S3E11: Medically Complex Families with Sarah Hilmer

S3E11: Medically Complex Families with Sarah Hilmer

Sarah Hilmer is a mother of three, a social advocate, a trail runner, and someone who has spent the last four years learning how to live a life that looks much different than the one she planned. In 2021, Sarah's daughter Juju was born healthy by every visible measure. But in the months that followed, signs of a feeding problem led to a hospitalization, then an X-ray that showed something unexpected, then a surgical call that changed everything. Juju had a Type 3 laryngeal cleft, a rare abnormality where the back wall of her airway had never fully formed. Every time she swallowed, she was slowly aspirating into her lungs.  What followed was surgery using rib cartilage to reconstruct her airway, a tracheostomy, and over 15 surgeries and extensive hospitalization.  Now, as a thriving five-year-old, Juju still breathes through the trach today. In this conversation, Sarah talks about what 2022 actually looked like for her family, managing without home health care support, finding ways to create fun family memories, then slowly shifting the goal from getting the trach out to helping Juju live her life as a fun-loving kid with a big personality. She also talks about what the medical system gets wrong when it uses the word "fix," working with Juju's specific needs, how her marriage held under the sustained pressure, and what it meant to prepare herself emotionally to bring her third child, into the same room where one of Juju's most serious emergencies occured.  ABOUT SARAH HILMER Sarah is a mom of thre who lives, works, and adventures all around the San Francisco Bay Area. She is a social advocate, community builder, and trail runner. She is most happy when she's in the forest or at the ocean with her kids. * Follow Sarah on Instagram at @sarahhilmer [https://www.instagram.com/sarahhilmer/] ABOUT THE HAPPILY NEVER AFTER The Happily Never After is a podcast that features stories of big endings that led to personal breakthroughs. While endings can hurt, they also provide opportunities to heal and grow, and sometimes, they even set us free. Endings can offer an opportunity to begin anew, in a better way, and that’s what we’re here to talk about. * New episodes every Tuesday. * Follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/thatheathermcg/?hl=en]@thatheathermcg⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/thatheathermcg/]on IG for related content and discussion. * Read The Happily Never After on Substack at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thehappilyneverafter.substack.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://thehappilyneverafter.substack.com/] * Learn more about Heather McG at ⁠⁠⁠www.heathermcg.com [https://www.heathermcg.com/]

S3E10: The End of Bad Sex with Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons

You don't need new relationship energy to have the best sex of your life. You need a recipe. Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons is an award-winning psychologist, Emory University professor, and author of Good Sex: Stories, Science, and Strategies for Sexual Liberation. She's visiting The Happily Never After to dismantle basically everything we were taught about sex growing up. We cover a lot of ground in this one. * What sex positivity actually means (hint: it's not what you think). * Why emotional safety is harder to build than technique and why that matters more. * How a near-fatal ectopic pregnancy knocked Dr. Candice completely off her own sexual footing, even as a researcher who studies this for a living. * And why the pressure women put on themselves to perform for a partner while completely disappearing from the experience is something we seriously need to talk about. Dr. Candice breaks down her "good sex recipe" framework, and she makes the case that what you want in your forties shouldn't look like what you wanted in your twenties, and that's not a problem. It's the whole point. We also get into what to do when sex goes sideways in a long-term relationship, how your friend group is low-key one of your most important sexual wellness resources, and the one question you should be asking before you write someone off as a bad partner in bed. Dr. Candice's take on faking it, the orgasm gap, and the "I'm great at sex" guy will have you in your feelings in the best way. In this episode: What sex positivity actually means, the coital imperative and expanding your definition of sex, why technique can be learned faster than trust, the good sex recipe framework, navigating desire changes in long-term relationships, sexual liberation post-divorce, and how to tell if a partner is worth the work. ABOUT DR. CANDICE NICOLE HARGONS Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons is an award-winning psychologist and associate professor at Emory University’s Rollins School of Public Health, where she studies sexual wellness and liberation. With over 90 published articles, Dr. Hargons has made substantial contributions to the field, positioning herself as one of the leading experts in her discipline. Her innovative work has been widely recognized and featured in major podcasts and publications such as the Huffington Post, Essence, Ebony, Wall Street Journal, Women's Health, Blavity, Cosmopolitan, and the New York Times. As a thought leader, Dr. Hargons continues to shape the conversation around sexual and mental health, advocating for liberation and wellness within marginalized communities. * Follow Dr. Hargons on Instagram at @drcandicenicole [https://www.instagram.com/dr.candicenicole/?hl=en] * Visit her website at drcandicenicole.com [https://www.drcandicenicole.com/] * Watch her TEDx talk "4 Ways to Season Your Sex Life" [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bucC4LRVGPY] ABOUT THE HAPPILY NEVER AFTER The Happily Never After is a podcast that features stories of big endings that led to personal breakthroughs. While endings can hurt, they also provide opportunities to heal and grow, and sometimes, they even set us free. Endings can offer an opportunity to begin anew, in a better way, and that’s what we’re here to talk about. * New episodes every Tuesday. * Follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/thatheathermcg/?hl=en]@thatheathermcg⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/thatheathermcg/]on IG for related content and discussion. * Read The Happily Never After on Substack at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thehappilyneverafter.substack.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://thehappilyneverafter.substack.com/] * Learn more about Heather McG at ⁠⁠⁠www.heathermcg.com [https://www.heathermcg.com/]

