Who Are You When Nobody Is Watching? Identity, Anxiety & the Self Beneath the Performance

Who Are You When Nobody Is Watching? Identity, Anxiety & the Self Beneath the Performance

The meeting ends. You walk back into your office. You close the door. And your body softens. That moment — the specific, physical relief of the performance dropping — is what Episode 15 of The Invisible Load is about. Not the load itself this week. The person underneath it. Who she actually is when nobody is watching, nobody is reading the room, nobody needs anything from her. Holly gets more personal than she ever has on this show — about the performance that follows her home, the anxiety that crept back in when her life got better, the neurodivergence that makes the constant management more expensive than anyone can see, the phone she reaches for when the quiet gets loud, and the bear-fighting dinner table that is the clearest evidence she has that she is still in there. We cover: * What happens in the body when the performance drops — and what the relief of that moment is actually telling you * The performance that follows you home — the specific reflex of scanning for discomfort in the people you love and moving to resolve it before you have to feel it * Who she actually is — the quirky, funny, costume-wearing, bear-fighting, joy-seeking woman underneath the capable professional * Why burnout recovery made Holly more anxious, not less — and the specific texture of high-achieving-woman anxiety during automatic tasks, and at night * The practice of sitting with anxiety rather than fleeing it — and what it actually sounds like to tell your nervous system it is safe * The phone, the stillness, and the thing the phone is actually treating — plus the one small behavioral change that is making a difference * Learning to receive — the slow, new, imperfect practice of letting love land instead of cataloguing what is missing This is the most personal episode Holly has recorded. And it might be the one that matters most. The Invisible Load is the working mom burnout podcast for ambitious women carrying more than anyone can see. New episodes every week. Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. And if this episode made you feel less alone in your own quiet moments — share it with someone who needs to hear it. She has been there the whole time. Underneath everything you carry. Underneath everything you perform.

Let Me Straighten Your Crown | Women, the Workplace & the Choice to Lift

It doesn't get better after high school. It gets more sophisticated. The dynamics Holly first saw in junior high — who's in, who's out, who gets lifted and who gets left behind — followed her into every professional space she's ever worked in. The lunch table just became the conference table. The popularity contest became the promotion cycle. And the choice that defines every woman in that room stayed exactly the same: do you straighten the crown or do you knock it off? Episode 14 of The Invisible Load is about the most complicated relationship in the professional lives of working women — the one with each other. The women who build you up, the women who tear you down, and the structural reasons the game was designed to make you compete in the first place. Holly gets honest about all of it — including the woman who used her advancement as a vehicle for her own, the colleague who called her relocation a luxury, and the specific behaviors that tear women down so quietly we sometimes don't notice we're doing them. We cover: * Why the professional world was not built for women — and how the scarcity mindset it created keeps us competing instead of collaborating * The specific, deniable, often unconscious behaviors that tear women down — and how to recognize them in others and in yourself * The difference between support and strategy — and how to tell when someone's investment in you is really an investment in themselves * The male colleague dynamic — not hostile, not supportive, just neutral — and why neutral isn't actually enough * What lifting actually looks like in practice — the specific, un-romanticized choices that change real outcomes for real women * The limits of the crown-straightening mentality — why lifting women doesn't mean having no limits with individual women * Why you never step on someone else to get to the top — and what it costs you to become the kind of person who does This one is for the women who have been torn down by another woman. And for the women who recognize themselves in the tearing. And for every working woman who has ever decided, in a small moment or a large one, to be the one who straightens the crown instead. The Invisible Load is the working mom burnout podcast for ambitious women carrying more than anyone can see. New episodes every week. Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. And if this episode made you feel seen — share it with a woman who needs to hear it. There is room. There has always been room. The game lied.

