Ep 27: Put on Your Mask First — Nick DeMarinis on Being the Dad You Want to Be

Ep 27: Put on Your Mask First — Nick DeMarinis on Being the Dad You Want to Be

Most dads ease into fatherhood one kid at a time. Nick DeMarinis skipped that part. He found out he was having identical twin boys while living in Hong Kong, 8,000 miles from family. In this episode, Nick shares the blueprint he built for present, intentional fatherhood: setting expectations with employers so he never misses what matters, co-parenting as a true team, and taking care of himself first so he has something real to give. From WeWork's turnaround to a PopAShot national championship, Nick proves you don't have to sacrifice the dad you want to be. Key takeaways: * How Nick's parents — a bread man and a teacher from New York — gave him a clear blueprint for fatherhood * Why moving back from Hong Kong with twin infants taught him the power of structure and discipline * How radical transparency with employers creates space for the dad commitments that matter * The "survive and advance" mindset that got him and his wife through the first year with twins * Why intentional one-on-one time with each twin is one of the most underrated things twin parents can do * What his son Max's act of compassion toward a crying classmate told him about the dad he's becoming * How the PopAShot national championship became a lesson in resilience and creativity for his boys * The oxygen mask principle — why taking care of yourself first is the most selfless thing a dad can do If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Nick introduces himself as Max and Luca's dad 02:15 Why the podcast format resonated with Nick right away 05:00 Growing up one of six kids in an Irish Italian Catholic family 08:30 Mom's compassion and adventure, dad's discipline and relationships 12:00 Moving to Hong Kong with LinkedIn — six years abroad 14:30 Finding out they're having identical twin boys 17:00 Seeing parenting in his older siblings — adoption, cerebral palsy, presence 21:00 The kind of dad Nick declared he would be from the start 24:30 Never missing a single pregnancy appointment 27:00 Paternity leave — being there for Diana, not just the babies 29:30 Moving back to the US, joining WeWork, the wild ride begins 33:00 Transparency at work — "the best job I've ever had is being a dad" 36:30 Creating the conditions you want instead of accepting default ones 40:00 Co-parenting as a team — playing to each other's strengths 44:00 The first year with twins: structure, survival, and celebrate every win 49:30 Max helping a crying classmate — the proudest dad moment 53:00 Luca as the voice of reason in a heated disagreement 55:30 Advice for twin parents: intentional one-on-one time 58:30 PopAShot: from shy crybaby to national championship competitor 64:00 Two Guinness World Records — 232 consecutive shots, 103-foot shot 68:00 What the boys have learned watching Nick compete, fail, and try again 72:00 Final advice: put on your oxygen mask first

Ep 26: One Dad's Honest Take on Anger, Divorce, and Showing Up

What happens when a dad of three daughters confronts the anger he inherited? Tony sits down with his brother Evan Cooper, father to Rachel, Pia, and Evie, for one of the most personal conversations yet. Evan opens up about the girl-dad learning curve, the moment he realized he was passing his own childhood wounds to his kids, and the practice he calls equanimity. They get real about staying married versus co-parenting, and how cooking and entrepreneurship shaped his daughters. Key takeaways: * Why "three under two" reshaped everything about their parenting * Recognizing and interrupting generational patterns of yelling * Equanimity: staying composed instead of reacting to chaos * The honest debate over staying together for the kids * How cooking became a way to connect with his daughters * Why watching your child in pain is a dad's hardest moment * Emotional intelligence as the real preparation for fatherhood If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 If you can't hear the kids 00:34 Meet my brother Evan Cooper 02:00 Three daughters, three under two 04:30 Liquid gold and dividing the nights 06:30 Man-to-man and the power play 08:00 The girl-dad learning curve 11:00 Doing the research, missing the rest 14:00 Generational anger and yelling 17:30 Equanimity and staying composed 20:30 The moment it broke my heart 23:00 Staying married or co-parenting 28:00 What the girls actually took from it 31:30 Cooking as a way to connect 34:00 Entrepreneurship and a different work life 36:00 The hardest part: watching them hurt 38:00 Advice for a brand-new dad