S3E9: Parenting Trans Kids with Rebecca Minor

In this episode, author Rebecca Minor, talks about how supportive parenting can transform your child's well-being. Rebecca shares her messaging framework developed over a decade of working with queer and trans youth. Discover how gender works beyond binary myths and why understanding distinctions between gender identity, biological sex, and cultural expectations is crucial. Explore practical steps for parents, from creating openness to understanding gender affirming care. Learn how societal beliefs influence fears and misconceptions about medical interventions. Rebecca also covers insights on navigating sports, school policies, and societal bias. This episode is perfect for parents, educators, and allies committed to supporting gender-diverse youth with confidence and compassion. ABOUT REBECCA MINOR Rebecca, LICSW, is a queer clinician, educator, and gender specialist who works with trans and gender-expansive youth and their families. She is the founder of Prism Therapy Collective and the author of Raising Trans Kids: What To Expect When You Weren’t Expecting This.  * Learn more about Rebecca's work at genderspecialist.com [https://www.genderspecialist.com/] * Follow Rebecca on Instagram @gender.specialist [https://www.instagram.com/gender.specialist] * Evolving glossary of terms [https://www.genderspecialist.com/terms] * My kid just came out, now what?! [https://www.genderspecialist.com/nowwhat] ABOUT THE HAPPILY NEVER AFTER The Happily Never After is a podcast that features stories of big endings that led to personal breakthroughs. While endings can hurt, they also provide opportunities to heal and grow, and sometimes, they even set us free. Endings can offer an opportunity to begin anew, in a better way, and that’s what we’re here to talk about. * New episodes every Tuesday. * Follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/thatheathermcg/?hl=en]@thatheathermcg⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/thatheathermcg/]on IG for related content and discussion. * Read The Happily Never After on Substack at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thehappilyneverafter.substack.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://thehappilyneverafter.substack.com/] * Learn more about Heather McG at ⁠⁠⁠www.heathermcg.com [https://www.heathermcg.com/]

