up and down our time zone. But we of course start early for the east coast guys. We want to see them and all way from New York to Carolinas and Florida and whatever. Anyway, we do it four times online, so guys can join us anywhere and zoom in. And there's no fee, there's no credit card number, there's nothing. You just show up and if you want to say something, say something. John Francis [00:22:42]: If you don't, you don't. Nobody really minds it. The expectations are pretty low. It's. It's just show up and maybe you'll learn something, maybe you share something. You have some games and activities and anyway, it's loosely organized. I'll say a bunch of volunteers having a good time. My strategy, there's not a lot to it, but the goal is to have dads connect. John Francis [00:23:01]: And we say we connect, share and celebrate fatherhood. And I tell you what I've learned over the years is if I can help somebody, just be a little more intentional or a little more conscious of how important fatherhood is and being that dad, you know, being the father is biological. Being the dad is much more. So we focus on trying to do whatever we can to help each other be a better husband, be a better father, be a better partner. And we welcome every dad, all the dads, really anyone. We're very inclusive and there's really no agenda. We're not selling anything, we're not promoting anything. We're not saving anyone. John Francis [00:23:36]: We're not solving any problems. We're just there to get together and try to help each other and support each other. And what I'm learning now is really what I would say, alleviating isolation. I think a lot of guys, especially older guys, forget how to make friends and they don't get out in circulation. I'm a lucky guy. I've got friends. We go snowmobiling and fishing and work. And I get around the country and do my thing, but a lot of guys don't. John Francis [00:24:01]: And so this is a real easy open door. Come on out and celebrate Father's Eve. Whether it's in real life at a local event nearby, or whether you join us online and maybe you make connections somewhere or learn something about one of these groups or organizations that I didn't know about, but I sure wish I did when my kids were little. And there's always something new and interesting. And so it's just kind of that sort of a connection point, I guess, is really the goal. I'm trying to be that the, the common denominator for all the dads. You know, we can all celebrate Father's Eve and really have no agenda. But anyway, thanks for letting me bring it up. John Francis [00:24:36]: Obviously I can talk about this for hours, but we're glad to do it and it's been a lot of fun and we're still learning, we're still growing, but it is, it's been meaningful and I think it's a lot more room to improve always. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:47]: Now, if people are interested, they're hearing this, they're saying to themselves, hey, I'd like to have a get together in my area for, for dads like this. John Francis [00:24:56]: This. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:56]: Talk to me about what they would need to do to be able to do that, to get signed up and to be able to be a part of the fun. John Francis [00:25:02]: Well, Father's Eve is the website. There's no apostrophe, right? Because it's not possessive, it's. It's plural, right? It's for everybody. So some grammar teacher told me that. Where's the apostrophe? I'm like, well, I didn't trademark it with an apostrophe. So it's Father's Eve.com and we're on all the whatever socials. I don't know how to do tick tock, so I don't think we're there. But anyway, not hard to find. John Francis [00:25:24]: And there's five rules for Father's Eve. This is super easy. Number one, keep it clean. This is not a bachelor party. This is not a frat party. This is not let's go crazy, right? It's have a good time. I would say it's PG13, whatever, but keep it clean. That's rule number one. John Francis [00:25:39]: Number two, it's for the dads, and that means all the dad. It's not really a family event, although you can do it that way if you want. We're not rigid, really, but it's inclusive. So dads, divorced dads, single dads, granddads, gay dads, kids, trans dads. We'll welcome anybody, whoever. If you want to celebrate fathers, we want you to be with us. So number two is all the dads. Number three is you got to have something to do, some kind of an activity or engagement. John Francis [00:26:06]: A lot of guys just have a barbecue and sit around a table and just talk. That's fine. We do a bags tournament with the cornhole because I can hold a beer in one hand and throw the bags with the other hand. So that's pretty fun. Something to do. And so you gotta Anything, anything, Something interesting to do. That's number three. Number four is work together. John Francis [00:26:25]: We do a Facebook page for the hosts. We call them event hosts. There is a private page. I want to talk to you and share with you what I've learned and what. We have some tools and some simple stuff for guys who want to organize a little more and promote themselves a little bit, but work together. We want to know what you're doing, and we want to help you do it better and have better results. And then rule number five is don't screw it up. Don't be that guy