Ep 25: From Chaos to Peace: A Journey to Becoming a Great Stepdad

What if the most qualified stepdad in the room is the one who almost didn't make it out alive? Andrew Adams didn't plan on becoming a parent. He didn't plan 12 years of opiate addiction, multiple overdoses, or a near-fatal car accident on a highway at 75 miles per hour. But today, Andrew is stepfather to three kids, engaged to the man he loves, and one of the most grounded human beings I've had the privilege of sitting across from. Key Takeaways: * Why the sudden loss of structure at age 11 became the catalyst for Andrew's years-long addiction spiral * How a neurodivergent brain chasing relief through drugs becomes a 12-year trap. * Why "neutrality" is not indifference and how it became Andrew's superpower as a stepdad * The danger of entering parenthood to "fix" something in yourself and the resentment it breeds * How eight-plus years of deep personal work across 12-step programs, yoga, and spiritual practice transformed Andrew into the partner and father figure he is today * Why Andrew never tries to discipline Dylan's kids and what he does instead * The two-lane framework Andrew uses with children (and coaching clients alike): vision or fear, pick a direction * How to let your relationship with stepchildren build organically without pressure * Why kids who feel like a burden are usually carrying energy their parents chose to put on them * The single best piece of advice for anyone stepping into a stepparent role: take it slow, and let them come to you This is a fatherhood podcast episode about what it actually takes to show for yourself first, and then for the family that finds its way to your door. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ 00:00 Andrew on knowing — or not — you want kids 01:28 Tony introduces Andrew's full story 02:37 Childhood, a pastor dad, and sudden freedom at 11 05:02 Why drugs worked: silencing a neurodivergent brain 06:02 The escalation to opiates and heroin 08:54 Twelve years on and off — what that loop looked like 11:34 The car accident that finally broke through 13:15 What it takes to get a real wake-up call 15:14 Eight years of rebuilding across every modality 17:10 Forging peace through lived experience 18:44 Peace is a choice — and a remembrance 20:36 Consciousness, ego, and leading with love 22:01 Meeting Dylan — and the three kids in the package 23:28 Why "neutral" scared Dylan at first 25:45 Loving people through what they believe is an obstacle 28:30 Entering stepparenting with no force, only presence 30:40 Two choices, always — how Andrew guides children 31:26 Getting to be the fun one (and what that's built on) 33:24 The cool uncle role: someone to talk to who isn't mom or dad 35:51 Kids add to a full life — they don't complete it 38:06 When parents hold a belief that kids are taking something from them 40:01 Advice for anyone stepping into stepparenting 42:12 Tony closes the conversation