S3E8: Get Divorced Without Losing Your Mind with Olivia Howell

Most people don’t realize how much emotional and practical support you need when going through a divorce, until they're in the thick of it. Olivia Howell, a pioneering founder of the first-ever divorce support ecosystem, reveals how her personal journey through divorce inspired the groundbreaking Fresh Starts Registry, founded by Olivia and her sister Genevieve "Jenny" Dreizen. This first of its kind platform offers free resources, expert advice, and a community for people navigating life’s most difficult transitions, demonstrating that healing, hope, and fresh starts are possible no matter how overwhelming the stakes. In this episode, listeners will discover how Olivia’s own childhood experience with divorce fueled her understanding of what people really need to break free from emotional abuse, financial hardship, and social isolation. You’ll learn about the unspoken emotional challenges people face when divorcing from abusive relationships, and how societal conditioning keeps many stuck in silence and shame. Olivia emphasizes the importance of healing in community, and how social media, support groups, and expert networks can radically change the narrative around divorce, turning it from failure into a transformative beginning. You’ll get her candid advice on when to consider dating again, the importance of taking your time to heal, and that how divorce can also be a doorway to authenticity, strength, and freedom.  Divorce can take people through one of life's deepest trenches, but Olivia is dedicated to helping people make it through to the other side with peace, clarity, and sanity. ABOUT OLIVIA HOWELL Olivia is a nationally recognized divorce educator, visionary founder, clinical hypnotherapist, and the CEO and co-founder of Fresh Starts Registry, the premier expert-led divorce support network.  Through Fresh Starts, she provides access to vetted experts, divorce registries, educational resources, and a robust media ecosystem designed to guide people through the emotional, financial, and logistical realities of starting over — all with trauma-informed care at the center. She is the author of the Fresh Starts Divorce Guide book series — including What to Consider When You’re Considering Divorce, Divorce Dictionary, and How to Get Divorced as a Stay-At-Home Parent — and serves as host and producer of several acclaimed podcasts. With an extensive background in marketing, PR, and content creation, Olivia also supports professionals in expanding their influence through podcasting and connection-based publicity. Her writing has appeared in New York Magazine, Newsweek, and Business Insider, and she is frequently quoted in The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, Newsweek, and Scary Mommy, among others. A solo mom of two tween boys, Olivia brings warmth, clarity, and lived experience to every conversation — and when she’s not advocating for people rebuilding their lives, you can find her crafting or listening to her favorite 90s music. Find Olivia on Instagram or Threads using @oliviahowell Find Fresh Starts Registry on Instagram or Threads using@freshstartsregistry Learn more about Fresh Starts Registry at freshstartsregistry.com [https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/] ABOUT THE HAPPILY NEVER AFTER The Happily Never After is a podcast that features stories of big endings that led to personal breakthroughs. While endings can hurt, they also provide opportunities to heal and grow, and sometimes, they even set us free. Endings can offer an opportunity to begin anew, in a better way, and that’s what we’re here to talk about. * New episodes every Tuesday. * Follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/thatheathermcg/?hl=en]@thatheathermcg⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/thatheathermcg/]on IG for related content and discussion. * Read The Happily Never After on Substack at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thehappilyneverafter.substack.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://thehappilyneverafter.substack.com/] * Learn more about Heather McG at ⁠⁠⁠www.heathermcg.com [https://www.heathermcg.com/]

S3E7: Adoptee Voices with Anna Bryant

Society embraces the narrative that adoption is simple, but the truth is much more complex. By centering adoptee voices, we can speak more truthfully about the adoption experience. Anna Bryant’s journey into her Black identity, her reunion with family of orgin, and her search for belonging reveal the fuller side of adoption.  In this episode, you’ll discover how societal narratives around adoption erase the true depth of adoptees’ experiences, and the importance of embracing both love and loss in the process of healing. Anna shares the emotional rollercoaster of reconnecting with her family of orgin as an adult, revealing how those reunions—sometimes overwhelming, sometimes healing—add new layers to her story. Anna breaks down the impact of cultural disconnection and how the adoptee community offers vital support for navigating those complex feelings. You’ll learn about the significance of Atlanta as a cultural mecca, how social media is transforming the conversation around adoption, and why hearing adoptee stories is crucial for both prospective parents and adoptees. Anna emphasizes the importance of acknowledging trauma, honoring heritage, and building relationships that honor a child's full identity. This episode is perfect for adoptees searching for their roots, parents considering transracial adoption, or anyone interested in the reality behind one of society’s narratives.  ABOUT ANNA BRYANT Anna Bryant is a transracial adoptee from Iowa. She grew up in a multiracial household with White parents and international adoptee sisters from South Korea. She has been in reunion with her family of origin for 8 years which has brought both joys and heartbreaks. She is currently working on her memoir Cultural Fraud which explores her reunion journey and her search for Black identity. She currently resides in the Black Mecca of Atlanta with her husband and loves to travel, spend time with friends, and occasionally review new snacks. * Follow Anna on Instagram: @annab_living [https://www.instagram.com/annab_living/] ABOUT THE HAPPILY NEVER AFTER The Happily Never After is a podcast that features stories of big endings that led to personal breakthroughs. While endings can hurt, they also provide opportunities to heal and grow, and sometimes, they even set us free. Endings can offer an opportunity to begin anew, in a better way, and that’s what we’re here to talk about. * New episodes every Tuesday. * Follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/thatheathermcg/?hl=en]@thatheathermcg⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/thatheathermcg/]on IG for related content and discussion. * Read The Happily Never After on Substack at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thehappilyneverafter.substack.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://thehappilyneverafter.substack.com/] * Learn more about Heather McG at ⁠⁠⁠www.heathermcg.com [https://www.heathermcg.com/]