that does something stupid and wrecks it for all of us. John Francis [00:26:50]: So none of this involves any. Any fee. It's really all just common sense. And we're trying to build a movement, we're trying to build a group. We've got social media, we've got an email, we send a newsletter. It's not complicated. The goal is to get this thing big enough that maybe someday we'll get a sponsor. Someone wants to be the official fill in the blank of Father's Eve. John Francis [00:27:11]: I could think of a lot of things. I'd like to be affiliated with a lot of organizations. And if we get big enough where it's attractive and we have enough. Enough activity or engagement, then there's some economic value that I think if we made any real money, we. All we would do is promote ourselves even more and have bigger events and even more fun and try to reach more people, which is really the goal. If we can reach more of the dads out there, and there's new dads, there's old dads, there's about to be dads, There's. We can learn from each other and share ideas. And that's really the goal. John Francis [00:27:43]: So Father's Eve is fun. It's free. It's everywhere. There. Hit the website, click the link. There's an agreement there. There's a trademark, a license agreement, but it's free. There's no fees, no nothing there. John Francis [00:27:54]: We. I guess we do sell a T shirt. If you want a T shirt or coffee mug, you can buy that. But we're not big on the merch, but someone said, why wouldn't you sell a coffee cup or whatever? So. But it's pretty simple, Chris. Part of the fun is I get to talk to these guys. I want to know who you are and what you're up to and what your plans are, and then I want to help you and see if I can make your event even more fun and more successful so I get to know these people. And over the years, I've made some great guys that are doing Father's Eve, and some guys have been doing it year after year after year. John Francis [00:28:22]: I think Chicago, I think they're on, like, I want to say, 10 plus years. I think they've been doing it. Some of the other cities around the country, it's same guys, same groups, and they have quite large events. It's fascinating to see what they're doing. And that's really what it's all about, is just keep it simple and have some fun. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:38]: Well, we always finish our interviews what I like to call our dad connections. Six. Six more questions. The devil. A little bit more into you as a dad. Are you ready? John Francis [00:28:47]: I'll try. I'll do my best. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:48]: What's one word that describes your relationship with your daughters? John Francis [00:28:53]: Loving. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:53]: What's the best piece of dad advice you've ever received? John Francis [00:28:57]: Parent the child you have, not the child you wish you had. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:02]: What's one activity that you and each of your daughters love doing together? John Francis [00:29:06]: We love being on the water, on the lake, at the cabin. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:09]: If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be? John Francis [00:29:15]: Be very careful of who you choose as a life partner because it's 80% of your happiness or misery in life. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:24]: What's one thing you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad? John Francis [00:29:28]: Life is so much more interesting as a parent. It's a whole new dimension of possibilities and growth and meaningful life. I love it. I can't imagine not being a dad. Dad. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:40]: And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters? John Francis [00:29:48]: Learn how to be patient and really learn how to listen. Those things are easy to say, but they're really hard to do consistently. But I've tried and I've gotten better, and there's always room for more. But patience and what do they say? Active listening, really being present. There's no other way. I think that's the starter for any kind of meaningful relationship. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:09]: Well, John, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being on the show today. Thank you for sharing about your own journey with your daughters as well as all the amazing things that you're doing with Father's Eve. I wish you all the best as you get ready for the next Father's Eve. And as always, I really appreciate your time and everything that you've shared today. I wish you the best. John Francis [00:30:30]: Thank you, Chris. I appreciate it very much. Thank you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:33]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to be build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect, it's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes@dadanddaughterconnection.com until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs. Musical Outro Performer [00:31:04]: We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can be.

11. maj 202632 min

Redefining Fatherhood: Building Strong Bonds With Your Daughter

Beskrivelse

Kommentarer

1 måned kun 9 kr.

Alle episoder