What You Carry Home From Work | The Invisible Load of Leadership

⚠️ CONTENT NOTE: This episode addresses sudden and violent loss in the workplace, grief, and the emotional weight of leadership. There is a version of the invisible load that nobody talks about in the leadership books or the productivity podcasts or the professional development seminars. It is the weight of being the person your team looks to when the thing that happens is unspeakable. Of writing the message. Of coordinating the pink balloon release because it was her favorite color. Of sitting with the woman who is sobbing and not trying to fix it — just staying. Of walking a young team member to the Emergency Department because something felt wrong and you were not willing to wait and see. Of going home afterward and smiling at your children when they ask if you are okay. This episode is about what leadership actually costs — not strategically or organizationally, but emotionally and mentally. About the invisible labor of holding other people through unsurvivable things. About the difference between a leader who tries to fix grief and a leader who is willing to sit inside it. About what it means to lead as a human being first — and what that costs you, and what it gives back. We cover: * How proximity to loss changes not whether you carry it — but what kind of weight it becomes * The full, specific, invisible labor of grief leadership — the messages, the balloon release, the live stream, the pet therapy dogs, the coverage coordination, the words that had to be exactly right * Why women in leadership often hold grief differently — and what it means to sit with someone's feelings instead of trying to fix them * The cumulative weight of leading through loss more than once — and why experience layers rather than insulates * What it costs to smile at your children at the end of a day like this — and why protecting the people you love from what you carry is its own invisible labor * What came back from the week — the email, the hugs, the women who said they knew a female leader made the difference — and what it means to lead from being human first The Invisible Load is the working mom burnout podcast for ambitious women carrying more than anyone can see. New episodes every week. Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. She deserved more time. And the people who loved her deserved someone willing to make the pink balloons happen. RESOURCES FOR SUPPORT If this episode brought up something difficult for you, please reach out for support.   EMPLOYEE ASSISTANCE PROGRAM (EAP): Most employers offer an EAP as part of your benefits package. Check your employee benefits portal or contact your HR department to learn what is available to you.   COUNSELING SERVICES: If you are experiencing grief, anxiety, or the cumulative weight of caregiving and leadership, speaking with a licensed therapist or counselor can help. Search by specialty, insurance, and location (psychologytoday.com/us/therapists [http://psychologytoday.com/us/therapists])   CRISIS SUPPORT: If you or someone you know is in crisis, please reach out immediately. • 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 (US) • Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 • National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788   GRIEF SUPPORT: GriefShare (griefshare.org [http://griefshare.org]) offers grief recovery support groups You deserve support. Asking for it is not weakness. It is the best thing you can do for yourself and the people who need you.

The train was still running. Running back to Burnout Central.

The last time Holly talked about burnout — Episode 4, still the most-listened episode of this show — she didn't know she was on the train until she was already moving. This time she found herself standing at the ticket counter. Money in hand. Watching herself hand it over. Episode 12 of The Invisible Load is a return to burnout — not as a destination, but as a pull. The familiar gravity of a woman who has done the work, built the awareness, named the patterns — and still found herself in two committee meetings in one week, carrying more at home without being asked, and feeling the regret land before the words had even finished leaving her mouth. This episode is for every working woman who has made real progress and still caught herself mid-slide. Who knows exactly what she's doing and sometimes does it anyway. Who is further along than she was and not as far as she wants to be. We cover: * The billboards on the road back to Burnout Central — and what they look like when you're watching for them this time * The critical difference between volunteering from ego and volunteering from expertise — and why collapsing that distinction is costing working women their voice in the rooms that need them most * What it looks like to make a loving choice and feel resentment about what it costs — and why both things can be true at the same time without either one being wrong * Why catching yourself at the ticket counter instead of at the destination is not nothing — it is actually everything * What to actually do when you find yourself mid-pattern — four specific moves for the moment between the doing and the knowing The train is still running. It always will be. But you are not the same person who got on without noticing last time. The Invisible Load is the working mom burnout podcast for ambitious women carrying more than anyone can see. New episodes every week. Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. And if this episode made you feel less alone, a five-star review takes thirty seconds and helps another working woman find us. You are not where you started. The knowing is earlier now. And earlier is everything.

Resentment isn't the problem. It is the receipt.

We've been building to this one for ten episodes. The mental load that never stops. The burnout. The over-functioning. The apology reflex. The walls that go up when the boundaries never got set in time. All of it — every single episode — has had something hiding inside it. This week on The Invisible Load, Holly finally names it: resentment. Not the dramatic, explosive kind. The quiet kind. The kind that builds so slowly you almost don't notice it until one day you feel it — sharp and specific and completely real — in a bedroom doorway on a Tuesday afternoon while you're still working and someone else is resting. That resentment is not ugly. It's not petty. It's not evidence that you're a bad partner or a bad mother or someone who can't let things go. It's a receipt. A printed record of everything that has cost you more than it should have — and that you have been carrying without saying a word. In this episode we cover: * Why resentment is not the problem — it's the total at the bottom of ten episodes of invisible labor * How we were taught to translate resentment into something more acceptable — tired, fine, stressed, dramatic — and what that swallowing has cost us * The nanny story — what happened when outsourced labor disappeared and one partner absorbed it all without a single conversation * The internal metrics we run silently — standards we never shared, never agreed on — and why they're driving more resentment than we realize * The question Holly's career coach asked that stopped her cold — and took a full week to actually land * Why the belief that rest must be earned — the one from Episode 8 — is quietly fueling your resentment of everyone around you, including yourself * What to actually do with the receipt — four specific moves that work, including the one most of us skip entirely If you have ever watched someone rest while you kept moving and felt that specific heat — this one is for you. The Invisible Load is the working mom burnout podcast for ambitious women carrying more than anyone can see. New episodes every week. Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. And if this show has made you feel less alone, a five-star review takes thirty seconds and helps another working mom find us. You do not need to earn rest. None of us do.