Ep 24: The Dad Who Chose to Break a Family Legacy of Alcoholism Forever

What does it take for a father to stare down rock bottom and choose his children? I sat down with visual artist, author, and winemaker Jermaine Dante Burs for one of the most honest, raw, and redemptive conversations I've ever had on this fatherhood podcast. Jermaine grew up watching addiction ripple through three generations of his family. He became a young father at 23, all while fighting his own battle with alcoholism that eventually landed him on life support in the hospital. What followed is a story of extraordinary transformation. Key Takeaways: * Why the pressure of being a young father accelerated Jermaine's addiction and what finally broke the cycle * How unlearning the inability to receive love was foundational to becoming a present father * The power of coaching your kids' sports and the emotional rollercoaster of watching them choose their own path * Breaking generational trauma: when addiction runs three generations deep, becoming sober is an act of fatherhood * The moment Jermaine's father told him "I'll always be your dad" and why he now says the same thing to his own kids * Why fathers teach their children most powerfully in the moments they aren't trying to teach anything at all * How 14 years of sobriety unlocked Jermaine's career as a celebrated visual artist, a gift his kids now get to witness * The courage it takes to apologize to your own children and what it teaches them about accountability * Why society consistently undervalues fathers, and what dads can do about it * What it means to be "the only man on the planet who wants you to do better than me" This is a parenting podcast for the dad who's willing to do the work: on himself, for his family, and for the generations that come after. If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com [dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com]. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/] 00:00 Cold open: 14 years sober, no looking back 01:10 Tony introduces Jermaine Dante Burs 03:27 Jermaine's kids: Natalia (22) and Jordan (17) 05:04 Why receiving love was so hard to learn 08:14 Addiction forms quietly — a compounding interest 10:14 Becoming a young dad and altering reality 12:19 Showing up: assistant coach for Jordan's varsity team 14:34 The emotional rollercoaster of coaching your own son 17:17 Using his father's parenting as a mirror 18:12 What it was like growing up with a father who was both 20:33 "I'll always be your dad" — the lesson that landed twice 23:11 Ask first: do you want to listen, or do you want advice? 25:32 Teaching your son to sit in discomfort 27:06 Why Jermaine apologizes to his kids — often 30:04 Generational addiction: grandfather, father, Jermaine 32:53 Watching his father relapse after 13 years of sobriety 35:13 Living a double life while Natalia visited 37:14 What alcoholism actually does to your body 40:26 Highly functional — and still a father — through addiction 41:00 The pros and cons list of who he wanted to be as a dad 43:08 Rock bottom: life support and the audit that followed 45:58 Art is rediscovered after leaving the hospital 48:19 15 years away from the paintbrush — then sobriety changed it 50:28 Sugar Ray Leonard and Anthony Anderson — moments made possible by sobriety 52:22 "I'm the only man on the planet who wants you to do better than me" 55:42 Watching Jordan win the league championship — and leaking 57:42 Dad won't always be here: lessons in supply and demand 58:21 Mother's Day vs. Father's Day: the hospitality truth 1:01:07 Fathers play a massive role — and deserve to be praised 1:03:11 Tony closes: gratitude, love, and until next time

Ep 23: Before the Birth: A Surgeon Prepares to Become a Father

What happens inside a man when he finds out he's going to be a dad — and he's still months away? Vascular surgeon and expectant father Lucas Ferrer joins Tony Cooper for a candid conversation about what life looks like at 25 weeks pregnant. Lucas opens up about the in-between feeling of impending fatherhood — the moments of disconnection at work and the gut-punch of feeling Santiago kick for the first time. Together, Tony and Lucas explore generational patterns, the fear culture Lucas grew up with in Puerto Rico, and the powerful model his grandfather set. This is a rare, honest look inside the heart and mind of a man preparing to become a dad. Key Takeaways: * The emotional reality of expectant fatherhood often oscillates between disconnection and profound shock * Becoming a parent heightens awareness of unconscious patterns and generational trauma * Growing up around self-aware role models can shape a man's approach to fatherhood long before he becomes a father * Fear of risk is a learned behavior — and it can be unlearned * Being present as a father starts as an intention you set before the baby arrives * A man's relationship with support and community matters as much as his individual inner work * Finding a men's group or support network can be transformational, especially in the transition to fatherhood * Shifting priorities away from career and toward family requires intentional planning, not just good intentions * Speaking to your child before birth — in Lucas's case, in Spanish — is a simple, powerful act of early connection * Fatherhood, at its core, is a call to become the best version of yourself If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com [dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com]. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/] 00:00 Intro & cold open 01:00 Meet Lucas Ferrer, expectant father at 25 weeks 02:10 A vascular surgeon's approach to pregnancy 03:03 Why "What to Expect" can do more harm than good 04:05 Presence and disconnection during the work day 05:12 Fatherhood as a call to your best self 06:01 Breaking unconscious patterns before the baby arrives 07:32 Growing up in Puerto Rico: family, memory, and roots 09:21 Fear culture and tall poppy syndrome 10:44 Gabor Maté: big T and little T trauma 11:19 Lucas's grandfather: a model of grounded masculinity 13:25 The qualities Lucas wants to carry into fatherhood 15:07 Unlearning fear and choosing adventure 17:01 Allowing failure as a father and mentor 18:48 How the pregnancy happened: intentional and unplanned 20:56 Biology, purpose, and something bigger at play 23:46 Witnessing Courtney's transformation 25:06 Being the rock: emotional steadiness under pressure 26:47 Inner work and patterns Lucas is actively breaking 28:40 Men's groups, community, and being supportable 33:05 Due date, wedding week, and planning for presence 36:56 Final words: fully present is the North Star